# Is There Such A Thing As Spending Too Much Time? **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [June 26, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952 "2011-06-26T20:34:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Gslinger](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/johnny_gslinger/32/748_2.png) [@Johnny\_Gslinger](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Johnny_Gslinger)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 8:34pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952/1 "2011-06-26T20:34:22Z")
Hi guys/girls, need your opinion here. Is there such a thing as spending too much time with a girl you’re interested in but is not yet your girlfriend? Circumstances can be split between if she’s interested or just a friend. Is spending everyday with the girl advisable or breaks are needed, or does it also depend on the girl. I once spent almost everyday with three different girls spanning anything between 5 days to 3 weeks. 1 ended up liking me (I realised I didn’t like her), another told me that she saw me too much (she needed a break) and another asked me why I didn’t need to spend time with my other friends (eventually became good friends). I’m a little quizzical as my circle of buddies are split on this topic. Some feel that monopolizing a girl gives more opportunities but some feel that being too available comes across as either too beta (caters to girls needs) or bad pre-selection (lonely no friends type) and or ruining the suspense of developing a relationship, having the push pull effect leaving the girl time to think and miss you ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952/2 "2011-06-26T21:28:13Z")
Absense makes the heart grow fonder. I would say yes spending everyday with someone is a bit much especially in the beginning of a relationship. I think even in long term relationships its important to maintain your own interests and identity. I have separate friends that I hang around with that my husband knows of but he doesn’t hang with and vice versa. We have separate interests as well as ones we share. I think spending time apart keeps us interested and on our toes to some extent. It prevents us from taking anything for granted. It can come across as needy, dependant and clingy to spend all your time with someone. I wouldn’t say it comes across as catering to her needs though. Unless she is pestering you to spend all your free time with her she may not want to hang with you everyday. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![RADMAN513](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/radman513/32/364_2.png) [@RADMAN513](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/RADMAN513)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2011, 9:32pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952/3 "2011-06-26T21:32:19Z")
Yes, I think there is such a thing as spending too much time with a girl. The problem is if you overthink it you could wind up going to the opposite extreme. There are so many negatives that are communicated when you go overboard with how much time you spend (or try to spend) “Doesn’t he have anything going on in his life that he has so much free time?” “Doesn’t he have any friends besides me?” It goes on from just negative perceptions about your life outside of her, to negative perceptions about the relationship dynamic you have WITH her. She could wind up feeling smothered to the point that she can’t wait to get away from you. Or she could realize that you are always available and on call for any nonsexual needs she may have. You could find yourself being taken for granted as she always assumes you have nothing else going on and will always be ready and available anytime she needs a ride, or somebody to help move something heavy, etc. The thing is, once you get to thinking like this with a particular girl in mind…you’re already fudging up. The very nature of the question presupposes that either A.) you really do have nothing else going on except the girl, or B.) you’re already considering the possibility of making the girl a priority over whatever else you have going on in your life. Neither situation is very attractive. Now I could tell you to wait X number of days in between calling her, or to call/text no more than Y times a week, or pretend to have plans one out of every three times she wants to get together etc. But the problem with that is it simply reenforces the frame of HER being the central focus of everything you do…by PRETENDING she’s not, you’re driving home to yourself that she REALLY is. A far better…and arguably the only way to get the issue of availability right…is to actually strive to have a busy, interesting and fun life outside of any one particular girl. Between work, school, hobbies, family, and friends of both genders you should be busy enough that there will be enough occasions where… She can call you and you’re busy with prior plans that cannot be changed. She can call you and while you have plans, they might be minor enough that with some shuffling you can change them ONCE IN A WHILE for her. She can call you and you are legitimately free and willing to go out and you can call her and invite her to be involved in YOUR world. Nothing premeditated, false, or contrived…simply you being a man with a healthy and active social life. In the later stages where you actually ARE a committed couple in a mutually exclusive relationship then yes you can make her a higher priority because she’s become a more integral part of your life. But if you’re just friends right now, you’re sending all the wrong messages, confusing attention and affection with attraction and doing so to the detriment of potential opportunities to meet other people (inc women). ---
**Author:** ![babeexphat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bbe5ce/32.png) [@babeexphat](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/babeexphat)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2011, 6:38am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952/4 "2011-07-08T06:38:09Z")
I would say it depends on the girl. For my previous boyfriend, we spent a lot of time in the beginning and I liked it. I was much younger and i guess clingy and naiive at the time. For my current, we spent a lot of time in the beginning and there was a time when i was like "omg when is this guy ever gonna leave 😑 " I was more into being single and interested in seeing other guys at this time. So i would say to judge what type of girl she is! Or at least her mindset at the time. A good word of advice is that if you WANT to spend a lot of time with the girl and aren’t quite sure what she wants, don’t refrain from spending time just because you’re not sure what she wants. It’s stupid to go one way when it could very well be that the right answer is the other way ---
**Author:** ![famous4nothing](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/famous4nothing/32/313_2.png) [@famous4nothing](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/famous4nothing)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 1:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952/5 "2011-07-09T13:26:12Z")
When you start to question it yourself is when you know it’s too much, or when someone starts to point it out. My personal philosophy, if someone is genuinely happy to see you, it doesn’t matter how often you see them. Once they seem to become kinda “meh” or indifferent, givethem a few days to a week. Then go back, they’ll be happy to see you again. That’s how you maintain their interest in you. It’s simple manipulation really, and I’m finding it works 😉 ---
**Author:** ![2000GT](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/2000gt/32/389_2.png) [@2000GT](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/2000GT)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/is-there-such-a-thing-as-spending-too-much-time/50952/6 "2011-07-09T22:48:02Z")
> [@tisha23](#): > > Absense makes the heart grow fonder. > > I would say yes spending everyday with someone is a bit much especially in the beginning of a relationship. I think even in long term relationships its important to maintain your own interests and identity. I have separate friends that I hang around with that my husband knows of but he doesn’t hang with and vice versa. We have separate interests as well as ones we share. I think spending time apart keeps us interested and on our toes to some extent. It prevents us from taking anything for granted. > > It can come across as needy, dependant and clingy to spend all your time with someone. I wouldn’t say it comes across as catering to her needs though. Unless she is pestering you to spend all your free time with her she may not want to hang with you everyday. > > Tisha This precisely. Everyone needs their space. Spending too much time around someone can make you seem needy or overbearing. You can also come off as being too fearful that she’ll leave you if you give her space. So…give her some space. If she likes you, then she’ll make that known in due time. If she doesn’t then she’s not worth your time.