# A disturbing trend of familiarity leads to social dysfunction! **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [September 29, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885 "2009-09-29T19:59:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/1 "2009-09-29T19:59:13Z")
Something disturbing has happened over the last week that I have been attempting to keep to myself, but it has persisted in its festering. As many of you are aware that I had Beth, my girl, in my life and I thought the world of her and actually used the word Love to describe our relationship. Yeah me using the word love is weird and even sounds weirder now. So I found out that there were some things that Beth and I did not share in common and that’s OK. A little bit of differences in our lives equals a healthy relationship right? Well this past Friday Beth decided to tell me that she had thought it over and for reasons that will remain hers she wanted to end our relationship. I can tell you this hurt, but I’m OK with it. I had my suspicions and and those suspicions manifested in reality. I believe you get what you believe in so its no surprise to me that this has occurred. Life will go on and someone who considers themselves a PUA, Life Artist, Seducer, Don Juan, what ever you prefer to call it I will survive and move on. No hard feelings, no bad wishes towards her, I simply hope she finds happiness and have decided that I will remain friends with her.🆒 BTW, this is down in the lounge since it really has nothing to do with mones 🙂. Please, I’m not looking for pity, sympathy, or anything like that. This is not a “wow-is-me” thread by any means. This new freedom comes with great opportunity to continue to test mones and go out and socialize. There are plenty of fish in the sea and while I am feeling “bad” I realize that this could be considered a contrast to what I want and I need to align myself in that vibrational force to achieve the desired results. But yes it does suck and there are some emotional pains that happen. That’s where the actual meaning of this thread comes to light. I have this ability to be able to pick up when someone is feeling wrong or down. I can just kind of sense it and let them know that I know. It’s not unique or some crazy gift, it simply goes back to 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey and paradigm shifting. I am normally in tune with whats going on and sometimes the most obvious situation is not all it looks like. If you’ve read the book you remember the section where Covey was riding the subway and some guy was sitting there in a haze while his children ran rampant. Covey scolded him and turns out the mans wife “just” died. BANG! Paradigm shift–the man was reacting to tragedy and no one saw it. So how often do we become so entrenched in whats happening in the familiarity of our surroundings that regardless of what happens, be it subtle, or monumental do we simply miscue our understandings and miss entirely the situation. These last few days I have been going through my own fog, but not being connected with something I am regularly connected to has led me to have several confrontations with people I care about and like. Now again, I feel it necessary to point out that it is not the other people that should have picked up on a emotionally distressing situation, but my own self. Just a few short paragraphs I said that I was OK, that I would make it through it–I’m not OK and it fucking hurts! I can scream and curse all I want but SteveO did it again. I allowed myself to fall in love, reverted back to some pansy-ass behaviors and lost a lover, but it didn’t stop there. Because of my attitude and internal pain of attempting to “be a man” of keeping emotions bottled up after all, PUA’s don’t allow this kind of thing to bother them, I’ve become quite dysfunctional for a few days. While I realize that shit happens and life will go on and I will get through this, there are times that I also say WTF just happened? I feel blindsided! OK so please this is not a pity piece and I do not seek your words of encouragement, I already know there are many great people her on this forum and in my life. This is more of a think piece to be conscious of your surroundings. Sometimes all it appears to be is not near the truth and if we all remember to just say hey whats going on things that seemed clear might not be what we thought. I am very guilty of this myself these past few days. With my own anger, frustration, sadness, and then even optimism I have lost that connection I had with understanding my surroundings. It’s funny that everyone that knows me really well has asked me whats wrong. I guess why that’s why we are friends–we think alike too 🙂. Tonight I’m heading out and doing some social vibing just to get myself into the mix again. I love talking to you guys on the phone, you all remind me how awesome life is and amazing friends can be. Even more so I found it to be quite uplifting when a female caller I’ve only spoken to a few times was intuitive enough to know that I wasn’t my self. Sure I played the happy part but somehow you knew and took time to say you cared–Thank You! It really meant a lot. My challenge, especially when using [pheromones](https://a314.com/), is to not get caught up in the familiarity of your surroundings and challenge the obvious. Sometimes the obvious is not at all what it seems to be, therefore making the obvious not obvious at all. Everything isn’t always as it seems and as researchers pushing this science and our lives forward we must question and make changes to that which influences us daily. Change is good. Have you ever encountered a situation that you thought was one thing, made an assessment and been completely off kilter about? I’d like your feedback… ---
**Author:** ![QuietGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/bc8723/32.png) [@QuietGuy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/QuietGuy)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/2 "2009-09-29T22:34:01Z")
Stay strong, Steve! May you find that awesome someone that will acknowledge and love you. You’re worth it! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![andrew88777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@andrew88777](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/andrew88777)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 10:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/3 "2009-09-29T22:54:12Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > Have you ever encountered a situation that you thought was one thing, made an assessment and been completely off kilter about? I’d like your feedback… Wow Steve I am sorry to hear that you lost Beth. I know that you will recover. You seem to know it as well. I recently made an assessment in a job situation. I relied on someone I trusted. I felt they would not steer me wrong. I had a choice I could make. Both choices would make me even more money. My gut steered me one way, but my logic and this “mentor” steered me another way. I did not question my logic or the ulterior motives of the mentor. Normally I would, but I had become complacent and relied on logic where I would normally use my intuition. Now I am in a situation where I am unhappy with my job and so if I cannot reverse my decision, I will have to either learn to be happy with it, or find another place of employment. I cannot work unhappy for a long period of time for something I do not believe in. My personality type is INTJ. (Google it if you do not know what that means) I can only do what I feel is right, I am against authority I do not believe in. My mentor has proven herself untrustworthy. While I do not share your loss of love, I have lost someone that I was very close to in a business sense. We had been together for years. There was a strong respect that was bilateral. Always listen to you intuition. It may not be right 100% of the time but its right more that logic. Also a take away from almost all great teachers (Jesus is included) When you obtain an answer or response ask WHY. When you get that answer ask why again. keep doing it until you cannot answer Why about your final answer and then you will have enlightened yourself to the whole problem. Jesus usually answered questions with questions. Learn that well. It helps illuminate what is not apparent on the surface. I do not know if this is the stuff you want to hear, but it has never failed me as long as I follow it. Its not over thinking. Its truly understanding. The other thing I do is have what’s called a wise counsel. You tell them what’s going on. Their different perspective helps break down a situation for you. Making it quick and easy to digest. The key is to have people that are trust worthy. All kings did it. Only ones that truly had “wise” counsel were successful. I am not trying to ramble and am giving a dorky answer but it is a lesson I have already learned and had ignored lately and am already feeling consequences of it. ---
**Author:** ![Warren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/97f17d/32.png) [@Warren](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Warren)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 8:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/4 "2009-09-30T20:20:39Z")
When does positive thinking become denial? You gotta live life with an open heart. Otherwise what’s the point of being here? Sorry we had such a sucky phone connection yesterday. In fact, maybe that’s the whole problem with Beth… Could it be she didn’t say “end the relationship” but really said “mend the relationship” and it was just the phone that was _breaking up_? Seriously though, do you want her back? > [@](#): > > This new freedom comes with great opportunity to continue to test mones and go out and socialize. Perfect opportunity to test my theory that P75 is the perfect [pheromone](https://a314.com/) to get over a breakup fast. P75 is the “I don’t need anyone else pheromone.” Go with 3.0mcg. > [@](#): > > While I realize that shit happens and life will go on and I will get through this, there are times that I also say WTF just happened? I feel blindsided! Without MPB you wouldn’t be a man. It’s right back to, “When does the power of positive thinking become denial?” I don’t think there’s a sharp dividing line… > [@](#): > > Have you ever encountered a situation that you thought was one thing, made an assessment and been completely off kilter about? I’d like your feedback… Every time I talk to a woman. Seriously… One woman really pissed me off and I yelled at her. She started crying. I had no idea she cared that much. Once I learned that, my heart softened considerably toward her, and, well, then it turned out she didn’t actually care as much as I thought she did??? ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/5 "2009-09-30T21:22:28Z")
> [@Warren](#): > > When does positive thinking become denial? > > You gotta live life with an open heart. Otherwise what’s the point of being here? > > Sorry we had such a sucky phone connection yesterday. In fact, maybe that’s the whole problem with Beth… Could it be she didn’t say “end the relationship” but really said “mend the relationship” and it was just the phone that was _breaking up_? Seriously though, do you want her back? > > Perfect opportunity to test my theory that P75 is the perfect pheromone to get over a breakup fast. P75 is the “I don’t need anyone else pheromone.” Go with 3.0mcg. > > Without MPB you wouldn’t be a man. It’s right back to, “When does the power of positive thinking become denial?” I don’t think there’s a sharp dividing line… > > Every time I talk to a woman. Seriously… One woman really pissed me off and I yelled at her. She started crying. I had no idea she cared that much. Once I learned that, my heart softened considerably toward her, and, well, then it turned out she didn’t actually care as much as I thought she did??? Thank you for the valuable insights sir. You are one of those gems that just have it together. I to am sorry that our phone connection was so lousy. I would have very much enjoyed if we could have talked longer, but of course we always have next time. Again thanks for your insights. ---
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 11:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/6 "2009-09-30T23:09:05Z")
I’m sorry to hear about that Steve ☹ I don’t really check the lounge very often so I’ve only just seen this thread, but I - like most people surely - can totally relate to what you’re going through. I tried reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People once but only made it half way through (I just found it to hard to get into) but one of the few things that stuck with me from that book was the story you mentioned of man on the subway who’d just lost his wife (that and the golden goose story) it’s very true that we judge a situation before we know - sometimes any - of the facts. The book ‘taught’ me that perception and reality _aren’t_ two different things after all (which was probably not the books intention – on the contrary in fact). I used to believe that a paradigm was one of many ways to interoperate reality. I had a ‘paradigm’ shift, so to speak, when my belief crumbled and was replaced with a new one which said that reality is totally subjective. Before then I’d treated reality as this completely rigid, objective thing of which can be perceived in countless different ways – some of which are true, some of which are just denial as Warren mentioned. I now believe, like you suggested, that you get what you believe in. I also believe that happiness is an innate desire within _every_ human being. Therefore, I see positive thinking and ‘denial’ as the best way of dealing with a bad situation. I’m not suggesting that being totally ignorant of emotions is a good thing, but rather to perceive/ feel them from a positive perspective. Is a glass half full or half empty? Which is right? Is the reality objective or subjective? I completely accept my feelings whether they are good or bad - I accept them fully - but I also tell myself that the future is bright regardless of how truthful that might be. I recently broke up with my girlfriend too and it really was hard. When someone who loved you no longer wants you, you do without a doubt feel worthless. Even though your sense of worth is dependant on your girlfriend, losing the love of someone does leave you feeling temporarily worthless. It is temporary though, like all things it will come to pass. Anyway, I’m rambling and there isn’t a great deal of advice I can give you which wouldn’t be patronising or ironic, considering that you are _the_ man after all. I hope your feeling like your old self sooner rather than later 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gone_with_the_wind/32/2227_2.png) [@Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gone_with_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [October 1, 2009, 4:46am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a-disturbing-trend-of-familiarity-leads-to-social-dysfunction/32885/7 "2009-10-01T04:46:04Z")
Sometimes I indulge in the conceit that we’re all here for a reason. Sometimes it takes a big whack by the cosmos to part the curtain and show us what we need to learn. Sometimes we see it, sometimes we don’t. If not, another whack will be coming along.