# hey everyone, im curious, dont crucify me for posting here! **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [October 2, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hey-everyone-im-curious-dont-crucify-me-for-posting-here/52634 "2011-10-02T16:47:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 1\ **Showing post:** 3
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 12:18pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hey-everyone-im-curious-dont-crucify-me-for-posting-here/52634/3 "2011-10-03T12:18:19Z")
> [@nick.pul](#): > > Im a guy posting a new thread in the womans section, have mercy on my soul! Look this is a question most men wonder and would not be beneficial to just me. BUT i am dealing with it now, i do see other people but there is one i like about the rest. Iv hung out with her a few time and if i see you are interested in listening i’ll post some specific examples so you all understand better. What my basic question is, what happens when a guy gets close to you and it seems like you two have something but then you decide to just keep him as a friend. What are the qualities that in your mind seperate a friend to something more. This girl marissa has shown plenty of interested time and time again, i feel like she is very insecure now. She has had “friends w benefits” a few times and fallen for men but they did not feel the same. I feel this is why she is afraid to open up. But i will tell you more about this if you are so kind to listening and advise! thanks ! Jeez it can be a number of reasons. I have read your other post on this subject though. Men mistake our emotions for sexual interest sometimes. A women may feel comfortable with you and safe but that doesn’t mean she wants to get horizontal with you. Men have a harder time just being friends with women then women do with them. Its because of mans instinctual nature. Men dont think about sex all the time because they are pigs. Its an instinctual response to procreate. When you say “seems like you have something” the word “seems” says a whole lot. What seems to be for you may not seem to be for her. She may not have that feeling of sexual tension around you. There should always be a measure of sexual tension, if thats lacking in the box you go. An inability for men to lead is another reason men get put in the friends box. Yes we all want a nice guy but the reason they say nice guys finish last is because they dont lead. Its not because they are nice. Men can be nice and lead at the same time. Yes women are emotional and nurturing by nature but we run on instinct as well and the instinctual prerequisite for the men we seek is his ability to lead. Its not always conscious but when we choose a potential mate we look for a male who is genetically strong and can protect and provide for our off spring. I am not speaking of having a great job or being a tough guy. Those prerequisites show in your character and how you interact with her. Its something thats at the very core of our instincts. This is why women tend to go for the bad boy or assholes of the world. By there very nature they lead. Fear is another big reason. She had been burned before and it sucks to have to look at those people at work everyday. You both work together and of course she is going to be wary of that happening again. She may say she trusts you but there is obviously a lack of trust. Lack of trust in her own judgement and your intentions. When there is trust opening up is just part of the natural progression of that. I have read the responses from some of the men over there and I cant say I totally agree with them about her intentions but I do agree with some of the advice. I think some of those responses come from there own past painful experiences which make them judge every women who holds back as manipulative when in fact there own character and interactions with the girl contributed to them being placed into the friends box. Relationship are a sort of a dance, there needs to be the one who leads the dance and the one who follows. If you both try to lead or both try to follow its just ends up a mess and you end up going in circles. Its a give and take thing with both partners that moves you in synchronicity. I think you need to set some more boundaries. Your right about that 4AM call. If I woke my husband up at 4 AM I know exactly what he would be thinking. “Someone better be dead or you want to have sex” You dont wake men just to chat or unload your emotions. Thats what friends are for. Make your intention clear. Take the lead. I know you mentioned you made some moves on her. I hate to use another metaphor but its kinda like fishing. Fish dont jump on the hook, you need to dangle the bait some then pull it away a few times to get them to bite. If your being her emotional tampon you are fulfilling some of her needs without getting yours met. Thats not give and take for both partners. Thats you giving and her taking. Part of making your intentions clear is creating sexual tension. In my opinion this is something you should create with every eligible women of interest simply because you may be in a position and the inclination to move forward later in the acquaintance. You can do this by making your intentions clear, using body language, flirting and not being her emotional outlet. I am not encouraging you to be insensitive. If her dog gets hit by a car or her BFF dies then of course you will be sensitive to her but do not become her sounding board for every trivial problem and emotion. Do not be her comfort zone. If she starts to do this cut her off politely. Its fine to let her know how you feel but be sure she knows your not going to dangle the bait forever. Other fish are eyeing it as well. You mentioned her decision to practice abstinence. Men seem to think this is a reflection of them. Its not, its a reflection of her own beliefs and needs. Just because your ready to move into sexual territory doesn’t mean she is. You mentioned you like this one, then give her the space and time to become confident in her sexual feelings for you while still maintaining the above suggestions. Sometimes you have to lead her around the floor a few times before you can give her a dip 😉 Tisha --- _[View the full topic](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/hey-everyone-im-curious-dont-crucify-me-for-posting-here/52634)._