# How long to wait after spouce's death? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [May 30, 2007, 12:03pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903 "2007-05-30T12:03:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sweetsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@sweetsense](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sweetsense)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2007, 12:03pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/1 "2007-05-30T12:03:55Z")
My wife passed just before Valentines this year, when I’ve asked women out -they say ‘it’s too soon’. I just know when I am around a woman about my age -51-,I am not hurting. ---
**Author:** ![Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gone_with_the_wind/32/2227_2.png) [@Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gone_with_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2007, 12:17pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/2 "2007-05-30T12:17:11Z")
I got the same thing after my divorce. The thing drug on over 2 years, involved a custody battle, and lots of lawyer/court interactions. I was traumatised, and many women were wary of a person in such a state. In my experience, partners are easy to come by when I’m healthy and powerful. When I’m traumatised and weak someone willing to stand by my side is harder to find. Fortunately I found such a woman. The trauma heals, if it doesn’t kill you. However, life has its ups and downs. A partner who only stands with me in good times I hold in low esteem. Set the “waiters” aside, and look at some of the other women in this world. There are some who will stand with you in difficult times, and value the time. Later, in better times, the cosmetically perfect ones will see you two together and say “What does she have that I don’t have?” ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2007, 12:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/3 "2007-05-30T12:33:11Z")
dennis, the women saying “its too soon” are flattering you; its _more often than not_ a sign they hope for second and third dates and think _you_ might then say its too soon. if a gal saw the opportunity as “this is one date. lets have fun and see where it goes” that to me would be healthier than “its too soon. if i date you and you suddenly think its too soon, i have invested a date or two in someone that wont go anywhere with it” its only too soon if you plan on getting hitched to the next gal you hook up with 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/4 "2007-05-30T17:58:07Z")
They’re concerned that you’re not into them, you’re rebounding with them as a helper… not that’s the case, women think like that, you know, is this real or is this a reaction ? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![sweetsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@sweetsense](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sweetsense)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/5 "2007-05-30T18:23:31Z")
Good points everyone, thanks.I hope I’m not just transfering my feelings. I do understand rebounding. If I don’t wait, maybe i should ask out women that did not know my wife. ---
**Author:** ![bronzie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@bronzie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bronzie)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2007, 8:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/6 "2007-05-30T20:42:40Z")
dude, sorry for your loss, rebound is fine, its part of the whole process ---
**Author:** ![Nunya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ac8455/32.png) [@Nunya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Nunya)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2007, 12:01am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/7 "2007-05-31T00:01:53Z")
> [@dennis harbour](#): > > Good points everyone, thanks.I hope I’m not just transfering my feelings. I do understand rebounding. If I don’t wait, maybe i should ask out women that did not know my wife. I’m sorry for your loss. and yeah - i suggest fishing in different waters. She died about 3 months ago - i would question the women who knew her who would willingly date you in public. it is kinda too soon for that. 6 months or a year, yeah - that would be polite. But you should prolly go ahead and really greive first so you don’t wind up transferring feelings. An ex is easy to live up to - the dearly departed saint of a wife? not so much. and from what I understand it takes a couple of years to really get over the death of someone you love. and quite a good bit of craziness can happen in those 2 years - so i would be wary of making any drastic changes to your life right now. ---
**Author:** ![Rbt](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/rbt/32/2066_2.png) [@Rbt](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rbt)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/8 "2007-06-19T22:03:12Z")
My initial reaction is that you are getting these responses because the people you are aking _know_ you and your situation. They are probably the ones who are most uncomfortable and _for them_ it’s “too soon.” You will need to do your “dating”/socializing somewhere where you aren’t known. See how you feel about it as well as you go along. I suspect that in about a year many of those you know for whom it was “too soon” will be feeling more comfortable about it and may respond to you. ---
**Author:** ![sweetsense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@sweetsense](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sweetsense)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2007, 1:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-long-to-wait-after-spouces-death/3903/9 "2007-06-20T01:06:55Z")
Thanks Rbt, I hope you’re right. Matter of fact, the lady I’m interested is widowed and she says she didn’t date for over a year- then remarried 1st man she met, that husband # 2 turned out to be completely different than he acted when they dated. Maybe that is why she has resistance.