# Advice for Pheros with Spouse **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [May 10, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-for-pheros-with-spouse/28840 "2009-05-10T17:49:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WillamX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@WillamX](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WillamX)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-for-pheros-with-spouse/28840/1 "2009-05-10T17:49:48Z")
Greetings, I’m a complete newbie when it comes to Pheros, but this site has definitely provided some insight into the complexity of using them. So I’m hoping to get some advice from the group (and individuals with some experience around my particular issue.) First, some background. I’m a 38 year old married male, confident and with a great career who is considered attractive. I get plenty of attention from women besides my wife, generally from younger women (mid-20s through early 30s.) I have a very beautiful wife, who I continue to be very attracted to. She is 36 and only gets better looking each day, in my opinion. I would say we have a very good relationship - open and honest and we talk a lot. So it’s not a situation where we are unable to communicate. We consider each other our best friends. However, over the past few years, our sex life has been gradually going flat. I have a high sex drive, and don’t have any issues becoming aroused by her. In fact, she can basically put me “there” at the drop of a hat. Unfortunately, I’m not doing it for her the way I once did. The irony is that because of her profession, she is around a lot of women in their mid-twenties, and they often comment on “how hot your husband is.” So I don’t think it’s me per se. Here’s where things get interesting. In some of our discussions, she’s mentioned that over the past few years, she just doesn’t feel the strong sexual chemistry that we once had. This actually bothers her, and she’d like to improve it. We have been together for almost 15 years, and for the first 10-11, our sex life was very good. For most of our relationship, she was on the birth-control pill. A few years ago, she decided to stop using it and we switched to other forms of BC. Looking back, it seems that our sex life started to wane not long after that. Recently, I’ve read some peer-reviewed research that has indicated that oral contraceptives may cause hormonal changes that cause a women’s “chemistry” to change (and her chemistry with her mate as well.) The effect is that people that they were attracted to previously (while on the Pill) may not have the same “allure” once they are off the hormones. My theory here is that while some women experience an increase in sex drive after stopping the Pill, in my wife’s case (with me, at least), it caused a change in “chemistry” between the two of us. So … I’m interested in seeing if maybe the right combo of [Pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/shop/) might help rekindle something here. She is healthy, eats well, stays fit, etc., so we don’t think this is necessarily a dysfunction related to a physical problem. Aside from me not being able to consistently get her fired up, our relationship is very good. My initial approach was going to be to try something like “Turn Up The Heat”, because what I’m really trying to do is amp up the sexual arousal. One of my concerns is that I think I might already give off some “Alpha” – my wife says I’m very charismatic and attract women and have kind of a “leader” vibe to me. So I don’t want to over-play that, since I may already be sending those signals. In terms of her personality, she kind likes “bad boys” and she can definitely be sexually aggressive, although she hasn’t been that way with me in a while. Also, complicating things is that my wife has bi-sexual tendencies. I would say her tendency is more toward men, but she does get aroused by certain women. So this starts making pheromones more tricky (and some would say “interesting.”) I’m not sure that a straight andro is the right approach. But I suppose I could just try and find out. Any advice on some good starting picks around pheros for this particular situation would be appreciated. I’m actually fairly convinced that what we are dealing with is a biological/chemical type of thing caused by the oral contraceptives she used to use. Yes, she could be having an affair – but we have a very open marriage and there would be no reason for her to conceal that from me – we already have certain “rules” in place around that. Interested in the group’s thoughts here … Thanks in advance … William ---
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-for-pheros-with-spouse/28840/2 "2009-05-10T18:29:41Z")
Hi there, I cant really help to much with what you are experiencing, but this thread my help. I can say, after my x-wife had our daughter and we started to use condoms as bc, I truly believe it was the begining of the end of our sex life. The connection that was once there, was not the same. Anyway, hopefully this thread will keep you busy until some of the married guys can get to this thread. Oh, and go to the search function and look for a forum member named Bosshank. He is married, and uses phero’s at home so he may have posted some thing that may help. Good Luck! [Married Guys Looking to Help Life at Home](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/married-guys-looking-to-help-life-at-home/13695) ---
**Author:** ![bosshank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@bosshank](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bosshank)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-for-pheros-with-spouse/28840/3 "2009-05-10T19:24:57Z")
Sorry to hear about your problems William. Please do read the thread in my signature block that Jesse referenced. You may find some helpful ideas. A big concept to pull out of that may be to reapproach with social products rather than trying to brute force it with none. Reconnect at the emotinal level and the physical will follow. The other article you mentioned is here: > [@MHC-correlated odour preferences in humans and the use of oral contraceptives](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mhc-correlated-odour-preferences-in-humans-and-the-use-of-oral-contraceptives/21767): > > Abstract Previous studies in animals and humans show that genes in the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) influence individual odours and that females often prefer odour of MHC-dissimilar males, perhaps to increase offspring heterozygosity or reduce inbreeding. Women using oral hormonal contraceptives have been reported to have the opposite preference, raising the possibility that oral contraceptives alter female preference towards MHC similarity, with possible fertility costs. Here we test… What it means is that certain birth control pills affect a woman’s sense of smell as it relates to MHC factors. That is how genetically similar she is to a given male. Studies indicate that women are subconsciously attracted to men with a different MHC combination. I say subcousciously as they do not realize that it is coming into play. The studies that looked at this indicated that the following problem can arise: A woman taking the pill is attracted to a guy and they marry. Even her sense of smell says he is the guy. However, if she stops taking the pill then her sense of smell defaults to normal. Then her “nose” tells her that this is the wrong guy. Once again all subconscious … but a potential problem none-the-less. ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2009, 7:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-for-pheros-with-spouse/28840/4 "2009-05-10T19:25:57Z")
Absolutely second the suggestion to read bosshank’s thread, it is a mine of useful information. Interestingly enough, my wife and I have been struggling to make a go of it for the past few years, she stopped the pill some 9 months ago and we have just made the decision to call it a day… Take it from me, similar ages etc, it’s a long hard road that you are looking to embark on, just bear in mind that pheros aren’t mind control drugs, particularly with those who know and love us the most. It is likely to be several weeks before you see significant results, please persevere, you will see the benefit, I did, although not the ones I originally hoped for,. ---
**Author:** ![WillamX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/5e9695/32.png) [@WillamX](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WillamX)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2009, 2:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-for-pheros-with-spouse/28840/5 "2009-05-11T02:19:02Z")
> [@bosshank](#): > > Sorry to hear about your problems William. > > Please do read the thread in my signature block that Jesse referenced. You may find some helpful ideas. A big concept to pull out of that may be to reapproach with social products rather than trying to brute force it with none. Reconnect at the emotinal level and the physical will follow. > > The other article you mentioned is here: > > [MHC-correlated odour preferences in humans and the use of oral contraceptives](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mhc-correlated-odour-preferences-in-humans-and-the-use-of-oral-contraceptives/21767) > > What it means is that certain birth control pills affect a woman’s sense of smell as it relates to MHC factors. That is how genetically similar she is to a given male. Studies indicate that women are subconsciously attracted to men with a different MHC combination. I say subcousciously as they do not realize that it is coming into play. The studies that looked at this indicated that the following problem can arise: A woman taking the pill is attracted to a guy and they marry. Even her sense of smell says he is the guy. However, if she stops taking the pill then her sense of smell defaults to normal. Then her “nose” tells her that this is the wrong guy. Once again all subconscious … but a potential problem none-the-less. Boss … thanks for the links. Yes, that was the study I read about a year ago. The really shocking moment for me came about eight months ago when my wife just seemed to totally lose it during sex and she said sleeping with me now felt like she was “sleeping with her brother.” Not good. We’ve had some pretty good sex here and there since then, but I just can’t shake the change that happened after she stopped the oral contraceptives. She used to initiate sex much more often. And yes, she was on the pill from the day we met – stopping it only a couple of years ago. I get all of the suggestions around increasing emotional ties and intimacy. We actually talk a great deal – and often about our feelings, each other, etc. But I may try some of the “softer” social products first – just to see what happens.