# Crossing a rift? **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [July 22, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516 "2006-07-22T04:58:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![mbakron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@mbakron](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mbakron)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/1 "2006-07-22T04:58:18Z")
I’m trying to use 'mones to help patch up a rift with an old friend. I used to be best friends with her now ex-husband. I think she has the feeling that I may be as dishonest and manipulative as he was. The trust is just not there anymore, even though I truly believe I deserve it. I think if I can just break through to her, I may be able to regain the friendship that we had before. (And who knows? Maybe more?) If it matters, she now has a young daughter to take care of. And my interactions with her will likely be in the presence of her mostly female family. I’m thinking that some A314, and maybe some IFM, would help do the trick. What do you folks think? I haven’t yet used any of these products, so I don’t fully understand them from the viewpoint of an experienced user. ---
**Author:** ![attractor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@attractor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/attractor)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 12:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/2 "2006-07-22T12:38:19Z")
If you do use A314, don’t use more than a drop as it can cause distancing in high amounts. I’d lean towards CTTM2, IS and IFM. Phermomones alone won’t change a relationship. I’d spend time visualizing and improved relationship. There a numerous books on the topic. ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 1:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/3 "2006-07-22T13:21:57Z")
She has made a reasonable association though … [Pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/) and emotion are one thing and clear headed logic is another… **you have to put yourself in her shoes** … if you and her ex-husband were best friends, would it not be logical to assume that you thought alike on some level ? Not that you shared any similarity with his negative traits, however even if you didn’t, and her experience with him was sufficiently bad, she may have formed strong generalizations about men, in general, or men from a certain way of life, or background, or just physical appearance… if you’ve been badly burned you don’t look at fire the same way ever again. ---
**Author:** ![mbakron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@mbakron](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mbakron)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 3:28pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/4 "2006-07-22T15:28:18Z")
That’s the thing… I USED to be a lot like him, but I’ve grown up a LOT. It’s like she closed me off, she’s afraid to truly communicate. I’m just looking to break through the wall of fear, anger, and misturst. I just want her to open up a little. ---
**Author:** ![Rbt](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/rbt/32/2066_2.png) [@Rbt](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rbt)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 5:41pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/5 "2006-07-22T17:41:54Z")
Actions speak louder than words or pheromones. And it’s gonna take time. Lotsa time. The change has to come in them, and it has to come from the inside. If it can break through at all. Peole can go to their grave before they can let go of something. Sad, but true. I have seen so many who end up living a life of regret, not realizing the wrong turns they made until it was too late, if they ever realize it, or admit to it, at all. You see a lot over 50 years that you just don’t see early on. ---
**Author:** ![mbakron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8dc957/32.png) [@mbakron](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mbakron)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2006, 11:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/6 "2006-07-22T23:56:15Z")
I realize that 'mones won’t fix this. I was just hoping for something that would give a “push” in the right direction. Or maybe just make it a little easier. But I guess these won’t help. But knowing that 'mones won’t help, I could use some advice. I do know that on some level, she trusts me. And I think in her mind, she knows I’m not like her ex. But her emotions are clouding the way. I know that I can’t change her, but I can change and improve myself. Do you know of any way that a person can change himself to make it more clear and obvious who he truly is, and what he truly wants? I often think that people misjudge my intentions and honesty. (Maybe that just comes with being human.) So I’d like to make it more clear who I really am. What do you think could help in that? (Of course I know that you don’t know me, but throw out some ideas, please!) ---
**Author:** ![Socrates](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Socrates](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Socrates)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2006, 5:44am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/7 "2006-07-23T05:44:38Z")
I agree with most of the posters here regarding pheromones alone not being enough. However if you were to go the root of mones, I would recommend IFM and IH. The Beta-Nol in [Instant Honesty](https://a314.com/product/instant-honesty/) (IH) may allow you to have deep conversations on personal issues, while the IFM will probably make her feel very comfortable around you. If you are feeling too ‘weak’ with this combo and want some kind of solid, masculine presence, add in some A314 (be careful as this can cause distancing at high dosages) as this can help with showing that you are a man with integrity, and you are reliable and trustworthy. I would also cycle my mone usage so she doesn’t get too used to your signature (ie. don’t use the same combo around her every time). Do that and what all the posters have said and that’s about all you can do. She may never trust you though that’s just the way it is sometimes. You cannot change how people think! Visionary ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2006, 7:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/8 "2006-07-23T07:27:58Z")
IH. IFM. Mainly IH. That stuff is not just instant honesty - it can help promote intimacy as well. Might also want to try Liquid Trust. Just don’t overdo that one. ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2006, 9:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/crossing-a-rift/516/9 "2006-07-24T21:25:56Z")
I don’t think it’s an issue of her “not trusting you” so much as her “associating” you and her Ex. She sees you and associates you with him and any bad memories she may have.