# Guys, why do the guys I date always want me to come to them and never plan a date? **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [December 13, 2007, 6:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378 "2007-12-13T18:49:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:51am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/21 "2007-12-14T05:51:07Z")
Thanks for the rep point BB! ---
**Author:** ![bubblyblonde](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bubblyblonde/32/491_2.png) [@bubblyblonde](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bubblyblonde)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 5:55am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/22 "2007-12-14T05:55:27Z")
You’re very welcome bella… and thanks Barkuti for your advice 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [December 14, 2007, 9:04am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/23 "2007-12-14T09:04:23Z")
Wow even better. Felicity’s driven the point home. Reps for that! ---
**Author:** ![Mohammad\_Shah](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mohammad_shah/32/873_2.png) [@Mohammad\_Shah](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mohammad_Shah)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2007, 4:10am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/24 "2007-12-15T04:10:53Z")
…and I can’t give any better advice than what have been given here.🙂 You people are really great! I will be on leave from next week till next year…thinking of bringing someone home too.😃 ---
**Author:** ![phenix.black](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phenix.black/32/2462_2.png) [@phenix.black](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/phenix.black)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2007, 10:57am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/25 "2007-12-23T10:57:06Z")
first off its not a secret we tell the lesbians they need the help lol j/k dont make someone ur priority if ur there option ---
**Author:** ![MarkL](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/markl/32/825_2.png) [@MarkL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MarkL)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2007, 12:04pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/26 "2007-12-23T12:04:53Z")
> [@bubblyblonde](#): > > \ > … don’t have a problem meeting guys. The problem is, they never want to come to me, they always want me to come hang out at their place and never come up with a specific plan for a date. Most of the time, they want to cook dinner for me and watch a movie at home. Don’t get me wrong this is great, but a girl also likes to go out, even if it’s just for a cup of coffee. Another thing, 2 of the guys live over an hour from me … > \ Before I get hypothetical, can I ask a few probing questions? I’m trying to shed some light, not be a jerk, so if I ask something that seems … impertinent … I’m just trying to avoid being wordy: - If you don’t have a problem meeting guys, why are you meeting guys who live an hour or two away from where you live? Why not focus on meeting guys in a local venue closer to where you live? - Where do you live? Is it at the edge of the stockyards? Do you live with your parents, or a roommate who is obnoxious? Is your place hygenic? Does the address inspire visions of “geographically desirable” or is it more like “Thirteen Emo Lane”? - Perhaps you work in an “edge city” … and the guys you meet live out in the burbs while you live downtown … or vice versa. Compare the “hang out” possibilities near you and near them, and which wins in terms of attractiveness? Maybe they want you to come to them because you, in comparison, live in an entertainment desert, and if they visit your place they will feel like there are no options … even if they never need to use the options. First, I guess I’m pushing a “self-analysis” before trying to guess these guys’ motivations. If you find some objective evidence that explains why guys seem reluctant to come to your place, then you can choose to address that, or not. Second, I’d just ask, flat out, not accusatory: _“I’m curious to know why (it seems) you’d rather have me drive out here to your place.”_ If you ask this question without feeling defensive, you could get candid feedback and save yourself a lot of shenanigans playing games pretending how busy you are, and possibly shooting yourself in the foot. Finally, I also wonder if it’s a matter of getting these guys to just “try” your place out as a meeting spot. My suggestion: you have a couple of weeks window with the holidays. Pick a day … and have an “open house” at your place – serving snacks and bevs from say … noon to 6pm. Tell your guys you expect them to drop by even if they don’t stay long because “I enjoy being a mystery woman but I also want you to have a sense of where and how I live.” And that might be the crux of it. Seeing your girlfriend’s underwear drawer and where she puts the loofah and what upholstery is on the couch creates a kind of intimate knowledge. And perhaps there’s some desire to avoid such intimate knowledge – which could be phobic, or immature, a tactic or a strategy. I think there are a lot of possibilities to consider, and it’s not possible to consider all of them at once. As another forum member said, in the meantime, let yourself enjoy your relationships, each for what it is. ---
**Author:** ![MarkL](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/markl/32/825_2.png) [@MarkL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MarkL)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2007, 5:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/27 "2007-12-29T05:06:40Z")
Judging from the response to my previous post, it seems I’ve farted in church … or perhaps used the holy water font as an ashtray. Apologies if I offended. ---
**Author:** ![tweach1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@tweach1](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tweach1)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2007, 10:37am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/28 "2007-12-29T10:37:49Z")
Bubblyblonde your avatar strangely turns me on, if your like that in real life that’ll get the guys! ---
**Author:** ![phenix.black](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phenix.black/32/2462_2.png) [@phenix.black](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/phenix.black)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2007, 10:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/29 "2007-12-29T10:56:48Z")
hehehe ya her lil cartoon is cute lol ---
**Author:** ![bubblyblonde](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bubblyblonde/32/491_2.png) [@bubblyblonde](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bubblyblonde)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2007, 5:08pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/30 "2007-12-29T17:08:02Z")
I’ve been taking all the advice given here and between work, dating and holidays, I haven’t even had time to write about all the hits I’m getting 😃 I live in a small town and either everyone here is married or a drunk… lol So, when I am out and meeting people they are usually from out of town. I believe a true gentleman does not ask a woman to drive and offers to come pick her up even if she declines… I know that this isn’t always possible, but, should be the norm rather than the exception. As to where I live, I have a nice house, in one of the more desirable parts of WA state along the Columbia River and am neighbors with 3 NFL players. So, my location and house aren’t much of an issue, however it is 20 minutes out of town. I do live alone so roommates or parents aren’t a problem. The problem is I’m just too damned nice and go with the flow. So after the advice given here I’ve stepped things up and it’s worked out quite nicely 😃 Thank you everybody for all your advice and help… it’s really working!🙂 I can’t say I’m exactly like the avatar, maybe a little more sweet and innocent than that. Maybe I’ll post my pic on my profile for the day, but I’d die if anybody I know saw it!!! 😃 lol ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2007, 12:41am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/31 "2007-12-30T00:41:18Z")
> [@MarkL](#): > > Judging from the response to my previous post, it seems I’ve farted in church … or perhaps used the holy water font as an ashtray. > > Apologies if I offended. I tried to + rep you but I couldn’t without spreading it around first… Thought it was classic MarkL - direct and super helpful. PQ ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2007, 12:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378/32 "2007-12-30T00:47:29Z")
> [@PheroQuirk](#): > > I tried to + rep you but I couldn’t without spreading it around first… Thought it was classic MarkL - direct and super helpful. PQ That’s ok pheroquick, I’ll rep him for you, for both the great advice, and for making me laugh. [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/guys-why-do-the-guys-i-date-always-want-me-to-come-to-them-and-never-plan-a-date/7378.md?page=1)