# Need unbiased relationship advice about a guy at college I've started to like **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [December 8, 2012, 11:54am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507 "2012-12-08T11:54:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Maromi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/maromi/32/809_2.png) [@Maromi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Maromi)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 11:54am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/1 "2012-12-08T11:54:59Z")
Hello all!! It’s been awhile since I’ve dropped by this forum. Unfortunately I’ve busy with school and other responsibilities that have kept me from posting regularly as I used to. I hope that this is the right section to post about this, but I’m actually in need of some unbiased relationship advice. I am currently a junior in college. I started to like this guy who is about 3 years older than me. He is a half asian, half white football player at my school. Very outgoing, but also to himself at times, often over thinking life. This guy is a Christian, with good morals, but very hard on himself. I had met him last semester, but he didn’t really take steps forward to get to know me until this semester. The process took a very long time, but he eventually asked for my number and then a few weeks later asked me to work on a big paper with him. During the time we were working on this paper, this guy was really trying to get to know me, but at a very slow pace. He invited me to get something to eat with him after the first night of us writing the paper together. Afterwards, he walked me to my dorm and later sent me a text saying how encouraging it always was to hangout and talk with me. In the following weeks, we continued to meet up and work on the paper together. During this time, he would always bring me coffee that we would share. As things progressed, he started regularly walking me to my dorm, and we would always have deep and meaningful conversations. When we were in the library, we would laugh about everything together. The week before Thanksgiving break, I could tell that this guy was for sure interested in me. He was still making me coffee, walking to my dorm, sitting with me in class, and showing up in random places where I was, making excuses to come over and chat with me. He would send me little random text messages, but never tried to converse that much with me through text. Things got confusing when I returned from my 5 day break. When I returned, we were back to working on the paper together, except this time things were different. He invited me to work on the paper that night, but when I showed up there was another girl sitting with him. He made it a point to tell me that he had worked on the paper earlier that day (obviously he didn’t invite me). He didn’t make me any coffee (not that I needed it haha), and was acting very strange towards me. Before the end of the night the other girl had left, and it was just the 2 of us. The library was about to close, so I took my books to the other room to put them on the shelf. When I came back, he had not even started putting his things away, but was instead staring off into space. When I started to pack things up, he slowly begin putting things in his bag. I put my coat on and was waiting for him to get his stuff together, expecting to walk out of the library with him. Instead, he told me that he didn’t want to hold me up and that I could go ahead and leave and not wait for him. Ouch. I felt very confused, so I gathered my things and left. The next day we met up again, and this time he was sitting with 2 other girls. One of them was engaged and the other was her sister (A note about these girls: I had no reason to be intimidated in that way by any of them; this guy didn’t show any real interest in them). He was again acting very strange towards me, hardly talking to me at all. At around 10:30, much earlier than we normally would stop working, he got up and said he needed to go. He said that he had a lot on his mind and could not work. Finally the the last day for us the to work on this paper rolled around, and I decided that I was not going to let this guys behavior affect me anymore. I told him him I would be in the library all day and he was welcome to join me. He showed up and we worked on the paper for about 9 hours together. Things were a little awkward at first, but he eventually started acting normal again. He even took me to the food court and bought me an energy drink. He was joking around with me again and even introduced me to some people he knew. At the end of the night, he walked out of the library with me. He didn’t walk me to my dorm, but I didn’t expect him to since it was far away and we both were about to pull all nighters to finish our paper. When morning came, he sent me a text message and told me he had slept at all. We joked around over text almost until our early class started. When I got there, he sat next to me, but got up quickly when class was over, fist bumped me and left 😕. A few days later, I saw him in the cafe. He kept looking over at me, so I decided to go sit with him. A few of my other friends were sitting there also. During this this, he was directing a lot questions towards me and joking around with me. He even asked me if I wanted him to buy me an energy drink. He ended up staying there an hour after he was done eating to talk we me and my friends. So nothing really made since up to this point. He appeared to be interested in me before break, but came back uninterested? But then acted a little interested sometimes? I didn’t understand. This lead to vent to a friend of mine who is very close to his room mate. Through this, I found out that she had actually asked his room mate over break if this guy had said anything about me. His room mate told her that he said he was definitely attracted to me and interested, but didn’t know what to do with that (I don’t really understand this?). His room mate told my friend that he would ask this guy when he got back from break, if he still was interested in me. She told me that after he asked him, this guy got really upset. He told his room mate that he was annoyed that we would ask about something like that without coming straight to him, and then ended by saying he was no longer interested in me. This all happened when we got back from break. When I found all of this out, I was upset. I never told my friend to dig dirt. Needing to clear things up, I met up with the guy and told him that I was never behind his room mate asking him about me. He was surprised and told me he had thought that I did. I asked him if that was the reason he was acting weird and he said it was. He said that he had decided he wanted to be friends " I guess because I’m really not ready for a relationship right now" were his words (not sure to believe this or not?). After we talked about that, he kept the conversation going. He started to tell me about his life and shared some deep things with me (kind of like old times). We ended up talking for almost an hour. So heres the thing. This guy was interested in me before break. After break he thinks I’m trying to push things forward by finding out through other people if he’s into me. As a result, he is “no longer interested”, and starts acting weird. I clear things up, and now things are better, however still not back to what they used to be. This guy is not the type of guy who is just looking for fun relationship. He wants something serious, but at this time is apparently not ready. What are your thoughts? As of now I have pretty much told myself that this will never happen, that way I’m not disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![BlueTearsOfLove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BlueTearsOfLove](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/BlueTearsOfLove)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/2 "2012-12-08T15:09:37Z")
Move on. I wouldnt waste time waiting for him. You diserve better then that. If it was meant to be it will happen. Its up to him to make a move now ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2012, 3:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/3 "2012-12-09T03:36:38Z")
My advice is to pull back a little. “fishing” works for both genders. Sometimes you have to pull the bait away a little and make the fish chase it before it will bite. As far as what happened over break. It could have been what happened with friends asking questions. Some men don’t like that. I know my husband didnt like it when we first met. People tend to rush things these days. If things don’t happen fast enough then they blow them off and I think people miss out on a lot of good things this way. Let the relationship develop naturally. This doesn’t mean sit around pining for him. Go out, do your thing, see other people but keep the door open. Keep getting to know each other. It took me a few years to land my husband. I knew him since grade school and always had a crush on him but I wasn’t seriously interested till the end of high school. He was sort of the wild boy in town, you know the one your daddy tells you to stay the hell away from. Course I didnt listen LOL We were good friends for a long time and the attraction between both of us was always there but things just never fell into alignment till later. He was always seeing someone or I was seeing someone until one day things just feel into place. If I had shut that door early in our friendship just because he didnt move at the same pace as me I would have missed the love of my life. Now I am not saying this is the case in your relationship but I am saying give it some time, let things develop and while your doing that keep an eye out for other suitors. > [@](#): > > He told his room mate that he was annoyed that we would ask about something like that without coming straight to him, and then ended by saying he was no longer interested in me. He probably told his friend this because he was annoyed not because it was the truth. Best way to keep other people out of your “business” is to say there is no “business”. Tisha ---
**Author:** ![Maromi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/maromi/32/809_2.png) [@Maromi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Maromi)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 10:32am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/4 "2012-12-10T10:32:32Z")
Thank you all for the advice! It’s very helpful to get the perspective of other people. I’m such an analyzer, so getting advice from others helps me to string things together and wrap my head around why things happened the way they did and where to go from there. I will definitely leave the door open just in case. But I also realize that it is up to him to make the next move. As of now, I’m just going to try and not dwell on the past and what could have been and keep my eyes looking forward. ---
**Author:** ![ballzan](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ballzan/32/558_2.png) [@ballzan](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/ballzan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/5 "2012-12-10T20:29:04Z")
> [@Maromi](#): > > Thank you all for the advice! It’s very helpful to get the perspective of other people. I’m such an analyzer, so getting advice from others helps me to string things together and wrap my head around why things happened the way they did and where to go from there. I will definitely leave the door open just in case. But I also realize that it is up to him to make the next move. As of now, I’m just going to try and not dwell on the past and what could have been and keep my eyes looking forward. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to make the move and is using the not ready for a relationship play because of it. Sometimes even if I know a girl is attracted to me I still won’t do anything and play it safe. The fear of rejection is still present and something about putting it all out there on the line is unsettling, that’s kind of what it sounds like to me but like Tisha said pull back a little bit, make him miss being around you and talking to you etc and see what happens. I have done this to girls just to get their attention more and make them want me more but one actually quit texting me for about 2 months and out of no where she texted me and it was a good reaction, heart speeds up, hands get sweaty, and I just felt really good and after awhile I actually associated this feeling with any texts from her unconsciously and still get it on the rare occasion she does text me. It works on me but may not work on him, just a suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![Maromi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/maromi/32/809_2.png) [@Maromi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Maromi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/6 "2012-12-11T22:40:30Z")
> [@ballzan](#): > > Maybe he just doesn’t know how to make the move and is using the not ready for a relationship play because of it. Sometimes even if I know a girl is attracted to me I still won’t do anything and play it safe. The fear of rejection is still present and something about putting it all out there on the line is unsettling, that’s kind of what it sounds like to me but like Tisha said pull back a little bit, make him miss being around you and talking to you etc and see what happens. > > I have done this to girls just to get their attention more and make them want me more but one actually quit texting me for about 2 months and out of no where she texted me and it was a good reaction, heart speeds up, hands get sweaty, and I just felt really good and after awhile I actually associated this feeling with any texts from her unconsciously and still get it on the rare occasion she does text me. It works on me but may not work on him, just a suggestion. Thank you for the advice! I am going to try this and not talk to him for awhile. Its a good time for that because we leave for break in just a few days and won’t see each other for 3 weeks. We’ll see where this goes 🙄 ---
**Author:** ![Maromi](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/maromi/32/809_2.png) [@Maromi](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Maromi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2012, 10:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/7 "2012-12-11T22:52:02Z")
A little update on the situation: Today I saw the guy in class. He actually sat by me, so that was good. I noticed though that he was really fidgety around me (I can’t remember if he was like this before). He was drumming his hands on the desk and could not sit still. When I would change the way I was sitting, he would sit the same way. It was funny, because when I noticed this I started to change the way I was sitting just for fun to see if he would mirror me 😛. During class, he made a few goofy faces at me and we joked around a little. He also made fun of me about an inside joke of ours. We shared a book in class, and he didn’t hesitate to lean in toward me to read. When looked at him to talk to him, he would smile at me. When class was over I got up and left, not expecting him to try and walk with me and of course he didn’t. I didn’t wait for him, because I didn’t want to make anymore effort on my part. I ---
**Author:** ![JohnM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/848f3c/32.png) [@JohnM](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/JohnM)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/need-unbiased-relationship-advice-about-a-guy-at-college-ive-started-to-like/57507/8 "2012-12-16T16:06:38Z")
> [@](#): > > The week before Thanksgiving break, I could tell that this guy was for sure interested in me. He was still making me coffee, walking to my dorm, sitting with me in class, and showing up in random places where I was, making excuses to come over and chat with me. He would send me little random text messages, but never tried to converse that much with me through text. How did you respond to those signals? The impression I got from your text, is that he wanted to have a relationship with you. He did a lot of things to signal that he’s interested in you. However he doesn’t know how to escalate physically. After a while he felt bad about failing to get physical with you. When his room mate asked him whether he’s still attracted, he made a decision to cut his emotional losses. > [@](#): > > After break he thinks I’m trying to push things forward by finding out through other people if he’s into me. I don’t think the problem is that you push things forward. The problem was that you didn’t went directly to him. He doesn’t want risk to tell his room mate that he’s attracted to you and then have you reject him.