# Guys, I need some dating advice (somewhat phero related) **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [April 26, 2008, 5:49am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825 "2008-04-26T05:49:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Pheraoh](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/pheraoh/32/857_2.png) [@Pheraoh](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Pheraoh)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 10:57am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/21 "2008-04-28T10:57:11Z")
> [@mark-in-dallas](#): > > Tisha’s suggestion about asking her straight out about the pother guy is the perfect lead-in to you asking her out, if she says she is not with the other guy. To further upon Tisha’s and Mark’s advice, be sure to wear a few sprays of IH prior to asking. ---
**Author:** ![ponderu](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ponderu/32/465_2.png) [@ponderu](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ponderu)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 2:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/22 "2008-04-29T02:03:34Z")
Data4 I am really not sure I would start off with telling her she lied to you. Asking her again if it was true would be ok because she was drinking. An accusation however usually does not make them open to being ask out a sentence later IMO. Ponderu ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 6:45am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/23 "2008-04-29T06:45:25Z")
Oh, I would have done it all playfully. Tongue-in-cheek, like it’s not that big a deal, and then really exaggerating the who “Gee, I dunno if I can trust you” part. I guess I didn’t make that clear enough. At any rate, gonna have to wait til tomorrow. She wasn’t in today. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 6:54am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/24 "2008-04-29T06:54:31Z")
D4, I think I would approach it a little differently. I’d find some way to mention the weird way things turned out that night without implying she was trying to hide something from me. Maybe something like, hey, did you have a good time on friday? I wanted to hang out with you some more but you kinda just disappeared. That gives her a chance to explain without being defensive. Also, it assumes that you two are close and that the two of you enjoy hanging out together. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 7:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/25 "2008-04-29T07:14:39Z")
Hmm… you make a good point. I was focussing more on the negging and making her qualify aspect. It’s something I can get away with because we do know eachother enough to be able to banter playfully, however your suggestion does sound like a safer direction. Thanks, I think I’ll do that instead. Besides… I omitted a detail when I first told the story of Friday that I didn’t think was important, until a friend of mine at work pointed it out. My shift lead, who was with us, is a woman. Very cool person. Sort of like that cool mom who won’t hesitate to bust your balls in front of your friends, but lets you get away with more than most kids. Anyway, she’s drunker than hell, and when we were sitting down in the restaurant waiting for our food, she looks over at me and says “So, Jon… I understand you and your ex wife are still having sex…” You can IMAGINE how small I felt. I was taking a sip from my beer at the time and it almost became nose spray. I don’t even know where she got that information from, but it was totally from out of left field at the time. So I’m telling this guy at work about what happened and he said “Maybe she was trying to cockblock you away from Sarah.” I never thought about it that way. Maybe I was telegraphing too much and she was feeling protective. Who knows? I thought it was interesting because that would have never occurred to me. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 8:08am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/26 "2008-04-29T08:08:56Z")
Hmm..well she could have just been trying to strike up conversation. Maybe it meant she was curious about how good you are in bed since you are still having sex with your ex after divorcing. Or..maybe she likes to shock people. 😛 That one’s a little hard to read into unless I know more about her relationship with Sarah, as well as her temperament. Sometimes things can be telegraphed but interpreted incorrectly. I used to go out to lunch with a co-worker of mine every day. I had always sensed a bit of sexual tension, but I never followed up on it because..well she wasn’t that cute, and actually wasn’t that interesting. But she was the youngest, so I could relate to her better than anyone else. Anyways, she ended up acting in a manner that completely turned me off, so I just stopped talking to her altogether. My boss asked if there was some romantic involvement because they felt that there was. I admitted sensing some sort of romantic interest from her, but assured her that it never actually developed into a romantic relationship. Most our ‘little secrets’ were ways of cutting down our workloads 😛. I’m glad my suggestion was helpful. The suggested tactic also has a hidden advantage. If the other guy was rude to her or behaved in a manner that she didn’t really like, you’re giving her a chance to bitch about him to you. Which then translates to other guy = dick, you in comparison = fun. Essentially, the two of you band together because of a common enemy. Which means more time for the two of you to spend alone. 😃 Good luck and let us know how it goes! ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 7:24am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/27 "2008-04-30T07:24:49Z")
Interesting day today. Very interesting. I arrived at work the usual 30 minutes early, and I walk over to the smoking plaza to have a post-survive-I-5-construction-mayhem cigarette, when I hear “Hey you!” over by the dumpsters. It’s Sarah taking her trash out, so I meander over and we exchange pleasantries for a moment. She has to get back in, so I linger outside for a bit, then go in as well. I walked into one of the main work areas to see what was going on and saw Sarah at one of the computers, so I drift over. She shows me some goofy chain email she got sent that was a Do’s and Don’ts when Out Drinking list. We had a chuckle over a couple of things we were guilty of, which was the perfect segue into me saying “So, what happened Friday? I didn’t get the chance to say good-bye.” She told me she got “put to sleep” because she had a little too much to drink. I said “Well, at least you could leave the driving to your boyfriend. I had to pace myself, since I drove myself.” She immediately gave me a cocked “Huh?” look. “Jerry? I told you we were just friends and car-pool together.” She wasn’t as defensive as that sounds, based on her tone of voice. It was all just conversational. I replied with “Ah… guess you guys have everyone fooled then. Besides, I don’t know for certain, but I have a sneaky suspicion he was trying to cockblock me at the bar.” She laughed. “No, we’re not dating… I don’t know why he’d act like that.” I chalked it up to maybe he was concerned about her as a friend and didn’t want her to do something stupid while drunk. Of course, I think I know what’s going on now. She sees him as a friend, he sees her as a possible girlfriend but hasn’t yet outright asked. Meanwhile, he’s still gonna be jealous because anything I do might close the door on him before he has a chance. So… I’m expecting him to formally ask her out. I’m also expecting her to give him the LJBF response. I dunno… just one of those gut feelings I get that are rarely wrong (like knowing she was at the casino in the first place.) I should also mention that the whole time we were talking, she was extremely bright and animated. All smiling, sparkling eyes and just extremely positive. Here’s what I was wearing, and forgive me Jasmin for being waaaay light on the Androtics products. My stimulus check has your name written all over it. 😉 -Issey Miyake Intense/ NPA 5:1 mix + 1 part MX269 amplifier sprayed once to the back of the neck. -Scent of Eros behind ears and about 4" on each side of my jawline, plus about 4" on each wrist. -1/2 of a Perception gel pack that I got as a sample from Ye Olde Other Site. It doesn’t have many good reviews, but I figured I’d give it a whirl. I rubbed it around my neck, spreading down to my chest. -Finally, a “standard” cover of Issey Miyake intense of one spray each on either side of the neck, and one shared on the wrists. My ex made a comment about how I smelled. In fact, she said “Smells like you’re looking to get laid.” Thought that was hilarious. I’ll update as things turn out. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 6:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/28 "2008-05-01T06:19:35Z")
D4, it sounds like things are going smoothly for you! Now that you know what the situation is, what position each player is in, take action. You know he’s about to formally ask her out? It doesn’t matter if you think she’ll give him the LJBF. If you’re right, then great, but if you’re wrong, you’re SOL. So, beat the guy to the punch. Step up for what you want, make him back down. ---
**Author:** ![Godhand](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/godhand/32/2378_2.png) [@Godhand](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Godhand)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 6:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/29 "2008-05-01T18:56:02Z")
> [@data4](#): > > Okay, back to the story. So after a little while, she gets up to go to the restroom, and then comes back reeking of perfume. She explained that while she was in there, some lady was freshening up, and that it was the same perfume she wore. She told the lady, who took that as an invitation to douse her. Doh! > > We went back into the bar to join the group, and Sarah started complaining that the smell was way too strong, and mixed with the several beers she had, it was making her ill. I told her to go outside and walk around, since the weather was nice and it was pretty breezy. She said she was afraid she wouldn’t make it back in, so I offered to walk out there with her. This is when I noticed the first red flag. She agreed to go and took my arm, announcing “Jon’s gonna take me for a walk. If we’re not back in 10 minutes, call security.” When she did, that other guy kinda shot me a nasty look. > > Hmm… Fuck it. We went out anyway. Small talk continued, generally about perfume since that seemed to be the… er… overbearing topic at the moment. I mentioned that I was trying something new, and she was all “Yeah, I noticed that the other day. What is it? It smells good.” “Issey Miyake,” I told her. Then, she randomly shifted to how when she takes a shower, she likes to rub baby oil all over her body before toweling off. I so didn’t need to hear that! Mental pictures were clicking off like crazy. > > Ahem… > > So we head back in, and sat at the bar with the others. I took a seat beside Sarah, but not RIGHT beside her. There was a gap at least big enough for another stool between us. That’s when the other guy decided to AMOG me by standing between Sarah and I with his back to me. Now, I found myself in a precarious position, as these are people that either work with me or at the same place on a different shift with me. Had this been a regular bar scene, I would have done something to counter the AMOG routine. Instead, I just casually stood up and found a gap in the “conversational circle” that had formed and joined in on the casual bullshitting that was going on back and forth. > > We all decided to head over to one of the restaurants inside the casino, and when we were sitting down, I purposely avoided sitting beside Sarah. This was to avoid seeming needy, and I wanted to calibrate the situation a little better with this other guy. Sure enough, he sat right beside her and rested his arm on the back of her chair. At this point, I let my pursuit end, and planned to just observe their interactions while basically hanging out and having a good time. About half-way through the meal, Sarah was acting kinda goofy from being drunk, and the other guy told her “Come on, we need to talk.” They left the table, and that’s when my team leader said to everyone “You guys know they’re seeing eachother, right?” Seems no one else knew it either. > > So here is my dilemma. Does Sarah not see their relationship as anything more than friends, or was she trying to keep it low key when I asked, for fear of a work-wide scandal? I don’t know how to answer this myself, as I was getting signals of some sort from her. I know that alcohol affects behavior, but as I mentioned earlier, it’s more of a truth serum than anything else. I wonder if they really are dating, but she’s not to happy with the arrangement, or if he’s the one misinterpreting things. > > Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to talk with her again tonight, because he came back alone and said she wanted to pass out in the car. We finished eating about 20 minutes later, and pretty much dispersed after that. > > Now, Eldros, I wanted to acknowledge your reply. Those are some good tips for an actual date and I’ll keep them in mind. I haven’t even gotten to that point, and as you can see, I have a bit of a hurdle to overcome. > > -D4 The problem that I see is that you lack ruthlessness. That other guy was a hopeful, not a legitimate claim-holder. You should have cut his throat (figuratively). When you engage a target, follow through methodically regardless of any obstacles and/or distractions. She sent you mad signals to make your move. Each time that you hesitate or don’t pick up on her signals, she takes that as you either being scared or uninterested. She allowed you to isolate her away from the group several times and you wasted it with small talk. You should have launched into something that engaged her emotions. Also, backing away from her at the table was a bad move on your part. She may have read that as you losing interest in her or not having the balls to execute your end game. Stop second-guessing, live in the moment, and put your bid in. If I had been there, y’all would have been bantering at the dinner table, while I’d be out in the car with my dick in her mouth. She’s just a woman. Don’t put her on a pedestal. She eats, sleeps, and shits just like everybody else. Next time, just go and put your bid in. Its so easy. Just ask her out for coffee sometime. Its that easy. And here is a tip…the other guy is irrelevant if he has no acknowledged claim. Your real opponent is your own self-defeat. Chances are, he was just a trick that she was using for transportation and/or money. Next time, seize the day… ---
**Author:** ![Godhand](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/godhand/32/2378_2.png) [@Godhand](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Godhand)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 7:04pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/30 "2008-05-01T19:04:26Z")
> [@data4](#): > > Interesting day today. Very interesting. I arrived at work the usual 30 minutes early, and I walk over to the smoking plaza to have a post-survive-I-5-construction-mayhem cigarette, when I hear “Hey you!” over by the dumpsters. It’s Sarah taking her trash out, so I meander over and we exchange pleasantries for a moment. She has to get back in, so I linger outside for a bit, then go in as well. > > I walked into one of the main work areas to see what was going on and saw Sarah at one of the computers, so I drift over. She shows me some goofy chain email she got sent that was a Do’s and Don’ts when Out Drinking list. We had a chuckle over a couple of things we were guilty of, which was the perfect segue into me saying “So, what happened Friday? I didn’t get the chance to say good-bye.” She told me she got “put to sleep” because she had a little too much to drink. > > I said “Well, at least you could leave the driving to your boyfriend. I had to pace myself, since I drove myself.” She immediately gave me a cocked “Huh?” look. “Jerry? I told you we were just friends and car-pool together.” She wasn’t as defensive as that sounds, based on her tone of voice. It was all just conversational. I replied with “Ah… guess you guys have everyone fooled then. Besides, I don’t know for certain, but I have a sneaky suspicion he was trying to cockblock me at the bar.” She laughed. “No, we’re not dating… I don’t know why he’d act like that.” I chalked it up to maybe he was concerned about her as a friend and didn’t want her to do something stupid while drunk. > > Of course, I think I know what’s going on now. She sees him as a friend, he sees her as a possible girlfriend but hasn’t yet outright asked. Meanwhile, he’s still gonna be jealous because anything I do might close the door on him before he has a chance. So… I’m expecting him to formally ask her out. I’m also expecting her to give him the LJBF response. I dunno… just one of those gut feelings I get that are rarely wrong (like knowing she was at the casino in the first place.) > > I should also mention that the whole time we were talking, she was extremely bright and animated. All smiling, sparkling eyes and just extremely positive. Here’s what I was wearing, and forgive me Jasmin for being waaaay light on the Androtics products. My stimulus check has your name written all over it. 😉 > > -Issey Miyake Intense/ NPA 5:1 mix + 1 part MX269 amplifier sprayed once to the back of the neck. > -Scent of Eros behind ears and about 4" on each side of my jawline, plus about 4" on each wrist. > -1/2 of a Perception gel pack that I got as a sample from Ye Olde Other Site. It doesn’t have many good reviews, but I figured I’d give it a whirl. I rubbed it around my neck, spreading down to my chest. > -Finally, a “standard” cover of Issey Miyake intense of one spray each on either side of the neck, and one shared on the wrists. > > My ex made a comment about how I smelled. In fact, she said “Smells like you’re looking to get laid.” Thought that was hilarious. I’ll update as things turn out. > > -D4 You should preempt the other guy’s bid. She has already labeled him a non-factor. Treat him as such and put your bid in. There is no way of getting around making a bold move. Don’t waste time trying to weasle your way in. Go direct. ---
**Author:** ![ponderu](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ponderu/32/465_2.png) [@ponderu](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ponderu)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 3:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/31 "2008-05-03T03:00:41Z")
> [@Godhand](#): > > You should preempt the other guy’s bid. She has already labeled him a non-factor. Treat him as such and put your bid in. There is no way of getting around making a bold move. Don’t waste time trying to weasle your way in. Go direct. I have to agree, step up and ask her out. You might not get another chance if you don’t. From what I am seeing she has already said yes you just have not asked the question. Get Hot! Go Ask! Ponderu ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2008, 11:49am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/32 "2008-05-03T11:49:46Z")
Godhand, Ponderu… You guys have inspired me. Come hell, high water, traffic congestion, squeaky voice, or terminal brain cancer, I will ask her out Monday for a weekend date. There, it’s in print. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 6:54am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/33 "2008-05-06T06:54:10Z")
Just to update, she wasn’t at work today. Maybe tomorrow. _fingers crossed_ -D4 ---
**Author:** ![ponderu](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ponderu/32/465_2.png) [@ponderu](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ponderu)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 7:31am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/34 "2008-05-06T07:31:54Z")
Hmmm not at work.. maybe you should have swung by her house… no stalling now… were watching you… Ponderu ---
**Author:** ![flaming](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/flaming/32/212_2.png) [@flaming](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/flaming)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2008, 1:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/35 "2008-05-06T13:26:10Z")
Now the anticipation is building…Claim her Data ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 10:29am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/36 "2008-05-07T10:29:24Z")
ARRRGH! Was talking to her for something like 30 seconds before an engineer came up and took her attention away from me and on the project she was working on. He pretty much held her hostage until I had to go for the pre-shift meeting I was already late for. And to top things off, I now have to schedule surgery to repair a hernia I made worse this afternoon out of sheer stupidity. I had to leave work early and spend 5 hours in the ER. Today was an _ **extremely shitty** _ day… -D4 ---
**Author:** ![ponderu](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ponderu/32/465_2.png) [@ponderu](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ponderu)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2008, 4:11pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/37 "2008-05-07T16:11:51Z")
Ouch… your not having your best day ever. Though it does present an opportunity… you could call her and ask her to bring you something… a snickers bar.. anything.. that would give you alone time to talk to her without interuptions and her maternal instincts would be in effect because you hurt yourself.. Ponderu ---
**Author:** ![flaming](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/flaming/32/212_2.png) [@flaming](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/flaming)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 3:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/38 "2008-05-08T03:27:29Z")
very clever Ponderu 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 7:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/39 "2008-05-08T07:14:44Z")
This is getting a bit interesting. She wasn’t at work when I got there today. She had left early. There is a coincidence here that’s happened at least twice before that I’m not ready to go into detail about, but I will eventually. In fact, it’s turning me from a skeptic to a believer with regard to this secret something. Hmm… must do more research… In other news, I’m not allowed to lift anything heavier than a pen or pencil at work. Makes for a long, boring day. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825/40 "2008-05-08T19:49:45Z")
D4, sounds like you’re having a couple setbacks. Don’t worry, keep your chin up, eyes forward and get what you’re after! [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825.md?page=1) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-i-need-some-dating-advice-somewhat-phero-related/11825.md?page=3)