# Approach me **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [February 6, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922 "2007-02-06T19:18:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2007, 3:37am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/21 "2007-03-19T03:37:46Z")
> [@MarkL](#): > > The standard logic is that guys don’t want to approach because they are afraid of rejection. > > There has to be some underlying conceptual model to hang that fear on, though, and I’m wondering if it’s assigning too much importance to the act of approaching that’s the source of this: > > Model One (Approaching is a Very Significant Event): “_The fact that I’ve approached you signals that I am attracted to you, and if you reject me, it will signal to others that I have a social value lower than yours. Therefore approaching is risky, and I avoid it unless it looks like a sure thing that my approach will be accepted._” > > Model Two (Approaching is Totally Natural and Not Unusual): “_I’m approaching you because I always approach; it’s just a part of me. I approach anyone and everyone who arouses even the slightest shred of my curiosity; approaching isn’t at all risky regardless of the outcome of any one approach, because overall I am better for approaching … and it’s totally natural for me._” What determines whether model one or model 2 dominates? It’s not likely to be based on beliefs held at a purely rational level, so one needs to find ways to address levels deeper than that. If you’re able to go through the pain of practising lots then perhaps that can work. But as you hinted before maybe also addressing sympathetic-parasympathetic balance of the autonomic nervous system is a way to make initiating social interactions less of a big deal. It’s inappropriate activation of the fight-or-flight response that gets in the way. One can address that via Rolfing, Accupuncture, Alexander/Feldenkrais, … ---
**Author:** ![Phoenix](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phoenix/32/673_2.png) [@Phoenix](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2007, 9:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/22 "2007-05-20T21:35:34Z")
I think the rock star mix (or Who’s That Guy mix) I invented tonight would work great for this purpose. Women would look at you definitely - thinking who’s that guy??? - so you would have an easier time talking to them, you still would have to initiate of course. But it would feel easier than when they just ignore you as if you are invisible. ---
**Author:** ![mindset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mindset](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mindset)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:07am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/23 "2007-05-21T10:07:43Z")
> [@Phoenix](#): > > I think the rock star mix (or Who’s That Guy mix) I invented tonight would work great for this purpose. > Women would look at you definitely - thinking who’s that guy??? - so you would have an easier time talking to them, you still would have to initiate of course. But it would feel easier than when they just ignore you as if you are invisible. I have no problem opening when I find a target, but getting things going away from the LJBF phase is a bit difficult for me. For instance, interest can be very complicated as interest and attraction does not at all mean it will lead to intimacy. I have been reading the Game as of late, and I have done a lot of what is already in there naturally through experience, but it’s the mid-game that always fucks me up (ironically, in chess, too.) Is there a way of “knowing” when the time is “right” or even if there’s room to “move in.” Is this where the chance is finally factored in? Approaching a female is not all that hard (for me), but it’s signaling interest of intimacy that has me twisted. ---
**Author:** ![Phoenix](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phoenix/32/673_2.png) [@Phoenix](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/24 "2007-05-21T10:36:55Z")
> [@mindset](#): > > I have no problem opening when I find a target, but getting things going away from the LJBF phase is a bit difficult for me. For instance, interest can be very complicated as interest and attraction does not at all mean it will lead to intimacy. I have been reading the Game as of late, and I have done a lot of what is already in there naturally through experience, but it’s the mid-game that always fucks me up (ironically, in chess, too.) Is there a way of “knowing” when the time is “right” or even if there’s room to “move in.” Is this where the chance is finally factored in? Approaching a female is not all that hard (for me), but it’s signaling interest of intimacy that has me twisted. I understand what you mean. But the thing is everyone is different, and there are various things going on.. For example I went on a date with a woman and I know I don’t want to take it further with her, I mean I really don’t wish to be in a relationship with her. There’s no connection, no click, no physical attraction, no emotional interest.. She just isn’t interesting to me. If she tried to “move in” and get me to kiss her, I might have done that but I wouldn’t have been in the thing, just going through the motions. Not sure if I’m clear on what I’m saying… ---
**Author:** ![mindset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mindset](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mindset)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:50am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/25 "2007-05-21T10:50:00Z")
> [@Phoenix](#): > > I understand what you mean. But the thing is everyone is different, and there are various things going on.. > For example I went on a date with a woman and I know I don’t want to take it further with her, I mean I really don’t wish to be in a relationship with her. There’s no connection, no click, no physical attraction, no emotional interest.. She just isn’t interesting to me. > If she tried to “move in” and get me to kiss her, I might have done that but I wouldn’t have been in the thing, just going through the motions. Not sure if I’m clear on what I’m saying… I definately understand what you’re saying. In my situation, I have been wrong more times than have been right. That is exactly why I have anxiety with women, because if I do build rapport with a significant other, and it’s for the purpose of getting intimate with them, when the time comes, and she isn’t where I am with her emotionally that I originally thought she had been, then my whole investment with this person has gone out of the window, and I’m back at square one while she is still lingering in the LJBF stage. In other words, yes, I do find attraction and interest in the women, but it’s hard for me to segregate the feelings if things fall apart. Not only that, but you’re left wondering how you can manage to maintain the friendship while removing any emotional attatchments that you previously had. That is exactly why I find anxiety with women. There are so many factors, and so many different situations that it’s impossible to know when and even if the time will ever be right. I know this is lame, but that’s why I am fond of internet dating. It takes you directly to the women who are single and looking without all of the trial and error. Maybe I’m just an Average Frustrated Chump? lol. ---
**Author:** ![Phoenix](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phoenix/32/673_2.png) [@Phoenix](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phoenix)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/26 "2007-05-21T10:56:03Z")
> [@mindset](#): > > I know this is lame, but that’s why I am fond of internet dating. It takes you directly to the women who are single and looking without all of the trial and error. Maybe I’m just an Average Frustrated Chump? lol. It’s not lame but life seems to be like that 😮 Unfortunately I find most of the women online have low self esteem or other stuff… so I’m hoping to increase my offline dating… I think my new mix should help (me) with that. ---
**Author:** ![mindset](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@mindset](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mindset)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 11:05am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922/27 "2007-05-21T11:05:25Z")
> [@Phoenix](#): > > It’s not lame but life seems to be like that 😮 > > Unfortunately I find most of the women online have low self esteem or other stuff… so I’m hoping to increase my offline dating… I think my new mix should help (me) with that. Yeah, I dated a couple of women on-line, and they definately had issues, but so do I, so that doesn’t really bother me. Btw, they were all within my local area, so it was more or less a medium to meet women that were nearby that I could build rapport with off-line. Life definately does seem to be that way, and it’s one of the main reasons why I have found myself pushing people away. There’s a lot of inner game flaws with me that I need to sort out. When you watch shit like “Flesh and Blood” (documentary), you will begin to appreciate the advantages that you have in life – just when you think you have had it bad, you start to see that your problems are so miniscule to those around you. I have a hard time with guilt on a whole other level. Is that life? Yeah. Love it and hate it. [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approach-me/1922.md?page=1)