# Australian Tourist Bureau **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [August 2, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577 "2011-08-02T05:06:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/1 "2011-08-02T05:06:34Z")
I don’t know how to upload the picture of the map. If anyone can explain that, I will upload for you amusement. These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)\*\* **\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ _Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK)._**\*\*\* _ **A** : **We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_** Q: **Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA**)_\*\*\* **A** : Depends how much you’ve been drinking. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden**) **A** : Sure, it’s only three thousand miles. Take lots of water. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\__ _Q: **Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : What did your last slave die of? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not … Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : Why? Just use your fingers like we do. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is … Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : You are a British politician, right? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\*\* _Q: **Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ \*\* _Q: **I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA**)_\*\*\*\* **A** : It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. \*\* **You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_** \*\*Q: _**I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( )**_ **A** : Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. * * * Q: **_Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (_ _France_**\*)\*\*\*\*\*\* \ ***A** : Only at Christmas. * * * Q: **_Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (_ _USA_**\*)\*\*\*\*\*\* \*\*\*\*\* **A** : Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.\*\* ---
**Author:** ![happycarol](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/happycarol/32/788_2.png) [@happycarol](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/happycarol)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 6:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/2 "2011-08-02T18:24:06Z")
SO funny! what is the url?😃 ---
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/3 "2011-08-02T19:51:02Z")
> [@happycarol](#): > > SO funny! what is the url?😃 I don’t know - a friend who’s going emailed it to me. Saw this published in an Oz mag, I think, one time. It’s not new but it’s still funny - years later. I still get a few of those questions . . . . ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@The\_Hammer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/The_Hammer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:21am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/4 "2011-08-05T00:21:30Z")
G’Day mate! ---
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 12:33am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/5 "2011-08-05T00:33:24Z")
> [@The\_Hammer](#): > > G’Day mate! G’day- how’s it hangin? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@The\_Hammer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/The_Hammer)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 2:52am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/6 "2011-08-06T02:52:57Z")
Wait long enough at the Hippo races and you’ll find out. ---
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2011, 10:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/7 "2011-08-06T10:18:25Z")
> [@The\_Hammer](#): > > Wait long enough at the Hippo races and you’ll find out. Choirboy??? 😃😮😃 Or hippo??? 😮😕😮 ---
**Author:** ![ramtajogi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dc4da7/32.png) [@ramtajogi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ramtajogi)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 9:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/8 "2011-08-16T09:00:18Z")
lol this is funny shit … sumone told me all aussie males are dingo ! is that true ? ---
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 9:04am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/9 "2011-08-16T09:04:37Z")
> [@ramtajogi](#): > > lol this is funny shit … sumone told me all aussie males are dingo ! is that true ? Dude, maybe I’ve been living in the States for too long; but I don’t even understand what that means. 😮 ---
**Author:** ![ramtajogi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dc4da7/32.png) [@ramtajogi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ramtajogi)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2011, 9:41am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/australian-tourist-bureau/51577/10 "2011-08-16T09:41:52Z")
lol Astrea don’t worry mate I think you have never seen DINGO in Australia, I guess 🙂