# Be careful when you hire a lawyer!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [August 20, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/be-careful-when-you-hire-a-lawyer/5184 "2007-08-20T16:25:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sophie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/35a633/32.png) [@sophie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sophie)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2007, 4:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/be-careful-when-you-hire-a-lawyer/5184/1 "2007-08-20T16:25:24Z")
You may have seen these before - but they are still funny! * * * ATTORNEY: Are you s\*xually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. * * * ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. * * * ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? * * * ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?” ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! * * * ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. * * * ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? * * * ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one. * * * ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you sh\*\*tin’ me? * * * ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh… I was getting laid! * * * ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Are you sh\*\*tin’ me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? * * * ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it? * * * ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Guess. * * * ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. * * * ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? * * * ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. * * * ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! * * * ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh…are you qualified to ask that question? * * * — And the best for last: — ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. ---
**Author:** ![JoeS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ba0ec/32.png) [@JoeS](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/JoeS)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2007, 10:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/be-careful-when-you-hire-a-lawyer/5184/2 "2007-08-21T22:54:33Z")
I’ve never heard them before and they’re all really funny! Thanks for sharing 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2007, 11:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/be-careful-when-you-hire-a-lawyer/5184/3 "2007-08-22T23:06:41Z")
Yeah I got a good laugh out of them. Thanks for posting.