# Ahhh... the Motormouth Syndrome is a Public Concern **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [July 23, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ahhh-the-motormouth-syndrome-is-a-public-concern/4765 "2007-07-23T20:00:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ahhh-the-motormouth-syndrome-is-a-public-concern/4765/1 "2007-07-23T20:00:41Z")
**one more reason to be sparing with certain [pheromones](https://a314.com/), in certain contexts… 'cause Motormouthism is a contagious disorder of the mind…** **Warning: this could happen to YOU…** :o :o :o By Melissa Dahl Health writer MSNBC Updated: 9:33 a.m. ET July 23, 2007 Like so many of us, Dan Estabrook never even saw it coming. It was a normal day at work when his office manager called him into her office for a normal-sounding meeting — until she unloaded a not-so-normal nugget of information. “I wanted to let you know,” she said, “I’ve taken a live-in lover.” Cue the awkward silence: Estabrook found himself victim of an overshare. Blurting out too much information, or TMI, is something we’re becoming more and more comfortable with, some [psychologists](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19837002/#) say. _We obsess over the mundane details of celebrities’ lives and are eager to tell our own stories on blogs and Flickr accounts. And often, all that online openness seeps into everyday conversations._ **Blame it on narcissism** One [psychologist](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19837002/#) blames the influx of the overshare on an increase in individualism — and with that comes a hike in narcissism. We’re oversharing more now because we’re pretty pleased with ourselves, says Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University. \*\*“We just assume they’re going to be interested because it’s about \*me. \*Of course it’s interesting!” says Twenge, who is currently working on a book about narcissism among teens and twentysomethings. \*\* But Leslie Reisner, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, is encouraged by all the sharing going on. Calling it narcissism is too negative, she says. “There’s something healthy about sharing,” Reisner says. “It means they know it’s OK to show vulnerability.” Spilling personal details can be a sign of self-confidence, Reisner believes, and 32-year-old Todd Enoch agrees. “When I was younger, I was much more reserved,” says Enoch, who lives in Denton, Texas. “As I’ve gotten older, I’ve broken out of my shell. Now I can share more with people.” And sometimes, Enoch admits, he ventures into overshare territory. He remembers a scene at work when his co-workers were discussing how happy they were that the T-shirts for an upcoming promotional activity weren’t white. “I don’t like wearing white things either,” Enoch chimed in, and then blurted out, “I just sweat at the drop of the hat!” **Breaking the ice** After a statement like that, consider the ice broken. **A well-timed overshare can let others know it’s OK to let their guards down, and it can be a speedy way to make a connection with someone, Twenge explains.** **“You realize you’re not alone,” Twenge says. “Previously, you might have thought, ‘Am I the only one with this problem?’”** But some say that’s looking at a relationship in a very backward way. “People that are oversharing may be hoping for a connection with other people,” says Julie Albright, a sociology professor at the University of Southern California. _Some people with TMI tendencies may be attempting to take a kind of relationship shortcut, going through the motions of an intimate friendship when there isn’t yet one._ That’s what happened to 29-year-old Becca Johnson during a girls’ night out. Johnson was talking to a friend of a friend whom she’d just met when the woman blurted out that she was having an affair with a former employee. _“In a way, it’s sad because you know they probably don’t have people in their lives to share things with,” says Johnson, who lives in Boston. “Why else would it feel appropriate to share relationship problems with complete strangers?“_ **Watch where you overshare** **The woman’s secret was safe with Johnson, but psychologists say to be picky about who’s on the receiving end of your overshare. Blurting out too much information can be off-putting to some people.** Estabrook, the office worker, was so shocked at his colleague’s overshare that he hardly said a word in response. But should anyone else decide to confront him with a “live-in lover” overshare, he knows what he’d say. “If someone told me that now, I would probably respond and say, ‘You know, I’m really happy for you,’” says Estabrook, who’s 41 and lives in San Francisco. “‘But I definitely would be careful about what you share with people you don’t know that well.’” **Or, as Twenge puts it, “Not every person you meet needs to know your every problem.”** Wade Stapleton wishes more people would remember that. At the end of a work day, the 42-year-old found himself in an elevator with a woman he’d seen around the office but had never spoken to. Like most elevator exchanges, their conversation focused on the weather — until she took it one step too far. “Oh, the warm weather doesn’t bother me anymore,” she volunteered cheerfully. “I’m at that age where I have [hot flashes](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19837002/#).” And just like that, she’ll forevermore be Hot Flash Lady, at least to Stapleton. “After that conversation, I don’t want to get to know her,” says Stapleton, who lives in Nashville, Tenn. “I know enough about her already.” Now he’s careful to avoid her at every turn. “When I see her now, I try to go the other way,” Stapleton says. Hot Flash Lady might do well to take the advice of Enoch, the self-described sweaty guy, who’s figured out a way to structure his oversharing habits. He’s divided his social sphere into three groups — college friends, work friends and church friends — and he knows what he can tell to each group. **“I have friends I can discuss my gastrointestinal activities with, and friends I can’t,” Enoch says.** He pauses. “That was probably an overshare.” ---
**Author:** ![bubblebob](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bubblebob/32/2120_2.png) [@bubblebob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bubblebob)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2007, 9:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ahhh-the-motormouth-syndrome-is-a-public-concern/4765/2 "2007-07-23T21:24:28Z")
Little Dan’s been wearing a nice little combo of IH and IO, he? ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2007, 10:28pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ahhh-the-motormouth-syndrome-is-a-public-concern/4765/3 "2007-07-23T22:28:09Z")
Heee heee… oh boy have I learned my lesson about over-use of beta nol… 😛 🆒 🙄 … yes, yess… that’s great, how interesting !, you DON’T say !.. unh huh… really ? do go on… Noooooo… uh, right… is that a fact ? Awesome… look, I’ve got to go check the bacteria growing on some petri dishes at home, yes, exactly in twenty minutes , every night, I MUST go do this, great seeing you, lets do lunch… sometime… ahh… in the year three thousand ? Fannnnntasstikkkk… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 9:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ahhh-the-motormouth-syndrome-is-a-public-concern/4765/4 "2007-07-24T21:40:36Z")
has this become an issue ? By Tara Weiss [ [http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/i/msnbc/Components/Sources/Local/sourceForbes.gif](http://msnbcmedia3.msn.com/i/msnbc/Components/Sources/Local/sourceForbes.gif) ([http://www.forbes.com/home/index.html?partner=msnbc](http://www.forbes.com/home/index.html?partner=msnbc)) Updated: 12:22 p.m. ET July 24, 2007 _While working at a weekly newspaper in Wisconsin, Angela Kargus became intimately acquainted with a co-worker’s personal life. Kargus learned about her fertility problems, that her dog urinates all over the carpet and that she does indeed have a regular menstrual cycle._ You’re right to think these are the kind of personal details shared over a cup of coffee or on a friend’s couch. Unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Kargus and her co-worker aren’t even friends. But her co-worker is a classic workplace loud talker. She yapped on her cell phone throughout the day with friends and, quite frequently, her mother. This probably sounds familiar. Office loud talkers are everywhere, and the worst part is, they probably don’t even realize they’ve been labeled as such. To the unknowing, here’s a tip: Proper decorum calls for people to take personal conversations outside the office or into the hallway, especially since so many workplaces are in an open format where only top managers have offices (and doors they can close). We’re not all so lucky. In fact, the office loud talker certainly isn’t the only pet peeve known to cubicle land. Among the more popular (or, actually, unpopular) are using a speakerphone with the door open or while in a public area; leaving the kitchen a mess; bringing potent-smelling food for lunch; and leaving the sound on the computer so everyone hears the ding of an instant message. Despite the laundry list of complaints, the loud talker wins the award for most annoying. Of 2,318 people surveyed in March 2006 by Harris Interactive and Randstad, 32 percent say an office loud talker is their biggest pet peeve. Coming in a close second at 30 percent is using an annoying cellphone ringtone; 22 percent said speakerphones are their No. 1 peeve. As for Kargus and her colleagues, no one in the newsroom ever complained directly to their co-worker. Kargus was nervous that her co-worker would get upset and seek retribution or that it would create a tense atmosphere. Worse than the conversations that reduced Kargus’ ability to concentrate was her co-worker’s annoying cellphone ring: the Mexican Hat Dance. “Writing is something you need to be in that zone to do,” says Kargus, now director of media relations at the American Chiropractic Association. “Having the Mexican Hat Dance ringing breaks you out of the zone.” Not saying anything to the co-worker was a mistake, says Barbara Pachter, an executive coach who specializes in business etiquette. It’s just a matter of saying it in the right tone of voice. “Be polite yet powerful,” says Pachter, author of _“When the Little Things Count … and They Always Count.” 🙂 😉_ Do that by saying what’s bothering you and explaining the effect it has on your work. Then ask the person to either lower his or her voice or take personal calls out of the office. Then, ask if that’s OK, to make sure the other person understands and will comply. Pachter offers a more specific example: “Hey, you might not realize — I hear your conversation and it’s distracting to me. I’m having a hard time working. Could you please lower your voice? OK?” For a situation like the one Kargus found herself in with her former co-worker, you can even make a joke out of hearing personal details. Say something like: “I don’t think you want me to know that about you.” For repeat offenders, just give them a reminder by saying, “Remember that conversation we had the other day? Your voice is getting loud again.” 😕 ([http://www.forbes.com/home/index.html?partner=msnbc](http://www.forbes.com/home/index.html?partner=msnbc))