# How Do Girls get over their first Love? **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [September 6, 2010, 1:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-do-girls-get-over-their-first-love/41422 "2010-09-06T01:30:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 2\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ScienceStudent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@ScienceStudent](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ScienceStudent)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-do-girls-get-over-their-first-love/41422/21 "2011-06-02T18:33:25Z")
> [@mobocaster](#): > > Not met me yet then? 😉 😃 > > IME it is more like, lots of alcohol, drugs, partying, bitching to anyone who will listen then plenty of no-strings sex with a merry-go-round of partners before taking-up with and royally fucking over some guy who actually likes them before running straight back to the first one or someone very like them at a drop of a hat! 😠 😛 Yah, I’ve been hearing lots about that being the case. Then again, guys handle things just as badly – a few great ones I met “just weren’t ready” since they were (not admitting to being) broken up over a break up. One is _literally_ “having fun” with 14 different girls right now. Others aren’t _quite_ so ambitious. 😉 The result of all this is, I’m not going anywhere _near_ a guy who isn’t “ready” as I have no misguided ideas that I can change them, nor am I willing to “wait” for them to grow up and be _men_. I have never had a fling; I’m pretty sure I couldn’t do it happily, and I would end up feeling chafed and unsatisfied or emotionally hurt, or _worse_, both. 😛 I (try to) know myself and act accordingly. (I do drink, but I don’t get drunk either, or binge on junk food – it doesn’t actually _help_ solve things.) IMO/E these guys are doing “sex-benders” (instead of alcohol). Despite my ethics, I feel I’m becoming jaded, and wondering if I shouldn’t just join the dark side. So, it’s a cycle. Men act like jerks, women get hurt and think, why can’t I learn to be a bitch so I don’t. Women are mean, men get hurt and think why can’t I be a distant ass so I don’t. Didn’t we learn this in kindergarten? **Everybody stop.** Remember “The Golden Rule,” that whole “Do unto others
,” and “walk a mile in the others’ shoes.” Funny (sad) thing is. All these formerly nice (good, not meek)\* guys _only_ complain about women’s behavior and can’t see how they’re perpetuating the cycle. The ladies _only_ complain about men’s behavior and don’t see how having an NSA/FWB on the side while they meet the “real dates” only hurts themselves. They do it “because that’s the way not to care, not to get hurt so much when a guy does it” to them. Guys find out and think “she’s a heartless bitch.” Well you know what guys? Sometimes it’s more gentlemanly to say “No.” As in, “No, I want to get to know you first,” “No, I don’t want to have sex with everything that drinks too much.” If you want better women to marry when you’re older (and you will, you have to act more grown up when you’re younger. You’re teenage actions will shape their impressions of men for a decade. Why am I directing this at guys? (I think women have an equal part to play too, don’t worry.) Because, YOU need to end the double standard. You can either truly not care that she’s slept with ≄200 people (like you have) by the time you get married around 25-30, or you can try to respect yourselves and those around you, and _ **gasp** _ be choosy and sleep with _choice_ women that you _like_ and want to be around for a while. _Don’t_ subscribe to the idea that it’s okay for guys “to sow their wild oats.” _Don’t_ go on “sex benders” to “get back in the game,” to “rebound.” Take time to reconnect with yourself, your friends, your hobbies and workouts. Learn and meet some new ones. Recognize that you _will_ want a girfriend/wife, and admit (even to yourself) that you actually prefer to have this long-term “situation.” In short, heal, don’t wallow or bury the issues. (Girls used to to this with ice cream, alcohol, bitchfests-with-friends; now they’re trying for equality at a standard _guys_ set. Neither method is healthy. _One_ lapse is human, a series of them gets to be a problem.) Also this is directed at guys because everyone _sees_ girls get hurt. So, fess up that you have feelings to, and don’t try to bury them in other ladies temporary affections. _ **Somebody** _ has to stop for the war to stop. You’re supposed to be the stronger sex – act like it. And when we all stop, we will be _men_ and _women_ (grown up). \*(I’m trying to also clarify the difference between nice and meek. “Nice” is a gentleman who shows his interest, is playfully aggressive, and is not “meek.” But that’s another story. 😉 ) (I will also re-post this in my journal when I start that.) ---
**Author:** ![Astrea](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/astrea/32/1928_2.png) [@Astrea](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Astrea)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2011, 9:28am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-do-girls-get-over-their-first-love/41422/22 "2011-06-11T09:28:25Z")
> [@mobocaster](#): > > **Not met me yet then?** 😉 😃 > > **drugs, partying, bitching to anyone who will listen then plenty of no-strings sex with a merry-go-round of partners** 😛 **You’re funny!** My kinda funny. Not surprisingly, lots of Scots in Oz. Sounds like a name for a comedy. 😃 **My pattern exactly. I don’t drink. And I gave up on relationships.** My first love? There wasn’t one - in the way that’s discussed here. I don’t know if I’ve really been in love. I’ve thought I was in love; had my heart broken cried almost continually for 3 years; but in retrospect I’m not sure. I don’t even know what real love looks like and I think that may be the same for a lot of people and that may be the reason for the clinging to the **idea** of one’s first love. Like the problem that occurs in so many relationships - being ‘in love’ with the **idea** of the person in front of you, instead of who they really are. Pretty sure most people have run into that at one time or another. I did. But that’s why he broke up with me and I cried for 3 years. [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-do-girls-get-over-their-first-love/41422.md?page=1)