# Help the boy is passive! **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [February 10, 2009, 6:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939 "2009-02-10T06:56:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![AshesBlue](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ashesblue/32/895_2.png) [@AshesBlue](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/AshesBlue)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 6:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/1 "2009-02-10T06:56:03Z")
I was trying to think of a catchy title, but uhh yeah… Well I am obviously new, you can check out my intro thread here, > [@My name is Amber!](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/my-name-is-amber/25911): > > Hi! My name is Amber, I am 31 nearly 32 eeek ha! I live in New Mexico and in a long term relationship w/my boyfriend of 3+ years. Ive always been interested in all things “human”, so I watch a lot of the History Channel, A&E, Discovery ect when there’s something that peeks my interest. So Ive naturally seen several shows on human sexuality. Finally Ive come to a place in my life where I feel I could hopefully benefit. Like I said I have a boyfriend, and well he is probably one of the least… Im not sure if I expressed myself all that well lol but oh well, theres sure a lot to read anyway. Basically I am in a relationship of 3+, my bf and I have a really good relationship, we’ve had ups and downs, but who hasnt? I love him more than he will ever know. We have a sex life, it’s pretty good but not great. Part of it is I always the have to be the aggressor, and he’s pretty darn passive. Recently Ive gotten him to come a tiny bit out of his shell w/me talking lots and lots and him just nodding his head haha. But it’s something! My bf enjoys _being_ w/me but at the same time he almost seems like he could take it or leave it (sex I mean). He seems to totally miss that “male sexual aggression” (he just seems way too in control, it’s just not normal to stay so cool calm and collected lol) I have become accustomed to from past relationships. I just want to feel wanted, to feel like he _needs_ me or he’s gunna explode lol. Now Im not expecting miracles, but if anything could inhance that attraction he has for me to sort of encourage him to let go of some of his inhibitions, that would be amazing. To sort of help him get out of his head and into his hormonal urges lol. Even if it’s just something that makes me seem more inviting/interesting or whatever. I think just me feeling/coming off as confident may help, as that is a very attractive trait to anyone. I would also like to have more intimacy in our communication, sometimes it’s like pulling teeth. I _know_ he loves me, there is no doubt in my mind about that and as I said we have a strong relationship, id just like to try and give it some excitement and closeness. So I got reccomendations for “Instant Sexiness”, though I dont know if Im an A or B or if I should choose something thats opposite, its very confusing. Also “[Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/)” for a confidience boost and I dont think it could hurt him either. I will say that my sexuality is greatly affected by my cycle, for me it is very noticeable, there are certain times I am super attracted to my bf than other times. There was also mention of copulins but Im not sure what would be best or even if it’s worth it. The rotten smell kinda freaks me out a bit, and basically having to try and cover it up. I know they dont have one for this site so Im not sure what to do exactly about the cop’s, if anything. I think I have a strong shy side but I can also be really aggressive, Im stubborn and very passionate. I think I can be the most aggressive around people I feel “safe” with more than anything. Id say my confidience is not the greatest, I suffer w/depression and anxiety so maybe there’s something that can help me w/that as well. I dont intend of inviting my bf to this experiment at least not at first. I guess I want to see it for myself lol and then go from there, Im not sure how he’ll react exactly. Im much more the liberal modern flower child and he’s much more analyitical, facts and numbers, “realist” kinda guy. I should mention he has said that he has the pressure to be aggressive and take control at work and so he doesnt like to have to be that way when it comes to the bedroom. He is a computer software engineer and quite the “geek” but in a good way (no really lol) and he’s my geek. This also makes him a great handyman, something about a man that can fix and build stuff, I find super sexy. He is pretty reserved, I remember when we first started dating, we went to a new years party and this girl that knew my bf a lil bit better than she knew me, said that should could tell that I was “too much” for him lol. There I go again writing a book! Thanks for reading! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 9:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/2 "2009-02-10T09:58:32Z")
Hello Well my take on it is that you need some copulins and some TUTH to draw the animal side out. Since Androtics is still working on there new copulin formula… LAM which is there main cop product and is still out of stock so I have no choice but to suggest you either wait for that to come back or pop on over to Love Scent and pick up a bottle of EOW. (Essence of Women) Now TUTH is a mens product but women wear a few dabs with cops to increase aggressiveness in men sexually. Don’t over do with this one. Next to deepen the connection I suggest IH. Now [Instant sexiness](https://phera.com/product/instant-sexiness/) is good to prime him during the day. Its sexy without being overly sexual. There are two kinds… A is more your sexy strong confident capable female vibe.Think Angelina Jolie persona B is more your soft sexy sweet kittenish vibe Think Marilyn Monroe persona Start with the one that is closest to you natural personality. Frankly I find use for both of them though. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![farmergiles](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/farmergiles/32/358_2.png) [@farmergiles](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/farmergiles)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 12:15pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/3 "2009-02-10T12:15:15Z")
Do you think he may consent to buying / wearing A314? Just by upping his perception of himself ( works that way for me and one of my friends - more noticibly for him as I am fairly alpha anyway ) may help to increase his attitude toward you. Just a thought, I’m still fairly new myself 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:17pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/4 "2009-02-10T14:17:07Z")
my 2 cents: what will be helpful is to raise his testosterone briefly. the only thing that i am aware of being able to do this _directly_ are copulins. some [pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/) are the result of this spike, but do not _directly_ raise testosterone. (correct me if i am wrong,ladies. we need accurate info here) When Androtics finally releases a copulin product, you can be sure their quality control will ensure that it is second to NONE. until then, what you have is EoW. i know its scary to try, but it can be covered up with sweeter fragrances like vanilla. do some copulin searches to see others results using them, and here is a link to the science of sexappeal: [Science of Sex Appeal : Out of Your League? : Video : Discovery Channel](http://dsc.discovery.com/videos/science-of-sex-appeal-out-of-your-league.html) scroll thru the videos, you will see one on “copulance” good luck. ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/5 "2009-02-10T14:25:34Z")
Not sure of the ratios but would there be enough cops in a useable dosage of [Instant Jerk](https://a314.com/product/instant-jerk/) to raise the testosterone level sufficiently? Maybe a high risk strategy but one worth considering??? ---
**Author:** ![Mademoiselle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Mademoiselle](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mademoiselle)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/6 "2009-02-10T14:34:09Z")
Ashesblue, I think we’re in a pretty similar situation! This is actually the reason why I started to look at pheromones in the first place. I have been with my BF for 4 years+ now, I have no doubt about his love and commitment to me, he is a wonderful man, with a high responsability/stressful job in a very male dominated environment. Our relationship is everything I am looking for, …except well, in the bedroom lol Copulins -Essence of a Woman- are very effective to me, although I haven’t tried this stuff so many times on him. EoW works better than Essence Oil -the oil version- for me, only because the smell of Essence Oil is stronger and he noticed it once and was like 'uh, what’s that smell?" lol:o. I wear 12 drops + of EoW with or without a cover scent. With Essence Oil I need a cover scent. ---
**Author:** ![Mademoiselle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Mademoiselle](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mademoiselle)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 2:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/7 "2009-02-10T14:35:40Z")
Hey Tisha, or anyone else actually, I didn’t know one could use Turn up the heat as a women’s product. How many sprays is recommended? ---
**Author:** ![CookieGirl](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/cookiegirl/32/1379_2.png) [@CookieGirl](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/CookieGirl)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/8 "2009-02-10T16:04:59Z")
I think she means just a tiny dab right above your upper lip. If not, probably not more than 1-2 sprays on the pillow. I’ve seen around the forums that it has a very masculine smell, and I think this thread goes in deeper detail then I possibly could > [@Turn Up the Heat on his pillow: a "quick & dirty" review](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/turn-up-the-heat-on-his-pillow-a-quick-dirty-review/25686): > > Ever since I received my [Turn Up the Heat](https://a314.com/product/turn-up-the-heat-tuth/) (2.5 mcg), I’ve exposed my boyfriend to it religiously. Each evening he comes over to my place (~5 nights/wk), I put 2 sprays on his pillow and 2 sprays on my pillow. I will spare you all the details, but we have yet to “skip” a single night. Ever. Even when he’s mad at me. Even after a long road trip. Even when both of us go to bed without the slightest intention of getting frisky. That is all. smiley Also, I know its strange but when Im using IS/a, my SO seems very VERY aggressive. I know its suppose to be the confident sexy vibe, but something about it makes him go absolutely wild and extremely pushy about what he wants in bed. Not that Im complaining but it IS strange now that i think about it 🙄 ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/9 "2009-02-10T16:13:34Z")
Whoa there ladies, go easy with the TUTH, it’s unbuffered andrstenone, high impact, lets do the horizontal mambo right now!! The trouble with -none is that it is sticky and is a bitch to wash off, which is why you should never spray it in your hair! If you spray 2 shots per night onto a pillow, by the end of the week you will have enough androstenone to scare both teams off a football pitch. Unscrew the top from the bottle and just draw the tip of the straw across your top lip to get an idea of how it affects you personally and you’ll see what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![CookieGirl](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/cookiegirl/32/1379_2.png) [@CookieGirl](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/CookieGirl)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/10 "2009-02-10T16:21:02Z")
Oh ! Right.. I did mean just two sprays…for ..all eternity but I forgot to add that and …and!..okay okay I suck at this advice thing. ☹ _tosses the towel in_ I’m starting eyeball TUTH because of this thread… I recall Mr. Feel Good mentioning something when I first came here .. maybe I should give it some more serious consideration. Has any gal ever mentioned any self effects from doing that upper lip trick ? Like feeling extra..manly or something ? ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/11 "2009-02-10T16:25:31Z")
> [@diamond](#): > > Whoa there ladies, go easy with the TUTH, it’s unbuffered andrstenone, high impact, lets do the horizontal mambo right now!! > > The trouble with -none is that it is sticky and is a bitch to wash off, which is why you should never spray it in your hair! If you spray 2 shots per night onto a pillow, by the end of the week you will have enough androstenone to scare both teams off a football pitch. Unscrew the top from the bottle and just draw the tip of the straw across your top lip to get an idea of how it affects you personally and you’ll see what I mean. if i could thank you a thousand times for this i would diamond. first off, im not sure who **applies** dabs of TUTH to their upper lip, i know there are people here who have in the past (not you,cookie) recommended that to the newbies frequently, but i would have an _anxiety attack_ with it **applied** there. i wouldnt use it _at all_ without acclimation to 'none products. doing like diamond said and just sniffing it would be a better first test. there are buffers in TUTH, so its not like its straight 'none. it just needs to be respected is all. on pillow, in hair, all sounds good _in theory_ . 'none doesnt just go away. it haunts. _foreverrrr_…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/12 "2009-02-10T16:31:23Z")
i thought i was told there are buffers in TUTH? am i incorrect? oh no! 😮 um authorities… clarify! ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/13 "2009-02-10T16:44:14Z")
> [@Lor](#): > > i thought i was told there are buffers in TUTH? > am i incorrect? > oh no! > 😮 > > um authorities… > > clarify! Sorry, should have said “lightly buffered” but 2.5mcg -none per spray. [Ammo](https://a314.com/product/ammo/) (still 2.5mcg per spray) is far more heavily buffered towards the socials which gives it a far smoother signature. ---
**Author:** ![renny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/renny/32/2104_2.png) [@renny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/renny)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/14 "2009-02-10T17:07:49Z")
Hey Amber, sometimes guys think they are doing the right thing being that way…I’ve been guilty there. Here’s a link to a website that changed my attitude and might help your guy. Pheromones are awesome, but perhaps a little attitude adjustment/education could help. There are a lot of cd and dvd products available at this site but the best product is the least expensive. It’s just a little book called “How to Give Women Wild Screaming Orgasms”. It’s not for the faint of heart but it’s written in a guy to guy way that makes the point…how you put it in his hands is your business, just do it in a fun way so it doesn’t hurt his feelings. [David Shade Masterful Lover](http://www.wildscreamingorgasms.com/) ---
**Author:** ![AshesBlue](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ashesblue/32/895_2.png) [@AshesBlue](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/AshesBlue)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 9:05pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/15 "2009-02-10T21:05:03Z")
Thanks everybody! Yall make me giggle, ha! Thanks for responding! I was like wow, the thread is moving along w/o me! ha I like learning new things and often have a lot to say. So if Ammo is on the lighter side, would that be better than TUTH? Im still kinda nervous about bringing up the use of phero’s w/my bf. Im not sure exactly how he will take it, Im afraid he might think Im trying to say there’s something wrong w/him, think it’s gimicky, consider it unnatural, since while it is our phero’s it’s still “artificial”. Im the one that always has the “goofy” ideas lol. I just want to get a feel for it myself. He is not really the one to wear cologne, the only time he wears it is when he wakes up too late to take a shower in the morning lol. Even that is mostly just for work, wouldnt want him wearing any of this stuff at work. He works w/pretty much all men, not a lot of women programmers, but either way the phero’s probably would not be a good thing, at least not the ones he might need. I wouldnt say he lacks confidience in regular life/work, but w/other things it might just be a cover. It’s hard to tell w/him sometimes. I think he is somewhat “complicated” and sometimes (not all the time, sometimes I can see right through him lol, and I just roll my eyes, ok kid whatever you say! ha)a mystery, which can be ineresting but when you really need to know whats going on w/him it is more frustrating and annoying than anything lol. He is a hard nut to crack, Ill give him that. Im really nosey too! lol uhh I think I lost my point… lol Oh and Renny thanks! I will certainly look at your suggestions. The last thing I would want to do is hurt his ego and make him feel bad, that would be missing the point entirely. Not sure how Id give him a book or make suggestions to him though, that’s just very tricky lol. I have expressed what I need from him several times during our relationship. I bring it up when we are alone and just talk (I tend to do most of the talking, not by choice though lol). So he knows I want him to have more initiative/aggression. I know he wants to make me happy, but there’s just something holding him back. I could try and guess what they are but they would only be guesses. One thing that some might look him and not expect is he drives a “racing” type car, it’s an srt-4 dodge neon, it’s extremely loud and he knows how to drive it, he’s an excellent driver. And his aggression really comes through when he drives it. Ah there’s another tangent! Anyway thanks for everyone’s responses! ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/16 "2009-02-10T22:10:02Z")
> [@farmergiles](#): > > Do you think he may consent to buying / wearing A314? Just by upping his perception of himself ( works that way for me and one of my friends - more noticibly for him as I am fairly alpha anyway ) may help to increase his attitude toward you. > > Just a thought, I’m still fairly new myself 🙂 > [@diamond](#): > > Not sure of the ratios but would there be enough cops in a useable dosage of Instant Jerk to raise the testosterone level sufficiently? > > Maybe a high risk strategy but one worth considering??? Anone product do not raise mens testosterone levels. Copulins on there own do not raise a mans testosterone level. They have to be on a women to do that. Its a combination of the visual and the olfactory that causes the effect. > [@Mademoiselle](#): > > Hey Tisha, or anyone else actually, > I didn’t know one could use Turn up the heat as a women’s product. How many sprays is recommended? Yes women do naturally make small amounts of anone and you can use TUTH. Just be careful with it. I like to dab it on but 1/2 to one full spray is my limit or I turn into a horny evil bitch. To much anone on a women or even worn on a man can make us cranky. Men can wear alot more then us though. Oh and the reason most women use it with a sexual product like copulins is to intensify sex and make it more aggressive. If you use it out socially with a sexual mix it will also increase the aggressiveness of the responses you get. But be careful. > [@Lor](#): > > i thought i was told there are buffers in TUTH? > am i incorrect? > oh no! > 😮 > > um authorities… > > clarify! There are actually around 7 mones in TUTH. Its mainly anone (something like 90% but the added mones do not buffer it. they steer it in a more blatant sexual direction. AMMO is buffered which means it lessens the sexual vibe to a more subtle level. > [@](#): > > first off, im not sure who **applies** dabs of Turn Up The Heat to their upper lip, > i know there are people here who have in the past (not you,cookie) recommended that to the newbies frequently, > but i would have an _anxiety attack_ with it **applied** there. Actually a lot of women do Lor. Jassy has mentioned it frequantly. This is mainly used to intensify the sexual experience for the women but the male will inhale it during sex and be effected as well. A little anone is not bad its just when you use 3 sprays like I did that time that things can get ugly LOL While it is sticky its not that bad. If it were it wouldnt be able to diffuse off the skin to effect people. Witch hazel or peroxcide will totally take it off and Oxyclean or bleach will take it right out of fabric if build up occurs. Most people shower daily ( I hope) so when worn on skin build up takes quite a while to occur Tisha ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2009, 11:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/17 "2009-02-10T23:06:42Z")
> [@](#): > > One thing that some might look him and not expect is he drives a “racing” type car, it’s an srt-4 dodge neon, it’s extremely loud and he knows how to drive it, he’s an excellent driver. And his aggression really comes through when he drives it. My husband races cars on the amateur circuit for ford. He also works for them but he is not real aggressive unless he is driving his car as well. Believe me there was a time when I thought I was gonna have to get a tattoo of a mustang on my ass… well I actually do have a tattoo of a mustang but not on my ass LOL but anywhooo it took some work but the mones did do the trick. Sometimes in these situation the product you never thought would do it, is the one that sparks that fire. Copulins have worked great for me after I started using the correct amount. At first I was put off by the smell and used only a few drops and then Dolly told me to use more and it finally worked. Now I can drop down my dosage to less to get the effect. IH turns him on, I have no ideal why LOL P83 makes him more aggressive and I ended up having to have the bedroom wall spackled the next day. This one is a putative and you should wait till you use the regular products first. Its hard to say “get this” and it will defiantly do the trick with mones. We try to point you to what will in all likelihood work for you but mones are not one size fits all. That is why the to-go bottles is so great. I would wait on having him use mones. Get a feel for them yourself first and see how he reacts to them. I am not saying lie if he out right asks though. If both of you are wearing mones it will be harder to tell if he is reacting to what he is using or what you are using. Once you have a feel for them then tell him and see if he will try them. My husband has a bunch I got him but he doesn’t like to wear scents so he doesn’t use them. If he only understood that he owns some very coveted bottles of mones like Dirty and [Raw Power](https://a314.com/product/raw-power/) LOL Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/18 "2009-02-11T00:18:51Z")
> [@AshesBlue](#): > > He works w/pretty much all men, not a lot of women _programmers_,… The type of people who go into this tend to be introverted and somewhat passive, certainly not aggressive. I know wherefore I speak, I’m a Computer systems administrator/programmer/web master.🙄 So, there is nothing “wrong” with him or you, it’s just his personality. I think some of the more “aggressive” mones like ~none(Turn Up the Heat) and cops will help a lot. Also perhaps a little “psychological warfare” is also needed here to try and draw his “inner male” out. I think Tish and Lor will be able to give you some advice on this from the girl’s side. Hey, I know you girls have your little “secrets”, I think I’ll eavesdrop and see if I can learn some of them.😃 Good luck 😃 ---
**Author:** ![diane999](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diane999/32/1110_2.png) [@diane999](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diane999)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/19 "2009-02-11T00:36:16Z")
One more thing that hasn’t been mentioned, AshesBlue. Pheromones are great and Androtics has a lot of selections to choose from. But as far as relationship dynamics go, pheromones are only helpers. They can give a push in the direction you want him to go, but they can’t change him. In every normal long term relationship, whether married or live-in, there will eventually develop one high sex drive partner and one low sex drive partner. If you want him to have more desire and initiate more you will need to change the dynamic of the relationship. And that takes time and patience, a little knowledge, and the determination to see it through. He is the low sex drive partner because you are willing to be the high sex drive partner. You can bet he likes it just the way it is. He doesn’t ever have to face the possibility of rejection, he doesn’t have to work at anything, and he is in complete control over how much intimacy is in the relationship and when it occurs. And all of this happens with no effort on his part. All this is true of every low sex drive partner in every LTR. It is the high sex drive partner who has to do all the work. You are the one who has to face the possibility of rejection every time you want sex. You are the one who has to do all the work of seduction. You are the one who has to initiate, who has to worry about whether you are attractive and desirable or not. It is the high sex drive partner who attends to the other partner. Energetically it is like a one-way current with you the feeder and him the receiver. There is no give and take. The only way to change the dynamic and get him to have a higher level of desire and initiate more is to switch roles - for a while. Eventually, with some work you can become equal partners - giving and sharing equally. But that is next. Switching roles… That means stopping all the efforts to get him to understand you. He already understands perfectly that if he waits you will initiate sexual encounters, desire him, and make him the center of all your attention. It means stopping trying to convince him how desirable you are. He already knows. He has every reason to have things continue as they are, and this is why the dynamic can be so gawd-damned frustrating. No matter how much you communicate, how much he promises, how much you try to spice things up… it always stays the same. Switching roles… It means putting the ball in his court and waiting the eternity it takes for him to realize he has to get up and do something with the ball for the game to go on. It means letting go of the need to change him and getting a hold of yourself and allowing him the space and time he needs to come to some conclusions for himself. It means pulling back completely from trying to get him to take the lead. And it means you stop initiating. Period. Keep everything else the same. Keep a loving atmosphere. Keep all your daily routines the same. And try to be cheerful. It is hard, I know, to wait when it seems you’ve already been waiting an eternity. But this works. Oh, and do use pheromones - they can kick-start everything and shorten the process. And they are fun, besides! 🙂 He’ll probably bitch and complain about the change. Why wouldn’t he? He’s had everything his way so far. He’ll be confused, maybe for a while. He’ll have to start carrying his own share of anxiety about your relationship - the same anxiety you’ve been carrying and protecting him from by initiating everything. But eventually he’ll figure out that things are not as they were. And along the way he may also just find his desire - you. 😛 Diane ---
**Author:** ![CookieGirl](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/cookiegirl/32/1379_2.png) [@CookieGirl](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/CookieGirl)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939/20 "2009-02-11T02:30:19Z")
That was one sexy post, diane. I’ve got a computer engineer on this side so you can only imagine how frustrating that could be. Im keeping this advice on the front burner. [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/help-the-boy-is-passive/25939.md?page=2)