# looking for a little help **URL:** \ **Category:** Introductions - New Users, Say "Hello"!\ **Created:** [August 7, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371 "2009-08-07T00:30:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![midwest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@midwest](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/midwest)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371/1 "2009-08-07T00:30:53Z")
Hello All, I’m definitely new to the [pheromones](https://a314.com/shop/) thing so I hope i came to the right place. I’m in my upper 20’s, male and married. My wife is also in her upper 20’s. We live in the midwest. My wife and I have been happily married for a few years but something has happened to life in the bedroom. I know, I know… you’re all thinking of course it has you got married and it’s been a couple years so it’s over. But I think there’s more going on here..we have both expressed disappointment in what’s going on we just don’t know whats going on. She has 0 sex drive. Mine is definitely not 0. I have plenty of drive, but i’m a pretty laid back guy and have a pretty healthy fear of rejection and don’t deal with “no” very well…basically a self-confidence issue. so i tend not to go for it. which means we get no where. She has talked to her doctor and her doctor things it’s related to her Birth control. It has no testosterone in it and since it’s a fairly strong one she is saying the testosterone levels are being washed away by the much larger amounts of hormones present from the BC. We’re( i guess i should say she) thinking of switching but that’s still three months away… then theres waiting a few months for everything to balance out to tell if there is a difference. SO I started looking into pheromones… maybe the problem is me and i don’t generate enough of a sexual draw or maybe the doctor is right or both… in any case i was hoping to try and experiment with some pheromones to see if we could help this problem. I love my wife every much but this is stressing both of us out enough that our relationship is quite strained… from both sides. I didn’t know till recently that she was very stressed about her lack of drive ( which probably isn’t helping). If someone has some good ideas to start with I would be very grateful. I do fear some of the comments i’ve been reading about some of the products intensifying effects of PMS, i will mention that I can usually easily tell it’s week 3 without looking at the BC pack, so i’d really prefer not to intensify that effect. If I find something that works I’ll be deeply in debt to whoever helps and a new lifelong customer of said product. and if anyone is wondering what i’m calling a rut and no drive is; it’s only been twice in over 6 months… we’re in our twenties and that’s just wrong… 6 months is actually a significant percentage of our entire marriage ( 10-15%) Please help, Sincerely Midwest ---
**Author:** ![Vespero](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/vespero/32/988_2.png) [@Vespero](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Vespero)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371/2 "2009-08-07T00:43:32Z")
Welcome to the forum, Midwest! If you’re interested in pheromones, this is definitely a great place to be, if not one of the best. There is a wealth of information on pheromones here if you don’t mind reading. A great product for the bedroom is [Turn Up the Heat](https://a314.com/product/turn-up-the-heat-tuth/), which is designed to do exactly what the name says, especially in couples who are already familiar and intimate. Just a question, so don’t take offense: Do you think there might also be a problem on your side as well? Have you noticed yourself acting differently in how you conduct foreplay or anything like that? Perhaps it happened once or twice and now you get a little scared and aren’t as daring or aggressive. Turn Up the Heat should help you out though. You’ve provided a good intro, so Steve will be around in a while to give you a $25 gift certificate, or ask you a little more about yourself if you haven’t qualified yet. I wish you luck, and if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask! ---
**Author:** ![midwest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@midwest](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/midwest)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 1:02am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371/3 "2009-08-07T01:02:01Z")
Hey Vespero, Thanks for the quick reply and the suggestion. Would something like turn up the heat have a decent chance of negative effects if she’s prone to PMS style behavior? I also don’t take offense to any questions, i’m putting myself out there asking for help so as long as they are at least somewhat constructive i’m good. To answer that question, I do think it’s is also on my side. It’s definitely not all on her side, and if I conveyed that idea then my mistake. She “MAY” have a hormone issue that is complicating matters, but that’s not everything. I should have gone into this in more detail and my fingers are a little rested so I will add now. To be perfectly Honest: My wife wears the pants in our relationship, and I’m ok with this, it generally fits me. It’s not a completely lopsided balance but if you asked anyone who knew us she runs the show( don’t they all?) in any case this seems to be the opposite in the bedroom, She definitely does not wear the pants( hmm, wish that were true) Even though I want something to happen I don’t really initiate or i’m really vauge about it. End result she doesn’t pick up(or act on… not sure) on what i think is gentle suggestion and she doesn’t initiate on her own either… in one sentence you may be able to just say we are both very shy and reserved in the bedroom. Something that would help open us up as well as add some sexual drive or heat to the relationship would be awesome. ---
**Author:** ![midwest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@midwest](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/midwest)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 1:15am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371/4 "2009-08-07T01:15:17Z")
quick question! I’m looking at the different products and thinking about trying the “to-go” products first. Figured i can buy a several the first time around to experiment. how much is in the to-go bottles as compared to the full size? ---
**Author:** ![Vespero](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/vespero/32/988_2.png) [@Vespero](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Vespero)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371/5 "2009-08-07T01:48:39Z")
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure of the effect it will have on her. Androstenone (the main component in Turn Up the Heat) has been shown to cause anxiety or irritability in certain women at certain times of the month. I personally haven’t had too much of a problem when I wear the product, but I don’t wear it nearly as much as other products. However, I’m sure someone else who uses it more often will be able to answer more satisfactorily, and you can always try looking it up on the forum and reading about it. A To-Go is 5mL and is good for about 40 sprays. A full-size bottle 30mL and is good for I think around 200 sprays. The spray from the full-size bottle is a little bigger than the to-go spray, but both are dosed to have the same amount of pheromones per spray. This is why the full-size bottle puts out less that six times as many sprays when it is six times larger. However, it’s nowhere near six times as expensive, so if the to-go works well for you, the full-size would be a good investment. Hope that helps! ---
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2009, 7:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-little-help/31371/6 "2009-08-07T19:30:13Z")
Hi there and welcome to the forum. I think you joined the right community to get the help your marriage needs. I’m actually kind of surprised that no one else has responded:O. Vespero is right that TUTH will definitely help ignite the Sex spark, but you guys might also look into some herbal supplements as well. I also hope you guys had more in common than just looks and sex 😉. Talking can greatly help with sex too. Than I would also suggest some IH to help her feel more comfortable around you and maybe express her feelings she might not be actually sharing. Are you pushing for kids? Maybe she don’t want kids and that’s stopping her. There are a lot of underlying reasons I can think of and the best thing you guys can do is talk through it. **I’ll be sending out your gift certificate to your email in just a short while. Welcome to the forum**