# Approval seeking **URL:** \ **Category:** A314 Insider's Club\ **Created:** [September 24, 2010, 5:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017 "2010-09-24T05:12:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_Hammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@The\_Hammer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/The_Hammer)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 5:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/1 "2010-09-24T05:12:48Z")
One of my problems is that I have an approval seeking personality in some respects instead choosing when to give approval to others. Are there any techniques that anybody can offer to overcome this? It isn’t congruent with A314 to be approval seeking and I would like to change this. ---
**Author:** ![iSmellNice](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ismellnice/32/1188_2.png) [@iSmellNice](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/iSmellNice)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 6:07am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/2 "2010-09-24T06:07:28Z")
I think you have described an attribute common to us all, to varying degrees. Can you be more specific? Provide some examples? ---
**Author:** ![lloyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/2acd7d/32.png) [@lloyd](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/lloyd)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2010, 12:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/3 "2010-09-24T12:06:47Z")
> [@The\_Hammer](#): > > One of my problems is that I have an approval seeking personality in some respects instead choosing when to give approval to others. > > Are there any techniques that anybody can offer to overcome this? It isn’t congruent with A314 to be approval seeking and I would like to change this. i stopped mine with just stopping ending my sentences with, right? and yeah? etc etc, once i stopped that i stopped seeking approval at all.whenever im wearing a314 i get tired of being asked for approval and my mates follow me. ---
**Author:** ![P51Mustang](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/p51mustang/32/1266_2.png) [@P51Mustang](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/P51Mustang)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 12:50am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/4 "2010-09-25T00:50:59Z")
> [@The\_Hammer](#): > > One of my problems is that I have an approval seeking personality in some respects instead choosing when to give approval to others. > > Are there any techniques that anybody can offer to overcome this? It isn’t congruent with A314 to be approval seeking and I would like to change this. It seriously has to be an internal change for that to happen. It will happen, but it does so slowly. I’ve noticed that with me, and I’ve consciously now notice when its happening. Look, why do you need to seek approval? It’s because we want some sort of validation. Why do we want validation? Is it to know that we did well? That we met some sort of expectation? That we look good/tall/confident/sexy/fit enough? You fill in the blanks for anything. But when you look in the mirror and say you know what, fuck it, this is MY reality, and I know that I tried/did/performed my best/hardest then there is no one that can tell you otherwise. In my life, I’ve run into so many nay sayers, and then I did things to prove them wrong. Today, I still get them, but I don’t care, I do things for myself, to my own standard, to MY time frame. I’m not perfect, I still make mistakes and repeat the old habits of the past, I’m not the most confident person in the world. I know this, and I’ve accepted this, but as long as I’m moving forward and keep improving and do my best of my ability and standards, then heck, I’m damn happy about that. That’s what A314 will help you do, that’s how being conscious and being TRUTHFUL to yourself, and really asking yourself “what’s the truth in this situation?” There were so many times I lied to myself about what’s really the meaning in the things I did and the approval I sought. Why was I jealous, Why was I mad? Why do I really think this. You have to look at yourself and say, that’s it and be brutally truthful to yourself, and you will see yourself change like you wouldn’t imagine. I started this life transformation journey before A314, and it works well, but why walk when you can drive. ---
**Author:** ![RADMAN513](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/radman513/32/364_2.png) [@RADMAN513](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RADMAN513)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/5 "2010-09-25T02:34:31Z")
Approval seeking comes from a lack of confidence. It’s judging your own worth by external validation. It’s a hard thing to overcome. Just like when people say “just be confident”, it’s easier said than done. One of my cousins is a Marine and about the most solidly confident guy I know. Always curious about ways to improve I asked him how he can be so confident and how could I or anyone I was advising achieve it. He said quite bluntly “Join the Marines” Now I wasn’t prepared to commit three years for an experiment and I would never advise somebody to do something so life altering just to deal with their own issues so I dug a little deeper. He explained that after boot camp he was in the best shape of his life, he could run a mile in 5 flat and immediately drop down and do 100 pushups. So I asked if his self confidence was based solely on the physical conditioning he had gotten from the core…wouldn’t it then disappear if he were injured?, or even just got a little slower and weaker from plain old time going by as he got older? That’s where the REAL info kicked in. The reason Marines..and frankly serious military men in general tend to be so confident isn’t that they can do a hundred pushups or anything as fleeting as that. What gave them the confidence is that they endured and survived the process of getting there. They made a commitment and they would train their bodies outdoors rain or shine and when their legs felt like rubber and their arms felt like lead…they trained some more. They have an intimate knowledge of something very few of us ever have to face…they know their TRUE limitations. Not the limits where things get uncomfortable so you stop, but the limits where even if I held a gun to your head and told you that I’ll shoot if you don’t squeeze out one more…you couldn’t do it. They know that even when it’s uncomfortable or painful they can push themselves and accomplish what they want. And knowing themselves this intimately gives them such a sense of confidence that other peoples opinions matter less and less. So how does somebody accomplish this without making a commitment to the military? By making a commitment to yourself. Think long and hard about what you want, what kind of man you want to be, the life and lifestyle you want to live etc. Now at this point you probably know what it takes to get there. The investment in time, money, effort etc. For any goal..physical but also mental, social etc. And pursue it. In fact set up a punishment/reward system to help motivate you. Any time you shirk your duty to your goal, you have to do 20 pushups…or whatever you can think of. But chase an end result that inspires you and do it like you had a very scary DI screaming in your ear if you start to falter. First off this should give you a focus that is YOU based which in and of itself should reduce concerns you have about what other people think. You have your own goals and are too busy to be worried about a bunch of strangers opinions. Second, when you’ve set and reached a goal/s that legitimately challenge you and push you to the limits of your discipline and willpower. You’ll know yourself better, and other peoples opinions will likewise matter less. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@The\_Hammer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/The_Hammer)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2010, 3:42am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/6 "2010-09-25T03:42:37Z")
Thanks guys, I really appreciate it. ---
**Author:** ![GorMas2020](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gormas2020/32/197_2.png) [@GorMas2020](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/GorMas2020)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2010, 2:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/7 "2010-09-26T14:31:58Z")
When your feeling that your doing this…STOP…take a deep breathe… and think about whats gonna come out next. For me I tend to start speeding up my speech pattern and things just start flowing out. If I stop and slow back down I can at least relax and regain my composure. I also have problems when wearing A314 around people I respect immensely the first time. Almost a reversed feeling. I have gotten better at not groveling like an idiot though it is still hard not feeling that reversal. ---
**Author:** ![reborn\_alchemist93](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/reborn_alchemist93/32/2150_2.png) [@reborn\_alchemist93](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/reborn_alchemist93)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2010, 10:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/approval-seeking/42017/8 "2010-09-27T22:40:32Z")
Radman I know exactly what your talking about! After losing 68 pounds last year when I was a Junior, my life made a complete 360! After committing to that, I felt like I could do anything, and I still feel like that today. My self confidence rose, as literally the entire school year, at least once a week, someone would congratulate me on my weight loss. I also got some IOI’s from girls and even hooked up with people that year. This year I’ve packed on quite a bit of muscle and I’m slowly learning how to be more congruent with A314. I never really realized it, but I think I give out a role model vibe now? Friends always tend to ask me for tips on health and I even got my family on the bandwagon to workout and lose weight. (Dad lost 23 so far, cousin lost 25, aunt lost 15, etc) Also I’ve been getting respect hits like crazy, even without A314 its still there. I also plan on participating in a sport this year, something I’ve never done before, in my almost 4 years of being in high school. My grades also steadily increased each year from my transcripts and I plan on making AB honor roll for the first time ever aha. Long story short, I have that mindset where, If I put my mind to any goal, I can do it. Freshman Year: Fat Sophomore Year: Heaviest (217lbs), but I started losing a couple pounds, only 15. (202) Junior Year: Skinny, but scrawny. (152) Senior Year: Athletic, I’ve actually been called intimidating this year, which is surprising on my part lol. (153-155lbs lost fat weight and added muscle weight)