# Help developing a friendly tone ? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [December 21, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848 "2011-12-21T05:03:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Royksopp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@Royksopp](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Royksopp)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 5:03am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848/1 "2011-12-21T05:03:52Z")
Hey all, It’s come to my attention through the frustration of others that I have a stern voice. I honestly hadn’t realized just how stern it was – I would like to change that. Anybody have any tips on where to start ? There’s a lot of info on good 'ole google, though much of it differs greatly and feels like half-assed ideas rather than techniques. I’ve come to this forum to improve myself and my presence, any and all info is gratefully accepted, ~Royksopp. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 12:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848/2 "2011-12-21T12:25:45Z")
Well its likely a combination or your voice and body language. My husband actually has the same problem. He can come across as mean looking because his voice is deep, the sheer size of him and his facial expressions. My mother is even scared of him and she has known him since he was a kid. One major thing you can do that seems to be to simple to be effective but really makes a huge difference is smile more. This simple little thing conveys a world of information. Relax your facial muscles more. Relax your stance. I would work on these before working on trying to change the tone of your voice. Check out sites that teach body language for how to communicate more open relaxed signals. Change how you say what you say. This can take some practice. How we say things to convey what we want makes a huge difference. For instance I can speak in commands to my kids. Go clean your room !!! Take our the garbage !!! Dont do drugs !!! Stay out of my [pheromones](https://a314.com/shop/) !!! It comes across stern no matter the tone or octave of my voice. Rewording it helps Can you help me out by cleaning your room ? Please take the garbage out. Explaining why they should not take drugs. Explaining why I don’t want them to play with my pheromones. Asking and explaining instead of telling or commanding. I may have more suggestions later but I have to head off to work. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Royksopp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@Royksopp](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Royksopp)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2011, 4:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848/3 "2011-12-21T16:33:43Z")
You know, after thinking about it… Girlfriends of my friends have described me as “scary” and in one instance “The kinda guy you DON’T want to run into in an alley”. At the time, I took it lightly as I’ve known these girls a long time… But you are absolutely right, I have a weak smile. Thank you, I’ll work on these things, ~Royksopp ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848/4 "2011-12-23T00:06:09Z")
Another thing you also might consider is breathing patterns. A lovely lady friend of mine 😉, sked me if I was angry the other day. Far from it actually. She is a model, incredibly sexy and on my arm, what possibly could I be angry about. She said I seemed like I was angry from my breathing. Interestingly enough even when I’m smiling sometimes I have people ask me if I’m angry about something. Her willingness to bring this to my attention helped me discover something that I hadn’t noticed but others had. Which ties into the body language a little bit. Just by the way I was breathing made it seem like I was mad. If you have someone close ask them to give you feedback and then take it as a positive that you have a friend willing to help. Unfortunately to many people take the criticism as a negative rather than a tool for change. I’m happy to read you have recognized something and are taking the steps to change it. That in itself is a HUGE step. Congratulations! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/90db22/32.png) [@The\_Hammer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/The_Hammer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848/5 "2011-12-23T05:45:32Z")
I started “the sound of your voice” by Dr. Carol Fleming. It is available on iTunes. I only started recently going through it, but, depending on where you are, it gives some great advice about your voice and what it is conveying. I don’t think I have your problem (or advantage in some situations), but it will at least make you more in tune with how you speak if nothing else. You will also need to buy a voice recorder and record some phone conversations and such. Practicing is also key. I recommend it, but it does require a fair amount of work on your part. I believe that she asks for 45 minutes a day. ---
**Author:** ![Royksopp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7bcc69/32.png) [@Royksopp](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Royksopp)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2011, 6:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-developing-a-friendly-tone/53848/6 "2011-12-23T06:58:59Z")
Steve – Coming here and reading threads has made me more aware of my body language, I hadn’t realized how much I wasn’t noticing about myself, and others. The Hammer – Thank you, that’s exactly what I’m looking for! I have some recording devices, I’m going to have some high stress conversations over the phone and record my facial reactions.