# Hello from England - First time user with lots of questions! **URL:** \ **Category:** Introductions - New Users, Say "Hello"!\ **Created:** [January 26, 2009, 9:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386 "2009-01-26T21:38:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![imace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@imace22](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/imace22)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 9:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/1 "2009-01-26T21:38:18Z")
Hi everyone, Im a 23 year old male from England, UK. I came across this website after doing a general search on Google about [Pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/). I have considered in the past, buying something and giving it a go but have never really followed through with my interest long enough to actually make a purchase, mainly because I had doubts about it, thinking it was probably one big gimmick. However, since taking a week or so to browse through the forums, I have heard nothing but good responses from people (apart from the sometimes negative effects of OD, but that’s something you have to work out for yourself with some experimentation I spose). So I have ordered some Turn Up The Heat – which people may advise is a wrong choice for what I want to use it for (explained below), but I like the sound of its effects lol. The reason I started looking at Pheromones again is due to a situation I have found myself in where I need an invisible ‘force’ to hopefully push things further forward in the right direction. I will try to keep as much unnecessary detail out of it to start with as I can, and probably will go into typing overload and end up with a massive essay within no time at all! So….. I am in a position where I have become very good friends with a young lady (aged 21) who I met on a dating agency a few months back, but nothing ever happened, due to events in her life which meant she wanted to put things ‘on hold’ (in her words) and be ‘just friends’ before we managed to properly got to know each other. The ‘events in her life’ I am referring to is in the form of her ex-boyfriend. Basically at the time we hooked up on the dating agency, she was single (recently split with her bf of 6 months ish after he cheated on her). She said to me at the time she wanted things ‘on hold’ (not in as many words though!), that she had to choose between giving things another go with her ex, or carrying things on with me. Anyway, needless to say, she chose him, which is understandable considering she hadn’t really got to know me at the time she had to choose between us. Since being ‘on hold’, we remained being friends and got on REALLY well to the point that we feel like we are friends who have known each other for years – we sort of clicked, if that makes sense? During the time spent with each other, we have been getting closer and she has been opening up to me about her boyfriend. Basically, without all the details, to sum him up, he has very rarely been affectionate, caring, loving, doesn’t want to do hardly anything for her, and generally does all the receiving but gives nothing. So she has been a bit run down by his attitude towards her and also feels that since they got back together again, her love for him has taken a dent (understandable given the hurt she went through), but I can tell, its still strong! I think what she means is, she is less tolerant towards him now. She has laid her thoughts down to him numerous times saying that he needs to buck his ideas up and start showing love towards her etc, but no changes on his part at this stage. Anyway, this has been going on since the Christmas break really (i.e me getting closer and closer to her, and her boyfriend continuing to aggravate her with his personality / attitude towards her). I have stayed at her place a few times with her, and, we share the same bed (which means nothing if you are ‘just friends’), and the first few times I stayed, she kept to her side of the bed and I kept to mine. Neither of us are the sort of people who would cheat on our partners, so I wasn’t expecting her to try anything on , and I had no intention on doing anything either (by the way, the reason I stay over at hers is because there is a reasonable distance between me and her). However, over the past week or two, she has started holding my hand in public, cuddling up to me in bed, and as of the last time I stayed over, she was starting to touch her legs on mine while she was cuddling me in bed. I know this is not shocking or ground breaking stuff lol, but for a ‘just friends’ relationship, when she has a boyfriend, it seems strange! By the way, I have ALWAYS ‘kept to my side of the bed’ if you know what I mean, and I don’t return any physical stuff, like cuddle her back, I let her do all the physical stuff because I don’t want her accusing me of trying stuff on with her. She told me the other night that she almost kissed me earlier that evening and if she did, would I kiss back. I said yes I would kiss back but I would feel bad for doing it, given the circumstances, she said she would have felt bad too. She has also asked me on a completely separate occasion that if she wasn’t with her boyfriend, would I? (i.e would I have sex etc). I said, to be 100% honest with you, yes, I wouldn’t think twice. It is worth noting that, before she started getting physical, I did tell her how I felt towards her, that I had fallen in love with her etc. And she told me she has strong feelings for me too, but she felt she had to give her boyfriend a ‘proper chance’ or else all the hurt she went through when they split last time would be wasted, and also, another thing she has said more than once (and inferred many times) is that she doesn’t think they will last long together. She also said that if she didn’t give him a chance, and see it through, then she would feel resentment towards me, if me and her didn’t work out – which is completely fair enough and understandable – she is standing by the decision she made to give him another chance as opposed to taking things further with me. Oh the other thing she said was, I didn’t need to tell her my feelings towards her, she already knew (i.e she felt it / noticed it), which I think is a very good thing! So, by the end of last week, I was feeling as though she was closer to me than she had ever been, and was slipping further away from her boyfriend. I don’t want that to come across as me trying to pull her away from him – I am just ‘being me’ around her, she likes me, and likes spending time with me; im not trying anything on with her etc, the only thing is, she knows my feelings towards her and that I love her, so for her, I am an open door waiting for her to take the step inside. Anyway, after spending a whole weekend with her, I dropped her at her boyfriends in the evening. I spoke to her the next morning and she said that he was calling her someone else’s name in his sleep. Now, it’s worth knowing that, in addition to him cheating on her before, she has also been very suspicious since they have been back together. Apparently he lies about where he is during the evening and his sex drive has diminished to practically zero (whereas before they split, it was VERY high). Bearing in mind I only know her side to the story because I have never met her boyfriend, but by the way she talks openly to me, I know she is telling the truth. Well, she was very upset and hurt about the name in the sleep instance and was telling me how she feels. She told me that when she asked him about it in the morning, he looked her into her eyes and promised her there is no one else and that he loves her. Now, I don’t like giving my opinion on her relationship with him because im not in the best position to give an un-biased judgment. She knows that, but she still tells me anyway, so I basically told her that I don’t know him, I have never met him, but I do know liars and cheats very well (my ex was exactly the same as her boyfriend appears to be). I said to her I am being completely un-biased when I say this but from my experience, liars and cheats don’t care about the consequences of anything they say, in that, they will say whatever it takes to keep you sweet. So, for him, looking her in the eyes like that and saying what he said doesn’t mean anything to him – its no skin off his nose! When I told her that, she said I know you are right, but he has a strong hold on me and I don’t know why. Well, I said its called love. She said that she was going to lay the facts down and demand the truth when he got home from work that evening. I spoke to her later that evening and she said, he promised her there is no one else and they ‘had a big chat’. So, finally, the history is out of the way and I am getting back on topic, slowly but surely! Firstly, any relationship advice / opinion on my specific situation would be appreciated, although I think I know what my next step needs to be…. Secondly, when I am around her, what would you recommend I wear, to bring her even closer to me, making her feel like she just HAS to be with me no matter what? Lol – I don’t expect there is anything that can do that lol! Oh, and on the topic of Pheromones / Cologne…. I don’t know if many of you have heard of this Eau de Toilette, its called Issey Miyake? Well that’s what I normally wear. I wear it everyday, to work, going out; and normally, before I go to see this girl, I shower, so I have a fresh ‘application’ of it on me just before I meet her. Well, she said that she LOVES the smell of it, which is one of the reasons I bought it because I heard lots of girls like it. However, she has mentioned an Eau de Toilette that she ADORES. So, what I thought was, I will order this one she mentioned as she is familiar with the smell of it, and I will use the Turn Up The Heat spray with it, the first time I use it, otherwise, just adding a Pheromone to my normal ‘smell’ may shock her subconsciously (from what I have read on here that seems to be the case?). The thing is, it will be the first EVER time I have used any form of Pheromones, and I wont have time or be in the correct situation’s to experiment with it before I use it around this girl. So, if there is any advice on where to apply it, how much (given my circumstances) and what order to put it all on and whether it can be applied at the same place as the pheromone? Questions questions questions lol, you can tell im a newbie! The effect I want to have on her is to get her to the point where she will do ANYTHING to be with me. I.e enhance my presence around her so she misses more when I am not around, and sees a bigger difference between me and her boyfriend. I know Pheromones on their own will not achieve this, but as you can tell from reading this thread, I am already pressing all the right buttons with her (I think!!!) by the reactions I am getting from her, I just want that bit extra – sort of like a sting in my tail lol I am weary that this thread is starting to sound like ‘how to use Pheromones to steal someone’s girlfriend’, but its not how I want it to come across, its not my intention if that is how it sounds – I could go into a lot more detail which would make the situation clearer, but I don’t think more detail is needed for the purpose of my questions, plus this thread already is an essay (I told you I can get carried away typing!)! Thanks for your help /advice in advance, and I hope I will be able to report on here soon that everything has worked out! ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 9:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/2 "2009-01-26T21:47:05Z")
Hi imace, quite an introduction! First things first, pheromones or no, if she wants to be with him, there is nothing you can do to change that. Pheros can only enhance what is there, they do not have the power to change the human consciousness. However, if you want her to feel closer to you, concentrate on the social pheromones, not the sexual ones. If you start using TUTH around this girl, you are more likely to scare her away for good than attract her. I would suggest Instant Shine and [Instant Female Magic](https://a314.com/product/instant-female-magic/), the Shine will make you look and feel a million dollars, the IFM will help her to relax and be comfortable around you. Bear in mind that this girl bared her soul to you, she probably feels vulnerable and a little scared that you might say something untoward. Help her relax and trust you, if the boyfriend then does disappear, she might turn to you but for God’s sake, don’t rush her! ---
**Author:** ![imace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@imace22](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/imace22)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 9:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/3 "2009-01-26T21:54:08Z")
I drafted the above essay out last week while i was waiting for my account to be activated, so, i had to use my limited knowledge without having the chance of getting any advice on here first. With my order of TUTH, i was provided with a sample / tester of Spaceland. Im not really sure about Spaceland - it certainly has a strong smell which takes about 45 mins to disappear. Anyway, i decided to use 1 spray of TUTH on my chest (although it was 2 half sprays because it was the first time i had used the spray so the first couple of sprays were not full sprays), and i used 2 sprays of Spaceland on my wrists (rubbed wrists together, so 2 sprays in total, not on each wrist). Im not too sure what Spaceland is supposed to do but i notice it does say not to wear it if you are going to be driving - well i had to drive to pick this girl (mentioned above) up from work - and i did feel pretty ‘spaced out’ lol. Anyway, on the way back to her place she was certainly more giggly than usual. When she got in closer proximity of me later that evening, she commented on how good i smelt and proceeded to bury her head in my chest, sniffing away lol. She said im going to sleep with your t-shirt tonight lol. Later that night we were sooooo close to kissing - our eyes sort of locked together just as we finished talking, but she resisted (remaining loyal to her bf!). When we went to bed, she said, why do you wear a t-shirt in bed? I said well it is uncomfortable, and she said, well take it off then. So i started to take it off and she took over and pulled it off me lol. Up to this night, she had always insisted i wear a t-shirt to bed lol!!! Im not 100% convinced it was the TUTH taking its toll on her, but looking back at it, it certainly seems to explain her actions that evening! ---
**Author:** ![jamesbonded](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jamesbonded/32/2090_2.png) [@jamesbonded](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jamesbonded)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/4 "2009-01-26T21:56:35Z")
hi there, welcome to the forum. nice long introduction. i recommend ifm and tuth. ifm will make intimate with you. she will be comforable and relax besid you. tuth is good to sexually arouse her. this can bring the relationship to another level. pheromones aside, you got to ask her to make a decision. what is the meanong of ‘on-hold’ relationship. she got to be fair to you. is she treatong you as a spare tyre ow? you were waiting for her to be physical on bed. i think she was waiting for you to make the move. anyway, good luck ---
**Author:** ![imace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@imace22](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/imace22)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/5 "2009-01-26T22:02:18Z")
> [@diamond](#): > > Hi imace, quite an introduction! > > First things first, pheromones or no, if she wants to be with him, there is nothing you can do to change that. Pheros can only enhance what is there, they do not have the power to change the human consciousness. > > However, if you want her to feel closer to you, concentrate on the social pheromones, not the sexual ones. If you start using TUTH around this girl, you are more likely to scare her away for good than attract her. > > I would suggest Instant Shine and Instant Female Magic, the Shine will make you look and feel a million dollars, the IFM will help her to relax and be comfortable around you. Bear in mind that this girl bared her soul to you, she probably feels vulnerable and a little scared that you might say something untoward. Help her relax and trust you, if the boyfriend then does disappear, she might turn to you but for God’s sake, don’t rush her! I completely understand what you are saying about Pheromones not changing who she wants to be with - im not expecting them to do that at all, i am hoping, as you say, pheromones will enhance what we already have between us. Thanks for the advice on what products to use. I only have TUTH and a tester of Spaceland, so i will need to make a second order, but it works out very expensive when adding the shipping cost to the UK! Rushing her is the last thing i would do with her, i am VERY conscious of coming across like that, which is why im taking a sort of back seat approach 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![imace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@imace22](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/imace22)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 10:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/6 "2009-01-26T22:06:16Z")
> [@jamesbonded](#): > > hi there, > > welcome to the forum. > > nice long introduction. > > i recommend ifm and tuth. > > ifm will make intimate with you. she will be comforable and relax besid you. > > tuth is good to sexually arouse her. this can bring the relationship to another level. > > pheromones aside, you got to ask her to make a decision. what is the meanong of ‘on-hold’ relationship. she got to be fair to you. is she treatong you as a spare tyre ow? > > you were waiting for her to be physical on bed. i think she was waiting for you to make the move. > > anyway, good luck Thank you for the welcome, i hope i will learn alot on here and become a regular user of pheromones and be able to report some positive results! I dont think asking her to make a decision is the right way to go to be honest with you - she knows exactly where she stands with me but insists on giving her bf a ‘proper chance’ - can you tell, she is still in love with him lol. The ‘on-hold’ thing was meant as - lets not progress any further with the ‘dating’ style relationship and just develop our relationship as friends only. She was just trying to make it clear that she didnt want to progress with the bf / gf type relationship - not at that specific time anyway. ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 10:11pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/7 "2009-01-26T22:11:43Z")
> [@imace22](#): > > but it works out very expensive when adding the shipping cost to the UK! > > Rushing her is the last thing i would do with her, i am VERY conscious of coming across like that, which is why im taking a sort of back seat approach 🙂 Don’t have to tell me about shipping costs, I’m in Cornwall 😉 Equally it costs Androtics $50 to ship to us, yet they only charge us $30! Believe me, the socials are worth the expense, without them I would now be divorced and out of my job. TUTH is good if you are in the bedroom and getting down and dirty (or about to), keep it out of the way until you see the colour of her panties, then bring it out. Until then, use the socials and bide your time. I hate to be brutal but I think you are in the dreaded “_friend zone_” and wasting your time trying to make it any more than it is. ---
**Author:** ![imace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@imace22](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/imace22)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/8 "2009-01-26T22:20:34Z")
> [@diamond](#): > > Don’t have to tell me about shipping costs, I’m in Cornwall 😉 Equally it costs Androtics $50 to ship to us, yet they only charge us $30! > > Believe me, the socials are worth the expense, without them I would now be divorced and out of my job. TUTH is good if you are in the bedroom and getting down and dirty (or about to), keep it out of the way until you see the colour of her panties, then bring it out. Until then, use the socials and bide your time. > > I hate to be brutal but I think you are in the dreaded “_friend zone_” and wasting your time trying to make it any more than it is. I am very very weary of being in the “friend zone” but there are lots of indicators (that i havent mentioned, due to the size of the first thread!!!) that prove otherwise - i.e if she wasnt with her bf then we would be more than friends. I think everyone can safely agree that, yes, i am in a “friend zone” at the moment - and she makes a point of clearly stating that we are only friends when introducing me to her friends, family etc, and we also have the same clear understanding between us. Its sort of an un-said thing between us that, if and when her rocky relationship with her bf comes to an end, then we would start to give things a go. Its just that she feels she cant leave her bf for no good reason. So until the split happens, we will remain ‘just friends’. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 3:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/9 "2009-01-27T15:29:12Z")
Hello Welcome to Pherotalk 🙂 My name is Tisha and I am the hostess and mone adviser here on PT. Hmm quite a situation you have there. I have to agree with Diamond. First she has choosen to stay with him and mones, while they may enhance you wont change a persons free will. IFM and IH would be better choices in this situation. Now I am known for my bluntness so prepare yourself. You asked for advice so here go’s… TUTH would defiantly not be the mone of choice in this situation. TUTH says one thing. " I am looking to mate, drop and assume the position" Sure it may turn her on but it wont bring out anything but arousal. Which she is displaying enough of that already. She has shown you you arouse her already she just cant connect with you. Arousal is not affection or Love its just arousal. Affection and Love is what she has with that other guy which is why she stays with him. She has told you she has a connection with him. Sorry dont mean to be harsh but your in the friends with benefits box. Tell me if she loves him but will sleep in the same bed with you becoming intimate (intimate dosnt mean having sex) at times how do you know that if she does break up with him and fall for you she wont just do that to you someday. Its something to consider and if I were you I would tell her make a choice and keep your distance until she does. Cause right now she is playing both of you and you deserve better then that. **Your GC is on its way** 😉 Tisha ---
**Author:** ![imace22](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@imace22](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/imace22)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2009, 3:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/10 "2009-01-27T15:58:57Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > Hello Welcome to Pherotalk 🙂 > > My name is Tisha and I am the hostess and mone adviser here on PT. > > Hmm quite a situation you have there. I have to agree with Diamond. First she has choosen to stay with him and mones, while they may enhance you wont change a persons free will. > > IFM and IH would be better choices in this situation. > > Now I am known for my bluntness so prepare yourself. You asked for advice so here go’s… > > TUTH would defiantly not be the mone of choice in this situation. TUTH says one thing. " I am looking to mate, drop and assume the position" Sure it may turn her on but it wont bring out anything but arousal. Which she is displaying enough of that already. She has shown you you arouse her already she just cant connect with you. Arousal is not affection or Love its just arousal. Affection and Love is what she has with that other guy which is why she stays with him. She has told you she has a connection with him. Sorry dont mean to be harsh but your in the friends with benefits box. Tell me if she loves him but will sleep in the same bed with you becoming intimate (intimate dosnt mean having sex) at times how do you know that if she does break up with him and fall for you she wont just do that to you someday. Its something to consider and if I were you I would tell her make a choice and keep your distance until she does. Cause right now she is playing both of you and you deserve better then that. > > **Your GC is on its way** 😉 > > Tisha Hi tisha, Thank you for the intro, and thank you also for your advice. I hear exactly what you are saying about using both of us, and if she did get with me, would she do the same to me (i.e get close to someone else at the same time as being with me). These things have crossed my mind a few times, and still do. However, people keep advising me to sort of ‘put things on the line’ and ask her to make a decision (me or him). The problem is, she alreay has decided and made it clear… Since deciding to give things another go with her bf (instead of choosing me), she has stayed true to her word and keeps on mentioning that she has to see it through with him or else all the hurt she went through when they split last time would be wasted (according to her). If it works out with them, it works out, if it doesnt, then we will progress with our relationship further. If i felt i was being used, i would back away and stay distant as people have suggested, but at the moment, while things are rocky with her bf, i think its best if i stay in the picture. However, if this ‘rockiness’ drags on for months on end then things will naturally come off the boil between the 2 of us and slowly settle down to a normal, ‘standard’ friendship, if you know what i mean? Anyway, i am mainly on here for [pheromone](https://a314.com/shop/) advice as opposed to relationship advice (although it is good to hear peoples views / take on things). The problem is, there is ALOT more detail i could add (or perhaps couldnt add as i cant remember every single conversation / comment etc) that would allow people to understand my exact situation clearer. The main reason i wanted to give some history behind everything, is so that people can see what sort of mood / feelings etc might be going through the target’s head (i.e the target for the pheromones). Looks like i need to spend a small fortune getting the ‘social’ sprays then!!! Thanks again 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2009, 1:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hello-from-england-first-time-user-with-lots-of-questions/25386/11 "2009-01-28T13:56:12Z")
I understand that your looking for mone advice but mones are just a small part of interaction and attraction and its hard not to comment on the whole situation and feel we led you in the right direction at the same time You missed a little of what is obvious though. She wont choose even with mones. Why should she, she has both of you were she wants you. If you dont push out of that position one way or the other you will always be there until he catches on (and he will) and he makes her choose and he will come out ahead because by making her choose he displays his worth. He becomes the Alpha. Just realize your worth because until you do she never will see that worth and respect it. You cant gain anothers respect until you have self respect. Self respect would be saying. I dont want to be your security blanket anymore. Get back to me when you know what you want and move on. I know thats hard when you love someone but no one said love was easy. I do wish you luck. Tisha