# monogamy: Am I a chump? **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [September 14, 2008, 10:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537 "2008-09-14T22:16:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![queixada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/97f17d/32.png) [@queixada](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/queixada)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 10:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/1 "2008-09-14T22:16:52Z")
after the relationship with my g/f of 4.5 yrs ended i’ve had a year to finish school and start my career. I’ve also had time to re-evaluate certain aspects of my life. I know i’ve never been a player and can be quite contempt in a monogamous relationship. the way I figure it, “If i’m happy with a certain girl, if I really like her or love her and have no complaints with our sex life etc., then why look elsewhere?” i read the first couple of pages of a book called The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide where the author states in an intro chapter: “Your life goal should be to enjoy as many breathtaking, satisfying experiences you can. Let’s be more realistic. What’s more exhilarating? The first time with that scorching hot Russian exchange student with the bubblebutt at the gym or your gargantuan psychotic wife’s latest weight loss program that she quits after a week?” -cute, huh? Of course these books most likely are targeted to the socially inept sexless and easily malleable male population. but after spending too much time being single and losing touch with too many friends from being “all work and no play” I can’t help but think that maybe i’m missing out by not aggressively playing the field. Either way, I’m gonna get out more over the next couple of weeks simply because I think it’ll be healthy for me but am I truly missing out on the big picture by appreciating monogamy and a fulfilling relationship? any feedback from guys and girls would be awesome. thanks, -queixada ---
**Author:** ![Butterfly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/butterfly/32/1942_2.png) [@Butterfly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2008, 11:20am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/2 "2008-09-15T11:20:21Z")
Ultimately it is all about making you happy and if a book is selling a concept that would not make you happy, what use is it? Sometimes I just take from a book what I can use and discard the rest mentally. I like books that tell me how to get what I want, but don’t like books that tell me what I should want. Also, what a lot of people do forget, is that one can date around without sleeping around. You can just get to know people, flirt with them, see a movie, have a bite or drink together and do fun things without sex or commitment. I could never sleep with two men at the same time without feeling distressed but I can certainly enjoy getting to know a few men at once. Just getting to know different men broadens my horizons and gives me dating experience, so that when I date Mr. Right, I’m not a klutz. ---
**Author:** ![Puppet](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/puppet/32/992_2.png) [@Puppet](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Puppet)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2008, 11:37am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/3 "2008-09-16T11:37:27Z")
> [@queixada](#): > > -cute, huh? Of course these books most likely are targeted to the socially inept sexless and easily malleable male population. but after spending too much time being single and losing touch with too many friends from being “all work and no play” > -queixada [queixada](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/queixada) ---- how very mature and insightful of you!!! I am going to give you a little advice … but to be honest … I think you will have no trouble putting yourself you the right path for you … all by yourself. And after reading your post … I also have no worries about you doing very well for yourself in all your life endeavors. No matter what we chose in life or in our ‘dating practices’ … we are going to lose out on ‘something’ else (if i chose to live in Ohio … then i will miss out on the experiences of living in Texas) . Life is comprised of making choices. The trick is to make choices that YOU are happy with. Many many years ago … i had the same questions as you. Upon the advice of a ‘player’ friend … i decided to date 2 men at the same time. To be honest … it was stressful for me and i found i could not really have the fun and enjoyment that i was seeking because of the stress. I searched my heart for what it was that **I** wanted. I have never dated more than one man again. However … monogamy should not be giving up every other aspect of your life to another person. You should not lose yourself to any other person. Keep your friends (include you ltr of course) and keep your self interests and your hobbies. I agree totally with Butterfly … TOTALLY!!! In books or any advice … take what pertains to you and what fits your life … and throw out the rest!!! ---
**Author:** ![Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gone_with_the_wind/32/2227_2.png) [@Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gone_with_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2008, 1:11pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/4 "2008-09-16T13:11:22Z")
Best of luck to you in finding your own way. Here are some thoughts on mating strategies I wrote a while back. > [@Tournament and pair-bonding strategies for pheromone use](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/tournament-and-pair-bonding-strategies-for-pheromone-use/4009): > > Biologists have noted two types of species with distinct physical and behavioral characteristics with regard to mating. Those are called [tournament species](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tournament_species)and [pair bonding](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pair_bond)species. In tournament species males compete for the opportunity to mate with females. They may compete via fighting like the elk, or via displays like the peacock. In pair bonding species like the swan a male and a female form a lasting pair bond. (In a very few species it is the female that competes to mate with the mal… ---
**Author:** ![NervousWreck](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/nervouswreck/32/1077_2.png) [@NervousWreck](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/NervousWreck)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/5 "2008-09-23T02:47:28Z")
> [@queixada](#): > > after the relationship with my g/f of 4.5 yrs ended i’ve had a year to finish school and start my career. I’ve also had time to re-evaluate certain aspects of my life. I know i’ve never been a player and can be quite contempt in a monogamous relationship. the way I figure it, “If i’m happy with a certain girl, if I really like her or love her and have no complaints with our sex life etc., then why look elsewhere?” i read the first couple of pages of a book called The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide where the author states in an intro chapter: > “Your life goal should be to enjoy as many breathtaking, satisfying experiences you can. Let’s be more realistic. What’s more exhilarating? The first time with that scorching hot Russian exchange student with the bubblebutt at the gym or your gargantuan psychotic wife’s latest weight loss program that she quits after a week?” > -cute, huh? Of course these books most likely are targeted to the socially inept sexless and easily malleable male population. but after spending too much time being single and losing touch with too many friends from being “all work and no play” I can’t help but think that maybe i’m missing out by not aggressively playing the field. Either way, I’m gonna get out more over the next couple of weeks simply because I think it’ll be healthy for me but am I truly missing out on the big picture by appreciating monogamy and a fulfilling relationship? any feedback from guys and girls would be awesome. > thanks, > -queixada “Dating around in 2008 sucks” quote from the last 30 under 40somethings I have spoke to in the past 7 months. Now I’m old. It is rough when you have a stable situation and you are put back in the ‘dating scene’. Ultimately, we are all looking for the soulmate and want to be sure they are the stable reasonable exciting sexy beautiful soulmate to spend the rest of our days with. (old school) soooo be picky, be careful, be resourceful, remember this person might be watching over your child one day.😮 If you are lucky you will find some one with your same qualities, expectations and someone that when they are with you makes you a better man. Yikes, I sound like a mom!😃 the package will change the soul and heart is forever. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 7:46am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/6 "2008-09-23T07:46:46Z")
I dont think your a chump, I think if your happy with your sex life then your on the right track. If not then do something to improve that. > [@](#): > > “Your life goal should be to enjoy as many breathtaking, satisfying experiences you can. Let’s be more realistic. What’s more exhilarating? The first time with that scorching hot Russian exchange student with the bubblebutt at the gym or your gargantuan psychotic wife’s latest weight loss program that she quits after a week?” Now the guy who wrote this originally is a chump LOL I agree with butterfly take what information you can use from the book but keep your perspective. Who the hell is he to tell you what your life should be about. The author has the same mentality alot of people have " more is better" and that can be so far from the truth in some cases. The very fact that they seem to need more and more indicates they are not good at it to begin with. Satisfaction comes from a job well done not from doing it more LOL So look at it this way. If you are both satisfied and happy in a monogamous relationship then you must be good at what your doing 😉 Tisha ---
**Author:** ![msselva](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/msselva/32/943_2.png) [@msselva](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/msselva)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2008, 12:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/7 "2008-09-24T00:47:50Z")
The ladies have given great advice. You’re not a chump silly! The author’s mind is messed up, lol I can’t believe they write books like that _scratches head_ cause it’s bullshit lol If you feel great with your life, there’s no problem 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![queixada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/97f17d/32.png) [@queixada](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/queixada)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/8 "2008-09-30T01:52:40Z")
thanks ladies, I knew I could count on the women of the forum to be poignant and insightful. I think I knew the answer to my question before I asked it, I guess it was just that i needed to hear (read) it put into words to fully get a grasp on reality 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Butterfly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/butterfly/32/1942_2.png) [@Butterfly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Butterfly)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2008, 12:46pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/monogamy-am-i-a-chump/19537/9 "2008-09-30T12:46:41Z")
One thing I would like to add is that I read self help so I can learn how to better reach my goals. How-to’s are really helpful. If books, or well-meaning people, tell me what goals to reach, I consider that to be meddlesome and bossy.