# Bolkie's Quest for Lovin' **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Journals\ **Created:** [October 7, 2010, 1:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405 "2010-10-07T13:42:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2010, 1:59am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/81 "2010-11-28T01:59:14Z")
You mean women were FLIRTING with you? Noooooooooooo 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2010, 2:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/82 "2010-11-28T02:00:56Z")
It’s your mindset Bolkie. Even a couple posts up you said you’re letting us down. Who freaking cares about us? It’s your life, so stop caring what others think. Start living your life! ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/83 "2010-12-01T23:50:16Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > It’s your mindset Bolkie. Even a couple posts up you said you’re letting us down. Who freaking cares about us? It’s your life, so stop caring what others think. Start living your life! I will stop caring about what you think 😉 But I do care about myself. So I am beginning an attempt to quit smoking. And I am doing it right now. I am a heavy smoker and I hope nicotine gum will aid me with this project. I am planning to test if a314 can help me battle cravings. Wish me luck 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/84 "2010-12-02T20:42:35Z")
Most cravings from cigarettes are based on the oral fixation of the movement from hand to mouth. If you have the opportunity get yourself a box of drinking straws. They are about the same size as cigarettes and can sufficiently help you with that movement. Chew them if you must the reduce the amount of nervous energy you will have. I quit smoking maybe 20 years ago now, although I still enjoy my weekly cigar. To this day when I’m drinking I might chew a straw afterward on my way home. It’s not an ideal “look” to be chewing a straw in public but satisfies that craving and thus helps. Anything that helps is worth it. It is the best thing you can ever do for yourself. Its a nasty disgusting habit. Would you kiss an ashtray? ---
**Author:** ![RisenAlpha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@RisenAlpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RisenAlpha)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2010, 4:22pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/85 "2010-12-21T16:22:02Z")
Bolkie!!! Where are your reports! You are suppose to be sweet spot testing IO. ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2010, 11:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/86 "2010-12-22T23:59:34Z")
> [@JosieW](#): > > Bolkie!!! Where are your reports! You are suppose to be sweet spot testing IO. I am sorry for being so silent the last couple of weeks. There isn’t really anything to report on. I spend my days trying to do research for and write a Master’s thesis but this isnt really working out. So I am at home almost all the time. Apart from that my depression is kicking in very very hard, because of…well you know why. Times are pretty dark. Seeing a therapist does not help. They do not understand what the problem is. If it is not in the DSM-IV, it does not exist. All I know is it hurts bad. It is an almost physical pain. I managed to lose all of my anxieties. Though they have turned into severe anger. This is new for me. Another acute problem is I need to solve first is one with my mother. She is recovering from the flu and today I took her shopping for groceries, so she could leave the house for the first time in a week. When I drove her home, somehow she started talking about me and my love life. Then I made a big biiiig mistake. I did not think before I said it. I said to her: “If I haven’t kissed a woman before I am thirty (15 months from now), I see no other solution then to kill myself. Living like this hurts too much.” I meant it. I really mean it, which is kinda scary to think about and I think about this a lot. Well, then she totally freaked out and is still very mad at me. I don’t blame her ofcourse. My father committed suicide when he was 31 years old (I was 6). So ‘suicide’ is a problematic topic, to say the least. I’m not sure how to fix the current situation…maybe it will stabilize in a couple of days. At the moment there aren’t any testing opportunities. The few women I meet are always the girlfriends of guys I know. I am not sure if I mentioned this in an earlier post, but I started to look at online dating. This is supposedly the Holy Grail. During the last 3 months I have sent slightly more then 200 unique messages to women. I am not lying, I have an outbox to prove it. No copy/pasting was involved. They were all genuine messages. Nothing weird. Just showing some interest. Out of those 200+ women, around 190 did not even care to respond. Not even an automated ‘not interested’ reply. Around 10 sent the ‘not interested’ thing. Only 3 cared to write an actual response. All three explained, in nice words, that they considered me too short. I am 5"8 (173cm) by the way. So as far online dating being a risk free, fun experience…not so much. I regret having ever paid for that shit. My confidence is at an all time low. It pisses me of so much. I do not deserve to be treated in such a way. As far as mones, I guess it is a good thing mones don’t expire fast, so I can do testing in the future. 🙂 Thanks for showing interest. I really appreciate that. ---
**Author:** ![rolandcubed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rolandcubed](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/rolandcubed)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 12:39am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/87 "2010-12-23T00:39:58Z")
Hey Bolkie. I think you are trying too hard in a way. Automated messages suck, sure, but 200 genuine messages with \< 10 replies should show you that you may be putting too much effort. Not only that, but it seems like you were expecting a certain outcome which is always an attraction killer. I say to not take online dating so seriously if you’re still subscribed. It also seems that your mindset is wrong. You had a women flirting with you a month ago. That to me tells me you might be tense or worrying about something. If you were relaxed, i bet you would have had some good banter with her. And lighting a cigarette in her own mouth, then giving it to you is definitely a sign of interest. She could have given you a cig but instead lit it herself and gave it to you. But be warned, don’t make logistical decisions about what may or may not be flirting. Sometimes women are just being nice and that can easily be confused for flirting. Good luck, and don’t worry about letting us down like you metioned a few posts back. This isn’t about us, it’s about you. ---
**Author:** ![RisenAlpha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@RisenAlpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RisenAlpha)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 4:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/88 "2010-12-23T04:12:42Z")
Hey buddy. Glad to know you haven’t completely shut down. With every post you open up more of yourself. I appreciate the transparency. I really do. Have you thought about getting away? Seeing some place new? I know that’s not an easy thing to do, but maybe you need to start planning a trip for sometime in the future. Give yourself something to look forward to. Start saving money for it. Get lost in the details of it. ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 11:05am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/89 "2010-12-23T11:05:24Z")
> [@rolandcubed](#): > > Hey Bolkie. > > I think you are trying too hard in a way. Automated messages suck, sure, but 200 genuine messages with \< 10 replies should show you that you may be putting too much effort. Not only that, but it seems like you were expecting a certain outcome which is always an attraction killer. > > I say to not take online dating so seriously if you’re still subscribed. > > It also seems that your mindset is wrong. You had a women flirting with you a month ago. That to me tells me you might be tense or worrying about something. If you were relaxed, i bet you would have had some good banter with her. And lighting a cigarette in her own mouth, then giving it to you is definitely a sign of interest. She could have given you a cig but instead lit it herself and gave it to you. But be warned, don’t make logistical decisions about what may or may not be flirting. Sometimes women are just being nice and that can easily be confused for flirting. > > Good luck, and don’t worry about letting us down like you metioned a few posts back. This isn’t about us, it’s about you. Thanks for your advice. Well the online dating thing. I was never sending any weird messages. Just some light jokes about something in their profiles and showing a little interest in them. But a 1,5% (negative) reply rate on something like this, that is just nauseating. What do these women want? Do I need to pose in front of an Audi on my pictures? Must I lie about my height? Get a tattoo in the face? What good will that do me? This entire onesided attraction economy is making me sick. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know how people do it. Every door I try to open is slammed back in my face. I am being genetically sidetracked. Edit: I forgot to mention. About the flirty girl last month. The friend-zone girl was probably bullshitting me. She likes to do that. I don’t know why, propably to exert power over me or something. That flirty girl with the cig, she is happily married and her husband was standing 2 meters away from us. False positive I think. > [@JosieW](#): > > Hey buddy. Glad to know you haven’t completely shut down. With every post you open up more of yourself. I appreciate the transparency. I really do. > Have you thought about getting away? Seeing some place new? I know that’s not an easy thing to do, but maybe you need to start planning a trip for sometime in the future. Give yourself something to look forward to. Start saving money for it. Get lost in the details of it. Well at the moment I don’t have any money. I spent it all on improving my looks over the last year. I have no income untill my thesis is done and I simply cannot concentrate on thesis work. I think this is called a Catch 22. Also, going on vacation while depressed is something that often goes very wrong for depressed people. It is too stressful. I understand this is hard to imagine for ‘healthy’ folks. I believe it has something to do with constant expectations and obligations to your fellow travelers and not being in a ‘safe’ environment. Suicide rates more than double on ‘vacations’. The psychologist suggested upping my anti-depressives. I need to consult my doctor for this first ofcourse. But the thing is I am already at the limit of of being legally allowed to operate a motor vehicle. These meds limit your reaction speed lightly. It is somewhat comparable to drinking 2-3 beers. If for medical reasons I am no longer allowed to drive, it will be the knock out blow to my already small social life. This I cannot allow to happen. ---
**Author:** ![RisenAlpha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@RisenAlpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RisenAlpha)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/90 "2010-12-23T14:45:18Z")
Well thanks for informing me. I wasn’t aware that vacations could increase suicide in people that are depressed. I was thinking that you need a change. Seeing the same things over can be dulling to the senses. So tell me about where you live. Is is a big city, small city? Are their parks, trees? Is it a college town? Are there many things to do? Are you close to water? ---
**Author:** ![rolandcubed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@rolandcubed](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/rolandcubed)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 7:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/91 "2010-12-24T07:12:07Z")
I wish I could help more but I’m unsure how to since you have depression (I know I keep repeating myself here but I really would like to help you in the best way possible). Don’t worry about people messing with you and just believe that you’re a baller. Not the easiest thing to do. I’m glad you’re putting effort and not giving up, this is the most important quality in a person. Forget about the FZ girl. I think you’re just convincing yourself that people aren’t interested in you. You have friends right? And we’re all interested in you (perhaps not the way you wanted but we’re all rooting for ya!). The fact is that people are around you because people like you. Have you tried some routine PUA method books such as the mystery method? I know canned material might not be the most appealing but it definitely gets your foot into the door without having to worry about it. You go in, it works or it doesn’t, you get out. Also, if you’re out of options, why don’t you try just doing what all the assholes do? You have IJ right? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2010, 12:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/92 "2010-12-24T12:29:17Z")
> [@JosieW](#): > > Well thanks for informing me. I wasn’t aware that vacations could increase suicide in people that are depressed. I was thinking that you need a change. Seeing the same things over can be dulling to the senses. > > So tell me about where you live. Is is a big city, small city? Are their parks, trees? Is it a college town? Are there many things to do? Are you close to water? Ofcourse every person is unique, so it might work for others. It is just my experience that, for me, it doesn’t work unfortunately. I appreciate your suggestions though ! Let’s see. I live in a ( for Dutch standards) middle-sized city. There are around 110k inhabitants. It serves as a suburb to Rotterdam. That is where a lot of the action is. Rotterdam likes to think it is small version of NY. This isn’t far from the truth. Mentality, economics, university, architecture, port…it makes sense. In my city there isn’t a lot to do per se. There are only a couple of bars open on friday and saturday. There are parks, but these are small. In summer there are open concerts though. It is freezing right now, so nothing is happening. The Netherlands are basically built on water. One is never not close to water. I live 60km from the beach. > [@rolandcubed](#): > > I wish I could help more but I’m unsure how to since you have depression (I know I keep repeating myself here but I really would like to help you in the best way possible). Don’t worry about people messing with you and just believe that you’re a baller. Not the easiest thing to do. I’m glad you’re putting effort and not giving up, this is the most important quality in a person. > > Forget about the FZ girl. I think you’re just convincing yourself that people aren’t interested in you. You have friends right? And we’re all interested in you (perhaps not the way you wanted but we’re all rooting for ya!). The fact is that people are around you because people like you. > > Have you tried some routine PUA method books such as the mystery method? I know canned material might not be the most appealing but it definitely gets your foot into the door without having to worry about it. You go in, it works or it doesn’t, you get out. > > Also, if you’re out of options, why don’t you try just doing what all the assholes do? You have IJ right? 😉 I am definately not giving up. I’ll give up when I’m dead. Yes I have friends. I have always had them. Making dudes wanting to hang out with me was never a problem. I need to explain something. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I have always had two very different types of friends groups simultaneously. Let’s call them group A and group B. I constantly need to shift attention between these two. They are not compatible. Group A are the guys I grew up with. I still see them. These are the guys you smoke your first cigarette with. Play Goldeneye and Mariokart at age 14. Get in all kinds of trouble with. Try weed. These guys still get in trouble from time to time. They will have my back in agressive situations. They don’t walk away from a fight. I never went to the same schools as these guys. They drink heavily and recently traded weed for coke, because now they finally can afford it. I have sat with them in hospitals in ealry mornings because of ‘battle scars’. They are ‘jerks’. I don’t drink, never did any drugs and stay out of trouble. Somehow this has never been a problem for them. I am like a stability pillar among them. They call me Brain and Bolkiepedia. Some of these I consider legitimate ‘players’. These guys get laid. Group B are the guys I went to school with. These are highly intellectual, succesfull and I know it sounds cheesy…sophisticated. They make money. Finished university. Would never do drugs. Travel around the world. Spend their money wisely. They supply me with intellectual stimulation whenever I feel the need to. These guys do not get laid when they are not in a relationship. Over the past few years I have tried to establish more distance to group A and do more stuff with B. This helped me grow more intellectually. I felt group A was holding me back in growing up. This harder then it sounds like. I never had any brothers and they are the closest thing to it I guess. I love and hate these assholes at the same time. If I ever learn how to create attraction to the opposite sex it will be by studying the behaviours of group A. And I feel like an idiot for only realising this now. These idiots have been around so long…I have seen them spark interest in women all the time. In the meanwhile I kept on the sidelines thinking, I don’t want to be like that. I respect women, that is no way to treat a lady…etc.. Right now I have come to the conclusion that I can have the best of both worlds if I want to. Group A for acting like an idiot and having fun. Group B for the rest. I went out last night with group A. Venue was bar. I sprayed 3x ammo before I went. I think it was too much, because I smelt myself ‘noning’ up during the night. I decided to observe the two ‘funny’ guys in action. It is not that they have hilarious humour…they are just constantly smiling. They don’t know how not to have a smirk. One of them was in the army and was constantly pissing of his drill sergeant. The sergeant was thinking he was making fun of him…but it is just his face ! Both these funny dudes are in a serious relationship now and I don’t think they would cheat on their girlfriends. But they go out al the time because it’s fun. One the their girlfriends told me she hates it when those two go out together. It looks like the two of them have so much fun and such a good time that all women are drawn to them. I shall make it my mission in the coming months to join them in having ‘fun’. One positive thing what is happening with me right now is that I am getting convinced that I am actually an attractive guy. Since I have lost weight I can buy all kinds of fashionable clothes without looking like I don’t belong in them. I did some observations last night. I am not lying to myself when I state that I am now in the top 15% of looks. Ofcourse it differs from place to place, but I have no reason to complain. First thing I need to do know is learn how to smirk and smile. I had never been to the bar we went to. But I am definately going back. There were so much attractive women it would be a shame not to go. Not long after we entered something weird happened. The guys were telling me a girl was constantly checking me out. I responded that they should not bullshit me, they know my issues. But this kept going on. And they were assuring me they werent bullshitting me. The girl was very hot and I did not know what to do. But what is bothering me the most is that I did not see it ! According to the guys she kept doing do it. But I was not entirely convinced. I need a crash course of eye-contact in the field. To me it just looks like she is looking at everybody. It is sincerely pissing me off that a women might be giving me IOI’s and that I totally miss them. I really don’t get it. I have read everything there is about body language and such. But it is like I am blind to them. So along with the smiling this is the second thing of high priority right now. I am going out again tonight with the two funny dudes. I am going to make clear to them what needs to be done and they will help me. ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/93 "2010-12-25T00:58:13Z")
Just came home early. One of the funny dudes stayed at home sick. When we arrived at the bar there was a waiting line, it was insanely packed. We decided to go somewhere else, which turned out to be a sausage fest… Waste of mones. Hopefully some better luck next week. ---
**Author:** ![RisenAlpha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/54ee81/32.png) [@RisenAlpha](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RisenAlpha)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/94 "2010-12-25T04:24:03Z")
> [@Bolkie](#): > > It is not that they have hilarious humour…they are just constantly smiling. They don’t know how not to have a smirk. One of them was in the army and was constantly pissing of his drill sergeant. The sergeant was thinking he was making fun of him…but it is just his face ! Both these funny dudes are in a serious relationship now and I don’t think they would cheat on their girlfriends. But they go out al the time because it’s fun. One the their girlfriends told me she hates it when those two go out together. It looks like the two of them have so much fun and such a good time that all women are drawn to them. I shall make it my mission in the coming months to join them in having ‘fun’. Bolkie I believe you have all of the tools that you need to succeed in your quest. I mean you hit the nail on the head man. They have fun. Women are incredibly attracted to smiles and men that have fun. You don’t even have to speak the same language if you are laughing with your friends and just having a good time. Women will be attracted. That’s why we keep telling you to test IO. Just test IO. > [@Bolkie](#): > > Not long after we entered something weird happened. The guys were telling me a girl was constantly checking me out. I responded that they should not bullshit me, they know my issues. But this kept going on. And they were assuring me they werent bullshitting me. The girl was very hot and I did not know what to do. But what is bothering me the most is that I did not see it ! According to the guys she kept doing do it. But I was not entirely convinced. I need a crash course of eye-contact in the field. To me it just looks like she is looking at everybody. It is sincerely pissing me off that a women might be giving me IOI’s and that I totally miss them. I really don’t get it. I have read everything there is about body language and such. But it is like I am blind to them. So along with the smiling this is the second thing of high priority right now. I don’t think it’s weird. I told you that in the first post. 🙂 I get the feeling that you actually send out an intimidating vibe. Women are instanely good at checking guys out and looking at them without looking at them. Just assume that every chick is into you. It’s easier. But there are some things you can look for. You have to look at their lower body. They can’t hide those IOI’s as well. OK so you gave me some good info about where you live. Based on what I’m hearing, it sounds like the town has a very masculine energy. So if you want to stand out you have to portray a very masculine male. So I understand why you are so drawn to IJ and a314. However, we need to get over the IO first. So test IO. ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/95 "2010-12-26T18:26:43Z")
I’m VERY SERIOUS HERE: DRINK LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER! YES it really is that simple. You are a good guy, stop beating up on yourself. You have lots of friends here and I am damn sure I’d hang with yah often if I could. What country do you live in again? Netherlands. I’m planning a trip there and yes, we are going out. Be ready! ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2010, 11:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/96 "2010-12-26T23:42:42Z")
@Josie I have heard a couple of times that women have a much wider Field of View then men. So theoretically they can check out a guy without actually looking directly at him. And we men have to hit the target spot on to notice stuff. Something called ‘Male Pattern Blindness’ is closely related to this I think. The intimidation factor, you are probably right. I am sober and in anticipation mode, much like a bouncer is. So I might be enjoying being there, but my presence is more like I am preoccupied with something else. I like your tip about the lower body IOI’s. I will keep those in mind. And yes IO will be on me every time I leave the house from now on. @Steve I understand drinking water and preventing the chronic dehydration, 70% of all people suffer from, is very important. What I don’t understand is why it is so important in my specific case. Was the water drinking part of your transformation ? Could you elaborate a bit on that? You coming to Holland would be friggin awesome. You might wanna wait till spring or summer though. Keep me posted on that ! ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/97 "2010-12-28T19:59:56Z")
I’m really disgusted that I just wrote out a post (spent over an hour typing it) and my MAC crashed and its now lost. I can attest that MAC’s are the biggest piece of crap on the market and recommend no one waste money on them. EVER! They suck ass! ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 8:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/98 "2010-12-28T20:30:52Z")
In a nut shell of what I wrote before. I don’t care what you might think you know but depression is 99% of the time due to dehydration. If you are not peeing clear all the time your body is burning acids and therefore you are dehydrated. The color of your pee is a clear marker to determine dehydration. If it is not nearly always clear or very light you are dehydrated. If your piss is not clear your kidneys are working hard to remove impurities from your body. It should be clear and really only discolored from minerals and vitamins. Water does not mean flavored, vitamin, beer, soda, coffee, it means plain everyday water. All other substances only go to impede your daily intake of water. For every glass of soda you have, drink 12 glasses of water to fight off the diuretic chemicals put into the soda. Smoke cigarettes, for each one drink an additional 12 glasses a day. You can read all about it online. You don’t need pills, you don’t need anything, you need water to feed your body. It is a scientific fact that adequate hydration increases serotonin levels of the brain. Without water the Amino acid Tyrosine and Tryptophan cannot get to the brain and without either the buildup of dopamine is not produced and serotonin requires this dopamine. Stop being a dope! Yes Virginia there is a natural cure for depression. Its water. You drink water in place of everything else for the next two weeks and then tell me you still have severe depression. If you cheat, you’re only cheating yourself. Oh and if you’re still using A1, you’re a bigger fool than anyone here will be able to help. Its a depressant. ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2010, 11:17pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/99 "2010-12-28T23:17:26Z")
Thanks Steve, I will follow your advice. I will drink from a bottle so I can actually measure how much water I’m drinking over the course of a day. I am not using A1 at the moment, haven’t tried it in a long time. I am not an idiot. Thursday night and Friday (NYE) I will go out. Going to test the IO. I will report after 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Apu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Apu](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Apu)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2010, 12:43am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405/100 "2010-12-29T00:43:35Z")
Bolkie: Hey! I’ve read this entire thread and some more miscellaneous posts of yours. Firstly, I would like to wish you the utmost luck in your journey. I’m rooting for you! I must however admit that I’m in mild disbelief after reading this thread. You’re (among other positive things); funny, intelligent, educated, sophisticated, eloquent, well-groomed, good-looking and an overall nice guy. It’s true that Dutch guys are ridiculously tall. Trust me it pisses me off too, but you definitely have far more attractive qualities than the average Dutch guy. Shortness really shouldn’t pose much of a problem. I have the feeling I already know the answer to this question, but have you ever straight up asked a girl out before (in person)? I’ve also noticed how you seem to be focusing on the more attractive females. Perhaps it would be more prudent of you to not set your sights so high in order to gain confidence and experience before going for the big fish? Also, you’ve mentioned how you’ve recently started going out with your group of friends that do get laid. I can understand why this might be beneficial to your efforts because it gives you the opportunity to watch and learn, but you also have to acknowledge the fact that travelling in a pack makes you less approachable and they also might prove to be competition. You seem to be making vast improvements in your attitude , but one thing I cannot help to notice is your tendency to continually resurface up this ‘damaged goods’ thought. Honestly, this really shouldn’t play the slightest role whatsoever. Why? Simply because you don’t allow them to find out that you’re damaged goods. The only effect this is having is on you, and it’s an extremely negative one. It is very irrational to retain this thought, I know it’s easier said than done but you need to discard it completely. Don’t even tell guys. There is no point. As for the girls, if they ask you if you’re a virgin simply lie. I know there are probably some guys on the forum that would disagree with me on this last bit of advice but I would like to remind you that the Netherlands is different. You also mentioned that you suffered from depression. You need to put this shit behind you. You cannot CHANGE if you keep the SAME mindset and thoughts. You need to focus on what’s good about you. (Which is funnily enough pretty much almost everything). The advice the other guys have given you is really sound, but one thing I profoundly disagree with (in my own humble opinion) is ‘learning’ how to appear confident. Of course appearing confident is crucial, but what is more important is actually BEING confident. Then you will naturally fulfil the role physically as well. Notice how [Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/) generally makes people walk with improved posture without them even meaning to. Instant Shine obviously doesn’t have any effect on the human spine or back muscles. It just makes them feel happier and more confident which then results in the improved posture automatically! This sounds incredibly cheesy, but (in my humble opinion) your biggest obstacle is yourself. This is what is wrong with you: 1. Your pessimism. Earlier on you disregarded IOIs. I do not think this is because you are simply bad at reading them. (You’re well-read on body language after all). I believe it to be simply because you don’t expect them. Almost like an ‘Oh, why would anyone be interested in me? FML.’ attitude. I also gather that you seem to have a very cynical and critical personality, but I could be wrong. 2. Your past. Or more precisely, your annoying habit to repeatedly make this an issue. No-one cares that you’ve went through depression. I’ve went through one as well. Many people have. Try to erase it from your memory. Delete it entirely. Oh and just in case someone misinterprets what I meant with ‘no-one cares’, I mean that of course we all sympathise with you, but your past mental afflictions should not hold you back from improving yourself. 3. Your desperation. YOU’VE SENT 200+ GENUINE AND UNIQUE EMAILS. WHAT DA FUCK? You’ve spent a fortune on books and pheromones. You’ve literally reshaped yourself by arduously attending the gym. You’ve redone your wardrobe. I’m sure there are many things I’ve forgotten to list here. But seriously, the point is, take it easy. Don’t get me wrong. I like your persistence and diligence, but you need to soothe the obsession. Don’t make this the only important aspect of your life. 4. Your erm.. mood swings. I’ve seen you make speeches on this forum about your personal goals like you’re Winston Chuchill, and then in the next post you would be all suicidal and claim you’ve tried everything and given up. This is kinda tied with point 3. You really need to stop caring so much. I’ve actually read somewhere that when you’re desperately looking for a female companion or partner or whatever you want to call it you extrude a stink of desperation. Much like pheromones I guess except this is obviously negative. On top of this desperation can’t be healthy for your spirit… FORGET ABOUT BEING SHORT. You’re kidding yourself if you seriously think that’s holding you back. Are you telling me short people don’t get laid? Just focus on your mind. Don’t beat yourself up about not getting laid. You’ve already come a long way by taking the effort to address your problem and by improving your own body and health. Just stop this FML FML FML mentality. Anyway! That’s my contribution for now. I can’t believe how long this post has become, many apologies for putting everyone who reads this too sleep. Before I terminate this post I want to apologise in advance for any typos and the poor structure of this post. I’m fairly drunk and OH MY GOD WHAT IS THE TIME? I have to wake up in 5 hours. By the way, I’m from the Netherlands too. Sort of. I study at UvA. 😉 Oh and about Steve’s water related advice. You actually have no idea how right he is. I could share a personal story about why he is right but I’m fucking tired. GO BOLKIE GO! Good night. 😉 [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405.md?page=4) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/bolkies-quest-for-lovin/42405.md?page=6)