# how to tell a girl you like her **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [September 1, 2007, 12:49am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-to-tell-a-girl-you-like-her/5345 "2007-09-01T00:49:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2007, 12:49am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-to-tell-a-girl-you-like-her/5345/1 "2007-09-01T00:49:49Z")
**(see juggler for more on a ‘statement of interest’ or SOI)** **[Approach Anxiety » Blog Archive » Between Fear and Attraction](http://approachanxiety.com/?p=72)** **[Between Fear and Attraction](http://approachanxiety.com/?p=72)** [http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/timeicon.gif](http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/timeicon.gif) February 25th, 2007 by [http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/author.gif](http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/author.gif) Eric a.k.a. Disco _Submission is a result of the ambivalence between fear and attraction._ \* [http://approachanxiety.com/images/where2.jpg](http://approachanxiety.com/images/where2.jpg) \*She is sitting there next to me in the bar. She is a beauty queen, this one. We are locked in conversation. I have been teasing her and connecting with her on many different levels for the last 45 minutes. Things are going “well” by any standard. I know, however, there are more words that need to come out of my mouth. And I am gripped by fear. I’d approached her on the subway. A casual opener asking her if this train goes to 14th street. When she told me it does, I hired her as my personal assistant. I told her I would take her everywhere with me. She laughed. We moved into conversation from there. And I kept sprinkling in banter here and there. As we talked more, it turns out we both live in the same neighborhood. I told her I’d been living there for three years. “And you didn’t know that this train stops at 14th street?” “I just wanted to come flirt with you,” I responded, without a hint of apology in my voice. She was fun and genuine. As she walked off the train she glanced backward to see if I was walking with her. I was. I invited her out for a drink. I told her my friend Maurice was working at The Abbey, this bar near her place. She says one drink would be great, but that she had to meet her roommates later. “Do you always talk to random girls on the train?” she asked as we exited the subway. “Everyone in New York is too compartmentalized,” I responded. “They’re either wearing headphones, or talking on their cellphone. Nobody really talks to each other any more.” [http://approachanxiety.com/images/aliens3.jpg](http://approachanxiety.com/images/aliens3.jpg) In the bar we connect on many different levels. Very deep rapport. We talk about our childhood. She says at one point “I can’t believe I am telling you this.” She likes me. The signs are there. But there is still hesitation on her part. I can read it in her body language. We are connecting deeply, and in between connecting deeply I am keeping it fun, throwing out cocky funny gems here and there. I’ve already called her a perv twice. But I know that I need to say something else. And I know what I need to say. I am just afraid to say it. I am afraid to ruin this interaction with her. Part of me wants to set up a date and run off. This girl is gorgeous, interesting, and we are connecting on an amazing level. I’m doing so well. I don’t want to fuck it up. But this is my fear speaking. I know I need to take this further. I am sitting there gripped by fear. It is that fear where you are locked inside yourself. I have done this enough times that I’m able to take interaction this far. But I am still in a state of submission. Submission is the ambivalent state between fear and attraction. I am attracted to her. So I don’t want to run off. But I am also afraid of saying something to ruin the interaction. So I am in a state of submission. I know there is no point continuing the relationship with her like this. I don’t want to be in submission and I know she doesn’t want to be with someone who is. I know I need to purposefully raise the tension to show her that I am not afraid of losing her. So I throw it out there. I have the skill. I know what to say. It is just difficult for me to say it. “I would be so into you if you were my type.” It’s like stepping off of a bridge. She says the same exact thing back to me. I hardly even respond to it and just move on. And I begin to physically escalate. I feel a new found freedom to pull her back in now that I’d pushed her away. I start touching her hair. Playing with her hands. Scraping my hands up her jeans as I banter with her. And she’s into it. She’s not leaving but I have to go. As we part ways I say “give me a hug.” I pull her in and… _smack_ on the ass. “Hey!” she laughs as we walk off. Posted in [Status and Hierarchy](http://approachanxiety.com/?cat=20) | [http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/comments.gif](http://approachanxiety.com/wp-content/themes/Approach%20Anxiety/images/comments.gif) [Eric a.k.a. Disco](http://approachanxiety.com/) Says: [March 1st, 2007 at 10:39 am](http://approachanxiety.com/?p=72#comment-45) There were a couple of things going on with what I said. Basically, it was a statement of interest. That’s one of my personal sticking points. Showing a girl verbal explicit interest is something that causes me fear. So it was difficult for me to do. “Did you say that ironically? And how and why did you start physical interaction when you both just agreed you did not find each other attractive?” This particular statement of interest has two parts: you show interest and then you disqualify so that she feels less pressure. Another example would be “I would be so into if I weren’t gay.” Another statement of interest with a disqualifier would be “You are so awesome, I want to adopt you and make you my kid sister.” You show interest and then disqualify so that she doesn’t feel pressure. I began escalating afterward because I had overcome my fear. I was inhibited because I was afraid of losing her in this interaction, and I did something that proved to myself that I didn’t care if I lost her, so I was able to escalate. ---
**Author:** ![smn1234](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/smn1234/32/2430_2.png) [@smn1234](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/smn1234)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2007, 1:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-to-tell-a-girl-you-like-her/5345/2 "2007-09-01T13:31:19Z")
interesting… ---
**Author:** ![PheroQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9e8a1a/32.png) [@PheroQuirk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroQuirk)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2007, 1:50am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/how-to-tell-a-girl-you-like-her/5345/3 "2007-09-05T01:50:28Z")
[Approach Anxiety » Blog Archive » “I Love When a Girl Calls Me an A\*\*hole” - 2nd Podcast with Cory Skyy](http://approachanxiety.com/?p=158) # from Eric’s Blog [http://approachanxiety.com/images/island3.jpg](http://approachanxiety.com/images/island3.jpg) This is the second interview with “one of the best naturals ever,” Cory Skyy ([BadBoyWithAHeart.com](http://badboywithaheart.com/)). And it’s one of our best podcasts yet. In this podcast we go into specific detail and give away tons of valuble techniques for being the bad boy. We also discuss interactions with women over the weekend and analyze them. Do not miss this podcast! - Why Cory likes it when a girl calls him an a\*\*hole - How and why to tease a girl relentlessly - What to tease her about - The best way to stand when you’re with her - How and when to connect with her - How talking less can get her to talk more - The best way to walk around a bar - Eye contact basics and mindset - When to walk away from a girl and show physical disinterest - How and why to approach a girl indirectly - Cory’s powerful method for approaching her sincerely \*]A deadly technique to escalate the sexual tension–without saying a word