# McDonald's just tried to kill me! **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [July 7, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032 "2008-07-07T02:19:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2008, 2:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/1 "2008-07-07T02:19:15Z")
Seriously, that evil fucking clown wants me dead. I’ve always known they were out to get me, ever since I realized that what they call “special sauce” is, in fact, Thousand Island salad dressing. However, their variant is fortified with enough fat and cholesterol to kill a horse… farm. Nevertheless, I still grab the occasional salad from them. I mean, how much can you screw up lettuce, right? So anyway, today I went out to run some errands (translation: Had to pick up beer), and decided to grab a double cheeseburger. I’ve long since known about the fatal properties of that concoction, what with its cheese that’s too damned orange to be natural and all. So the cheerful young female voice asks me “Would you like to add two pies for a dollar?” What the hell. “Sure,” I said. “Cherry, please.” 10 minutes later, I’m cruising along on my way home, having just finished my doublecheese, when I decided to have a pie. I reached into the bag with one hand, grabbed a box, fiddled it open, and pulled out a warm pastry-looking item that smelled pretty good. Here’s where I fucked up, folks. I took a bite. I had no idea those things were stuffed with magma extracted from the very bowels of the deepest level of hell itself. I swerved, reeling in the intense pain that was flooding my mouth. I had nothing available to drink, except a room temperature six pack of Bud Light. Not wanting to spit the nuclear mass on my tongue all over my dashboard, I swallowed and gave myself 3rd degree burns down the length of my esophagus. At this point, I think I was starting to go numb, as my brain worked overtime to pump those endorphins into my system. The rest of the drive home was a haze. I’m still sort of blurry, and am sure that as soon as I go to sleep, the dormant molecules of uranium in that lump of hellfire I ingested are going to release into my bloodstream and kill me before the dawn. I can only hope the beer chills in the refrigerator quickly, because I at least deserve a good buzz before I expire. It was nice knowing you all. Damn you, Ronald McDonald! Damn you to the very hell you mine that pie filling from, you sadistic bastard! -D4 ---
**Author:** ![mark-in-dallas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mark-in-dallas/32/860_2.png) [@mark-in-dallas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mark-in-dallas)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2008, 5:38am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/2 "2008-07-07T05:38:31Z")
Hmm, if hot coffee is worth 2.7 million dollars, I wonder how much a hot cherry pie is worht? Quick Jon, take a lighter to your tongue and call a lawyer! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2008, 6:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/3 "2008-07-07T06:58:50Z")
Holy crap, Mark, you might be on to something! And that crotchcoffee was worth 21 mil, if memory serves. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Edx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4da419/32.png) [@Edx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Edx)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2008, 9:04pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/4 "2008-07-07T21:04:04Z")
hahah, I loved that story Me and my dad got free apple pies one time and they were ridiculously hard to eat as well so I know your pain. I read this story to my mum and she rotfl 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ntr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/898d66/32.png) [@ntr](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ntr)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2008, 9:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/5 "2008-07-07T21:26:36Z")
They have cherry pies again? ---
**Author:** ![starfox](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/starfox/32/374_2.png) [@starfox](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/starfox)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/6 "2008-07-07T22:38:44Z")
Sue the clown…! And go to Burger King instead. ---
**Author:** ![Kitten](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/kitten/32/1051_2.png) [@Kitten](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Kitten)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 12:32am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/7 "2008-07-08T00:32:14Z")
There is a reason people are afraid of clowns. ---
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/8 "2008-07-08T02:13:01Z")
You poor baby! I’m sending over some of my special Lemoncello Italian Ice…cousin Ursula is on her way…did I mention she’s a nurse? 😃 🙄 You’ll be feeling better in no time. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![K24](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/k24/32/1513_2.png) [@K24](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/K24)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2008, 4:08am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/9 "2008-07-08T04:08:31Z")
RIP date4, you shall be missed ☹ ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 7:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/10 "2008-07-09T07:30:22Z")
> [@Bella](#): > > You poor baby! I’m sending over some of my special Lemoncello Italian Ice…cousin Ursula is on her way…did I mention she’s a nurse? 😃 🙄 > > You’ll be feeling better in no time. 🙂 Mmm… Italian Ice… yummy! That Lemoncello stuff wasn’t too bad either. 😉 > [@K24](#): > > RIP date4, you shall be missed ☹ Good thing Ursula’s good at mouth to mouth. 😃 -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Bella](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bella/32/1738_2.png) [@Bella](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bella)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 8:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/11 "2008-07-09T08:00:14Z")
> [@data4](#): > > Good thing Ursula’s good at mouth to mouth. 😃 > -D4 Runs in the family. 😃 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2008, 10:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/mcdonalds-just-tried-to-kill-me/15032/12 "2008-07-09T10:47:33Z")
I usually avoid McDonald’s and of course hate drive throughs, but I do like their sugar-free flavored iced coffee. It’ll probably die a horrible death one of these days, though. Anything remotely healthy at McDonald’s is doomed to an untimely end. And, by chance have you ever seen the documentary film Super Size Me? That was funny, and true.