# I can't approach... Please somebody help **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [May 23, 2009, 2:15am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225 "2009-05-23T02:15:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LTDshred](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ltdshred/32/1416_2.png) [@LTDshred](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/LTDshred)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 2:15am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/1 "2009-05-23T02:15:14Z")
Guys, I’ve been using pheromones for over a month, and today my town had a festival where there were tons of girls. I wore 4 sprays of CTTM2, 4 sprays of [Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/), and 1 spray of AMMO. I notice some glances at me, and there was this one beautiful girl from school who said hi and waved to me. I replied and walked the other direction. I caught her again all alone and giving me periodic glances. I try to walk up, but I got so nervous I turned away. I’m so mad at myself, I don’t know what has gotten into me. I want to seriously cry because I let a serious opportunity get away from me. God, I’m so stupid… I had it, I HAD IT, several chances… and I let all of them get away (especially that one). ☹ People, I need serious help, for some reason, I can’t talk to girls at all. How do I get confidence? How the frick do I approach?!?! I’ve seriously read all the PUA articles, but once the moment comes, I’m scared as f\*ck. How do I get over this dang fear?☹ I need help! ---
**Author:** ![renny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/renny/32/2104_2.png) [@renny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/renny)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 2:53am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/2 "2009-05-23T02:53:32Z")
First, you know all those approaches that you didn’t make…forget about them. They didn’t happen for you, you can’t change them. The past is beyond your ability to affect it. It’s done. Let it go. Now take a deep breath and smile, release a few endorphins…dude, you freakin’ rock. Yeah, you heard me. YOU FREAKIN’ ROCK!!! You are young, you got a lot of experience with [pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/shop/) now, you’ve got a good knowlege of what the pick up guys say, all you need is to start experiencing. OK, about that damned fear. It’s a bitch…but it’s not beyond your control. Bella has a quote in her sig by John Wayne, ‘Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.’ That’s your answer. Pick an opener and saddle up. Nobody can guarantee that the first girl you approach isn’t a psychochick that’s gonna shoot you down in the meanest way possible, but the odds are pretty good that she isn’t. In fact odds are good that she’ll be so happy that you approached her that she’ll go all shy and leave all the work up to you. It’s tough being the man. It’s also pretty damned cool sometimes, you just gotta try it. ---
**Author:** ![jankren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jankren](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jankren)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 4:25am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/3 "2009-05-23T04:25:28Z")
“Hesitation leads to masturbation.” Keep that in mind the next time you hesitate to approach a girl. ---
**Author:** ![reishi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/reishi/32/411_2.png) [@reishi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/reishi)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 4:46am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/4 "2009-05-23T04:46:07Z")
I can’t really add anything to what Renny said. He summed up what I was going to say pretty well. Don’t sweat what you didn’t do. That’s life and it happens to the best of us. You are young and have a great life ahead of you, I can tell. Just saddle up, as they say, and do your best. If it doesn’t work the first couple of times then just learn from your mistakes so that the failures wont be in vein. ---
**Author:** ![Ball.Saxbury](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ball.saxbury/32/1063_2.png) [@Ball.Saxbury](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Ball.Saxbury)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 8:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/5 "2009-05-23T08:00:40Z")
What can I say? It’s nothing more than something you have to figure out yourself, in whatever way you choose to do that. I went out with a girl once, she was amazing. I couldn’t work up the courage to give her a kiss on the first date, she ended up dropping me because she wanted somebody more “aggressive.” But at the end of the day, who cares? There is an infinite number of chances you have, and all you have to do is try your best, and you’ll get the hang of it eventually. Do I regret not having kissed her? Sure. But I learned from that, and the next time that opportunity presented itself with somebody else, I remembered my failure and just went for it. And I’m now approaching the 4 month mark in a relationship with this amazing woman. As long as you learn from your mistakes, it’s impossible to fail. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 8:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/6 "2009-05-23T08:18:56Z")
Just to add my 2 cents worth, follow Nike’s old slogan. “Just do it”. I speak from experience, so hear me out… You’re at some social situation, and there, across the room, is that girl you’ve had your eye on for awhile. She’s pretty, fun, has a gorgeous smile, and now more than any other time, you really want to strike up a convo with her, get to know her a little better, get her number, etc. But… you just can’t seem to bring yourself to do it. You get self-conscious, examining yourself in excruciating, exaggerated detail. You decide then and there, before you even make the move that you’re too fat/skinny/ugly/boring/poor/dorky/nerdy and any other negative image you can create for yourself. Then, when that’s not enough, you start visualizing the WORST POSSIBLE OUTCOME IN THE UNIVERSE! In your minds eye, you see her laughing mercilessly at you. You see her friends point and laugh as well. You imagine that within a day or two, the word around school will be “Hey, you hear that LTDShred had the nerve to ask Polly Perfect out the other night? GOD, what a dork!” Within a matter of seconds, not only have you talked yourself out of approaching and talking to Polly Perfect in that moment, you’ve set a mental anchor for yourself for any other time you consider doing the same in the future. Sooo… my advice is simple. Fuck all that. She’s just a girl. If she isn’t interested, it’s no skin off your back. Approaching is a practiced art, and you have to get some experience doing it to do it well. That’s going to involve a bruised ego here and there, but don’t worry about it. It’s the hardest thing in the world to start doing, but it rapidly becomes easier the more you do it. So… Just Do It. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![DanMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e495f1/32.png) [@DanMan](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/DanMan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 10:45am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/7 "2009-05-23T10:45:43Z")
You just have to remember that even if you “fail” at this stage you’ve still succeeded in opening. Make sure you hold some sort of default opener at all times in case your head fails you in the moment and roll with it. Even from walking up and saying the word Hi you are then forced into rolling with the situation and 9/10 times you can just flow from that. Also get any idea of anything sexual out of your mind in that moment. You are not asking her to marry you. You need to remember that although she may be hot you just want to chat to her first to see if shes cool. If she turns out to be a total bitch to you then even better, you never have to worry again because she’s probably not the girl you’d want to be with anyway. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself will make things 100x harder and you can try and rationalize it all you want but it will just get you deeper into thought. If you find yourself thinking too much take a step away have a stretch, jog on the spot (out of sight 😉 ) do whatever and then just head straight into it. Once you get that first approach or first few out of the way you will get a buzz and realise that it’s not as bad as it seems. ---
**Author:** ![wiseowlk12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d2c977/32.png) [@wiseowlk12](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/wiseowlk12)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 11:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/8 "2009-05-23T11:19:58Z")
Ahh the approach…sounds so simple until you yourself have to go for it. Like some people said here it’s all about trial and error. The more you try to approach girls the more comfortable you are going to be at it. My suggestions try to talk to girls in everyday situations…doesn’t matter if your not into them, just to start conversation and train yourself to carry on a conversation and work on your game. Also, next time your in that uneasy setting just think to yourself…is this something I’ll REGRET NOT DOING a year from now… What wouldn’t hurt either is some Instant Gentelmen/ [Ammo](https://a314.com/product/ammo/)/ A314 (a small dab) under your nose, above your lip to give you a small boost of confidence. don’t worry about it man your young and this is part of it. Live these years up cuz they’re not coming back. -Peace out ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 7:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/9 "2009-05-23T19:47:27Z")
I can help, cause I’ve been there! Read all the old stuff on [Approach Anxiety](http://www.ApproachAnxiety.com) You can thank PheroQuirk for tha one. Next there’s EFT: [EFT - Your Free EFT Get Started Package](http://www.emofree.com/downloadeftmanual.asp) Don’t knock it until you try it. Works like a charm! If you search youtube you can find some very good examples. Then there’s Hypnotica who can help as well: [Hypnotica - The Inner Game Guru](http://www.hypnotica.org/) _The Sphinx of Imagination_ is pretty damn good but I found the Attractor Factor to work better. And my favorite of all is this little quote I read somewhere, but I forget where. All the same it is very powerful: What would be more likely to give you Approach Anxiety? If you were about to approach a complete stranger and ask her for $100, or if you were about to approach a complete stranger and give them $100. Think about that the next time you get Approach Anxiety! It shows the difference between offering value and seeking value. ---
**Author:** ![LTDshred](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ltdshred/32/1416_2.png) [@LTDshred](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/LTDshred)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 8:14pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/10 "2009-05-23T20:14:41Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > I can help, cause I’ve been there! > > Read all the old stuff on [Approach Anxiety](http://www.ApproachAnxiety.com) You can thank PheroQuirk for tha one. > > Next there’s EFT: [EFT - Your Free EFT Get Started Package](http://www.emofree.com/downloadeftmanual.asp) Don’t knock it until you try it. Works like a charm! If you search youtube you can find some very good examples. > > Then there’s Hypnotica who can help as well: [Hypnotica - The Inner Game Guru](http://www.hypnotica.org/) > _The Sphinx of Imagination_ is pretty damn good but I found the Attractor Factor to work better. > > And my favorite of all is this little quote I read somewhere, but I forget where. All the same it is very powerful: > > What would be more likely to give you Approach Anxiety? > > If you were about to approach a complete stranger and ask her for $100, or if you were about to approach a complete stranger and give them $100. Think about that the next time you get Approach Anxiety! It shows the difference between offering value and seeking value. Thanks guys, every post helped. Tonight, I’m going to try again, and I’m going to get my feet wet. If I see somebody, I’ll say hi or bring up a conversation. Renny and data4 pretty much summed it up, and I’ll read the articles later. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/11 "2009-05-23T21:13:37Z")
Great info from Steve and renny and the rest of the forum hotties. Being a girl I just want to remind you of one thing. I know your nervous but so are girls when a guy approaches us so your not alone. That one girl waved at you. A direct indicator of interest. Maybe that took courage for her to do and when you turned and walked away she wasn’t thinking “Oh he must be nervous” It probably felt like rejection. Girls tend to pair up with other girls when they hang out and if you could hear us when a guy we are interested in starts to approach you would probably laugh your butt off… "Oh my god he is coming this way " What should I say ? What if he thinks I am a dork ? Are my boobs even ? Hows my hair look. Oh god he is so cute. Is he looking ? How should I stand etc etc etc and we can get all this out to our girlfriends in 5 seconds flat. ` You never grow out of it even though we become more confident as we age and can control it better and even now that I am older my single girlfriends will still do this when we go out. Course since I am married and not nervous at all I just give a big smile and wave the guy over which starts a whole new tirade of “Oh my gods” from my friends LOL So next time a girl gives you a IOI. Just remember your not alone in being nervous and suck it up and approach. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2009, 10:02pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/12 "2009-05-23T22:02:48Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > _The Sphinx of Imagination_ is pretty damn good… Not to jump topic here, but you’re so right about that. At first, it just comes off as an elaborate hypno-trip, but when you do it, say, 3 or 4 times a week, you start noticing how bits and pieces of things start coming together that you never considered before. I know that’s as vague as it gets, but when you experience it yourself, you understand. I’d love to spend a day with Hypnotica and even Steve Piccus, his sometimes-sidekick, and just pick their brains. With regard to hypnosis for self improvement, with a tilt towards pickup, Hypnotica is one of my heroes. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![bedojo](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bedojo/32/1027_2.png) [@bedojo](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bedojo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 5:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/13 "2009-05-24T05:27:29Z")
hi there ltd! sorry to hear that you have approach anxiety. i do also 😃 But this goes along the same lines as what tisha is saying, girls do also! there is this one girl, beautiful, Hawaiian nice colored skin great face, I kept out of friend zone with her cuz I want to get with her(not necessarily sex, but more then friend). But i totaly pick up on what tisha said, when i see the girl. she blushes and her toung gets tied like mine lol. but the cool thing is, it doesn’t matter how you open, as long as you open then their listening to you. I’v opened a girl by barking at her once… lol ok nvm that wasnt the best idea 😉 thaught i was retarded xD. (it a long story)/ but yeah i cant open much either but once it opens i can flow magic little fingers of MM/pua. and i know you can to, because you have read all the stuff! it is in your brain, right now your at the top of the high diving board, you know what to do, you just got to jump off of it now 🙂 and if you miss the water and crack your head open on the concret floor…, well atleast you wont die cuz its just a metaphor 😛… but you can climb right back up and jump again, and land a awesome cannon ball and splash everybody! you get what i mean i hope! -nate EDIT: i dont know if this is the best advice but it helped me, if you need to, get with some hood rats, nothing serious, but i felt like everyone around me had sex and i am lacking some how, very stupid thinking, but i got with a few hoodrats, and well it boosted my confidence, just make sure you move up from the hoodrats after 1 or 2. lol (your idea of a hood rat and my idea of a hood rat will vary, same with your idea of a 10 and my idea of a 10), i dont mean hood rat as offencive to any women, it just slang we use around area i grew up thanks for the neg reps, bro 😉 ---
**Author:** ![castlerock](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/castlerock/32/1503_2.png) [@castlerock](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/castlerock)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/14 "2009-05-24T15:49:57Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > Just remember your not alone in being nervous and suck it up and approach. > > Tisha ok, meet me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 😃 i’m totally not nervous anymore, but i need to check to just make sure. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/15 "2009-05-24T15:55:39Z")
> [@castlerock](#): > > ok, meet me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 😃 i’m totally not nervous anymore, but i need to check to just make sure. 😛 😮 What… no desert ? ---
**Author:** ![castlerock](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/castlerock/32/1503_2.png) [@castlerock](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/castlerock)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/16 "2009-05-24T18:18:55Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > 😮 What… no desert ? o behave, we need to keep that to PM’s. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/17 "2009-05-24T18:25:19Z")
> [@castlerock](#): > > o behave, we need to keep that to PM’s. 😃 Oh ok LOL I was gonna tell you about this amazing recipe I came up with involving chocolate syrup, honey and whipped cream. It will blow your mind . But I will take your advice and behave 😉 ---
**Author:** ![castlerock](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/castlerock/32/1503_2.png) [@castlerock](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/castlerock)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 6:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/18 "2009-05-24T18:57:44Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > Oh ok LOL I was gonna tell you about this amazing recipe I came up with involving chocolate syrup, honey and whipped cream. It will blow your mind . But I will take your advice and behave 😉 I’m at attention. I mean you have my attention. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OoohYahhh](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ooohyahhh/32/1274_2.png) [@OoohYahhh](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/OoohYahhh)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/19 "2009-05-24T21:58:52Z")
> [@LTDshred](#): > > … > People, I need serious help, for some reason, I can’t talk to girls at all. How do I get confidence? How the frick do I approach?!?! I’ve seriously read all the PUA articles, but once the moment comes, I’m scared as f\*ck. How do I get over this dang fear?☹ I need help! I suggest the ancient method used by all the great mystics. This is how Buddha found enlightenment. _Give up!_ Fugget aboudit! You ain’t gettin’ laid today … or tomorrow … and probly not next week either. So just save yourself a whole lot of time and trouble, and give up now. Don’t you feel a whole lot better now that the pressure is off? What you need to do now is talk to people. _All kinds of people!_ Talk to old people, fat people, kids, dogs, … Men. women, children, parrots, … _everybody!_ Anybody in your line of sight that you do not know, that you have never met before, that you will probably never see again, you need to strike up a conversation with them. Start with a question. What do you think of… Have you ever seen… Could you give me some advice… How do I get to… Where would I find.. What kind of dog is that… How about those… There’s a million more. Use your imagination. Talk to them just long enough to get one big smile. Then leave! Ride off into the sunset knowing that you have done a good deed. You have made your contribution to world peace. Somewhere in there is going to be a few pretty girls. For your purposes they are just the same as everybody else. You get a big smile and you leave. You are not going to ask them out. You are not going out with them even if they ask you out. You are not going to get their phone number. Even if they offer it to you. You are probably never going to see this girl again. You are only there for one reason, to get that big smile and you leave. Smile 'em and leave 'em. The only difference with pretty girls is you count them. You need to get a smile from at least a dozen (that’s right, at least 12) before you even think about hangin’ out after that first big smile. That won’t take long because you’re out striking up a conversation with a dozen or more people everyday. Riiight?? Oh, and if you are the least bit nervous with that first one, you are going to need to smile a dozen more. Don’t worry, there’s plenty more where that one came from. Women are like buses. There’ll be another one come along in a little while. Meantime, keep talkin’ to old people and fat kids. You’ll probably be havin’ a lot of fun. If you’re good at it, you’ll probably even be gettin’ a belly laugh or two. For both you and them. OoohYahhh BTW: You want to be reading “Without Embarassment - The Social Cowards Totally Fearless Seduction System” by Mike Pilinski. Some good insights. The methods are simple, straight forward, and low risk. He’ll kick your ass and make you laugh about it. ---
**Author:** ![bedojo](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bedojo/32/1027_2.png) [@bedojo](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bedojo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2009, 10:14pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/20 "2009-05-24T22:14:19Z")
Thanks OoohYahhh 🙂 best advice i heard yet! lot better then mine 😉 hehe thanks again, im going do this, ima look into that book also [You can preview the book here](http://books.google.com/books?id=8WkeQigwrmQC&dq=Without+Embarrassment+-+The+Social+Coward%27s+Totally+Fearless+Seduction+System&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=2sYZSsiQCYPQswO1zOWSDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4) i also would recommend doing the style life challenge in rules of the game, by neil strauss -nate [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225.md?page=2)