# Inner Game & Frame Control **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [August 31, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/inner-game-frame-control/41260 "2010-08-31T19:51:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![savoy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/savoy/32/2369_2.png) [@savoy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/savoy)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/inner-game-frame-control/41260/1 "2010-08-31T19:51:00Z")
Here’s a little tidbit that crosses the line between “outer game” tactics and “inner game” psychology. It’s probably most important to guys who are consistently able to get in-depth conversations going with women, but should be relevant to everyone. A lot of times you’ll hear a woman (or even someone in her group) say something you disagree with. It could even be something that is blatantly wrong. Last weekend a woman told me that the U.S. government under Bill Clinton left the U.S. with the largest deficit in its history. Most educated Americans would know that this is probably not true. But so what? I’m not part of the U.S. Treasury Department Accuracy Enforcement Committee. I was out to have fun. Yes, she had silly ideas. If she were my girlfriend, I might tease her about this and send her a link to the U.S. Treasury’s website. Otherwise, who cares? Let it go, and enjoy the moment. If you argue with someone over a little point, you are subcommunicating that this is something deeply important to you, that you always have to be right, and that you probably don’t have good social intuition. You’ll also lose control of the frame of your interaction with her, and hopefully by now, you realize that if you don’t have some control over the frame, you’re not likely to get the girl. Women are often attracted to men with wealth, status, and confidence. In fact, these are three of the eight attraction triggers explained in Magic Bullets (see Chapter 3 (Female Psychology) and Chapter 7). Now, how does a man with wealth, status, and confidence act? Does he argue with strangers about things he knows to be right? If you met Richard Branson or Brad Pitt at a party and you said that there has never been a man on the moon, do you think they’d care? They’d probably say “oh, that’s interesting” and move on. Do they care that you have strange ideas? Practice having that kind of reaction. Notice, by the way, that the hypothetical Richard Branson or Brad Pitt controls the frame with a response like “oh, that’s interesting.” It subcommunicates that you are trying to convince them of something. They control the frame, and you are operating within it. What you’re talking about is clearly more important to you than it is to them, which subcommunicates that the whole interaction is more important to you than it is to them. When you meet a woman you don’t know, focus on what’s important to you, and what you want her to perceive as being important to you. If you are having fun and making a connection, that says one thing about you. If you are arguing with her about some factual trivia, that says something else. **Frame Control is Crucially Important** Even though I’m skating over this pretty quickly, these are crucial issues. In fact, I’d agree with those who have said that this is probably the single most important subject in dating science. If you don’t feel completely confident around issues of framing, frame control, and subcommunication, you should make this one of your top priorities for your game. It’s a big focus in how we structure our bootcamps now as well. **Change her mood, not her mind** On a related note, you will never seduce a woman with facts and logic. The only reason I was even talking about politics with this person was because I was more interested in the topic (you don’t meet a lot of very conservative right-wing people where I live) than I was in seducing her. That didn’t stop me from making out with her later, so that’s perhaps not the best example. Actually, it is, in a way, since it illustrates the theme of changing her mood, not her mind. After a too-intellectual conversation for the venue we were at, I became a bit more interested in her. To get her attracted to me, I led the conversation to an emotional level. Instead of talking about politics, I made her laugh, I teased her, I told fantastic stories and I listened to hers. Then I used the “almost kiss” (one of the four major kiss moves described in Chapter 17 (Kissing) of Magic Bullets). She didn’t even let me finish the routine before our lips touched. Being able to move an intellectual conversation to an emotional one is important. I personally never understood this until a few years ago. I’m a bright guy, and when I was younger, one way I tried to interest women was by showing off my intelligence. This didn’t work especially well. Here are some things to keep in mind: • If you’re an intelligent guy, women will perceive this no matter what you do. • Being “too intelligent” or “book-smart” is actually a turnoff for a significant number of women (not all, probably not even most, but still a lot). • If you’re focused on “proving” your intelligence, it can get in the way of demonstrating some of the eight primary attraction switches. Yes, many women do look for intelligent men. Those women will find you, whether or not you’re explaining Fermat’s last theorem. ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/inner-game-frame-control/41260/2 "2010-08-31T20:20:46Z")
May I suggest a higher form of frame interaction **?** (do note than when you **frontload a point** with the operating concept of “control”… you will have a definite tendency to get lost in “control trances”… which aren’t the best trances to be in if you want to have a good time)… Because, and on this point I’m on very firm ground, women also respond to Intellectual Confidence… smart, smart for real, not puffing out your chest and playing smart, but real brain-mind chops can establish a level of alpha that no amount of role play ever will, or ever has the potential to… If the girl/woman/interlocutor in question makes such a statement… you can respond with a well formed question, or series of questions.. She says Clinton left the country with the highest deficit in history… You could: A. pull a classic NLP values elicitation query out of the bag and ask, “_why is that important_” ?.. very open ended, and it gets her to talk about her value structure…note that this is a subtly but significantly different question than “_why is that important_\* to you\*\*\*” ?.. now you put her AND the issue on the table… where is she IN RELATION TO the point in question ? B. Go epistemologic: ask… “_how did you discover that_” ? which will get her talking about her processes for finding things out… to which you might follow with a great calibration question, _"on a 1 to 10 scale of confidence, how sure are you that that information is accurate_" ? You quickly find out is she is a high precision or a low precision thinker, and how much care in general she takes in forming her opinions… C. try a background check type of question: ask… “_if I wanted to find out more about your topic, where would I look_” ?.. now you’ve got her mind deeply involved in NLP’s transderivational searches…you’ll be getting a peek at how she orders her mental archives… D. or a classic NLP slight of mouth question… this one by the way is an all time zinger that really throws a lot of misplaced certainty into the spin cycle, _"how would you know if that were not so_" ?.. a fantastic question for a multitude of situations… is she a rigid, dogmatic thinker who can’t imagine being wrong (and probably a total bummer to hang out with long term) or does she have some flexibility and reality testing strategies already working for her…??? E. of course, you could always go direct and ask “_do you mean the annual deficit, or are you talking about the cumulative federal debt ?, and by the way, the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis maintains a fantastic online database of these statistics…_”… if she can’t process that, buy her a strong drink and send her back to her friends who can deal with her when she passes out in the bathroom… ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/inner-game-frame-control/41260/3 "2010-08-31T20:32:17Z")
Let me add some nuance to the above post… what women **do NOT** respond to is: A… talking past them while you recite lists of facts… B… going head to head over a point… C… bragging about your physics degree… D… discussing things of no earthly interest to them… What women **DO** respond to is: A… curiosity about what they are interested in w/o being placating or wussy about it B… a capacity to think for yourself without sounding like a dogmatic jerk C… some glimmering sign that you have an inner life D… strong analytic skills, including the ability to learn a lot about somebody without going into obnoxious interviewer mode… you can use a great **modified Ross Jeffries move** here… "_you seem like a person who likes to follow politics, or do you come from a politically involved family_ " ? man, you can unreel that one all night…