# IOI or disinterest? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [March 28, 2011, 3:02am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567 "2011-03-28T03:02:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PheroJack](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/pherojack/32/527_2.png) [@PheroJack](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroJack)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 3:02am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/1 "2011-03-28T03:02:44Z")
Girls ALWAYS seem to talk to me about their ex, male coworkers, male friends… whatever. That just straight up turns me off and I majorly loose interest. Is that supposed to be an IOI as in she is trying to make me jealous and chase her harder or something? or is it a way to shoo me away even though sometimes some girls msg me nd tell me that durin our convo ? Am I wrong? How should I respond to ‘do you think he loves me’? HOw should I respond in general about shit like that? ---
**Author:** ![jnoel](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jnoel/32/650_2.png) [@jnoel](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jnoel)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 3:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/2 "2011-03-28T03:14:54Z")
i dont think thats an ioi, thats some emotional tampon crap. ive had it happen to me too, i just tell her str8 up, were changing the subject ---
**Author:** ![P51Mustang](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/p51mustang/32/1266_2.png) [@P51Mustang](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/P51Mustang)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 3:32am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/3 "2011-03-28T03:32:19Z")
Well there are two steps to take on this. Being an emotional tampon is more of when you’re there over and over again when you have expressed your interest in the person and she just uses you as that person. It goes both ways. I have plenty of female friends that I can go back and forth with them from, however they are just friends and nothing more to it. Yeah I’ve hooked up with some but we still maintain that barrier for the most part. What I’ve done is that I’ve given my two cents and let it be, if it continues to happen I make it known that they’re making the same mistake over and over again and that’s it, I tell them if they come to me that I’ve said what I had to say and either excuse myself or change the subject. Also I have other shit I have to take care of, so unless its a really urgent and pressing matter, I’m not going to sit there and listen to you complain over and over about trivial things. About the question of “do you think he loves me”, you just tell them that if the question has to be asked to a third party, then how does the other person really express their feelings and how their relationship is. ---
**Author:** ![RADMAN513](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/radman513/32/364_2.png) [@RADMAN513](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RADMAN513)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/4 "2011-03-28T04:53:25Z")
Being dismissive is the key here. There’s a couple of problems about this sort of behavior. First off, if you say anything negative about the boyfriend the girl may get defensive of him…it’s like the sibling you pick on but when somebody else does you circle the wagons and it’s you against the world. Don’t do that. The other issue is more of a subtle subconscious one. See, she’s venting to you about things she probably doesn’t talk to him about because he knows how to play her emotions. This is where the tampon aspect comes in. She has all these negative feelings and needs to release them. By letting her use you as the sink she dumps it in, you give her a cathartic release…almost like a closure, which means she won’t be in quite so bad a mood when she see’s him again because she will have gotten it off her chest…with you. The other thing is that you create two bad associations. First off when she’s with you she’s in a pissed off mood. Granted she’s not technically pissed at you but the association is there and that’ll wind up being the only time she calls on you. As well, when she’s with you, she’s thinking of him…when a woman is with you you don’t want her thinking about anyone else but you. So be calm, dismissive and listen for a minute and then very casually change the subject by saying something along the lines of “Are you pissed at him? yes. Is he here? no, but I am and I don’t feel like being pissed off and I don’t think you do either so let’s talk about something fun to take your mind off it.” This way you gave a token listen, but you changed the subject not so much in a disrespectful way, but in a helpful therapeutic way. You’re changing the topic to something fun for her sake. ---
**Author:** ![PheroJack](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/pherojack/32/527_2.png) [@PheroJack](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroJack)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/5 "2011-03-28T04:56:25Z")
> [@RADMAN513](#): > > Being dismissive is the key here. There’s a couple of problems about this sort of behavior. First off, if you say anything negative about the boyfriend the girl may get defensive of him…it’s like the sibling you pick on but when somebody else does you circle the wagons and it’s you against the world. Don’t do that. The other issue is more of a subtle subconscious one. See, she’s venting to you about things she probably doesn’t talk to him about because he knows how to play her emotions. This is where the tampon aspect comes in. She has all these negative feelings and needs to release them. By letting her use you as the sink she dumps it in, you give her a cathartic release…almost like a closure, which means she won’t be in quite so bad a mood when she see’s him again because she will have gotten it off her chest…with you. > The other thing is that you create two bad associations. First off when she’s with you she’s in a pissed off mood. Granted she’s not technically pissed at you but the association is there and that’ll wind up being the only time she calls on you. As well, when she’s with you, she’s thinking of him…when a woman is with you you don’t want her thinking about anyone else but you. > > So be calm, dismissive and listen for a minute and then very casually change the subject by saying something along the lines of “Are you pissed at him? yes. Is he here? no, but I am and I don’t feel like being pissed off and I don’t think you do either so let’s talk about something fun to take your mind off it.” This way you gave a token listen, but you changed the subject not so much in a disrespectful way, but in a helpful therapeutic way. You’re changing the topic to something fun for her sake. I seriously think you should write a book about all these stuff! AMAZING idea. EDIT: Btw, I find that my “fun” energy runs out during school time.. during school my pua “trickss” are downhill.. well it’s school and I can’t possibly think of it to be fun in any shape or form.. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 10:25am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/6 "2011-03-28T10:25:27Z")
Its definitely not IOI, she is trying to put you in the friends box. If you sit and listen to it without turning it around you walk into that box willingly. I agree with Rad’s take on it but what he suggested you may say to her is polite but dismissive. Girls dont like being **told** how they should feel or having there feelings dismissed even when done politely, neither do men. If she is pissed off its because she chooses to be. You can try fixing it by telling her how to feel as RAD just suggested or lead her to another feeling. I suggest you tease her, flirt a little, lightly joke about the situation not in a dismissive or insulting way of course, change your activities like suppose your sitting down talking and she starts in on her old boyfriend or a guy she likes grab her hand and get up and walk and talk. Changing the venue changes the thought pattern. Your main objective is to bring her thoughts back to you without dismissing her feelings. An example \>\>\>\> I came home from work the other day bitching about the Postmaster being a dick. Hubby was sitting on the couch when I came in. My husband didnt tell me “I dont feel like being pissed and you dont want to either so lets talk about something else.” He knew I didnt feel fun and if he said it he would be in the same dog house as the postmaster. He got up and walked toward me (changing venue) then he said in a teasing manner, _"sorry you had a bad day,_ (indicates he listened). _Its hard for men to compete when you have such a manly stud here at home"_ (brought attention back to him) He leaned over gave me a kiss (venue change again) and I called him a jerk and started giggling. He didnt tell me to change my mood, he took action to change it. Then we naturally went into other subjects and I forgot about being pissed at my boss. Jeez until I just pointed it out I didnt realize just how good my husband is at this LOL. 😛 I know its a little different in your situation because your not in the relationship already but he did this even before we were married. Its part of what makes him alpha. He doesn’t **tell me** to feel or be a certain way he leads me to be or feel a certain way. So suppose your sitting in the lunch room or a place after school where you hang out and a girl is whining about how her Bf is treating her then turn it around. Say something like “Sorry he upset you, (acknowledgement) Lets go get a drink and talk about how awesome I am just to spite him”, (bringing it back to you in teasing fashion) then smile and nudge her in a affectionate way and grab her hand and start walking. (change of venue) Girlfriends do this all the time with each other when they dont want to hear about there other girlfriends problems. You probably do the same thing when a guy friend is bitching about something that pissed him off. You acknowledge his feelings and joke with him a little and change venues to lead him away from the mood. You dont just tell him how to feel you inspire him to feel something else. You take the lead through action not instruction. That’s how you get people to follow you. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 10:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/7 "2011-03-28T10:30:11Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > _ **Its definitely not IOI, she is trying to put you in the friends box.** _ > > * * * > > _ **If you sit and listen to it without turning it around you walk into that box willingly. I agree with Rad’s take on it but what he suggested you may say to her is polite but dismissive. Girls dont like being told how they should feel or having there feelings dismissed even when done politely, neither do men. If she is pissed off its because she chooses to be. You can try fixing it by telling her how to feel as RAD just suggested or lead her to another feeling.** _ > > * * * > > * * * > > _ **I suggest you tease her, flirt a little, lightly joke about the situation not in a dismissive or insulting way of course, change your activities like suppose your sitting down talking and she starts in on her old boyfriend or a guy she likes grab her hand and get up and walk and talk. Changing the venue changes the thought pattern. Your main objective is to bring her thoughts back to you without dismissing her feelings.** _ > > * * * > > _ **An example \>\>\>\>** _ > > * * * > > _**I came home from work the other day bitching about the Postmaster being a dick. Hubby was sitting on the couch when I came in. My husband didnt tell me “I dont feel like being pissed and you dont want to either so lets talk about something else.” He knew I didnt feel fun and if he said it he would be in the same dog house as the postmaster. He got up and walked toward me (changing venue) then he said in a teasing manner, “sorry you had a bad day, (indicates he listened). Its hard for men to compete when you have such a manly stud here at home” (brought attention back to him) He leaned over gave me a kiss (venue change again) and I called him a jerk and started giggling. He didnt tell me to change my mood, he took action to change it. Then we naturally went into other subjects and I forgot about being pissed at my boss. Jeez until I just pointed it out I didnt realize just how good my husband is at this LOL. 😛**_ > > * * * > > _ **I know its a little different in your situation because your not in the relationship already but he did this even before we were married. Its part of what makes him alpha. He doesn’t tell me to feel or be a certain way he leads me to be or feel a certain way.** _ > > * * * > > _ **So suppose your sitting in the lunch room or a place after school where you hang out and a girl is whining about how her Bf is treating her then turn it around.** _ > > * * * > > _**Say something like “Sorry he upset you, (acknowledgement) Lets go get a drink and talk about how awesome I am just to spite him”, (bringing it back to you in teasing fashion) then smile and nudge her in a affectionate way and grab her hand and start walking. (change of venue)**_ > > * * * > > _ **Girlfriends do this all the time with each other when they dont want to hear about there other girlfriends problems. You probably do the same thing when a guy friend is bitching about something that pissed him off. You acknowledge his feelings and joke with him a little and change venues to lead him away from the mood. You dont just tell him how to feel you inspire him to feel something else. You take the lead through action not instruction. That’s how you get people to follow you.** _ Perfect. 😉 Bella ---
**Author:** ![Txfox76](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/txfox76/32/2307_2.png) [@Txfox76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Txfox76)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 1:03pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/8 "2011-03-28T13:03:06Z")
I agree with almost everything said here so far. That said I think that depending on the situation, you can “call” his bad behavior. If it is done in a way that is “friendly observation” (the subtext is subtly more than friendly.) If she is pissed at him already, she most likely won’t defend him. For example, she says “Do you think he loves me?” be honest but “value added”, if the answer is no, say something like “no, but you deserve more than that tool anyway” (hello. . . opening!) If the answer is yes, you can either devalue his love like “about as much as he loves beer and sports” or do another “value added” (recommended) “yes, but not nearly like you should be/ you deserve/etc.” This is less like “trashing the other guy” and more like refusing to be seen as “just a friend that she can dump her baggage on once in a while” Also, if it is done respectfully and tactfully, there is nothing wrong with expressing your negative opinion (if you truly have grounds to have one) about another guy. Don’t say “he’s an ass” (that only works on a small percentage of women who are REALLY ready and willing to hear the truth.) Appeal to her emotional/ intuitive side by saying something like, “Something about him just isn’t right” or “I get a bad vibe from him” also if asked point blank if you are jealous, it is ok to admit “maybe a little” (what do you do with THAT opening?") Still, questions like that are like her dropping you “in the box” to see if you’ll stay put. Refuse. Whatever that means. . . whether you pursue her, or drop her completely. ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/9 "2011-03-28T19:34:41Z")
Moving this to the lounge. ---
**Author:** ![Jabez](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jabez/32/2193_2.png) [@Jabez](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Jabez)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2011, 12:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/10 "2011-04-05T00:34:30Z")
I just straight up tell them to shut the fuck up or I am finding a different girl. I am about having a good life and positivity. Girls need to vent to their girl friends and their gay best friend ---
**Author:** ![Boudicca](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/boudicca/32/5171_2.png) [@Boudicca](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Boudicca)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2011, 3:45am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/ioi-or-disinterest/49567/11 "2011-04-06T03:45:08Z")
And Jabez, that is exactly why you will never have anything but a string of one night stands until you realize that a relationship is a partnership.