# Let's go on an adventure **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Journals\ **Created:** [March 13, 2008, 1:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947 "2008-03-13T01:34:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![PhatSounds](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phatsounds/32/233_2.png) [@PhatSounds](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PhatSounds)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/182 "2008-09-09T19:42:06Z")
Buddy i’m sorry to hear about what happened to you there. What happened? Share with us there as we want to know! Hang in there! ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 9:22pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/183 "2008-09-09T21:22:20Z")
Wow. I really hope I didn’t give you bad advice. I’m really sorry if I did. Or maybe it was just beyond any advice. Or..it’s something completely unrelated? Either way, chin up, when you’re ready, we’re here to party. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2008, 9:32pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/184 "2008-09-09T21:32:11Z")
> [@renny](#): > > _ **You’ve got a forum of friends here** _ > [@Phya](#): > > _ **I really hope I didn’t give you bad advice. I’m really sorry if I did.** _ > > _ **Either way, chin up, when you’re ready, we’re here to party.** _ 🙂 Ditto and ditto. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 12:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/185 "2008-09-10T00:06:19Z")
Hey Zeph Hang in there, Take all the time you need but know that we are here for you if you need to talk. I am always just a PM away. 😉 (((((Zeph))))) Hugs Tisha ---
**Author:** ![zeph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/85e7bf/32.png) [@zeph](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/zeph)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/186 "2008-09-10T01:27:24Z")
> [@Phya](#): > > Wow. I really hope I didn’t give you bad advice. I’m really sorry if I did. Or maybe it was just beyond any advice. Or..it’s something completely unrelated? No, not that at all. ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 2:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/187 "2008-09-10T02:18:34Z")
Zeph buddy, I feel for you. Breakups suck! Know that you have lots of people here in the forum who do care about you and are here for you. And if theres anything you want to talk about, PM me. But, just from reading what you’ve said, I think there’s probably more to this than what you’re able to see right now, and by the way she handled the breakup I really don’t think her words were coming from her heart, but that she was going about the breakup in a way that she felt she could deal with. I’m terrible about analyzing things and in reading your post, a number of things jumped out at me. Let me see if maybe we can’t give you another perspective to look at this from, help you understand a little better, and hopefully even make you feel a little better about the situation. > [@zeph](#): > > She decided to break it off with me. She felt that in the next 3 years, we’d only see each other for about 6 months and during breaks and felt that it wasn’t really worth the work of a long distance relationship to try and make it work. This sounds more to me like she’s trying to convince herself and save herself the heartache of missing you. It’s also very likely that she felt she was prepared to deal with you leaving, but as the time came closer she was starting to feel abandoned and this was her way of dealing with it and punishing you for going away. > [@zeph](#): > > She also no longer had feelings for me the way I had for her. I think that’s what shocked and hurt me the most. > > Seriously, less than 9 days ago, she said she loved me and felt that we could work it through. Then all of a sudden, those feelings are gone and she just drops me. I just don’t buy that! Feeling don’t disappear that quickly. Again I think she was trying to spare herself any heartache, or at least convince herself that she had changed and walking away was the right thing to do. > [@zeph](#): > > She said she’s found a great guy and that just hurts that much more. I suspect there is no great guy, and that statement really makes me lean toward feeling that she is punishing you for leaving her. I don’t even think she’s said these things to intentionally hurt you, but maybe on a semi-conscious level she was feeling betrayad and that you were the one walking out on the relationship. I could be wrong, but I really do suspect that she’s the one hurting and this was her way of dealing with you leaving. I know that doesn’t take the pain away, but maybe at least can give you another way of looking at things. And, I don’t want to give you false hope, but I kind of think she’s going to be getting in touch with you again in the near future and things will go a little different. But, in the meantime just know that I’m here if you want anybody to talk to, as are a whole lot of others who really care about you. ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 3:15am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/188 "2008-09-10T03:15:00Z")
> [@zeph](#): > > No, not that at all. She decided to break it off with me. She felt that in the next 3 years, we’d only see each other for about 6 months and during breaks and felt that it wasn’t really worth the work of a long distance relationship to try and make it work. She also no longer had feelings for me the way I had for her. I think that’s what shocked and hurt me the most. Seriously, less than 9 days ago, she said she loved me and felt that we could work it through. Then all of a sudden, those feelings are gone and she just drops me. I’m not surprised though, you see this happen a lot when people either start college or transfer to a different school. They find the new environment more exciting, meet new great people, etc. She said she’s found a great guy and that just hurts that much more. My greatest fear when she left was that she’d find a great guy, forget about me and drop me, and I’m afraid that’s just what happened. It just sucks cause I still care and feel for her a great deal. I’m just taking time off to heal a bit. I’m really grateful for your guys’ support. Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Those are definitely circumstances out of your control, no matter what her actual rationale is. My ex did something very curious like that as well. She was always worried that I was going to leave her, ends up messing around with ‘the guy that creeps her out’, and a friend at prom, when I leave for college, she’s hanging around with the ‘creepy guy’ for some odd reason, starts robo-trippin with him, meets an new guy, and apparently picked up a coke habit somewhere in between. Then I come back home for vacation, she asks me to break up with her. Don’t ask me that if you actually care about the relationship. So I broke up with her, next thing I know she’s with the new guy. Go figure. I couldn’t control any of those circumstances. She did that behind my back.It sucked, but if I can’t control it, no need to stress about it. Just go on with my life. I’m sure you’ll come out of this much stronger, just do your best not to become to calloused in the process. Stay gold hearted. 🙂 Take your time, we’ll be here when ya come back. –\>HAVE FUN\<– Pieces. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Eldros](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/eldros/32/279_2.png) [@Eldros](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Eldros)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 4:32am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/189 "2008-09-10T04:32:35Z")
“women are like buses, another one will come along in 20 min.” In the meantime: ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/7/7c7351c06738b7f31c19f4ebd7fbeab1efc66660.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/8/8eb5a99f6de66d51506cc5aaaf6828d9757ed20f.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/c/c8d32fcc150b60ea5dd0c94c7e9fed87c0759c6f.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/d/da056aa18f7dc6088d6a45aa359ef8e5f40b05ad.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/c/cd4d284b78c592815538b04e1ef64f4617c1f72c.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/9/94ddb751c3fce2678c222c9e75a03c28d7330023.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/6/6980eb6887947232bed06bbdf421555f2cf49868.jpeg) ![](https://us1.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/uploads/pheromonetalk/original/2X/7/716de0215abc419b0a2d84272804423a4e83e3a2.jpeg) ---
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 5:21am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/190 "2008-09-10T05:21:18Z")
I’m sorry about the breakup, zeph. Thanks for trusting us enough to share this. Long distance relationships are difficult, at best, to maintain. Separation is such a mixed bag of feelings. Even though you are logically prepared for it and as emotionally prepared as you can be…unfortunately, the reality of the situation doesn’t hit until you’re in the throws of it. I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you’d hoped. You need to regain your equilibrium, my friend, all things in life are a balance. Now balance out the pain by taking care of yourself. Be your own best friend and care for yourself as you would him. 😉 I know you need time alone to sort things out but an important part of healing is, also, allowing others to care for you. You deserve it. So, _please_, take care of yourself and stay in touch when you feel like it. We’ll be here. I can still see the light…especially when I look at you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 10:37am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/191 "2008-09-10T10:37:45Z")
Ahhh Zeph, I am sorry about your breakup. I know when you care about someone it hurts but at least she told you and didnt string you along. I am sure she still has feelings for you and always will but feelings are funny things. The ones that effect us the most are the ones happening in the present and that is what makes long distance relationship hard. She is feeling all these new feelings in her new environment and wants to explore them. I know this wont make you feel better right now but you will Love and be Loved many times in your life. This may be the end of one chapter but its the beginning of another for you. As Bella so wisely said take your time and regain your equilibrium and when your ready start on that new chapter in your life. You never know, she could test out all these new experiences and realize what she wanted and needed she had all along Tisha ---
**Author:** ![PhatSounds](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phatsounds/32/233_2.png) [@PhatSounds](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PhatSounds)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 12:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/192 "2008-09-10T12:25:16Z")
Oh i see that is what happened & i’m sorry about your breakup buddy. I understand how you feel there. Well sometimes things can’t go like you always wanted. And i see you have been given great advices from all our good friends here like mark-in-dallas, Phya, Eldros, Bella & tisha23 🙂 Take note on those advices & think what you should do after this happened. Here is my advice, don’t think about it anymore & time to move on. If you keep thinking about it, you will keep on hurting yourself which all of us here don’t wish for that to happened. Remember buddy, even you have experienced such an ordeal there, you still got friends like us here that care about you so keep in touch with us ok? ---
**Author:** ![renny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/renny/32/2104_2.png) [@renny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/renny)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 12:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/193 "2008-09-10T12:57:34Z")
Zeph, I got the same raw deal from my childhood sweetheart during our sophomore year in college. That’s serious grief man. It’s like somebody died. All I’ll say is don’t bottle it up, don’t hide from it, and don’t medicate it. I did all those things and they only made things worse. PM me if I can help. ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:15pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/194 "2008-09-10T13:15:11Z")
> [@PhatSounds](#): > > Here is my advice, don’t think about it anymore & time to move on. If you keep thinking about it, you will keep on hurting yourself which all of us here don’t wish for that to happened. I’m going to have to disagree with PhatSounds here. Grieving is a natural part of the healing process, and if you can’t mourn the loss of someone you love, it probably means that you really weren’t really in love in the first place. It’s easy to say don’t think about it and find things to do to occupy your mind, but, all that does is allow those feeling to remain bottled up inside just waiting to emerge and at some point you have to allow yourself to grieve. ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 1:23pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/195 "2008-09-10T13:23:32Z")
Renny and I were on the same page, and probably started typing at about the same time. I was going to say that nobody would think to tell someone not to mourn when a loved one passed away, yet at the deepest emotional levels I don’t think our brains differentiate between the type of loss, we just feel that loss, and part of the recovery process is to mourn. ---
**Author:** ![PhatSounds](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phatsounds/32/233_2.png) [@PhatSounds](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PhatSounds)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 6:37pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/196 "2008-09-10T18:37:30Z")
> [@mark-in-dallas](#): > > I’m going to have to disagree with PhatSounds here. Grieving is a natural part of the healing process, and if you can’t mourn the loss of someone you love, it probably means that you really weren’t really in love in the first place. > > It’s easy to say don’t think about it and find things to do to occupy your mind, but, all that does is allow those feeling to remain bottled up inside just waiting to emerge and at some point you have to allow yourself to grieve. Hmm, yes mark-in-dallas is right on what he have said there 🙂 Thanks for correcting me there 🙂 See buddy a lot of people here care for you, so if you have something to voice out, voice it out, we are here to listen & try to help you out as after all we are friends 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Eldros](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/eldros/32/279_2.png) [@Eldros](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Eldros)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/197 "2008-09-10T21:40:39Z")
This is one way I think she sees it: Over 3 years, you two are only going to be with each other 2 months out of each year. . . that’s not a lot of time. I think that she is feeling that you won’t be able to stay loyal to her over the 3 years, and neither will she to you. ---
**Author:** ![zeph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/85e7bf/32.png) [@zeph](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/zeph)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 6:41am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/198 "2008-09-11T06:41:10Z")
Thanks for the support guys. ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 7:48am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/199 "2008-09-11T07:48:36Z")
Nice to hear. My passed out friend on the couch is happy for your faster recovery too. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 12:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/200 "2008-09-11T12:43:26Z")
> [@zeph](#): > > I’m trying to deal with this as healthy as possible. I’m honestly getting better, really. I’m eating again and trying to gain back some of the 15 pounds or so I lost. > > I felt like there was a vacuum sucking away at every inch of my body, like my soul and heart was being slowly destroyed. > > **I honestly don’t know how to mourn** or how one goes through those stages of grief, but I feel I deal with it in the right way. I’ve told myself its ok to miss the times we had, I’m just not trying to sit at home and obsess about it, the what ifs and what not. Zeph buddy, you have been mourning. I went through the same things in my divorces: not eating, not leaving the house, talking to nobody, losing nearly 25 pounds and realizing that I was slowly killing myself. Then picking myself up, forcing myself to eat, and to start getting out again. I think you’re handling the situation very well. It is perfectly ok to miss the times that you had, but if I can make a suggestion, when you start reminiscing about times together, instead of only seeing the good times, look back to the not so great times too. In the end you are right, the reasons don’t matter, what does matter is that you are able to pick yourself back up, move on and find somebody else that can make you happy. We care about you Zeph, and want only the best for you. ---
**Author:** ![renny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/renny/32/2104_2.png) [@renny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/renny)\ **Post date:** [September 11, 2008, 12:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947/201 "2008-09-11T12:52:32Z")
> [@](#): > > I honestly don’t know how to mourn or how one goes through those stages of grief, but I feel I deal with it in the right way. I’ve told myself its ok to miss the times we had, I’m just not trying to sit at home and obsess about it, the what ifs and what not. I honestly think that she has moved on and found a new guy. From the way she was talking about him, I don’t think she’s making it up. I don’t want to keep checking up on her and finding out that she really does have a new guy. I’d rather just mind my own business till I’m fine before I establish a friendship with her again. I’m just going to move on and I’ll be fine with all the support and concerns I’ve been getting. You’re doing great! Just live, breath, and let the feelings come as they may. The more I learn about about our emotional makeup the more I marvel at just how resilient it is if we let it do the work it was meant to do. 🙂 [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947.md?page=9) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/lets-go-on-an-adventure/9947.md?page=11)