# A314, personal growth and ecology **URL:** \ **Category:** A314 Insider's Club\ **Created:** [January 29, 2007, 11:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818 "2007-01-29T23:38:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2007, 11:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/1 "2007-01-29T23:38:33Z")
Has anyone else found that a program of personal growth + evolving modulation of one’s pheromonal signature can have a disruptive impact on the ecology of one’s personal relationships with friends and family? The disruption is not necessarily in the end a bad thing, but in the near term people around one can be made very uncomfortable - suddenly you are no longer playing your part in the games you used to play (Berne sense), you are following a course that others are afraid to pursue and people, feeling left behind, act out in all sorts of ways in a (mostly pre-rational) attempt to bring you back to your accustomed and comforting way of being and acting. Any ideas for solutions, or at least ways to manage this process? ---
**Author:** ![Sunny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sunny/32/929_2.png) [@Sunny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Sunny)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 12:16am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/2 "2007-01-30T00:16:16Z")
> [@PheroQuirk](#): > > Any ideas for solutions, or at least ways to manage this process? Make them more open and happy with you (Androstenol), until that works well. Then very gradually, over a couple of month, change your [pheromone](https://a314.com/) rations towards more A314. ---
**Author:** ![TaoistBiker](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/taoistbiker/32/1117_2.png) [@TaoistBiker](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TaoistBiker)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 1:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/3 "2007-01-30T01:36:32Z")
> [@PheroQuirk](#): > > Has anyone else found that a program of personal growth + evolving modulation of one’s pheromonal signature can have a disruptive impact on the ecology of one’s personal relationships with friends and family? > > \ > > Any ideas for solutions, or at least ways to manage this process? Yes, major disruption. [Instant Female Magic](https://a314.com/product/instant-female-magic/) adding Androstadienone/a-Androstenol helped for a while. Problem was, no corresponding evolution on my partner’s side to see me in a new light. My evolution took close to a decade, but she continued to be “stuck” on how I was years ago. My daughter didn’t have the same problem. To be fair to my ex, she suffers from PTSD and often got stuck in the past and in relating to the mind maps she was invested in maintaining, and my changes were on the extreme side. Worker bee engineer to corporate vp; jeans and sandals to armani suit types of change can be difficult. In the end, the relationship ended because of this lack of evolution and the internal stresses that were created and not addressed. Therapy would have helped, but she wasn’t open to getting the right help. And I couldn’t leave things the way they were for another decade. ---
**Author:** ![bronzie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@bronzie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bronzie)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 2:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/4 "2007-01-30T02:22:48Z")
interesting topic… pheroquirk, there is a way to evolve successfully,( peope can evolve towards a downward spiral), but you have first to devolve your life out on the table so you can see it clearly, this can be done in a very short period of time, you must go back to major points of reference in your life and those points of reference are the ones that actually steered you to who you are now, im sure you have come to a point where this has been the case, otherwise you would not have posted this thread how old are you if you dont mind me asking? ---
**Author:** ![Rbt](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/rbt/32/2066_2.png) [@Rbt](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rbt)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 2:26am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/5 "2007-01-30T02:26:28Z")
> [@TaoistBiker](#): > > _“Take my love, take my land, take me where I cannot stand. But I don’t care–I’m still free. You can’t take the skies from me…”_ Ah yes… Firefly. One of the best. ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2007, 9:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/6 "2007-01-30T21:58:28Z")
> [@Sunny](#): > > Make them more open and happy with you (Androstenol), until that works well. Then very gradually, over a couple of month, change your pheromone rations towards more A314. Hmm… Appreciate the suggestion. Social situations too interlinked to revert back to using just nol + Shine, I think; I’m also not sure how much amping up the A314 slowly will help (that’s pretty much what I have done over time I suppose). It’s really about more than just phero use though. Relationships are oriented to certain dynamics and when expectations are upset some people seem to have a hard time adjusting. > [@TaoistBiker](#): > > Problem was, no corresponding evolution on my partner’s side to see me in a new light. My evolution took close to a decade, but she continued to be “stuck” on how I was years ago. My daughter didn’t have the same problem. To be fair to my ex, she suffers from PTSD and often got stuck in the past and in relating to the mind maps she was invested in maintaining, and my changes were on the extreme side. Worker bee engineer to corporate vp; jeans and sandals to armani suit types of change can be difficult. > > In the end, the relationship ended because of this lack of evolution and the internal stresses that were created and not addressed. Therapy would have helped, but she wasn’t open to getting the right help. And I couldn’t leave things the way they were for another decade. Sorry to hear it didn’t work out (though recognising that early must beat the alternative ‘ostrich’ strategy hands-down). How about friends and work associates? How did they react to your growth? > [@bronzie](#): > > pheroquirk, there is a way to evolve successfully,( peope can evolve towards a downward spiral), but you have first to devolve your life out on the table so you can see it clearly, this can be done in a very short period of time, you must go back to major points of reference in your life and those points of reference are the ones that actually steered you to who you are now, im sure you have come to a point where this has been the case, otherwise you would not have posted this thread > > how old are you if you dont mind me asking? I’m 33 and going through a late growth spurt. (Some friends from college days who I don’t see much have trouble recognising me today). I spent the past ten years building up my career and now stepping back a bit to work on some of the things I negected. Careerwise I am pretty much where I wanted to be at my age now when planning things fifteen years ago but back then I didn’t give much thought to broader life skills. It’s been somewhat inspirational to see what various people in the phero community (partic MHarris, Carrie, MarkL and tacitus) have found helpful - saves a lot of stumbling around in the dark. It would have been better to have worked on everything simultaneously, but in today’s globalised world where the winner often takes all that isn’t always an option. ---
**Author:** ![TaoistBiker](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/taoistbiker/32/1117_2.png) [@TaoistBiker](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TaoistBiker)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/7 "2007-02-01T16:46:17Z")
> [@PheroQuirk](#): > > Sorry to hear it didn’t work out (though recognising that early must beat the alternative ‘ostrich’ strategy hands-down). > > How about friends and work associates? How did they react to your growth? It does beat keeping my head down in the sand and accepting the status quo. I got mixed reactions; based on the paradigms they operate within. Some were supportive, but surprised. Others were negative, thinking that I was “selling out to the system”. I let them self-select who would be on board during the changes in both my friendships and work relationships. This allowed me to be authentic (“real”) without having to make many decisions about the relationships around me or the ones that I was in. There were growing pains and I cannot say that it always went smoothly, but in the end it was obvious that continuing along the path of personal growth was the best thing for me. If it was a “sell out”, it was extremely profitable both personally and professionally. ---
**Author:** ![MarkL](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/markl/32/825_2.png) [@MarkL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MarkL)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 3:32am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/8 "2007-02-05T03:32:41Z")
> [@PheroQuirk](#): > > Has anyone else found that a program of personal growth + evolving modulation of one’s pheromonal signature can have a disruptive impact on the ecology of one’s personal relationships with friends and family? > > \ I am anticipating this disruption with my siblings and parents – whom I don’t see often. I am especially looking forward to seeing the responses of my older and younger brothers. My kids have adapted without a hitch; my younger son (age 12) is completely unabashed about cuddling up with me and laying his head where he can inhale the pheros deeply. His older brother (age 14) raised an eyebrow, then accepted the change and never looked back. My wife seems to have a not-so-well-hidden curiosity about my new pherosig. I think that disrupting the status quo with family and close friends is a key to personal change – I encourage smokers who want to quit to go to each family member and close friend and to ask “Would you please begin to think of me as a non-smoker?” long before the actual quitting begins. Without the support of those who are bonded to us, it can be difficult to change our identification … we need their “permission” to change. ---
**Author:** ![Jasmin](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jasmin/32/287_2.png) [@Jasmin](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Jasmin)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 4:20am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/9 "2007-02-05T04:20:05Z")
> [@](#): > > I think that disrupting the status quo with family and close friends is a key to personal change – I encourage smokers who want to quit to go to each family member and close friend and to ask “Would you please begin to think of me as a non-smoker?” long before the actual quitting begins. I’m going to apply this idea in my life tonight. (Not that I’m a smoker, but you know… “Would you please begin to think of me as a non[bad habit]er?” ---
**Author:** ![MarkL](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/markl/32/825_2.png) [@MarkL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MarkL)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2007, 10:05am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/10 "2007-02-05T10:05:11Z")
> [@Jasmin](#): > > I’m going to apply this idea in my life tonight. (Not that I’m a smoker, but you know… “Would you please begin to think of me as a non[bad habit]er?” I’ve never done an NLP exercise by forum post, but dear Jasmin, I offer this to you. Suppose for a moment that [habit] is something that you can truly see as no longer having a role in your life: you can see it happening again and again, but you’ve decided to put a stop to it, forever. Imagine each time it occurs as an etching on a thin pane of glass, or a painting on a brittle sheet of glass or stone. Then see yourself holding that stack of panes that would just grow bigger and bigger, heavier – and letting go of them or throwing them so they crash onto the ground, broken forever. That’s a classic [habit] pattern-ender from NLP. Now here is my twist: Get very comfortable when you have a full 20 minutes to do this exercise. Get that picture of the breaking glass / stone in mind, and have this (silent) conversation with your unconscious mind. Breathe evenly and let your mind relax. First, ask your unconscious mind to give some attention to your upcoming request, pause for a moment, and go directly to step two. Two, just observe to your unconscious mind that you’d really like to end [habit] forever, and you’d like some help from your unconscious. Third, ask your unconscious mind to begin observing your behavior, and to LET YOU KNOW in advance when there is an appropriate and advangeous time for you to successfully end [habit]. Finally, thank your unconscious mind and mention that you are just going to relax and be comfortable with this new approach to ending [habit]. You can do this exercise more than once if you feel you need to, but most often once is enough. When I did this exercise in May a couple of years ago, it wasn’t until early July that it came to me one morning, in a flash, that I would quit smoking on July 25th. I smoked up the last of my cigarettes over the three weeks, tapering off just a bit. Then, on the 25th, I smoked my last cig. Easy. ---
**Author:** ![Calimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Calimist](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Calimist)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2007, 5:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/11 "2007-02-06T17:00:18Z")
i feel the same way, it makes my friends see me higher even when not using it, it has changed my sweat smell, so my friends dont like me much but i just have to use bigger more complex words to set that strait ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2007, 10:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/12 "2007-02-08T22:35:08Z")
> [@Calimist](#): > > i feel the same way, it makes my friends see me higher even when not using it, it has changed my sweat smell, so my friends dont like me much but i just have to use bigger more complex words to set that strait And courtesy of Style, we have the ‘Oprah opener’ - “Did you know that Oprah lost many of her friends after she lost weight? Why do you think that is?” ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2007, 10:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/a314-personal-growth-and-ecology/1818/13 "2007-02-08T22:43:43Z")
> [@TaoistBiker](#): > > Some were supportive, but surprised. Others were negative, thinking that I was “selling out to the system”. > … > If it was a “sell out”, it was extremely profitable both personally and professionally. Charles Kindleberger, in another context, said “There is nothing so disturbing to one’s well-being and judgment as to see a friend get rich\*\*” 🙂 \*\*