# Confidence: my goal for 2008, inspired by Derren Brown's speed-dating episode **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [June 1, 2008, 2:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354 "2008-06-01T14:00:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 2:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/1 "2008-06-01T14:00:20Z")
I’ve always lacked it but for 2008 it is my goal to get it. I was particularly inspired watching Derren Brown on Friday where he took a shy guy like myself, made him do some speed dating which he hated. For the next 2 weeks or something he hypnotized him, made him do this mirroring experiment, etc. He then went to another speed dating and the transformation was amazing. If you live in the UK you’re probably already familiar with Derren Brown and whilst this episode was far from the most “WOW how did he do that” it was really nice to see something practical work on someone like myself. If you have a spare half hour and you want to watch it the first part is here: [http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lmL5scv32Z4](http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=lmL5scv32Z4) (You should be able too see part 2 and 3 by following a link at the end.) ANYWAY… The reason I made this thread is because I feel a few people on here are in the same position as myself. I’ve been on other forums about specific areas I’m trying to improve but none are as helpful about the general area of self improvement as this one. I’ve tried all sorts. Self Hypnosis using a David McKenna Ultimate Confidence being the most effective so far. I’ve made a play list on my Ipod which plays the Half hour MP3 3 times in a row. I put it on before going to sleep and I usually drift of listening to it. I feel it works best whilst I’m sleeping because I find it hard to go into a trance consciously. I’ve defiantly see improvements but I don’t know how effective Hypnosis is whilst sleeping. I thought this thread would be a good idea for everyone to offer and share advice and hopefully everyone who wants more confidence will be able to benefit from the various resources. ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/2 "2008-06-01T17:23:45Z")
This seems related to what we were talking about in Small Talk. For me I don’t necessarily think it is an issue of confidence so much as familiarity, they are both related issues, I believe. You can’t have one without the other, so it becomes a “chicken or the egg” situation. I like the “mental checklist” idea that Eldros and I were talking about- I should spend more time thinking of reactions to possible situations, this will make it easier… so that’s what I’m focusing on right now. With hypnosis and Darren Brown, there is actually the element of suggestability and wanting to please a celebrity, too (I’m not British, BTW, I just know about him). Also it isn’t uncommon for hypnotists to pre-screen people for suggestability, this is how they produce some of their “amazing” results. I’m not denying the power of hypnosis but it’s very complex. I love the one where he goes to the psuedo-church and convinces people they’ve all had a religious experience, but again it’s all about the setting- go to a supermarket and start trying to make people have a religious experience and I doubt you’ld get the same reaction. People that go to a church-like setting already have expectations and desires planted in their unconscious mind. With self-hypnosis the dynamic might be totally different. ---
**Author:** ![Eldros](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/eldros/32/279_2.png) [@Eldros](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Eldros)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 5:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/3 "2008-06-01T17:49:15Z")
It took me since last summer to get the confidence I have now. What confidence basically is: 1. Look confidence: Watch your posture. Eye contact. Take action 2. Being in the ‘know’: Spend enough time looking at the older posts here on pherotalk and you’ll begin to unravel the secrets of how a woman works. Then you’ll know what to do when things happens. 3. bbl to add more. [https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587 http://www.pheromonetalk.com/mens-pheromone-advice-tricks-tips/conversational-influencing-skills-4528.htm](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587) ([Let's get controversial! PUAs!](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587))[https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587 https://pheromonetalk.com/t/conversational-influencing-skills/4155](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587) ---
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 5:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/4 "2008-06-01T17:57:02Z")
The reason I think Self Hypnosis works for me is because it is a guy constantly repeating positive affirmations down my ears. I find I can’t fully concentrate on his voice for 30 minutes which is why I chose to listen to it in my sleep. If I’m listening to it awake I find it hard to not start day dreaming and I end up not noticing the words he’s saying I just notice that he is saying words, I don’t consciously hear him. I think it may be placebo because I’ve never totally being hypnotized listening to these MP3’s I’ve seen a lot of Derren Brown before and usually he does the wow stuff, which must take a lot of research about a particular person and a lot of planning (My favourite one is where he hypnotises a man playing an arcade game he made and then takes him to a studio that is set out just like the game, the guy consciously wakes up and finds himself in the game, hilarious lol.) I did however find this program more down to earth and practical than usual. Basically he turned a shy guy into a confident guy. I found the mirroring part fascinating as I have been reading a lot recently about body language and developing rapport. Daedelus, you’re right about confidence being a familiarity thing. Derren said it himself in the program that confidence is not something you have or don’t have it’s how you behave in new situations. I guess it confirms that practice makes perfect. I’m particularly unconfident talking to attractive girls however if I talked to them everyday my confidence would grow. Its strange how I can feel totally confident and then someone will mention how Shy I am, maybe because they already have that impression of me. Sometimes I feel I’ve being talking more than anyone then someone may mention how quiet I am. These things have always puzzled me and it must be something to do with my body language or seomthing. ---
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 6:15pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/5 "2008-06-01T18:15:48Z")
> [@Eldros](#): > > It took me since last summer to get the confidence I have now. What confidence basically is: > > 1. Look confidence: Watch your posture. Eye contact. Take action > 2. Being in the ‘know’: Spend enough time looking at the older posts here on pherotalk and you’ll begin to unravel the secrets of how a woman works. Then you’ll know what to do when things happens. > 3. bbl to add more. > [https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587 > http://www.pheromonetalk.com/mens-pheromone-advice-tricks-tips/conversational-influencing-skills-4528.htm](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587)[https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587 > https://pheromonetalk.com/t/conversational-influencing-skills/4155](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-get-controversial-puas/2587) Thanks Eldros, I’ll take a look at those posts now. I know I have to become more comfortable in situations i’m unconfident in but I’m interestent in how to look more confident, fake it till you make it. I’ve read a book and a half about body language and theres not much in them about confident body language. I’m working on my eye contact and trying to get rid of negative thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Eldros](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/eldros/32/279_2.png) [@Eldros](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Eldros)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 6:22pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/6 "2008-06-01T18:22:55Z")
Look into my eyes: ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/3/38dadcd81b360d20b8ea036e20284397c0d537c3.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/b/bdb0730831cec99cbca2d4169df431854948c290.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2008, 9:08pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/7 "2008-06-01T21:08:19Z")
Eldros, I looked up some of those links… alot of reading to do. Looks interesting. (BTW, I should add you to my buddy list and save writing all these long posts). I’m not comfortable with the whole “neg” concept. I guess it takes alot of skill- I’ve tried it a few times on people (not women) and gotten mixed results. I don’t like the idea of insulting anybody, and I think if a woman were halfway intelligent, it could look really bad unless you were really good and the “backhand compliment” seemed neutral. I’m talking about older women here, not college-age/highschool. I’m the kind of person that likes giving sincere compliments, maybe that’s not a good thing. Maybe I need to read more of the PUA type stuff, I’m just not sure all that stuff is for me. Plus, I don’t like the “scam artist” feeling and I’d imagine women are the same way as well. I can now smell these people a mile away it seems, and I don’t like them. ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 8:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/8 "2008-06-02T20:57:21Z")
Wildflower what a great post! I’ve rep’d you for it but I believe this should be a sticky. Seeing that I’m the admin I have the right to make it into a sticky and as such it now is. ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 9:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/9 "2008-06-02T21:00:58Z")
To take this even further I’d like to hear what you guys have done to increase your confidence. Share your techniques and what not and you might win… ---
**Author:** ![phernoob](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phernoob/32/180_2.png) [@phernoob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/phernoob)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2008, 11:23pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/10 "2008-06-02T23:23:10Z")
Ummm. Increased confidence? Well for us chicks I would def have to say that MX135 really makes a difference - with Shine, of course. I went accidentally phero-free to a family party on Sat, and boy, did I feel different. I really hung on the sidelines. Was the wallflower I used to be before coming here. During the party I could not figure out WTF - then I realized I forgot my magic potions! I did all the self-help stuff in the past, but nothing has worked like these [pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/). Sorry if I sound like an ad… ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/11 "2008-06-03T15:12:53Z")
Pheronoob… if you use the pheromones enough, it starts subtlely changing your personality. I’m more outgoing now than I was before discovering them, even when I don’t wear them. ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2008, 7:27pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/12 "2008-06-05T19:27:48Z")
I am finding pheromones are making me naturally more confident and capable, even when I do not wear them, but it’s a slow process. The longer you’ve lived with something, the longer it takes to change. If I had any advice for younger pheromone experimenters (alot of the teens and folks in HS) who are ackward or doubt themselves alot, it would be- forget “[Turn Up the Heat](https://a314.com/product/turn-up-the-heat-tuth/)” and try “instant Gentleman” and work on building up your confidence so it doesn’t erode away over time. Don’t surround yourself with cynical, negative people, either… find some people in your life that believe in something and have some energy to do positive things. I’m not saying you should shun people who are down, but protect yourself and don’t let “down” people get to you. It’s easy when you are a teen or young adult to focus on your zits, your weight, your popularity (or lack thereof), and all the other pressures that can bring you down. Maybe I will try some self-hypnosis stuff. In the past I focused more on relaxation, maybe I’ll focus more now on confidence or social stuff. ---
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2008, 7:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/13 "2008-06-05T19:57:08Z")
I don’t know if the self hypnosis “works” as such for me or whether it is the affrimations that are repeated. I find it quite hard to totally go into a trance like state which Is why I put it on whilst going to sleep (I figure that’s when my subconcious will be most suceptible to it.) I’ve definatly seen an increase in self confidence though and when I start having negative thoughts I notice them and remove them from my head. It’s amazing how many negative thoughts I had and weren’t aware of beofre the self hypnosis. I’m 20 next month and I’ve been shy, quiet and self concious most of my life which is why I want to really change that. I think I naturally lean towards being an Introvert but some image problems are holding me back from being more extroverted than I am. It’s strange how people pick up on confidence though, it must be apparant in body language or something. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2008, 3:39am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/14 "2008-06-07T03:39:26Z")
> [@SteveO](#): > > To take this even further I’d like to hear what you guys have done to increase your confidence. Share your techniques and what not and you might win… Copious amounts of MX102. 😃 Non-pheromonal, I’ve been using a combination of meditation, hypnosis (using an NLP swish pattern while in trance), and just good old fashioned stepping out of my comfort zone. It gets scary as all hell sometimes, but the high you get when things seem to go well in interacting with people is like nothing on earth. Especially if you don’t have a long history with that sort of thing. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Wrlprchnx](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wrlprchnx/32/1360_2.png) [@Wrlprchnx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wrlprchnx)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 6:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/15 "2008-07-22T18:25:57Z")
Personal philosophy here - based on experience growing from a less confident, geekier kinda guy to a guy who does have a little bit of strut in his stride **The cautionary tale states that wearing the mask of a thief/liar too long causes the wearer to become, essentially, just that… I am who I am, however I have aspirations to a higher person… perhaps by wearing the mask of that person I can transform myself just as the moral man can make himself a liar by wearing that mask… Ocasionally I am not who I aspire to be, the mask slips… transformation takes time - change of the self requires conflict within that which it hopes to change…** My best advice to making that personal transformation - bringing yourself to the point where there no longer is “a mask” is to constantly try and be conscious of what person you are currently being - the self-conscious guy or the guy who breaks out of his comfort zone and shows his confidence? If you are being the self-conscious guy… just stop. Force yourself (yeh Force!) to go talk to that girl who kinda, maybe, perhaps gave you that look from across the room - what is the worst that can happen? (She blows you off, oh well it was just practice for the next pretty girl!). Force yourself to go join that group of people you don’t know at the party - join their conversation even if you are scared - just force yourself. Eventually… if you keep forcing yourself to go DO SOMETHING whenever you feel that apprehensive feeling… I found it started to fade from a “Oh no, what is going to happen” to a “Oh Man, what is gonna happen!”. The most important part is to not give up if you fail, even if you fail a whole bunch. I do find that a drink or two sometimes helps at the start (but not too many!) ---
**Author:** ![MeDieViL](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/medievil/32/1650_2.png) [@MeDieViL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MeDieViL)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2008, 10:50pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/16 "2008-07-22T22:50:45Z")
do you fit the symptons os social anxiety disorder? plz look into that, if you have got that more is needed then just building confidence… ---
**Author:** ![denec](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/denec/32/1730_2.png) [@denec](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/denec)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2008, 2:31am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/confidence-my-goal-for-2008-inspired-by-derren-browns-speed-dating-episode/13354/17 "2008-07-23T02:31:04Z")
> [@Daedelus76](#): > > Eldros, I looked up some of those links… alot of reading to do. Looks interesting. (BTW, I should add you to my buddy list and save writing all these long posts). > > I’m not comfortable with the whole “neg” concept. I guess it takes alot of skill- I’ve tried it a few times on people (not women) and gotten mixed results. I don’t like the idea of insulting anybody, and I think if a woman were halfway intelligent, it could look really bad unless you were really good and the “backhand compliment” seemed neutral. I’m talking about older women here, not college-age/highschool. I’m the kind of person that likes giving sincere compliments, maybe that’s not a good thing. Maybe I need to read more of the PUA type stuff, I’m just not sure all that stuff is for me. Plus, I don’t like the “scam artist” feeling and I’d imagine women are the same way as well. I can now smell these people a mile away it seems, and I don’t like them. Negs are not meant to make girls feel insulted. They are meant to make the girl feel good about you. It sort of works in having complete confidence in yourself. When you think of yourself on a higher level then the girl, it is only natural that you wil neg her. The point that you are illustrating comes from the problem many PUA novices struggle with is how to deliver a neg. When negging is not understood, it is often delivered as a tactical insult. It comes down to how you neg her. If it is done playfully, she will love you for it. Why? Because you are are adjusting the balance of perceived social value between the two of you To neg her is to place yourself in a position of higher perceived social value than her. And girls are hardwired to feel attraction for men that are of higher social value than her. This is why negging works. It is a direct way to create attraction.