# Need help choosing a mix for this one, ladies... **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [March 15, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-help-choosing-a-mix-for-this-one-ladies/2510 "2007-03-15T03:09:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![alseides](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/alseides/32/1039_2.png) [@alseides](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/alseides)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 3:09am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-help-choosing-a-mix-for-this-one-ladies/2510/1 "2007-03-15T03:09:33Z")
Oookay, here we go… Everybody remember my Punk? He has smoked cigarettes a pack a day since he was fourteen. Several years down the road he finds out he’s got low blood pressure (AND he’s underweight), which obviously doesn’t bode well for his smoking habits. Now I’m not an anti-smoker - you could even call me a supporter, seeing as a lot of people very close to me smoked as I was growing up, and all their complaining about the anti-smoking laws kind of got ingrained into my head… 🙄 Thing is, Punk’s past girlfriends have nagged him to death about quitting smoking. There was one in particular who he had to prettymuch excommunicate in order to be left at peace with me, and she was CONSTANTLY mothering him, telling him how every little thing he did was ruining his life, always on his back about quitting. I had looked on from a distance while she was doing this to him and remember being very displeased with how she jumped down his throat about it. I really didn’t want it to come to this, for fear of stirring up something reminiscent of this girl, but recently he’s been so sick all the time that I feel I have to say something. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I figure it’d be best to have some [pheromones](https://pheromonelabs.com/) to back me up. I’ll take all the help I can get here. I brought this up once with him earlier this week, casually, and said something to the affect of “I love you, and I have to admit I’m getting a little concerned. Just keep that in mind, okay?” And he thanked me for my concern and told me he would indeed keep it in mind. This past night, he actually confessed to me that he “doesn’t know” if he’s alright because of how sick he seems to be all the time. It was quite an accomplishment on my part to keep from crying - though a friend of mine has said that crying will probably help my case. 🙄 I’m worried for 'im, and I need to tell him this. I don’t want him to end up thinking I’m “mothering” him or “nagging” him. So it comes down to this: anything anyone can recommend that will help me to tell him how concerned I am for his health, or any that will help him to be more receptive to what I’ve got to say? What seems to work well in tandem with other products, etc… Any ideas? ---
**Author:** ![dolly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/dolly/32/1591_2.png) [@dolly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/dolly)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 3:13am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-help-choosing-a-mix-for-this-one-ladies/2510/2 "2007-03-15T03:13:46Z")
Well, as for what works for helping you tell him, I would say [Instant Honesty](https://a314.com/product/instant-honesty/)…spray it where you will be sure to smell it…front of shirt, neck, anywhere near your face…it will bring out things you never thought you would say…😮 ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 4:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-help-choosing-a-mix-for-this-one-ladies/2510/3 "2007-03-15T04:12:18Z")
im going to be mean and say you cant get him healthy. he has to ask for your help for _anything_ to work. if your heart (or the look in your eyes) doesnt say it, do you think a temporary distraction like pheromones will alter a major choice? you might look at this from another perspective… when someone does something they know is not good for them in particular, they are basically saying health isnt as important to me as this thing that i do that makes me feel good. why does anyone do anything? to feel better. instead of asking him to do something because it will make YOU feel better (even though,sweet one, you are asking in his best interest) ask him questions _not on that topic_ that will **lead** him to make **his own** decision about it. talk about things you need to be healthy to do, how much fun it would be, and beat the drum of the good things going on in his life. when someone is happy, they are more likely to make good choices. lead him to conclude on his own that now is as good a time as any to change habits. not with worry, or negative thoughts, but with uplifting,supportive conversation. he wont run from a happy conversation. being happy=healthy ---
**Author:** ![EnchantedApril](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/enchantedapril/32/2385_2.png) [@EnchantedApril](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/EnchantedApril)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 4:34am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-help-choosing-a-mix-for-this-one-ladies/2510/4 "2007-03-15T04:34:42Z")
Instant honesty galore. Homey meal. Let him really cough or something and then just sort of start to cry. I don’t have the precise STEPS to follow, but what you want to do is to open a space for HIM to say something to YOU, to further open up as he did before a little. It is FEMININE to just LISTEN to him, affirm him, utter reinforcing words like that indicate your trusting him and his abilities. This is a feminine thing do (wife/GF) while avoiding the maternal feminine tact. Ping Jasmin. There is a kittenish mone. I don’t know all it’s attributes. But in a way, what you want to elicit from him is that in his wanting to protect you (pet the fluffy kitten), he opens up about his own concerns for his health. Angora sweater with darling jeans and heels. Sit next to him on the coach and really lean into him and lean on his shoulder. And trustingly ask him, “oh really? what do you think you should do?” and then tape your mouth and REFRAIN from suggesting anything. Just LISTEN. Really? Oh, that sounds like a good idea. ask some questions, but EVER so gently. You’ll know how to procede and when to back off. Oh really? Did you talk with your doctor about that? What do you think? Oh that sounds great. In a way, TRUST in his ability to handle this. Men want to be trusted for their own abilities. Encouraged. Feel free to affirm him about all the OTHER things he handles/manages so well. “I know you’ll manage this really well because you’re always so good at XYZ.” I hope that helps for setting your stage. All the best, April ---
**Author:** ![alseides](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/alseides/32/1039_2.png) [@alseides](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/alseides)\ **Post date:** [March 15, 2007, 12:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-help-choosing-a-mix-for-this-one-ladies/2510/5 "2007-03-15T12:43:50Z")
> [@dolly](#): > > Well, as for what works for helping you tell him, I would say Instant Honesty…spray it where you will be sure to smell it…front of shirt, neck, anywhere near your face…it will bring out things you never thought you would say…😮 I will definitely use this. IH, in my experience, lays all the cards out on the table, and the atmosphere it projects is exactly what I need. > [@Lor](#): > > im going to be mean and say you cant get him healthy. > he has to ask for your help for _anything_ to work. > > … > > lead him to conclude on his own that now is as good a time as any to change habits. > not with worry, or negative thoughts, but with uplifting,supportive conversation. > he wont run from a happy conversation. > > being happy=healthy Lor, you’re right. I know he’s a big boy and he understands what he’s doing to himself. What he _doesn’t_ know is how concerned all of the people who love him are becoming, what with his frequent trips to the hospital, etc. All of his friends, who are mine mutually, have come to me within the past week and expressed their concerns, and I’ve been shocked - none of them are very emotional, but they just poured their hearts out to me about how someone needs to say something. Punk was just as shocked upon hearing about his friends’ concern, but I didn’t get into it. I’m not looking for a [pheromone](https://a314.com/) to distract him, or to try to change his will - I know I can’t do that, and if I could I wouldn’t want to. I’m looking for something to aid me when I muster up enough courage to sit him down and talk about it. I will definitely take your suggestion and try to keep the conversation uplifting and supportive. I can see where tears and worry would push someone away. > [@EnchantedApril](#): > > … > > But in a way, what you want to elicit from him is that in his wanting to protect you (pet the fluffy kitten), he opens up about his own concerns for his health. Angora sweater with darling jeans and heels. Sit next to him on the coach and really lean into him and lean on his shoulder. And trustingly ask him, “oh really? what do you think you should do?” and then tape your mouth and REFRAIN from suggesting anything. Just LISTEN. Really? Oh, that sounds like a good idea. ask some questions, but EVER so gently. You’ll know how to procede and when to back off. Oh really? Did you talk with your doctor about that? What do you think? Oh that sounds great. > > In a way, TRUST in his ability to handle this. Men want to be trusted for their own abilities. He tried to quit once before… I don’t know why he stopped or gave up, or what the story is with that. That said, I do trust his ability to handle it. What worries me more is _my_ ability to handle it, or lack thereof, heh. What you’re suggesting here is more supportive conversation, as I understand it. I don’t want to be insincere or anything, so I will call it as I see it. I definitely like the homey meal idea. Especially since I haven’t cooked for him yet. 🙂 He’s stuck at home sick right now. He hates chocolate (no brownies!) so I’ll have to think of some other treat to whip up for him until I can talk to him about this when he’s feeling better. Thanks 🙂