# I need help badly. **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [July 9, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484 "2006-07-09T19:37:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![dsouza](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/dsouza/32/840_2.png) [@dsouza](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/dsouza)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 7:37pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/1 "2006-07-09T19:37:34Z")
Ok I’m 36, east indian, 5’7 168 lbs. I am head of heels in love with the woman 10/10 who is 28 years old 5’9" 115 lbs anddrop dead gorgeous. She is Polish. I am a mute. By this I mean I really have not spent much of my life initiating conversation. I usually wait until someone else inititate and even then I seem to be spaced out and not really listen effectively. When I used SOE on her, I tended to come in with a plan to simply not be concerned if she likes me or not but rather just be relaxed, make some jokes, laugh,and call her by her name a lot. She warmed up to me after we talked and even touched me on the arm. She seemed in a friendly, joyful, chatty, happy, mood. Here’s the thing, I saw her a week later (I see her every week on appointment as she is a dietician) and tried a314. WHAT A MESS. I found I applied 4 drops. I was a mute not knowing how to talk. My mood was pissy and antisocial. I wouldn’t smile if a million dollar bill was in front of me. I had a VERY DIFFICULT TIME intiating, especially since I am naturally shy and not a conversationalist, and she seemed to react negatively to the vibe I was putting out. I forgot to call her by her name (its supposedly seductive) and she was serious, not a smile on her face the whole time. The talk was all business, no laughter, no smiles, no leaning in, no touching. Basically “I couldn’t care less about your grumpy personality”. She didn’t seem to let me get a word in, she is naturally very talkative. Does a314 turn you into a leader whose an ass\*ole, like a manager who gets his way pushing people around instead of supporting, and socializing with others. The lack of eye contact from strangers in malls makes me feel like a don’t exist with a314. The fact that I am horrible at initiating makes me feel that I can’t work with the product. Basically with a314 I am told that I have a glum, pissed off, stuck up, antisocial aura about me (my wife has told me that). I know there are other products that you can mix . I have instant shine, instant female magic, instant openness, instant honesty, TUTH. I have all of these but I feel when I spray these combos i just get gibberish. Its like mixing tons of juices together hoping you get something palatable to drink. Often I feel no effect at all. At least with the a 314 separate I can feel it working. Help please. I have to land this chick, (my wife and i are going separate ways). I feel I need something to tailor myself just to her. I don’t care if it backfires on everyone else. Can someone analyze this message and help me out!!! thanks! ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 8:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/2 "2006-07-09T20:00:05Z")
This sounds like a classic example of the need for behavioral training and desensitizing… self consciousness and conversational skills take good educational processes… if you go in with the belief that **you have to** land her you are already defeated… desperation creates a wholly lost feeling in people… it sounds like you have strong underlying moods that are coming to the surface anyway… maybe you should do a class in Meisner acting technique to improve your focus and listening skills (you are not alone, most people have poor abilities in these areas by depending too much on “communication technology” and not having a clue about how to behave face to face… and yeah, I know about stunning 29 year old eastern european women… they aren’t easy at all, businesslike, and they aren’t into listening to bullshit… they like their guys masculine, confident, not needy, and like to go shopping… but they have big hearts hidden behind all that eastern euro armor)… Don’t get hung up on her… take some acting classes, go to a Mystery Method seminar or read their books, think of getting your head in shape as being as important as getting your body in shape… maybe do some ballroom dancing as well, good way to learn the flow of energy between man and woman… **then ask yourself, do you have anything in common, do you know what her thoughts are on any subject, what her family is like, are her parents alive, what her childhood was like, what sort of life experience she had in her early 20s, what forces shaped the way she sees life ?** ---
**Author:** ![sigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@sigma](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigma)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 8:46pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/3 "2006-07-09T20:46:04Z")
To me A314 is like a really nice looking suit. It carries a lot of power, sophistication, status and class, however, much like a suit, worn in the wrong context, it can create some undesired effects. Part of what gives a ‘power’ suit its sense of presence is the way you carry yourself while wearing it. Some people wear suits and begin to stiffen up and carry themselves in an awkward, self-conscious manner - they aren’t used to sense of status a suit implies, and there’s a lack of congruency between the way they look, and the way they carry themselves. They may look nice, but may not always be taken seriously. Being fully comfortable in a nice suit, carrying yourself in natural, inviting and open gestures, creates a projection that status and authority are a second nature to you…not something you’re trying to falsify. A314 operates behind the same principles, it projects a strong, authoritative, leader type image, however this can create some downfalls if worn in a setting where you it isn’t in your best interests to take on a alpha like role, or if you can’t naturally and comfortably carry yourself in an authoritative type of way. It isn’t a matter of having to be an asshole, but in order to have people follow, you must FIRST take a position to lead. You can support and socialize with others in an open, inviting way with A314, but more often than not you’ll have to be the one initializing interaction with others. If you really are a shy type, then A314 really isn’t a product for you. The biggsest advice to you is to learn to crawl before you try to walk…scale your scope back a bit and experiment with each of the products a bit. Before you can really benefit from complex mixes, its vital that you build an understanding of how pheromones work and how the different products individually complement the overall image you’re trying to project. Think of pheromone mixing like creating a complex, yet tasty dish. You wouldn’t blindly throw in ingredients into a pot and simply hope it tastes well would you? You’d focus on a central flavor, and use your knowledge of various ingredients to spice it to your liking. SOE seems have worked with you (alpha androstenol) based on your results. [Instant Openness](https://a314.com/product/instant-openness/) should produce similar (if not better) results, so try working with that. Really focus in on the social mones first (IS, IH, IO) as they carry less potential for undesired effects. A314, IFM, and TUTH take some time to really hone in on an ideal dosage…and the negative effects of getting a dose wrong can really dampen things when you’d like everything to go well. Lastly, taking everything into consideration, while pheromones can provide a significant leg up up in our social and intimate relationships, they cannot a solution all on their own. When using pheromones, take the advantages and opportunties they can superficially create, to consciously make improvements upon yourself. check out this thread > [@Pheromone Evaporation : Top, Middle, Base?](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/pheromone-evaporation-top-middle-base/478): > > Maybe we should categorise products, [pheromone](https://pheromonelabs.com/)/putatives based on their perceived evaporation rate & tenacity? Could be useful in gauging which mones need to top-up or let roll over? Below are those chemset & products which I’ve used regularly & recently (Androtics), in a South East Asian country (humid + hot). Please indicate “notes” category according to your standard/successful dosage (i.e. non-OD) & country/weather. TOP notes (evaporate fastest, finishes quickly) (lasts no more than 2.5 h… ---
**Author:** ![Rbt](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/rbt/32/2066_2.png) [@Rbt](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rbt)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 8:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/4 "2006-07-09T20:52:56Z")
And start low with the application dosages. An OD is sometime difficult to “recover” from. It’s one thing to OD as a test, but in more “critical” situations like to one you describe I’d take it slow and easy. Four drops of a314 is a bit much IMO. I usually never go more than 1 or 2 drops if I use it at all (depends on anticipated situations too). And it’s often beter to just get _her_ talking, especially about herself, rather than worrying about your own “sparkeling” conversational responses. I’ve heard women give higher marks to men who are good listeners. A worthwile skill to learn. ---
**Author:** ![examine](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/examine/32/1665_2.png) [@examine](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/examine)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 9:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/5 "2006-07-09T21:09:53Z")
IS and IO ??? ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 11:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/6 "2006-07-09T23:40:25Z")
You Dont Need As Much Help As You Think a woman’s point of view, peanut-gallery here… you stated she is naturally talkitive. a dietician is someone who went into this line of work wanting to help people. i am willing to bet she is real interesting. i’ll bet she has alot to offer besides good looks. i’ll bet if you are seeing a dietician, there are actual questions you may have.hmmmm. a visit _could_ be seen as an opportunity to 1.get her to do something shes in her element doing (anyone IN THEIR ELEMENT feels great) 2. learn something about your diet concerns 3. learn something about her personally ( once you share personal information its hard to view the other person as just a patient anymore). wearing IShine is for YOU, try 1 spray wearing IH is for BOTH of you, try 1 spray wearing A314 is LESS IS BETTER, try 1 drop my theory here is that in order to maintain control of your limited time with her, dont over-[pheromone](https://pheromonelabs.com/shop/). they should accent but not overwhelm. the other thing is to make conversation by asking questions. she likes to talk/help. you want in. no better way than to get to know her. ask her about some of her suggestions- why is this a good idea? would you mind explaining how this helps/hurts? do you have any personal experiences in this area? (my mom’s family is polish…they were excellent cooks. i’ll bet she got good tips there) wanting to know stuff about her is very attractive. dont go in with a plan, just be inquisitive.sounds like she’ll dig it. ---
**Author:** ![countesszero](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/countesszero/32/1392_2.png) [@countesszero](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/countesszero)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2006, 11:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/7 "2006-07-09T23:54:25Z")
I highly recommend [Instant Openness](https://a314.com/product/instant-openness/). It seems to get the conversation going in the right direction. Also what Lor posted is right on the money. ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 7:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/8 "2006-07-10T07:22:31Z")
I am too tired right now to read the responses you’ve already gotten very well, but here’s my advice. You’re already lost if you have decided you have to have this particular woman. Success with women comes from blending many things together. Chiefest among them seems to be a strong sense of self confidence and self sufficiency. Truly self confident men are generally also at least somewhat independent. If you only need yourself, then you never come off as needy. Every woman I have ever “needed to land” walked away. Many women I have decided I didn’t need or even particularly want, were interested. I have found that there are ways to get pretty much whatever woman you want, but you have to learn how to handle yourself with women in general before you can start pulling out the big guns. My experience has been that if you are playful with a woman, and you enjoy teasing her and having a good time with her without trying to get her or care too much, she will enjoy your company much more. This gives you a natural sense of pleasure that she can associate with you, and she’ll begin down the right path by herself usually. Ever since I’ve stopped giving a sh&t about landing women, they’re all over me. Why? Because I display a high level of self confidence, and I couldn’t care less if she’s interested (showing independence), and I just like to play with them. Flirting, teasing, having fun, laughing. It makes life for you much more pleasurable, too. It’s a game. Play it. Furthermore, pheromones aren’t going to solve your problems without your help. (Although I have to say it is apparently possible to make women do amazing things if you get your mix right.) But, using pheromones in mixes you create requires that you understand each component to at least some degree. Which means you have to know what each and every one does, and at various doses - all by themselves. You wouldn’t try to mix paints if you were color blind, would you? It’s the same thing. You need to understand the components before you’re going to get a mix that has a chance. Last but not least, don’t jump in at the deep end. 4 drops of A314 is a lot - it’s a good dose for me, but it’s on the verge of too much, and I certainly wouldn’t dare wear it at those levels around a woman I didn’t know for sure was comfortable with very dominant men. Obviously, it’s serious overkill for you. Always start off using the smallest dose - 1 drop or spray, and work your way up from there. You have to know how any [pheromone product](https://a314.com/shop/) affects YOU at a given dose before you should ever try to wear it around someone else. I also suggest you seek out a good self confidence program (subliminal, NLP, hypnosis, whatever - I find subliminal works well for me) and use it until it does what it’s designed to do. Which brings to mind the fact that you said your wife is leaving you… so, why not take some time for yourself to get past the emotional trauma before going after another woman? Jumping into another relationship probably isn’t a good idea right after a failed marriage. Just my suggestions. ---
**Author:** ![Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bunny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bunny)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 9:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/9 "2006-07-10T09:06:40Z")
> [@catlord17](#): > > You’re already lost if you have decided you have to have this particular woman. I don’t agree with this at all, just as I don’t agree if you have to have a particular man, you’ve lost. I think that is YOUR experience, but I know many friends of both genders who have the mindset of “I want X and I WILL have X,” and for them it works very well. Sure, you can go out with an open mind, and look for someone on a more general basis, but for a lot of people setting their cap at one person IS the way to go. After all, “Faint heart never won fair lady” (or for that matter, fair man…) It’s all about the way you go about things. You can’t just breenge in willy-nilly and dive in headfirst, because then you just come off as overbearing and a turn-off, but if you pursue someone in more subtle ways, you can reap the dividends - big-time. Ail 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 9:35am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/10 "2006-07-10T09:35:01Z")
I appreciate you having your own opinion, Ail, and I’m not the end-all be-all of anything, leastaways advice. But, I can say this with a good bit of confidence: Choosing one person to base all your hopes on, before you have their interest, is a losing gambit. It’s a different story to decide you like someone enough to make a concerted effort to win them over. And the difference between them, is why the former is a losing gambit. When you walk into a bar, let’s say you see someone you find head and shoulders above the rest in looks. Let’s also say you’re single and looking. Now let’s say you ignore everyone else there while trying for this one person. The minute you decide you can only have this one person, you’ve shot yourself down. Why? 1. Chances are, they won’t be interested in you. 2. You’ve just shut the door on everyone there who might not only be interested, but available, and who might make a good choice. The fact is, any given person you meet is statistically very unlikely to be interested in you. Maybe they’re taken, maybe they’re not the right sexual orientation, maybe they aren’t looking, maybe a lot of things. The truth remains though, that your chances of choosing someone who will be equally interested in you are slim at best. As my photography instructor put it, “there are billions of people out there, and you decided this is ‘the one’ one out of how many you’ve met or encountered?” Yes, making a concerted effort is a lot more likely to win someone over. But in my experience (which I do not claim is all encompassing or flawless), if you try to mold yourself to fit someone else, as he states he feels he must, there is a usually problem somewhere, and it’s probably not going to work. But I could be wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bunny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bunny)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 11:51am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/11 "2006-07-10T11:51:09Z")
See, this is again where there is this HUGE divide between the way people in different countries around the world do things as regards dating and mating. Perhaps it is because Scots people as a rule are gregarious and very friendly, but the disinterested people in bars and clubs over here are few and far between. I’ve read exactly what you have described as being a typical scenario on a good few “advice” sites for relationships 101, but again, they have all been based in the US. I think it seems that you have to put in an awful lot of effort Across The Pond just to gain someone’s interest in the first place, and I really feel that’s a terrible state of affairs. I hope you do get a chance to travel to Scotland at some point, as you will see that what I am telling you is not just my experience, it’s the way things ARE over here. Just walking into a club here, you would see what I mean. I have a friend who was pursued relentlessly by a pretty ordinary guy over here for about 18 months, and she really wasn’t interested in anyone, when he started on his “mission,” but eventually he wore her down, and she decided to go out on a date with him. Guess what? She had the greatest time she had had for years. They’ve been together two years now, and she’s expecting in the Autumn, and had she never given him a chance, she would never have known how happy she could be. Sometimes, hanging in there, IS the way to go, and there’s none of this, “You’ve struck out from day one” attitude. It simply doesn’t exist. I think perhaps there is too much analysis of what works and does not work, in the US, and certain people in London and other big English cities have this problem too, but it gets a lot of people nowhere very fast. There appears to be an awful lot of play-acting and role-playing in some other countries in the relatonship ritual, but trust me, if you can just be yourself and never attempt to come across as something you are not, it gets you so much further. Never feel someone is unattainable to you. Always have the mindset that you are every bit as worthwhile a prospect as the next girl or guy. Again like I said, “The Man” laughed his head off at some of these “rules” in online dating e-books, on how to act in a way they suggest will garner success, as to use these “techniques” over here, would actually probably result in the opposite of what you set out to achieve. Everybody obviously works in different ways, but I think that being as open and forthcoming as we Scots are, it definitely helps. We don’t role-play, we don’t try to impress, we just ARE. Popular people here in the club scene are not those who are followed about endlessly by men or women, they are those who are open, friendly and will chat to anyone, regardless of looks or status. You can meet a great-looking guy or girl and know within 5 minutes that it’s never going anywhere, because while the packaging may look nice, what’s inside has about as much depth as a saucer, and you can meet a very average-looking person, who turns out within seconds to be the salt of the earth, highly-intelligent and great to be with. I read somewhere recently that in the US both genders focus greatly on looks on initial contact with someone new, and I’m trying to find statistics for that in other countries, because again, it’s not always the case here at all. If someone you are talking to isn’t that great-looking, but has a fun, vibrant outlook, and makes you laugh, then don’t preclude them as a possible partner, because if you do, you might just be missing out on the person who is just right for you. On the other hand, if you meet a superb-looking person, who also has a great personality, never feel that trying to get further is a bad move, because they are “Out of your league,” - that’s nonsense. As you said, confidence shines out of people, and I know a good few people who are much larger than many people would find acceptable, but they are extremely successful in dating very good-looking people and why is that? It’s because confidence radiates out of them in abundance. They put themselves out there, and say with their very being, “This is me, and this is how I am. Don’t rule me out just because of my size!” Some of the women I know who are large, and set their sights on someone that perhaps you would feel they have no chance with actually DO get nowhere at first, but knock-backs are something that don’t stop them, and often, once they find a way to get across the brilliant personality they have, and how much common ground they share with the person they are interested in, things change. I’ve even seen it go the opposite way, to where the pursuee, becomes the persuer. I would have said this is an age thing, but then, you’re not much younger than me, so it really does seem to be that different cultures behave differently in the mating game. No one culture is right or wrong in what they do, it’s just fascinatng to see how MUCH it varies. To that end, if it works for you, fair enough, but as I said, all these mind-games and play-acting and not letting yourself shine through, seem like so much hard work to me. Be yourself - always. Don’t over-analyse, don’t try to do what works, just be yourself - and NEVER say never. Ail 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 12:01pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/12 "2006-07-10T12:01:19Z")
> [@](#): > > Just walking into a club here, you would see what I mean. > > I have a friend who was pursued relentlessly by a pretty ordinary guy over here for about 18 months, and she really wasn’t interested in anyone, when he started on his “mission,” but eventually he wore her down, and she decided to go out on a date with him. Guess what? She had the greatest time she had had for years. They’ve been together two years now, and she’s expecting in the Autumn, and had she never given him a chance, she would never have known how happy she could be. > > Sometimes, hanging in there, IS the way to go, and there’s none of this, “You’ve struck out from day one” attitude. It simply doesn’t exist. I think perhaps there is too much analysis of what works and does not work in the US, and certain people in London and other big English cities have this problem too, but it gets a lot of people nowhere very fast. thats very romantic. i think we started off that way at first, and morphed into a “get them before they get you” country. everyone gives up so soon nowadays. ---
**Author:** ![dsouza](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/dsouza/32/840_2.png) [@dsouza](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/dsouza)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 12:19pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/13 "2006-07-10T12:19:21Z")
Thank you all so much for your GREAT advice. Keep it coming. Here’s what i’ve learned so far from the posts and what I will be implementing on my next visit to her: **1:** “Really focus in on the social mones first (IS, IH, IO) as they carry less potential for undesired effects” – Sigma I will go into my next visit wearing only IS IH and IO. These visits with her are PURELY social at the office so I don’t have to think about other mones YET. **2:** “And it’s often beter to just get _her_ talking, especially about herself, rather than worrying about your own “sparkeling” conversational responses. I’ve heard women give higher marks to men who are good listeners. A worthwile skill to learn.” – RBT This point is well taken. Seductive people like to listen, and active listening can show my interest in her especially if I focus the subject matter on HER **3:** “ask her about some of her suggestions- why is this a good idea? would you mind explaining how this helps/hurts? do you have any personal experiences in this area? (my mom’s family is polish…they were excellent cooks. i’ll bet she got good tips there) wanting to know stuff about her is very attractive. dont go in with a plan, just be inquisitive.sounds like she’ll dig it.” – LOR What an amazing analysis. She did study cooking in college. Also from this I learned to lead with questions you posed, and then actively listen to her responses. I’d try this out **4:** “You’re already lost if you have decided you have to have this particular woman. Success with women comes from blending many things together. Chiefest among them seems to be a strong sense of self confidence and self sufficiency. Truly self confident men are generally also at least somewhat independent. If you only need yourself, then you never come off as needy.” – catlord This is true. I hve a book on dating tips and it does say that neediness is not attractive. One question I have for you though. How do you communicate your love to a woman in a sincere manner if you never come across as needy for her? * * * In summary: On my next visit I will wear IO, IS, IH 1 spray each (unless you guys things that too little), I will ask her lots of questions based on her commands (she is a dietician after all and has to be the lead in giving advice) to get some socializing going. I will simply act like an independent man who doesn’t come across as needy but does come across as kind, smart, and a good listener (BTW its hard to act independent when your married!! when i was single living in my own apartment I was more independent). Oh and one other thing that may be imporant to bring to the table. When she first met me she kept on saying, have we met before, you look familiar. And then later on asked where do you live (I live in a remote area whose street is not easily recognized) and she says thats sounds familiar. The reason I knew she had an interest in me is I was in the weekly meeting with her with my wife, (she didn’t know it was my wife), and she later when I left saw me kiss her, and boy I saw a look on her face like “what the hell did he just do” as if she was angry, jealous, and interested in me! This is why I am not totally lost pursuing her. She does have a boyfriend but I figure if I get her to be attracted to me strong enough I could still later pull off asking for a date. But it has to be when shes crawling over me. If I ask now she’d blow me away with her boyfriend excuse. I will keep in touch with you friends, thats for your tips! ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 2:14pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/14 "2006-07-10T14:14:12Z")
Well, speaking as an American Scot… yup, I have all the clan affiliations, oodles of family over there, and some of their dourness as well, it is safe to day that they-we are a different can of worms … and every culture is its own can of worms… I’m not all that into pure American women… there’s some necessary ingredient that has been homogenized out of them… OTOH Latinas and Eastern Euro women are a total gas… but the Teutonic peoples… nuttin’… no juice… no matter how physically attractive… Russinas, however… wow baby… they’re like the Latinas of the Arctic… Celts are hot, Saxons are not… all this is personal bias… not universal fact… with a lifetime of experience you learn how **people are like extensions of their cultures…** so you have to make the effort to know something about their culture… secondly, and maybe more important for each and every one of use, is that **we are extensions of a culture too, with all the hidden biases, attitudes, beliefs, moralities, fears, contradictions, history, struggles, and dreams of that culture…** this is sometimes a massively embarrasing thing about my fellow Americans, who really are an OK bunch of people, generous, evenhanded, optimistic, is that we mistakenly believe that the world out there is a universal extension of the American worldview, we have a terribly hard time getting that other people **ARE** fundamentally different in their ideas about life… and boy did I find that out when I started going out with a stunningly beautiful eastern european woman… one thing was that they value education highly, and they value self motivation highly, and they are intensely goal oriented… **they like things to “have a point to them”…** they feel comfortable with clear outlines of what you are thinking and why, knowing what your goals are, and understanding your thought processes for obtaining your goals… Americans will sit around and shoot the breeze in ways that make no sense to an Easto… but you will also find that they can have a wonderful, ironic sense of humor, they can always see the good side of the bad side of things… you may be the product of a culture that has a totally different way of thinking about conversations… my experiences in Indonesia are that in that part of the world converstaions can be very indirect, wandering around, ever so subtly getting to the point… it would be considered extremely rude among an upper class Indonesian to come straight to the point, confusing and maybe disorienting even, and they can have wildly complex wordplay and punning and things that are lost on a non-native thinker, where a good Polish girl would think this hopeless nonsense… ---
**Author:** ![Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bunny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bunny)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 3:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/15 "2006-07-10T15:13:27Z")
What an excellent post Tacitus, and totally on the money. It really is a different world over here, and I now don’t think I could “fit” in the US, due to the way so many people over there seem to think and act. I have a very dry (oft-misunderstood by those in the US) sense of humour, I am not someone who can act a role - I am completely WYSIWYG, I speak my mind - always, I value education very highly, but never look down on those who are not well-educated, everything has to have a point to it for me, and I am extremely goal-orientated. That post was very interesting to read - thank you! 🙂 Ail 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 9:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/16 "2006-07-10T21:31:11Z")
Yeah, here I go getting lost in my own little reality here. I’m glad you guys are around to remind me of that. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bunny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bunny)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 9:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/17 "2006-07-10T21:35:51Z")
I think you need to reread my post - in full. I acknowledged at a few junctures, that your viewpoint is shared by many people in the US. Ail 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/18 "2006-07-10T21:59:22Z")
> [@](#): > > On my next visit I will wear [IO](https://a314.com/product/instant-openness/), IS, [IH](https://a314.com/product/instant-honesty/) 1 spray each (unless you guys things that too little), me thinks if you use more, the distraction factor makes for less of a persoanl experience. do you remember the very first time you used IO or IH? even Instant shine … i was high as a kite. if you would have tried to talk to me, i would have been like “whuh…”. if you have not been hitting her with the 'mones as of yet, i might go easy the first time. > [@](#): > > with a lifetime of experience you learn how **people are like extensions of their cultures…** so you have to make the effort to know something about their culture… secondly, and maybe more important for each and every one of use, is that **we are extensions of a culture too, with all the hidden biases, attitudes, beliefs, moralities, fears, contradictions, history, struggles, and dreams of that culture…** i think oppositely… i think we are all inherently the same _ **inspite** _ of our different cultures. america being such a diverse mixing pot, has not one culture, but several sub-cultures that morph into smaller-still cultures that are born out of evolution. if we were all born and raised here i might agree, but i can honestly say 33% of everyone i know is from another country, or their parents were. honestly, maybe more than that. looking deeper into another’s person you find not a culture,but an individual. free-thinking and separate from any labels. of course i find anyone that first sees the difference before the similarities is finding a sense of belonging in some culture/religion/country/gender/sexual preference/ect. my opinions do not make me popular, but they are mine. the point here was look at her for the individual she is.😃 ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 10:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/19 "2006-07-10T22:06:15Z")
> [@Ail](#): > > I think you need to reread my post - in full. > > I acknowledged at a few junctures, that your viewpoint is shared by many people in the US. > > Ail 🙂 I know. But the problem is that I - like many Americans - have a tendency to forget there is any other place in the world, or any other way to do things. That’s why it’s good to have reminders. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bunny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bunny)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2006, 10:12pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484/20 "2006-07-10T22:12:17Z")
Well, it’s half the battle to realise that, in the first place. 🙂 I do though hope you get a chance one day to come to visit Scotland - if for nothing else, to take in our beautiful scenery. A photographer’s dream, are the high and lowlands of Scotland. Ail 🙂 [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-need-help-badly/484.md?page=2)