# looking for "trouble" in a long-term relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** Introductions - New Users, Say "Hello"!\ **Created:** [February 26, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226 "2007-02-26T03:56:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![eisbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a698b9/32.png) [@eisbaer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/eisbaer)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2007, 3:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/1 "2007-02-26T03:56:03Z")
Hey everyone. I’ve read a lot of threads on this forum, but this is my first post. I’m 27, male, and live in Atlanta. My long-term partner (henceforth known as “The Girl™”) and I have been together for about 4 years, and that won’t change. What has changed recently (for the better) is our sex life. We went through a very long dry spell (sex once each month or two) until the Girl and I revealed to each other desires that we had kept hidden (never a good idea!) To make a long story short, she asked me to read the Story of O and realize that much of the BDSM stuff within was what she wanted. It was also what I wanted, but was equally afraid/inhibited to admit. So, I’m the dom here, and fairly new to it.. hence where the pheremones could come in handy. At least I think they could. Where I so often have problems with our new dynamic is that I remain very inhibited and underconfident, so becoming dominant is something which is foreign to me, but very, very thrilling. The difficulty is in that initial breakthrough of confidence. Rationally, I know that if I were to leave her a note in the morning next to her makeup containing instructions on what to wear, actions to take, etc, she would follow them, and wild, wild sex would result. Irrationally, my brain does stupid things like convince itself that I’d be rejected. So, my lack of confidence cripples what should be a remarkably wonderful situation. What could some good products be to help overcome this lack of confidence? Physically, a cause of this lack of confidence is probably my physique.. I’ve “let myself go” as they say, and it’s difficult to feel good about myself without getting back into shape – which I am working on with some good results. My initial thoughts on pheremones, from looking at various threads would be that a314 would be a general life-enhancer to get me in that dominant frame of mind in all situations, and things like Turn Up The Heat could be tactically deployed for launching bedroom operations (apologies for the extended metaphor.) I’d love to hear suggestions, though. I think what I _don’t_ want is for her to feel ‘comfortable’ around me, sexually. The passion is linked to danger, pain, and roleplayed debasement. Trust is important, but I don’t think ‘safety/comfort’ is. ---
**Author:** ![Carrie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/carrie/32/1537_2.png) [@Carrie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Carrie)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2007, 4:17am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/2 "2007-02-26T04:17:59Z")
Hi eisbaer, and welcome! You’re definitely on the right track, thinking of A314 and Turn Up The Heat for your first purchase. It’s funny, your needs are pretty much the opposite of most of the newbies here! As you say, you don’t want too much comfort, but more of an authoritarian note, with high sexual tension. I’d start with those two, and later on look into some of the putatives for enhancing the intense mental states you’re going to create. Good luck and I hope you’ll keep us posted! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Jasmin](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jasmin/32/287_2.png) [@Jasmin](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Jasmin)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2007, 10:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/3 "2007-02-26T10:00:10Z")
Whoa, this is so sooo cool. I knew I was in for a treat when I read your thread title. 😃 Pity not as many people have responded. I really agree with Carrie’s assessment. You are just about the _ONLY PERSON ON EARTH_ to whom I would recommend a TUTH 7.5 mcg/spray dosage. Give me a call, because I don’t think it is available in the store anymore. Too many guys picked it up because its description said “Crazy people only”… what they \*didn’\*t understand was that we meant you had to be bona-fide NUTS to use it. Not like, “Oh yeah, I’m totally crazy, dude!” It’s since been taken down, but I can make sure you can get one. That would emit an extremely strong, almost fearfully repulsive, sexually aggressive signal. It is, really, the exact opposite of comfort. You might also want to try [Instant Jerk](https://a314.com/product/instant-jerk/). That’s another androstenone-based product. It has a hint of sex (copulins) in it, and also some other deeper communication pheromones in it, so I would think if you intentionally overdosed on it, the audience (your wife) would feel intensely in tune and hyper aware of her internal feelings. When you’ve discovered the boundaries of those, feel free to give me a call about trying out some other experimental molecules. TAF and P79 come to mind. You might also want to do a search in the forum for “putatives” from forum member Tacitus and see if there’s anything in his posts that strike your curiosity. I applaud you guys’ newfound adventurousness, and hope we have something that can suit your needs. 🙂 Welcome to the forum. Your gift certificate has been sent. ---
**Author:** ![misscheeky](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/misscheeky/32/1687_2.png) [@misscheeky](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/misscheeky)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/4 "2007-02-26T15:30:15Z")
Hi, Jasmin. The phrase “fearfully repulsive” is kind of disconcerting, and it would make me a little hesitant. I’m assuming that what you’re talking about is that “bad for you” factor, which is what happens when a girl who says she wants a dude that is sensitive and kind who makes her laugh runs off with an unemployed biker that steals the oxycontin she got for her knee operation. Am I way off here? ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2007, 11:44pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/5 "2007-02-26T23:44:04Z")
And don’t forget a “Safe Word”. The “vanilla” world doesn’t need one, but if you’re going to get into “alternative activities” you’ll need one, since “no” or “Stop” isn’t enough. Choose something simple but something that wouldn’t be a normal part of your “activities”, for example “Chicago”. And remember when that word comes out EVERYTHING STOPS IMMEDIATELY-!! ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 12:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/6 "2007-02-27T00:30:19Z")
> [@misscheeky](#): > > Hi, Jasmin. > > The phrase “fearfully repulsive” is kind of disconcerting, and it would make me a little hesitant. I’m assuming that what you’re talking about is that “bad for you” factor, which is what happens when a girl who says she wants a dude that is sensitive and kind who makes her laugh runs off with an unemployed biker that steals the oxycontin she got for her knee operation. > > Am I way off here? yes. they _arent_ talking “bad boy” . i highly reccomend doing a search on it, there is so much info- [BDSM - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BDSM) \*clean info and for the record, i happen to know a few people _could_ respond here. they may do it in private though 😉 ---
**Author:** ![eisbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a698b9/32.png) [@eisbaer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/eisbaer)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 3:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/7 "2007-02-27T15:30:58Z")
> [@Mtnjim](#): > > And don’t forget a “Safe Word”. The “vanilla” world doesn’t need one, but if you’re going to get into “alternative activities” you’ll need one, since “no” or “Stop” isn’t enough. Choose something simple but something that wouldn’t be a normal part of your “activities”, for example “Chicago”. And remember when that word comes out EVERYTHING STOPS IMMEDIATELY-!! Not merely a word, but also a gesture. You can’t always speak, you know! ---
**Author:** ![Carrie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/carrie/32/1537_2.png) [@Carrie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Carrie)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/8 "2007-02-27T15:45:10Z")
you sound like you have things _well in hand_ … ---
**Author:** ![eisbaer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a698b9/32.png) [@eisbaer](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/eisbaer)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 3:53pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/9 "2007-02-27T15:53:03Z")
Placed my first order, greatly discounted with the gift cert and the coupon code from The Girl™ who just placed her first order here as well 😉 I am a little worried about the 7.5mcg TUTH that Jasmin suggested as a starting point, so I got the 5.0mcg travel-sized one to sample it out. The A314 sounds definitely up my alley so I got that. I also ordered some P79 as well, per Jasmin’s suggestion, but I most likely will not use that for some time, until I am more familiar with the effects of the first two. Thanks for the advice, all, and I’ll report back with results! ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2007, 10:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/looking-for-trouble-in-a-long-term-relationship/2226/10 "2007-02-27T22:49:09Z")
> [@eisbaer](#): > > Not merely a word, but also a gesture. You can’t always speak, you know! Quite true. Sounds like you’re gaining experience.😃