# Looking for a simple answer. Would love your help.. **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [January 21, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-simple-answer-would-love-your-help/35608 "2010-01-21T06:35:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![happykitsune](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/happykitsune/32/2415_2.png) [@happykitsune](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/happykitsune)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 6:35am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-simple-answer-would-love-your-help/35608/1 "2010-01-21T06:35:20Z")
So this guy, my old TG, who I’ve known for about 4 years is finally dating another girl. Him and me had been off any on so you can imagine how hard this is for me. And on top of this he told me straight up that he thinks of me as the person who knows him best besides his Dad and bestfriend. He believes it so much that he even told this girl he’s dating. Idk if I should be flattered or what.. Anywho, now he wants to confide with me about this girl.. but I told him I’m not ready to hear it all yet. However, after thinking for a bit I’ve come to realize that maybe allowing him to confide will actually make me feel better because it will all seem real to me and I can move on and remain his friend. Idk tho… am I being too soft or would allowing him to trust and confide in me be for the best… I think I’m ready to move on.. I just wish I could feel better about him dating someone else. Please any input is great. I really need it because I’m so confused. Emotions don’t help when I need to be logical, but other’s inputs would be great. Thanks ---
**Author:** ![Elaye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5e9695/32.png) [@Elaye](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Elaye)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-simple-answer-would-love-your-help/35608/2 "2010-01-21T07:14:02Z")
Well, I don’t see anything wrong with letting him confide in you, if you’re worried about coming off as soft because of it, remember that you are LETTING him confide in you. You have the power here AND if anything you will hopefully have learned something more about him and the woman he is dating. Knowledge is also power. Giving council however is different from being a listening ear. If he wants advice, make it clear that friendship is a two way street and it would be uncivil of him to think otherwise and not reciprocate. Perhaps you could bring up your dilemma you have posted here, directly with him. Personally I’ve come to agree with the viewpoint that LTRs are for people with a couple more years under their belt than twenty so I wouldn’t sweat your feelings too hard. Realize it is my desire to help “protect” you rather than belittle you… ---
**Author:** ![Wrlprchnx](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wrlprchnx/32/1360_2.png) [@Wrlprchnx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wrlprchnx)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-simple-answer-would-love-your-help/35608/3 "2010-01-21T16:05:07Z")
Depends Are you considering letting him confide in you because you still hold out hope that you have a chance for romantic possibilities? In my opinion your post indicates that you still like him - to me that means the answer to the above question is yes. If that is the case then I highly suggest staying away from being his confidant on his g/f. The reason being that if things start to fall apart with his current girl because you are his confidant (and thus reprieve from the stress of failure) you may end up as his rebound. I’m sure you already know this, but being the rebound girl almost never works out well and if you like him it will be hard for you to resist. Not to mention even if things never go bad between him and this girl - they will still have fights and everytime he confides in you about his doubts (which he will have) it will give you false hope. Until you can honestly say that you are completely over him I would suggest refusing to discuss the problems he has with his g/f… ---
**Author:** ![happykitsune](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/happykitsune/32/2415_2.png) [@happykitsune](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/happykitsune)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 4:50pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-simple-answer-would-love-your-help/35608/4 "2010-01-21T16:50:31Z")
Thanks both for your generous answers. I didn’t really think about the fact that I could be a rebound or still remain in “like” with him. Me and him have had quite the history, dating, intimacy, friends, long term relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend so I can see where allowing him to confide in me would cause me to have false hope. I kinda just wish that someone would come along and steal my heart so I can just be friends with this guy and help him out, because despite me still wanting him I do love him and want what makes him happy. But just praying for a guy isn’t gonna make one fall out of the sky so I guess I have this decision to make. When him and me discussed this confiding I told him that I wasn’t ready for it yet. He has other friends (guys and girls) yet he chooses to bug me because he says I’m closest to him. When I responded to him talking about how he got a date all I said was a mere “cool”, to which he responded “I’ll just confide in someone else”. I could tell he was hurt, but what could I do.. I didn’t wanna suffer because he felt the need to share with me about a girl he was dating. This happened one other time, a few months after him and me broke up he started dating one of his good friends and tried confiding in me, but I shut him down because I was so hurt about him dating someone else. After that we still talked, but became a little mean towards each other when we discussed each others significant others at the time. The whole time I still wanted him yet I was fighting so hard to get over him by not talking to him as much as I could and seeing other guys. In the end I couldn’t fight it and we continued to talk again like friends. Now it’s like I’m hurt, but I realize it would be best to move on at this point. It would be nice to have someone to help me along tho. ---
**Author:** ![tezza23](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tezza23/32/1375_2.png) [@tezza23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tezza23)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2010, 7:55pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-a-simple-answer-would-love-your-help/35608/5 "2010-01-21T19:55:04Z")
> [@](#): > > I kinda just wish that someone would come along and steal my heart _Yoink!_ There, sorted. 😃 He wants someone to confide in? Well, shit, maybe he should confide in his GIRLFRIEND, huh? And if he can’t confide in that woman then something’s wrong, either with him or with her (and I’m betting it’s him). Kitsune are you standing behind a box with “Psychiatry 5 cents” written on it like Lucy in Peanuts? Because if you’re not, _then you’re not his fuckin’ therapist!_ And if you are, then make sure he pays you your nickel, because this guy wants your valuable time and emotion and isn’t giving anything, or at least not enough, in return. That’ll be five cents. 😉