# I can't approach... Please somebody help **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [May 23, 2009, 2:15am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225 "2009-05-23T02:15:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![jankren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jankren](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jankren)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2009, 1:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/21 "2009-05-25T01:22:37Z")
Women are very good at faking. I saw this one experiment in which there was a speed dating where the participants were supposed to rate their partners using a machine under the table and there was this one woman who was paired with a very ugly guy and she was all smiling enthusiastically toward him while at the same time rating him ZERO! This is why Im very careful especially toward confident women because you just dont know what they are really thinking. They can seem very interested in you while at the same time thinking you are an ugly dork. ---
**Author:** ![Warren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/97f17d/32.png) [@Warren](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Warren)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2009, 1:25am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/22 "2009-05-25T01:25:16Z")
You need more confidence. That’s A314. It _really_ might be just that simple. ---
**Author:** ![zyron](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/zyron/32/1842_2.png) [@zyron](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/zyron)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2009, 6:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/23 "2009-05-25T06:56:02Z")
Hey LTD, don’t worry man. It’s all good. The approach is the first hard part, The second is sustaining a convo with out boring her. (One of the things I have yet to concure) I usally fall into the akward silence. It happens with both men and woman I try to talk too. If you look at my avatar, that girl there was a Rock Girl from the local radio station. I have talked with many of these woman. Talk to these gorgeous creatures really boosted my confidence. I’m a photographer and working on a Comic book for the very radio station, a morning show with crazy characters. I use that as a starter point to talk to them and learn my skill. You know what? works like a charm. I get a nice convo going and learn how this girls work. I still have the pause of death, where it falls silent. That’s life and learning. One way for you, maybe is finding something to push you and engage you into going to this girl from school. Part of the battle is won if she waves and smiles at you. Don’t give up on that LTD. thats a ticket of interest. It says Admit one, and it is left at the will call. (cheesy Line ) lol. Good luck Man, let us know how it goes. 🙂 We all pulling for you fellow Pherodude. 🙂 -Zyron ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2009, 10:48am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/24 "2009-05-25T10:48:00Z")
I just thought of another thing that works great for me. A wingman. It doesn’t have to be some elaborate, dynamic pick-up duo situation, either. A wingman in the most basic role is someone to give moral support. He doesn’t even have to actively _give_ you any sort of support, either. Sometimes just having a friend in proximity is all it takes. You can even make a game of it and add a little incentive to the interaction. For example, put _yourself_ in the hotseat by telling your wingie, “Hey, watch this”, and make your move. You would think that would just complicate matters, but consider this: You’re already under that approach anxiety pressure anyway, why not mitigate it with some pressure you have a little control over? I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done the “Hey, watch this…” set up on myself and have gone through with something I wouldn’t normally do if no one was watching. I won’t lie and tell you that every time I did it, I got the girl (or had a positive outcome in general, as this trick can be used for other things besides approaching women), but I did find for some strange reason that I was more comfortable while doing it. The best analogy I can give is how I feel when I’m flying somewhere. Now, I absolutely LOVE flying, but once the doors are shut and the aircraft is ready to take off, I get the jitters something fierce. My stomach starts to churn, and all sorts of crazy thoughts go through my mind. Once the plane is up and settling into cruise, a zen-like calm comes over me. It’s because I know at that point that no matter what happens, there is nothing I can do to affect the outcome, and strangely enough, it’s a peaceful feeling. Believe it or not, that’s usually how I feel after I tell my partner in crime, “Hey, watch this…” and make my move. Dunno if this is useful to you, but I figure it can’t hurt to try. 🙂 -D4 ---
**Author:** ![evolver](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/evolver/32/1896_2.png) [@evolver](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/evolver)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/25 "2009-05-26T01:43:40Z")
Your sympathetic nervous system is making a fight or flight response. Reason being, your body perceives approaching a woman as competing with other males. Breathe deep, focus on slowing down. I’m sure there are situations in your life when you feel comfortable. Talking to your mom, sisters, your female friends. Find that and center yourself. The cause of this fear reaction is that mating during primitive times often occured in war, rape and pillaging. True story. ---
**Author:** ![jankren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f0a364/32.png) [@jankren](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jankren)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 3:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/26 "2009-05-26T15:49:51Z")
> [@evolver](#): > > The cause of this fear reaction is that mating during primitive times often occured in war, rape and pillaging. True story. Lol, I always laugh at scientific evolutionary speculations like this. I meam experiences arent inherited through the genes. 😃😃😃 ---
**Author:** ![LTDshred](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ltdshred/32/1416_2.png) [@LTDshred](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/LTDshred)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 6:08pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/27 "2009-05-26T18:08:11Z")
> [@data4](#): > > I just thought of another thing that works great for me. A wingman. It doesn’t have to be some elaborate, dynamic pick-up duo situation, either. A wingman in the most basic role is someone to give moral support. He doesn’t even have to actively _give_ you any sort of support, either. Sometimes just having a friend in proximity is all it takes. > > You can even make a game of it and add a little incentive to the interaction. For example, put _yourself_ in the hotseat by telling your wingie, “Hey, watch this”, and make your move. You would think that would just complicate matters, but consider this: You’re already under that approach anxiety pressure anyway, why not mitigate it with some pressure you have a little control over? > > I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done the “Hey, watch this…” set up on myself and have gone through with something I wouldn’t normally do if no one was watching. I won’t lie and tell you that every time I did it, I got the girl (or had a positive outcome in general, as this trick can be used for other things besides approaching women), but I did find for some strange reason that I was more comfortable while doing it. > > The best analogy I can give is how I feel when I’m flying somewhere. Now, I absolutely LOVE flying, but once the doors are shut and the aircraft is ready to take off, I get the jitters something fierce. My stomach starts to churn, and all sorts of crazy thoughts go through my mind. Once the plane is up and settling into cruise, a zen-like calm comes over me. It’s because I know at that point that no matter what happens, there is nothing I can do to affect the outcome, and strangely enough, it’s a peaceful feeling. Believe it or not, that’s usually how I feel after I tell my partner in crime, “Hey, watch this…” and make my move. > > Dunno if this is useful to you, but I figure it can’t hurt to try. 🙂 > > -D4 Bringing a wingman might actually be a good idea for my first few tries. If I don’t do well, I still have a friend to hang out with, so I could think of it as a win-win situation right? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![hopefulpherouser](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/hopefulpherouser/32/2239_2.png) [@hopefulpherouser](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/hopefulpherouser)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/28 "2009-05-26T19:29:37Z")
Theres a book called the mystery method. I am halfway through reading it, and I have got to say that it is pure gold. It will help you. ---
**Author:** ![Wrlprchnx](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wrlprchnx/32/1360_2.png) [@Wrlprchnx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wrlprchnx)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 9:22pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/29 "2009-05-26T21:22:37Z")
> [@hopefulpherouser](#): > > Theres a book called the mystery method. I am halfway through reading it, and I have got to say that it is pure gold. > > It will help you. I disagree completely - Stay away from the Mystery Method, don’t google it, don’t read it and most importantly DO NOT memorize and repeat the routines from it. MM has it’s purpose, most of that purpose is to get laid by club girls. It can be effective… however a significant number of the guys who try it just end up kinda creepy (Ref. Mystery’s MTV show) MM’s tricks and routines aren’t terrible for someone who is able to approach with some degree of confidence but are simply socially inept. (inevitably that person would be better served by developing their social skills without using routines and tricks as a crutch) LTD is NOT in the place where suggesting MM is healthy… I’m pretty sure he would end up becoming one of those robot creeper PUA wannabe’s if he really devoted to it (getting laid on occasion by the random drunk skank) No insult to you LTD, you haven’t matured socially yet, and going down the MM path will only delay that development. My suggestion to working out your approach anxiety - 1. Like Steve said, read Approach Anxiety… I really wish the guy posted more because what he has to say is generally really good. 2. Like multiple others have said - Try to be as social as possible with everyone around you and **HAVE NO EXPECTATIONS** that being social will go anywhere. Make being social your purpose **AND GOAL** 3. Start a personal diary - Carry it with you and after having a social interaction write down how it felt, who it was with, how you felt, how they interacted. Equally important, whenever you want to talk to someone but you let the opportunity pass you by WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU WERE THINKING, WHY you let it pass you by. Also write down those times where something happened and you thought of something witty to say after you were walking away. Every week do a review, note what you did right, note what you did wrong, and make a clear goal for the next week **important - Do not use the diary as a way to avoid interacting with someone (i.e. be aware even while writing in it, having a social interaction trumps finishing a diary entry)** ---
**Author:** ![MarkL](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/markl/32/825_2.png) [@MarkL](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MarkL)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/30 "2009-05-27T13:16:11Z")
> [@Wrlprchnx](#): > > I disagree completely - Stay away from the Mystery Method, … I’ll have to second this suggestion – not forever, of course, MM is a good read, but I’d agree that it would be too tempting at this point for LTD, and probably not a good path. I’ll remark that a diary is **not** a substitute for a wingman (which was what I wanted to respond to yesterday but was diverted) but I will also second keeping a log/diary/journal as a record of your reflections and observations as a useful tool. Okay … back to the wingman topic. LTD, before I begin, I want to express my regrets if any of what I say sounds … curt or insensitive. I don’t currently have a better way to say what I want to say. I’m hoping you’ll consider that a wingman is not a crutch or a Plan B, and that the idea is that your wingman – a guy or girl – is there to observe you “do something” rather than to “do good” or “not do good”. In other words, s/he is an extra pair of eyes and ears who can give you objective feedback on things you might not have noticed or considered while you were “doing something” (e.g., opening a set.) Your wing is ideally not judging whether you “did good” or “did not do good” … but is giving ~you~ information on which to base ~your~ decisions. For example, a wing – while you are focused on faces, eye contact, and saying ‘hello’ – might be looking at foot language (placement, movement, direction, angle) or body language (arched back, head tilt) or the actions of the secondary members of the set. You might have a high enough level of excitement that even some in-your-eye facial expressions get by you unnoticed. I suggest looking for a wing who is not judgmental, who can just be a keen observer. I’d even suggest you avoid any kind of evaluation of your performance with your wing that involves criticism. That way you will be glad to have your wing with you … and more than a few times at first. The value of a wing goes up over time, as s/he gets to know you, and as you get learn to listen to his/her voice and get the intuitive shape of the kinds of observations your wing provides. (Don’t ever forget your wing’s birthday; take good care of him/her.) Later, you might need a wing less often, but later each session is likely to give you even more valuable insights as you refine your social interactions. And a thought about performance. What you have is a form of performance anxiety. How do performers prepare for a performance? Rehearsal. Anywhere. Everywhere. With strangers on the street. Try making your “conversational hello” performance SUCK: the most pitiful, awful, immediately rejectable, cheezy act in history; ~then~ try making it graceful and eloquent and as smooth as creme pie. Rehearse enough times that you no longer care whether someone else thinks you’ve done good or not … and then, your performance anxiety will be gone. Best wishes, LTD ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 6:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225/31 "2009-05-27T18:31:34Z")
Great advice from all members. I’m especially thankful that Steve mentioned Hypnotica, I was planning on giving it a try and SteveO’s endorsement has me even more convinced. I’ve tried some of Glauberman’s stuff and I like them a lot. Dude, best thing, as all the other guys have mentioned, is to just approach and keep approaching. 3 second rule, you see, you approach. You choose not to approach, then it’s okay, just forget about it and strengthen your resolve to approach faster next time. Just the other day, I failed to approach a cute girl in my math class. I’ve talked to her a couple times for notes, and I casually chatted with her before our test. I saw her after the test, talking to the prof, and I thought to myself, this is a great time to approach her and invite her to a memorial day weekend bbq. I stood there for 30 seconds or so, deciding whether to go or not. I eventually decided not to. I figured I’d be in the wrong mindset to approach now. But things were just fine the first couple times I talked to her (asking her name while leaving class, before the test, etc..). In those cases, I just opened my mouth before I had a chance to ask myself what the hell I was thinking. 😃 The funny thing? I’m really glad I didn’t ask her to the bbq thing. It ended up being really lame and boring. It would have made the worst impression on her. Lol, anyways, stay having fun, take the pressure off yourself and decide that if you want someone/something, go get them. [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-cant-approach-please-somebody-help/29225.md?page=1)