# Need men's perspective **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [March 18, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412 "2011-03-18T23:47:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cookie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Cookie)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/1 "2011-03-18T23:47:59Z")
I will just come out and say that I was not around guys much, ever. I have not dated much but have had a few long-term relationships. I don’t feel very comfy around men and although I send a very confident image, I am not. I actually look like a Is/a but feel lile a is/b. I have been told lately that I am very attractive but by female friends, not by men. I notice the looks but none actual come out and say it - 🙂 I wonder if they are intimidated. I want to get the attention though; also, i came out from a relationship and most guys around me have been friends with my ex bf. I feel they won’t “touch” me because of it. One of my current TG, I feel has been friended me, he looks/sound like he liked me but if a bit standoffish Really, what do you think guys? Let it all out, tell me what you think and what I should do Thanks 🙂 **UPDATE** : I want to make it clear because it seems to be the general understanding: I don’t imply that men are intimidated because I am beautiful. I don’t fell pretty or even hot, I said that I’ve been told. However, i know guys can be scared of me because as a protection shield I can send a very strong and confident vibe. That I know for sure ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/2 "2011-03-19T00:01:02Z")
> [@Cookie](#): > > I will just come out and say that I was not around guys much, ever. I have not dated much but have had a few long-term relationships. I don’t feel very comfy around men and although I send a very confident image, I am not. I actually look like a Is/a but feel lile a is/b. I have been told lately that I am very attractive but by female friends, not by men. I notice the looks but none actual come out and say it - 🙂 > > I wonder if they are intimidated. I want to get the attention though; also, i came out from a relationship and most guys around me have been friends with my ex bf. I feel they won’t “touch” me because of it. One of my current TG, I feel has been friended me, he looks/sound like he liked me but if a bit standoffish > > Really, what do you think guys? Let it all out, tell me what you think and what I should do > > Thanks 🙂 Good question Cookie. Very interesting. First this: apart from the hardcore male users on this forum, us guys have no idea what the difference is between a Is/a or Is/b woman. But I will take this a sign to read up about it 🙂 Second: no friend, family member or people you know in general will ever tell you in your face that you are NOT attractive. Think about it, have you ever told a person that? The stuff you say about possibly intimidating guys is an option. When you are around these guys, how do you act? Are you open/closed ? Do you shout out your opinions like an ‘independent woman’ ? Are you funny ? Or sweet? Do you ‘bust balls’ ? Only the insanely confident guys will try and engage you. The rest might want to avoid a crash and burn. Or I might be totally wrong, in that case we need to figure out, what other stuff is going on. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![mobocaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mobocaster](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/mobocaster)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 1:21am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/3 "2011-03-19T01:21:38Z")
> [@Cookie](#): > > and most guys around me have been friends with my ex bf. I feel they won’t “touch” me because of it. Yes - This may well contribute to them holding back and it could well be because they don’t want to put their friend in a difficult position? Then there is the evergreen issue of the ex gf latching on to a group out of spite/trying to get back or somehow trying to make things difficult for the person they are split from. IME, if they were good friends, this would only normally change after a period where both of you had been seen to have moved-on in a civil manner. ---
**Author:** ![thegentleman](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/thegentleman/32/1770_2.png) [@thegentleman](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/thegentleman)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/4 "2011-03-19T01:41:24Z")
This is a toughie and as we all know physical beauty is not what always = “attractive.” I look back at some of the women I have fallen for and they don’t even fit within the image of my “type.” They may not even be attractive by most men’s standards, but are the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Now men are more visual than women when it comes to looking for a mate, but in the end we all know that physical beauty really isn’t an issue. There truly is someone out there for everyone. Even an 8 foot hunch back with a lazy left eye. There’s gonna be someone who will love that person, or that may even be their type. So in the end, it truly does have something to do with ourselves. Either we are missing signals or not acting on them, or we’re putting up walls to keep people out. I’ve been working through a book and the issue it centers around hit right home with me. I keep finding unavailable women, whether its emotionally, or physically unavailable. And the reason is because I have abandonment issues and fear intimacy. So to protect myself, I get caught up in these type of relationships where I’m giving emotionally and they aren’t and that allows me to bail when I want to and not face true intimacy. Yeah it sounds a bit simplistic, but it goes real deep. Now I’m not saying this is ALL your fault. But like guys who find dating coaches and the pick up community, they learn there are simple mistakes they are making that are killing attraction with the women they are interested in. Things that they think wouldn’t like gift giving, being available when needed etc. So I guess my point is, maybe you are coming into these possible meet up situations with eyes wide shut, or have a wall built up, or even just need to learn a few simple techniques to spark attraction. Your mind may be saying “I want this,” but your actions, your body language, your tonality are saying, “back off!” ---
**Author:** ![PheroJack](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/pherojack/32/527_2.png) [@PheroJack](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PheroJack)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 4:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/5 "2011-03-19T04:14:54Z")
> [@Cookie](#): > > I will just come out and say that I was not around guys much, ever. I have not dated much but have had a few long-term relationships. I don’t feel very comfy around men and although I send a very confident image, I am not. I actually look like a Is/a but feel lile a is/b. I have been told lately that I am very attractive but by female friends, not by men. I notice the looks but none actual come out and say it - 🙂 > > I wonder if they are intimidated. I want to get the attention though; also, i came out from a relationship and most guys around me have been friends with my ex bf. I feel they won’t “touch” me because of it. One of my current TG, I feel has been friended me, he looks/sound like he liked me but if a bit standoffish > > Really, what do you think guys? Let it all out, tell me what you think and what I should do > > Thanks 🙂 I feel exactly all these guy’s reactions towards “no touching” when you have been in a relationship before that. It could be a matter that guys don’t want to look like they are “competing” with your ex, so they just like to keep it cool and stay away. That’s how I felt towards one of the hottest chicks at school, and she was so down to fuck, but I just didn’t feel the “spark”. I would say act more friendly, and show more IOIs? LOL. I actually don’t know how it goes down for a girl’s situation. However, I would suggest IS/b. Highly recommend also IS and may be even IO & IH if you can afford it. ---
**Author:** ![CoolKat](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/coolkat/32/501_2.png) [@CoolKat](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/CoolKat)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 6:20am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/6 "2011-03-19T06:20:34Z")
Post pictures! We WILL let you know whether you are hot, which can make you seem intimidating 😉 ---
**Author:** ![unknown0001](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/unknown0001/32/559_2.png) [@unknown0001](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/unknown0001)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 7:25am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/7 "2011-03-19T07:25:12Z")
> [@CoolKat](#): > > Post pictures! > We WILL let you know whether you are hot, which can make you seem intimidating 😉 That’s exactly what I was gonna say.post some pics and we’ll tell you! ---
**Author:** ![Cookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cookie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Cookie)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:00pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/8 "2011-03-19T12:00:23Z")
I just want to make it clear because it seems to be the general understanding: I don’t imply that men are intimidated because I am beautiful. I don’t fell pretty or even hot, I said that I’ve been told. However, i know guys can be scared of me because as a protection shield I can send a very strong and confident vibe I don’t think, as some have said it, that beauty is only physical. Beauty is an attitude. And i think many women are not confident for multiple reasons. That being said, physical attribute aside \? I will think about what TheGentleman said. Valid points there ---
**Author:** ![Rizingfire](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/rizingfire/32/1733_2.png) [@Rizingfire](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rizingfire)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:14pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/9 "2011-03-19T12:14:02Z")
Beauty is a combination of attitude and physical beauty, but confidence is a must…and I don’t trust womens opinion of beauty cuz my wife thinks lots of fugly chicks are pretty…send some guys a pic and you will get an honest answer. If you are in fact hot I would be willing to bet those guys you say are around you as friends, probably really want to sleep with you. I know for me all of the girls I am friends with now it started out that I wanted to get with them. Guys don’t usually put girls in the friend box, girls put guys there and they figure its a challenge or better then nothing if they really like you. But you very well could be intimidating, or your ex could be making it known he is still interested or you are off limits…I know myself personally, even if scared to death, if a hot chick starts a conversation with me I will go with it…so take charge if they aren’t stepping up. It is likely people you think don’t like you actually do. I found out years later this girl I had a crush on actually had one on me too…and I lost the opportunity cuz I was too shy. ---
**Author:** ![Cookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d26b3c/32.png) [@Cookie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Cookie)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 12:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/10 "2011-03-19T12:38:09Z")
Isn’t physical beauty subjective? I know when I used to go to the States, I was being hit on by hot guys. But in Europe, I attract old guys. LOL. Also, every taste is out there. **Lightbulb** moment : I may not be the type of the guys i am attracted to. I may be totally ignoring those unconsciously. And be drawn to the ones that prefer another type of girls. Yup that may be the case > [@Rizingfire](#): > > Beauty is a combination of attitude and physical beauty, but confidence is a must…and I don’t trust womens opinion of beauty cuz my wife thinks lots of fugly chicks are pretty…send some guys a pic and you will get an honest answer. > > If you are in fact hot I would be willing to bet those guys you say are around you as friends, probably really want to sleep with you. I know for me all of the girls I am friends with now it started out that I wanted to get with them. Guys don’t usually put girls in the friend box, girls put guys there and they figure its a challenge or better then nothing if they really like you. But you very well could be intimidating, or your ex could be making it known he is still interested or you are off limits…I know myself personally, even if scared to death, if a hot chick starts a conversation with me I will go with it…so take charge if they aren’t stepping up. It is likely people you think don’t like you actually do. I found out years later this girl I had a crush on actually had one on me too…and I lost the opportunity cuz I was too shy. ---
**Author:** ![Rizingfire](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/rizingfire/32/1733_2.png) [@Rizingfire](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rizingfire)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2011, 4:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/11 "2011-03-19T16:30:50Z")
Well idk what’s in the water in Europe, the old one’s must be the only ones who weren’t “reprogrammed”…lol…but if you got hit on by good looking guys consistently I would definitely say whatever you got is obviously more then enough to work with since haven’t seen any hot construction workers yellin cat calls at ugly chicks…they’d rather be doing nothing somewhere else…idk…seems like from what I have read the mones may be what you need to attract what you want…idk much about what to use though, I am new to this as well but psyched…and results so far have been great… ---
**Author:** ![Misein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Misein](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Misein)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/12 "2011-03-31T02:06:57Z")
You said that most men around you are friends with your ex. You’ll probably need to search for a new guy elsewhere, because few men would start dating a buddy’s ex girlfriend. If the friendship has ended it’s a different story. Then there’s no loyalty or code of honor to stop anything from happening. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Gslinger](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/johnny_gslinger/32/748_2.png) [@Johnny\_Gslinger](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Johnny_Gslinger)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2011, 6:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-mens-perspective/49412/13 "2011-03-31T06:18:07Z")
Hi Cookie, I’m not sure which culture and which country you might be from. This is what I’m familiar with and I hope this helps. If it offends you or I’m wrong please do tell me as I’m not sure it might be applicable to your situation, 1. Buddies and Friends stick by a certain code, we try not to date our friend’s ex’s. Even if we do, we try to ask for their permission first. We do so to avoid the awkwardity and preserve the circles and our friendships. I would assume your ex and his circle are in their 30s, their friendships would have been forged till a level of tacit understanding and trust, so I would guess that it would be a little difficult for any of the guys to approach you. I’m not saying it can’t happen, its just that the possibilities of this happening is lower than you would expect. 2. You would be surprised how much men gossip, as much if not some times more than women. We sit around with our whiskys and vodkas, smoking and complaining. We spill the low downs on our problems, we bitch, we yell, we take a swig of alcohol and curse at what our women have done to us. His friends might already have formed an impression of you. I’m not saying he’s definitely gone off and said stuff about you, but people tend to avoid other people when they’ve heard negative or potentially negative stuff, maybe it wasn’t him, maybe it was gossip, maybe it was hearsay. You could try and “change” what people might think, but it could be too much effort. Or you could try to start afresh, meet new people, pick up a new hobby or work at being good at your job, keep this circle and see how things go. Perhaps down the road as you’ve you’ve gained new friends, gotten a new hobby, seem very much confident and emotionally stable/positive, have a new set of skills etc. You might even have gotten a man in the process already. Your current circle might see you in a different light, people’s opinions and bias do change. And if you have a target in your current circle in mind, it wouldn’t hurt to come across as even more attractive. 3. Men need to be real men and lots of men are wussies these days. I’d have to admit I’m one. A lot of guys would probably bash me here, but it probably wouldn’t be too bad to be a little forward or for the lady to take initiative sometimes. Quite a few of my buddies are dating girls/women who have been the ones to initiate. I myself am currently seeing a girl who was pretty forward after we met and took the effort to show me interest. Being open, forward or taking initiative is **Culture Specific**. Stroking a man’s hand on a date, leaning in and giving him a kiss on the cheek after he sends you home might get you shot in some middle east countries, it might scare off some guys in more conservative asian cultures but it’d probably get you a 2nd date elsewhere in the west. Find what works and what possibly do it. Guys sometimes read girls mags or try to dig around to find out how and when a female is interested in us. That’s why we have the list of “IOIs” if your man is worth his salt and is read up, he would happen to know. Play with your eyes, if you think your eyes have naturally dilated, look at him, be a little coy and shy, look away. Posture yourself towards him etc etc ps. I would also like to add that to some, it is a thin line between coming across as “being easy” and being “open/forward”. For someone in your thirties, try to be warm, bubbly probably won’t cut it, I guess a touch of elegance and eloquance. Guys like that. Sometimes we really dig a girl who looks hot in her dress, has that confident smile and sounds like she could kick our asses anytime, but we know underneath that exterior, she knows how to give her man a good time, anytime. Don’t try to be someone else, you already seem confident and good looking. Rather think of it as an extension of yourself, add a little more exuberance to that confidence, chat a little more, probably find a mone that has been reported to purport self effects that would make you a little more open and chatty. Add a little sexiness to that figure. A nicely cut dress, a little cleavage but not too much, something that shows you off. A confident hairstyle, make up that suits you. I would like to add that guys unfortunately tend to be a little bit more on the visual side so it wouldn’t help to make yourself look better. But the most important thing is for you to really be confident. Not think that you’re confident. When you’re happy, emotionally healthy, you know you’re sexy, you feel you’re sexy, things’ll naturally fall in place. I’ll always remember Tish telling me this "_There is one thing you need to understand. Girls dont dress to impress men they dress to make themselves feel good or to compete with other girls. Sure we may ask you if we look good but its really not all about you"_ If your TG knows how awesome you are, and that you’re interested and that no matter how he responds you know you’ll still be awesome and stay awesome, imagine how much more respect he’ll give you if he does then make his move and the both of you get into your relationship