# Is reading someone's private journal right? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [November 2, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974 "2010-11-02T16:47:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TwistedOstrich](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/twistedostrich/32/627_2.png) [@TwistedOstrich](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/TwistedOstrich)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 4:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/1 "2010-11-02T16:47:51Z")
Once you’re in a relationship, should someone have the right to go through your private messages, journal, etc? Just curious everyone’s take on this… and the questions is under the context of no suspicious behavior is going on ie. cheating ---
**Author:** ![thegentleman](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/thegentleman/32/1770_2.png) [@thegentleman](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/thegentleman)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/2 "2010-11-02T16:50:54Z")
> [@ValiantPursuit](#): > > Once you’re in a relationship, should someone have the right to go through your private messages, journal, etc? > > Just curious everyone’s take on this… and the questions is under the context of no suspicious behavior is going on ie. cheating No, reading anything private is a violation of trust. Trust is very essential in a relationship. If you don’t trust her, or she doesn’t trust you then there is a problem. It is either you or her. One of you is cheating, or one of you has self-esteem issues, either way it needs to be addressed openly and fixed. ---
**Author:** ![mobocaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mobocaster](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mobocaster)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/3 "2010-11-02T17:01:54Z")
> [@thegentleman](#): > > No, reading anything private is a violation of trust. > Trust is very essential in a relationship. If you don’t trust her, or she doesn’t trust you then there is a problem. It is either you or her. One of you is cheating, or one of you has self-esteem issues, either way it needs to be addressed openly and fixed. This. I couldn’t have put it better. Despite having had the opportunity on a number of occasions, I have never gone through private messages letters/materials/texts etc of anyone I’ve been with. Even where my suspicions have been running very high (usually with justification). If you get to that point, it is probably better to end it. In fact, I think the last one I was in a relationship with tried to set-up that opportunity and one day “forgot” her phone and asked me to drop by her place and bring it to her when we met. This in itself was unusual as she was usually surgically attached to the thing. On the way, several messages came through from the guy whom I strongly suspected she was about to cheat on me with and oh yes, I was very, very tempted to open them. However, I’d been losing trust in her for a while and this was the final straw. I walked within the week and they got together the very next day. Gawdhelphim! ---
**Author:** ![thegentleman](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/thegentleman/32/1770_2.png) [@thegentleman](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/thegentleman)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 5:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/4 "2010-11-02T17:16:45Z")
> [@mobocaster](#): > > This. I couldn’t have put it better. > > Despite having had the opportunity on a number of occasions, I have never gone through private messages letters/materials/texts etc of anyone I’ve been with. Even where my suspicions have been running very high (usually with justification). If you get to that point, it is probably better to end it. > > In fact, I think the last one I was in a relationship with tried to set-up that opportunity and one day “forgot” her phone and asked me to drop by her place and bring it to her when we met. This in itself was unusual as she was usually surgically attached to the thing. > > On the way, several messages came through from the guy whom I strongly suspected she was about to cheat on me with and oh yes, I was very, very tempted to open them. However, I’d been losing trust in her for a while and this was the final straw. I walked within the week and they got together the very next day. Gawdhelphim! haha I’ve never understood that whole hooking up with someone cheating on another person kind of thing…I would NEVER trust someone in an LTR if I essentially “stole” them from someone else. If I was in any way, shape or form interested I’d tell the girl she’d have to end whatever she was ended before we started to talk. ---
**Author:** ![mobocaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mobocaster](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mobocaster)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/5 "2010-11-02T17:30:12Z")
> [@thegentleman](#): > > haha I’ve never understood that whole hooking up with someone cheating on another person kind of thing…I would NEVER trust someone in an LTR if I essentially “stole” them from someone else. > > If I was in any way, shape or form interested I’d tell the girl she’d have to end whatever she was ended before we started to talk. Funnilly enough, that was **exactly** what he said the last time I saw him (it was obvious she was wavering for a few weeks before) but they still got together. And maybe what the pair of them will have to deal with themselves one day. Sooner rather than later probably. It turned out that I was maybe her only serious relationship where cheating was not involved. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/6 "2010-11-02T17:39:46Z")
Depends! If you are writting about a journal kept here, than sure its OK, since its really not private. If you are talking about something that is not published then NO its not right. ---
**Author:** ![RADMAN513](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/radman513/32/364_2.png) [@RADMAN513](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RADMAN513)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 7:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/7 "2010-11-02T19:16:18Z")
Nope, never right imo. And I suggest three sprays of IH. ---
**Author:** ![millwark](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/millwark/32/560_2.png) [@millwark](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/millwark)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/8 "2010-11-02T19:36:19Z")
> [@RADMAN513](#): > > Nope, never right imo. > And I suggest three sprays of IH. Just make sure it’s IH 4x. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 7:51pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/9 "2010-11-02T19:51:51Z")
No, of course it’s not right. Not unless you have their permission. Otherwise it’s an intrusion into someones privacy. And it’s not right to read or _share_ someones private correspondence with others either. Like openly posting someones private emails or PM’s. It’s been done to me just recently in the worst possible way. It was a complete breach of trust on every level. He worked overtime mounting a campaign against me to discredit me and destroy my reputation. His purpose was to malign me in public to make himself look innocent…which he certainly is not. And in the process, he betrayed other “friends” as well. Not to mention that the public version he posted was _first_ completely altered by him, deconstructed/reconstructed/edited/deleted/time stamp changed/date changed, etc… and _then_ presented to suit his purpose. What’s more, because he has sole control of the forum where he published them, he banned me and one of my friends before he did it to ensure that we had no recourse to defend ourselves. He’s even gone so far as to lead people to believe we are still free to post there if we want to, lol. His lies, manipulations, and duplicity is mind blowing. It taught me yet another lesson about trust. If he can do this to me _he’ll do it to anyone_. His actions speak volumes about his true character better than anything I could ever say about him or in defense of myself. Thankfully, his subterfuge didn’t work nearly as well as he thought it would and people who know me contacted me because they knew better and didn’t buy it. Bless them. 🙂 The only way to make sure someone isn’t reading your stuff…i.e., phone messages, texts, emails, etc…is to not leave it around for them to see/find. Be very careful about who you speak with and correspond with. You can’t unrecord words or wipe your written words away. They remain for posterity. People are apt to do/say anything hiding behind the skirts of anonymity on the Internet, especially the really brave ones, lol. Nothing on the Internet is secure…not emails and definitely not PM’s. Once you send them they’re out there. And yes, PM’s can be/are read. I administered a forum and you can take that to the bank. That’s why I rarely PM anyone and if I do I write as if the world will be reading it. 🙄 FYI, my husband has never asked me for my passwords to anything. He won’t even go in my purse, lol. If you really thought it was OK to this this you wouldn’t have asked us, now would you? Yeah, go ahead and read it if you want to be that kind of person. It might give you the “proof” you’re looking for, but it says a whole lot more about _you_ as a person in doing so. My tact would be to calmly confront her about your suspicions rather than dig through her stuff. I know it’s hard when it’s presented to you on a silver platter…but…trust me, in the long run, you’ll feel and think better of yourself. 😉 Bella ---
**Author:** ![RADMAN513](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/radman513/32/364_2.png) [@RADMAN513](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RADMAN513)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 7:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/10 "2010-11-02T19:58:32Z")
If I don’t trust her to the point that I find myself even thinking about doing something like that and I just walk. Doesn’t matter if she’s innocent, I can’t be with her if I’m feeling mistrust. So yeah just break up. ---
**Author:** ![MuskCloud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@MuskCloud](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/MuskCloud)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/11 "2010-11-02T20:09:30Z")
No. I never have. Any personal communications or diary entries etc are off limits. I extend that same courtesy to anyone who contacts me over email, phone, face-to-face and so on. I just assume the conversation is personal and confidential unless told otherwise by the person I’m talking to. Musk ---
**Author:** ![mobocaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mobocaster](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mobocaster)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 10:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/12 "2010-11-02T22:20:57Z")
> [@Bella](#): > > Thankfully, his subterfuge didn’t work nearly as well as he thought it would and people who know me contacted me because they knew better and didn’t buy it. Bless them. 🙂 > > FYI, my husband has never asked me for my passwords to anything. He won’t even go in my purse, lol. Whenever I’ve seen something like this happen, it has **always** been the person trying to do the blackening that is told to get stuffed. IME, those trying hardest to “prove” something usually have the most to hide themselves and most folk see right through it. 🙂 In the case of my cheating ex (well both of them TBH) I had passwords, access, etc and never used them without specific permission. eg The last one gave me her email details to pick stuff up when she was on holiday and left her Facebook password on my phone for times when she needed the bigger screen/her phone was dead. Despite this, I never felt the slightest inclination to intrude. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Sebastian](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/john_sebastian/32/1060_2.png) [@John\_Sebastian](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/John_Sebastian)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/13 "2010-11-02T22:33:07Z")
This is a bit off topic, so I moved it to the Lounge. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/14 "2010-11-02T22:35:15Z")
No its not OK to read someone journal, mail, messages pocketbook or wallet. It is a trust issue. If you cant trust her then talk to her about it but dont snoop. If you do that then not only are you showing your lack of trust your proving you are not trust worthy. > [@](#): > > If I don’t trust her to the point that I find myself even thinking about doing something like that and I just walk. Doesn’t matter if she’s innocent, I can’t be with her if I’m feeling mistrust. So yeah just break up. That’s a bit drastic IMO. If she is innocent and has given you no reason to believe she is untrustworthy the lack of trust comes from your own ego and insecurities. If you walk away without dealing with those they will just rear there ugly heads in all your future relationships. I find when someone is feeling **unwarranted** mistrust its usually because they have done something or thought about doing something mistrustful themselves. I do agree however if someone does something to earn my mistrust I walk away. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![John\_Sebastian](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/john_sebastian/32/1060_2.png) [@John\_Sebastian](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/John_Sebastian)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2010, 10:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/15 "2010-11-02T22:43:00Z")
I did have a girlfriend that I gave my e-mail password to because sometimes while traveling she took care of things for me. But other than that, I would not have been cool if she was reading other stuff. Its not about having something to hide, its about evidence of trust. If they need to look at your messages to feel like they can trust you, you probably can’t trust them either. ---
**Author:** ![Butterfly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/butterfly/32/1942_2.png) [@Butterfly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2010, 7:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/16 "2010-11-03T19:13:01Z")
I think if you do not trust someone enough to have some basic privacy, and you cannot talk about it, work on it and make it better, then you should not be together. Either one person is doing something fishy, or the other has trust issues that need to be dealt with before getting into a relationship. If you are not ready to be with someone, it is more graceful to be honest with yourself than to mistreat another person. I think too many people go steady before they trust their boyfriend or girlfriend, just because that person is hot, funny, handsome and they are afraid to remain in uncertainty for a while. People who snoop tend not to respect the boundaries of others in other ways too. I once went on a date with a guy who browsed through my purse to find my adress while I was powdering my nose. Of course I stopped dating him. Later I hear he was with another girl and hit her. ---
**Author:** ![RADMAN513](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/radman513/32/364_2.png) [@RADMAN513](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RADMAN513)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-reading-someones-private-journal-right/189974/17 "2010-11-03T19:29:34Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > No its not OK to read someone journal, mail, messages pocketbook or wallet. It is a trust issue. If you cant trust her then talk to her about it but dont snoop. If you do that then not only are you showing your lack of trust your proving you are not trust worthy. > > That’s a bit drastic IMO. If she is innocent and has given you no reason to believe she is untrustworthy the lack of trust comes from your own ego and insecurities. If you walk away without dealing with those they will just rear there ugly heads in all your future relationships. > > I find when someone is feeling **unwarranted** mistrust its usually because they have done something or thought about doing something mistrustful themselves. I do agree however if someone does something to earn my mistrust I walk away. > > Tisha Well that’s kind of what I mean. If I feel mistrust and she’s given me reason to be suspicious then she’s not worth keeping. By the same token if I’m lacking in trust and I have no valid reason then I’m not ready for a relationship and need to step back and work on myself.