# Advice/opinions on this situation? **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [July 15, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-opinions-on-this-situation/51241 "2011-07-15T03:59:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![yehCaL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/9f8e36/32.png) [@yehCaL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/yehCaL)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-opinions-on-this-situation/51241/1 "2011-07-15T03:59:52Z")
I was told I should take this from my introduction post into this section, so here we go. Original post(with advice about [pheromones](https://a314.com/) removed lol not relevant): > [@yehCaL](#): > > Hello y’all! > My name is Brittany, I’m female (obviously), and I hail from the drought-stricken hellhole of Oklahoma. I’m 22, soon to be 23 in October. I’m very blunt and not afraid to speak my mind. I’m an artist and a writer, and my whole life I’ve been that “weird quiet girl” that never talks, but always listens. I was the ugly duckling growing up, and over these past few years I’ve finally come to accept that I am attractive. Maybe not beautiful, but at least good looking. Inwardly, I’m a very sexual person, but I’ve always lacked the confidence to do much about it. So, generally, I’m known as a tease and a flirt. > very much a newb when it comes to this pheromone stuff. I’ve heard about it, even seen some lubricants with it, but until today I had no idea it came bottled and ready to use. > > Why did I find out today, you might ask? Well, because of my “situation” I guess you could say. > I am happily in love to a man I’ve been with for about 2 1/2 years now. We do plan to get married eventually, already call eachother fiance. However, since we’ve been together we’ve both become people we don’t particularly like, physically. He’s gained 40 pounds, i’ve gained 30. His is far more noticeable since it all went to his stomach. Mine just filled in the places it needed to be for a growing woman, though I still wouldn’t mind getting rid of some of it, lol. > So, anyway. Our sex life is pretty dull and nearly nonexistent. I don’t enjoy it anymore because of how fat he’s gotten, he just can’t do the things he used to be able to. And this probably will sound strange but his penis has grown more in width than length since we’ve been together. I feel like I’m being ripped apart for the first five minutes and I hate it. > > So, until he gets his ass in gear and looses some weight like I’ve been trying to do, I’ve just kind of let the chemistry die between us. This is where my problem arises. > I enjoy flirting with other guys so much. There is one especially at work who, if I were single, would have easily gotten me in his bed. But since I’m not we just flirt back and forth all day. It’s almost like a game for us, and it gets us through an otherwise boring and difficult day. (we work in the Garden Center of Lowes. Miserable job in the midst of this hellish summer) > I’m interested in trying out some pheromones for two purposes, really. > > One, while I wait for my fiance to loose weight and get in shape, I think it would be fun to see what these pheromones could do for this flirting game at work. There is nothing quite so fun to me than being a horrible tease. And, my coworker is the type of guy who knows his limits, especially at work. We are smart about what we do, and I don’t see anything bad coming out of it. > And Two, When my fiance is back in shape and we can hopefully do the things we were able to before, I’d like a kickstarter to rekindle the chemistry again. I think the pheromones would be ideal for that. And the response I’m replying to: > [@kelsey](#): > > Welcome to pherotalk yehCal! > > While I understand your situation I think flirting where it seems innocent and that nothing can happen is a bit dangerous and I wonder if you would be so calm about your boyfriend flirting with another girl because of you guys recent situation in the bedroom. > > From what I know about the guys I have dated his weight situation should not affect the bedroom or his performance. There are quite a few positions and things you can do to assist and working together to get you more into it and satisfied can be fun. > > I had a problem with getting excited and being really tight it use to hurt so what can be done is lots of foreplay where he concentrates on the areas that gets you excited and wet and once you are overly excited there should be no problem getting it in there with little to no pain. > > I do strongly advice you take this to the female section so all the ladies can give their opinion and advice. > > How about your fiance? How does he feel about the situation, is he still really attracted to you and does he initiate sex often or not at all. The problem might not only be physical as you guys maybe drifting apart and sex just one of the symptoms. > > I suggest IH for closeness and warmth, IS to spray both on him and yourself to give off that youthful glow so you can feel more drawn towards him. > > Keep us updated and am sure the more experienced women in the female section will be able to help. > > **Your gc was issued! 😉** Now, my reply: Actually, the thought of him having sex with another woman doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Call me strange, but I don’t find sex to be an exclusive thing. Human beings are not programmed to be monogamous, we do it because it has many benefits to safe child rearing. What would bother me is if he was seeking the emotional connection with another woman, if he was trying to find love in someone else. If I saw him flirting with another woman, I wouldn’t care. He still talks to some of his exes, and when we started dating he was still somewhat involved with another woman he was trying to get rid of. Again, didn’t bother me that he was still involved in her situation. So, thats my stance on that. I know he wouldn’t agree with my view, but we aren’t entitled to agree on these subjects. And, while I feel this way does not mean I would go farther than flirting. Weight can play a crucial role in the bedroom, as the fat pad around the penis increases, it makes it “shrink” per se. The fat essentially engulfs the penis. Thus there isn’t as deep penetration. When weight is lost, the fat pad shrinks, and more of the penis is revealed. If this tells you anything he was 7 inches when we met, now barely 5. While that is a factor, the positions that usually would work for most people in this situation do not work for me. trust me, this isn’t just a whim. We’ve been trying many new things. My favorite position is impossible now, and thats saying something because it’s one of the easier ones. There are many other issues we have besides this, but this is just the major one. He knows it too. Luckily, here soon we both are going to be starting a very drastic diet that a friend of ours did and had amazing results with (I just don’t like it because it’s very close to a starvation diet. But it still gives you your necessary nutrition, so whatever.) I wanted to get into pheromones for both situations. One to make flirting more fun, and two when we are happy with ourselves again something to help fire it back up and maybe help ease some of our other problems. I don’t find what I’m doing wrong in any way at all. Yes, I’m flirting and gaining the attraction of another man, but I am not acting upon anything. ---
**Author:** ![ScienceStudent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@ScienceStudent](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ScienceStudent)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 7:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-opinions-on-this-situation/51241/2 "2011-07-15T07:03:06Z")
What about joining activities and classes you both enjoy? Exercise can get the hormones revved up too. 😉 Plus, if you do it because it’s fun, not because it’s exercise, you’d be building your relationship and having fun, and just “accidentally” getting slimmer. One caveat – near starvation diets are hard to follow if you don’t adjust for exercise. It’s better to eat _well_ and not just “count calories.” ---
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [July 15, 2011, 10:01am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-opinions-on-this-situation/51241/3 "2011-07-15T10:01:04Z")
> [@yehCaL](#): > > I don’t find what I’m doing wrong in any way at all. **Yes, I’m flirting and gaining the attraction of another man** , but I am not acting upon anything. All other things aside; the mind and the emotions don’t process information in the same way. While he might be _ **intellectually** _ ok with your flirting; doesn’t necessarily means he feels ok about it. And you attracting the attention of another man. Really? When he doesn’t feel good about himself and quite possibly doesn’t feel good about your relationship? Think about it. A vital part of a healthy relationship is coming unglued (according to you); he can’t perform _per se_ for an easier gratification; and probably feels he can’t compete, either. Doesn’t that sound a little like rubbing his nose in it? I’m just asking, because I’ve been in his position. No pun intended. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ochrismongrelo](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ochrismongrelo/32/318_2.png) [@ochrismongrelo](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ochrismongrelo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2011, 8:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/advice-opinions-on-this-situation/51241/4 "2011-07-27T08:27:56Z")
> [@yehCaL](#): > > I don’t find what I’m doing wrong in any way at all. Yes, I’m flirting and gaining the attraction of another man, but I am not acting upon anything. And when the guy at work becomes interested in you for your blatant flirting/mones around him, what then? You’ve basically led some guy on at work, and flirted behind your 'fiancee’s back due to your own relationship/esteem issues. Not cool. CM