# Night\_Hawk's Pheremone Journal **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Journals\ **Created:** [December 2, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688 "2010-12-02T16:05:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2016, 12:48pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/283 "2016-12-22T12:48:37Z")
Well, I never made it to today’s shift! I’m surprised I lasted till the end of last nights shift if I’m honest. Had to get a salaried manager to take me off of today’s schedule, sadly they failed to actually notify the Manager this morning that I wouldn’t be in, yay, my least favourite manager (who was really nice to me yesterday. I’ll get to that one in a minute). Woke up to find a tonne of text and voicemail messages asking me where I was; even on my social media a/c, lovely!! So, how bad is it? One word - anaphylaxis. Yeah, that bad!! I’ve never experienced anything like this, not even with eating an egg; and I have the highest threat level on that! I’m still gobsmacked that E124 (Ponceau 4R) is banned in the States and Norway, but acceptable (By Brussels) to be used anywhere else. Remember when I said I stopped the lab testing years ago because the test group before us, well, it weren’t good for them put it that way. I actually resemble one of the test subjects I saw, before heading for the door to make my escape, that’s how bad this is!! ☹ I can’t begin to say how painful it is; and I can take a lot of pain, believe me, but this is like getting stung by a billion bees over and over; and I actually look like I have as well. It’s not measles, far from it, but yeah, severe allergic reaction to a food colorant put into cough medicine to make you well - go figure that one!! Oh, in other news… Word must of gotten back to salaried management that I was looking for new employment. Got taken into the back office by my 1st assistant. Given a really nice appraisal of how much I’ve done for the Company, how well I train the staff, interact with the customers. How there’s tonnes of emails etc through customer services from customers about my manner/customer care (Really? Rarely get told about that one!). So, apparently I’m being promoted to Floor Manager, with view to progressing to Shift Manager within the next 6 months. Okie. Didn’t see that one coming! It’s strange, because they normally just promote 2 at a time, and there’s 3 of us moving up from trainer to floor manager! Guessing like other jobs I’ve had elsewhere, they don’t want me to go. Been auto-enrolled onto a few courses, got the 3-day first aid at work course to do again, can’t wait for that one, has to be the best course out of them all (did it 4 and a half years ago.). So yeah, end of January, I’ll be a Manager. 🙂 Now I just have to wait till 2:10pm to see a specialist for this allergy reaction. Please, no needles, I hate those things!! ☹ Speak later, hopefully. NH. ---
**Author:** ![tonyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/34f0e0/32.png) [@tonyman](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tonyman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 4:51am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/284 "2016-12-23T04:51:59Z")
Congratulations on your promotion (this sounds like Linkedin, not PheroTalk). You deserve it, from what I’ve read in your journal ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 10:33am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/285 "2016-12-23T10:33:16Z")
Thanks Tony. Think as of 3 months back my journal has gone beyond that of only being a research record. 😉 Having started to read everyone else’s journals, there’s a heck of a lot more that goes into each and every one about their every day lives, with the inclusion of both AD mones and other Companies products. Kind of found this as my own sanctuary for getting what was on my mind effectively sending me into meltdown to a way of dealing with it better. Seems to be working anyhow. Even though I still feel like I’ve been attacked by a swarm of bees as I type, I’m feeling the calmest I have ever been in a very long time - That could also be down to the large amount of steroids I started taking as of yesterday, lol. I’m sure in the next couple of weeks I’ll resume the AD trials. Got lots of products to test, but as you can understand, I’m not putting anything experimental onto my skin whilst I’m in this scary state. Not to the mention, the medication will more than likely taint the effects/results, so going to wait until I’m all clear before I even attempt to start down the research road again!! 😉 Hell of a year, huh! 😃 Bumpy start. Found my perfect match. Was too chicken to ask her out (Because of the negativities others had drummed into my head). Watched her leave, broke my heart. Now this anaphylaxis reaction to a food colorant, banned in Norway and the USA for doing the very same it had done to me, yay. Oh yeah, got promoted. Time for another tablet. Probably be asleep in 10 minutes, these things are powerful, but they seem to be working! 🙂 NH. ---
**Author:** ![Dee\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7bcc69/32.png) [@Dee\_A](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Dee_A)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2016, 11:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/286 "2016-12-23T11:56:20Z")
Congrats for the promotion NH! You really deserved it. 🙂 And yeah… that sleep too. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2016, 3:06pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/287 "2016-12-24T15:06:31Z")
Thanks Dee. 🙂 I’m off work till the 28th, so am making the most of it, you know, playing on the XBone, playing on the the Pioneer controller, etc, lol. No, seriously been getting some major sleep these past few days. This is probably the biggest scare I’ve had to medically deal with in a very long time. I’ve never had this bad a reaction to accidentally eating an egg; and those things are supposed to kill me, yet as I said to the doctor, I’ve worked in catering since I was 14, not to mention gone through 6 years of culinary school (known as ‘Catering college’ over here in the UK), so yeah, handling and being around eggs, not a problem apart from an occasional itch to my hands. Crazy isn’t it. Certainly been reading up on food colors these last few days. Even our Prime Minister tried banning this one I took, 6 months ago, but was overruled by Brussels provided manufacturers put warnings on the packaging! Safe to say I spent last night filling in a ‘Yellow Card’ saying what’s happened to me and expressing the need to put even better/clearer warnings on the packaging, as had it said not to be used by people with egg/aspirin allergies, I wouldn’t be on 9 steroids for the next week! ☹ Deffo have to go to the gym now after all of this, lol!! If I don’t see any of you on here over the next few days, I hope you all have an excellent Xmas. 🆒 NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 3:18pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/288 "2016-12-27T15:18:39Z")
So, as I prepare to return back to work tomorrow, I look at my shelf and think, what the heck do I take (mone wise) with me to get me through the day?!! IShine. [P74](https://a314.com/product/p74/)? Got to stay focused, that’s for sure. At least last night I didn’t have any nightmares. Well, if you can call it a nightmare, cos, well we all know this room of mine gets hot and for whatever reason (and I think it probably has a lot to do with all these pills I’ve been taking), but I’d suddenly jump out of a deep sleep open my eyes and see a set of green eyes looking right back at me in the darkness. Sure has freaked me out, but in seconds the vision pans back to reveal the same person, ‘X’! Feel like I’m being stalked. Only lasts a few seconds, but it’s enough to have me sat bolt upright in bed in sheer panic; and even though I know it isn’t real, I don’t know why I’m seeing it?!! I know in my hours of feeling like everything was shutting down last week in work that I told myself to do a full ‘back-up’. I don’t do things like that unless I know I’m in serious trouble and don’t want to forget, but whatever my head has done, it seems to have prioritised what I remember differently. I’m used to seeing all my coding work, my research, my music, etc all the important stuff, but not this time, everything seems to be back to front. I keep seeing last weeks conversation with ‘M’ about getting this usb drive to ‘X’. Maybe that’s what is causing it I don’t know? I always keep my promises; and in that I told her I’d get these songs to her. I’ll do it, even if it’s the last thing I do. Albeit it, the way I was last week, there was a point I didn’t actually think I was going to see the end of the week, that’s how ill I was. Like I said, even the doctor was shocked I’d lasted as long as I did without treatment, but I just don’t like letting people down. I took dad with me to the doctors, to be honest, I didn’t feel steady on my feet, but when I came out from seeing the doctor (having had a good ticking off for not going sooner), I found dad outside in bits, thinking I was going to be admitted into hospital. Poor man! For someone that’s seen probably worse than me in his time in the Forces, actually I know he has, I’m surprised to see the reaction he had with me and this. Kept trying to remind him of how bad my face was when I was 10 and the 6 hours of him not letting me see a mirror when it happened. I don’t actually think he remembered, that was the thing, I do, I remember it like it happened a few seconds ago, even the lack of skin that had somehow ripped off in the impact leaving nothing but bone visible in places, but this seemed to have got to him good and I really did feel for him, guilty in a way that I’d made him come with me, but he told me he didn’t like seeing me in pain, (Well I was, there was no denying it), but like everything I do, I just laughed it off and told him to behave, nothing to be worried about, I was getting treatment and would be fine soon. To be fair, I worked until I could literally work nor stand no more. My Immunoglobulin E (IgE) count was sky high (not surprising), but it was producing more white cells than that of red; and that was what was causing me to rapidly fail. It wasn’t even a feeling like I was faint or going to collapse, even though my heart was going nuts on Monday, it was like trying to run through the middle of a swimming pool and well, we’ve all done it at some point, you don’t get very far for your effort, lol. But the blistering didn’t really start to show itself until the 3rd day (Wednesday), my last shift. Thankfully I was wearing my cap, otherwise it would of freaked out pretty much everyone that saw me! I looked like I’d been exposed to a biochemical weapon, it was that bad! Clothing covered everything else. I don’t know why or how it has managed to seek out my old injuries, there’s a blister on every one, whether being tiny or large. Even where I’ve had blood taken, etc, there’s a blister where the needle went into the vein, right on the vein, kind of freaky looking at it all! My chest still hasn’t fully cleared, it is, but it’s taking it’s time, thankfully that’ll be hidden under my uniform tomorrow. Parents don’t want me to go in, but I can’t call in. I’m seeing every day on my social media a/c that people are calling in sick, that they just don’t have the staff; and although I am still covered in these annoying blisters, albeit they’re in the healing stages, I have to go in, I can’t let them down, it’s just not in my nature to do so. Besides, after tomorrows grueling 9-hour shift, I’m back to late/night shifts, so get to have a nice sleep during the day! 🙂 Actually, looking at the schedule, starting tomorrow, I’m in for 10 consecutive days, all around 9-hour shifts - kill me now!! 😮 To add to all of the above, mom hit me with a secret she’s been keeping from our family for the past 6 months on xmas eve, looks like she’s in need of an operation for an umbilical hernia; and worst she won’t see a doctor for it! Can’t begin to think how much pain she is in with that; and there’s nothing I can do to help her - breaks my heart, I wish she’d told me! ☹ Worse was realising dad didn’t even know; and I had to literally force her to tell him in front of me! Safe to say he’s been hammering the alcohol this weekend probably thinking the worse. Then, Xmas Day, when my sister and her hubby came, had to break the news to her too - nightmare!! Talk about having a bad week. Getting my head around everything is tough, but I do always get on with it, kind of have to, just don’t know what to do with mom, as she’s being her stubborn self; and I know the longer she leaves getting treatment, the worse it will get! In a way, it kind of made my mind up there and then, that nothing from my past can ever be said to my parents, they just couldn’t handle it, I’m just going to be stuck with the memories of my past forever. Somewhere in that, I have to fit in this coursework for the new job role! Mind you, never takes me long to get through the work once I get started, my head already seems to be on a mission as it’s been pulling up random things all morning since I glanced at the booklet I have to complete. I guess the answers are already in my head somewhere! 🙄 Kind of makes you think really how short life is, what you do every day, what you take for granted, then along comes the unexpected and changes everything in an instant. I know I have to forget ‘X’. God knows, I’ve tried everything, I’m guessing it’s the usb drive thought, that may just be holding the memory, I don’t know, I really don’t know? Never have I experienced anything like when I was in her presence, but as with everything, all great things come to an end; and I have to try and move on, somehow. Anyhow, rambled on again. iShine, P74. Maybe a little iOpenness. Not sure on that one yet. Will have to try out this P96 at some time in the near future, right now, I’m just sticking with what I know works and makes me feel happy; and happy is what I need a big dose of right now! Speak tomorrow. NH. ---
**Author:** ![justintime469](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/justintime469/32/1402_2.png) [@justintime469](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/justintime469)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 8:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/289 "2016-12-27T20:49:46Z")
I think you should definitely try the P96 if you have it you won’t regret it! I get a happy vibe along with the emotional/bonding of it. You can’t go wrong with that one. What I would do is swap out the [P74](https://pheromonelabs.com/product/p74/) for P96 and see what you think. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 8:59pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/290 "2016-12-27T20:59:28Z")
Okie Justin, I’ll do that. Not tried it as yet, so tomorrow will be the 1st time. 🙂 Thank you. NH. ---
**Author:** ![justintime469](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/justintime469/32/1402_2.png) [@justintime469](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/justintime469)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 9:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/291 "2016-12-27T21:21:52Z")
I am willing to bet if used with your IO/IShine combo it will really turn things around with that nutty manager you have a hard time with. The P96 should work very well with those 2. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2016, 10:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/292 "2016-12-27T22:52:30Z")
You know, since I’ve been ill she’s been really nice! I’m guessing it could also have something to do with me having that outburst just before getting ill in front of my salaried manager that I wanted to leave. Something definitely got said, as the ‘nutty’ manager (as you put it, lol), posted a “Get Well,” message on my media a/c after I posted what the doctor had said. Only time will tell I guess, but if the P96 and my normal mix helps keep the calm, then I’m game to give it a go! If the Wifi is working, I’ll post on my break. I can’t for the life of me work out why the Wifi doesn’t work all the time as we have an Internet Hotspot mast right outside the building!! Anyhow, I’ve just taken one of these allergy tablets I’ve been munching on all week, so I better get ready to sleep, as it hit’s me without warning as it begins to take effect! Alarm is set for 5:30am, arf! Started on that massive workbook tonight, so have made way with that. Will aim to get that done before Sunday; and then it’s all the online courses to complete! Speak soon, thanks for the advice, Justin. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2016, 9:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/293 "2016-12-28T09:36:58Z")
My stalker is in, yay, not! So, apparently she still ‘loves’ me, yeah right! Had her move seats next to me just now on my break, so she could annoy me with that Snapchat app. What does she do? Sends the images direct to our stores closed social media a/c! What??!!! Seriously not interested. In other news. Got my usual io/is mix on, done one spray of P96 to the front of my neck. Did break out into song not long after applying it, which isn’t normal unless I’ve had a drink! Think the Xmas night out scene with me singing in the street with confidence, pretty much summed it up what I was like right after that 1st spray! Still waiting for salaried to come in to work, we’re 7 people down and the staff think I’ll be sent home! They’ll have to physically drag me out the door now I know how short staffed they are!! I may still be feeling pain in my head/shoulders, but I cannot make them 8 people down, just isn’t going to happen!! Speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 4:50am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/294 "2016-12-29T04:50:09Z")
Well, that was one hell of a shift. Barely any staff and we’re expected to operate as normal as if we had full capacity staff! Worse still we had practically no stock in, so there were posters up telling customers what we DID have, it was that bad, lol!! Delivery some time in the morning (Thursday), but I don’t think they’ll have much left now to operate the store with!! 😃 Ah the joys of radio headset communication. Thankfully I’m not wearing it, but am stood next to someone that is. Every few minutes the person would say “‘D’ says she loves you. She wants to know if you love her back?” Fecks sake! “No, sorry I’m staying single.” Then I got a lot of “She wants to know who you are cheating on her with?” WHAT?? Sorry, but my heart, well I can’t even feel it anymore if I’m honest. Since that very last moment of sitting in the taxi going home from the apartment knowing that was it, that deep feeling of loss that came over me, I’ve not had any other feeling since. It’s like my heart has been taken away to some deep dark void, just no change. Don’t know if it ever will change, but around every single female, in work including this one I had to endure all day, I don’t feel a thing, not one single feeling towards any of them!! I know I’ve been on some seriously heavy medication this past week, albeit, when I walked through the front door of my house tonight, I sort of skipped the medication for a glass of baileys, a couple of mince pies and erm, brandy sauce, so I’ve basically had to wait till now to be able to take them again. Not in work for 11 hours, so am safe to take them, as we all know they knock me out. Just says on eat box “Avoid alcohol.” So yeah, had to wait, actually I went to sleep not long after eating those pies, also needed to warm up after the freezing conditions of work! Manager said she’s ordered a heater, but that’s not the problem, the engineer has said it’s the wiring; and the leaking roof above it, blows the electrics every time it rains, so the heater flashes and dies. But good old manager, they always know best; and just order in a new heater every time instead of listening to what the engineer says is the root problem and getting it fixed. Can’t be good, water and electricity. The _bang_ it makes every time it trips is enough to give you serious heart failure. Then, it’s ‘Your fault’ for breaking the heater - erm, it’s the wiring!! P96, IShine/IO mix, will probably do it again tomorrow. Actually, I’ll probably do it for the next 9 days if I can, seeing as I’m in for that long now, until my next day off. Wasn’t expecting to break out into song like I did, must admit. Not something I usually do if I’m honest. Music maybe, actually no, I usually just run that through in my head and occasionally hum/whistle it out to myself if I’m in a store room with no one around, so yeah, this was unusual for me to just blurt out vocals. Thankfully, it wasn’t one of mine, although I’m constantly reminded as the staff have a few of my branded pens that I’ve handed out over the years, seem like gold dust, really need to order more of those. They’re made by a company in Roermond of all places, but they have been running for years; and well the quality I cannot fault so continue to use them. Got asked if I’d written any more music since I’ve been off. I really haven’t. Well, I’ve written bits and those bits are getting to resemble some form of a completed track, but every single time I sit down to write something, in comes that EDM track and takes over. Then I have those overwhelming feelings and thoughts of ‘X’ and I just have to stop. I have no idea why it is taking this long to get over someone that probably never liked me in the first place, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Doesn’t seem to be working though! ☹ I just woke up to her standing in front of me before I wrote this, totally freaking me out. Why am I suddenly getting visions of someone. Hell, it’s laughable because she’s standing there in her uniform, cap an’ all; and it only lasts for a few seconds, but why the hell is it happening? She never says anything, just smiles. Freaks me right out!! So, I’m clearly losing my marbles. Early stages of something. Still think it’s these pills/being sick; and I am still sick, just cannot call in not after what I witnessed today in work. They’re right up the wall trying to function. Oh; and another one has bitten the dust, so to speak and left. Another manager, one that I got on with, going to miss her too. She wasn’t liked by everyone, but then, a lot of people didn’t take the time to get to know her like I did, when I worked with her at another store. I saw a totally different person; and I guess that time working away made for a good friendship that has lasted until I heard the news this morning that she has resigned! 😮 ☹ Anyhow, I’m off for some food, before this next set of pills. Think we’ve established what mix I’ll have on for the next few days. I’ll report on the ratios when I work out what I’m trailing, but for now, I’ll speak later. 🙂 NH. ---
**Author:** ![Jdub](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jdub/32/1399_2.png) [@Jdub](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Jdub)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2016, 11:02pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/295 "2016-12-29T23:02:45Z")
Wow man sounds like a hectic time. Hope all is well. Are you having hallucinations? I’m really rooting for you here. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2016, 6:58pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/296 "2016-12-30T18:58:58Z")
I have been having hallucinations. Think it’s the pills to be honest, that and probably still being sick. Dizzy as hell at the moment. I didn’t take any pills today, so not seen any visions standing before me on waking, thankfully!! They knock me out not long after taking them, and I’m on night shifts for the next 3 days, so have to have my whits about me. They’re still incredibly short staffed. Just seen a request for staff to come and work in the kitchen, they’re at least 3 people down in there. That’s one entire side of the kitchen with no staff! How the heck they’re functioning in there is beyond me?!! I’d go in now to help them, but at the moment, I’m in no state myself to go. Going to take a few paracetamol and hope for the best! I start at 11pm tonight. I think I put on the ‘Zombified’ mix last night, that’s how I felt throughout. It certainly wasn’t my IO/IShine 2-Go spray that’s for sure, as that has a green sticker on the base so I can identify it! Very, very cold in there though. Night manager told me to get a hot drink at one point as I was turning blue with the constant opening/closing of the window to the customers. Nice that they’re in lovely hot cars, but it would be even nicer if they had the courtesy to move down and pay instead of holding up the whole lane because they’re too engrossed on what is in their phones! Not to mention that once they have paid, we then have to go and cook their food, that’s how short staffed we are, so we’re constantly running back and forth to get money, make food, get money, pour drinks/hand them out along with the food and repeat it all again. Worst is when someone comes inside to order, that throws a spanner right in the works as you then have to work out who comes 1st to get served, the cars or the customer on counter, all whilst trying to make the food in between. Yeah, it’s that bad in there. No wonder people are leaving on mass or phoning in sick, they just don’t want to be in that situation of endless stress. It’s a case of just getting on with it though, no matter what abuse is thrown your way, you just have to grin bare it and get on with it. Worse case scenario, we shut and the customers have to make alternative arrangements. The way it’s going, we’ll be inviting them in to make their own; and that’s provided we actually have the stock!! Our delivery truck broke down on the freeway yesterday, so it was late evening when we got the required stock we should of had from 8am!! Nightmare. Not looking forward to NYE’S nighter, they get steadily worse every year!! IO/IShine tonight I think, need something to wake me the hell up!! Going to leave off the P96 testing until my head can focus properly. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2016, 9:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/297 "2016-12-31T09:18:57Z")
Well, the IShine/IO mix seemed to do wonders last night. 3 sprays to my neck (2 front/1 back x2 strength), then another 3 sprays (Same points) 2 hours later. More upbeat than the previous night, did drag out mind you with only a handful of abusive drug dealers to have to speak to in the back of taxis. They must think I have the time to stand and care what is being spewed from their mouths. In reality, I just switch off, nod and smile, lost in my own reality doing something more important like the coursework for this new promotion. Had a staff member comment on how I stayed calm, but as I said, I wasn’t listening to start with, lol, I guess if I was, it might be a different scenario. I guess it will be more of the same tonight, but far, far worse, as it’s NYE! 🙄 Where the heck has the past year gone? Feels like it has flown over. Here’s hoping 2017 drags, because I need to fit just a little bit too much into it, lol. 😃 Well, tonight, I think I may go back to the IShine/IO, P96 test mix. Probably be a good time to get the ‘happy vibe’ going on. Working with a great bunch of people tonight, the same as last night, but with a couple of extras, so should be fun, albeit, busy with many, many drunk people!! What I wouldn’t give to get just one NYE off from working. Ah well, someone has to do it! 😉 Anyhow, all the best for tonight and the New Year! Speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 8:18pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/298 "2017-01-01T20:18:23Z")
That was the steadiest New Years Eve night shift I’ve ever done!! Wow, was I in a happy little upbeat mood. The first bit of happiness in the past month. I was on with a great team and was wearing 6 sprays of IOpenness x2/ IShine x2 mixed together in a 2-Go bottle (4 sprays to each side of my neck, 2 sprays to the back), plus 2 sprays to the front of my adam’s apple of P96 12.5mcg (25mcg total). Must admit, I was in a similar state as the ‘Zombified’ mix, but not as aggressive to not know everything I was doing, no, with this I was still focused on the job and just happy all night! For what didn’t feel busy, we broke our longstanding overnight sales record, which I guess is a good start to the New Year, certainly pleased the manager running the shift - bonus for him then, lol!! 😃 Had my iPod running through my A-Z of music collection so everything from chart music to hardstyle pumping out throughout the entire restaurants sound system. Probably added to the positive vibe having customers scream out, “I love this song!!” Yeah, I do too, hence why it’s on my iPod. Actually, all I could think of all night was the set I did at the apartment, as most of the tracks I played there, were being played last night, so may of added to that positive happy vibe, albeit, not everything went well that night at the apartment, but lessons learned, have to speak up next time, if there is ever a next time - still waiting to see that specific manager to give her ‘X’s’ music, it’s getting to the impossible stage now; and I really hate breaking promises when I say I’m going to do something, I always do it! I guess that may be why I was hallucinating her last week when taking that medication (I’ve stopped taking it for that very reason, which is why it seems to be taking longer now to heal). All I kept seeing on waking out of a deep sleep was ‘X’ standing a couple of metres away, looking back at me in her full uniform smiling! Not a word out of her, just smiling, so you can probably understand why I freaked each time I woke up!! I’m thinking now it’s due to the USB drive, as where I visualised her was always right by where I have the pen drive located. Head must be doing a number on me to remember what I need to do and must do. Whether that will be the end of it, who knows, but until I do it, until I see that manager and pass it on, I fear I may get visited again, when I least expect it, as a reminder that I don’t break my promises, ever!! BTW, lovely email off of Brian - Did you know that 2017 is a prime number? Prime numbers are super rare, so it’s actually one of the few years that’s a prime number! Now that’s something interesting you can share with others this week. LOL. 😃 So tonight, bank holiday, hopefully everyone is broke from last night (doubt it) 3 of us on running the shift (oh the joys if it’s busy), albeit we have two ladies on from last night till 1am so a bit of a lift if we are busy up until then, which is usually the case! Think I’ll put on the same mix as last night, need that happy, chilled out vibe again, was a nice feeling last night, so replicating it again tonight will be good, even better if I can throw the tunes on, think we only got to ‘G’ on the ‘A-Z’ so got a long way to go, hehe. Hope you all had a good New Year and aren’t sporting too much of a hangover! Speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2017, 11:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/299 "2017-01-01T23:36:08Z")
So, this night shift seems like it might be quiet, still I’m wearing the mix I said I would, 🙂 Just got an email from my police force saying that they’re recruiting 140 new police officers this year, think even though I’m being promoted, I will apply for this. Something I’ve always wanted to do so will never know unless I have a try. You may notice I’ve updated my signature a little, needed to add a few extras to the reporting section. Definitely going to be a year of testing that’s for sure!! Speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2017, 9:17am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/300 "2017-01-02T09:17:51Z")
Another great night, busy again, 3 people wasn’t enough to run the shift, but we managed! Same mix applied as NYE, exactly the same result. Well, had a member of staff tell me they “Loved me,” when I stood next to them. Here we go again! 🙄 Not a chance there, too young, but still, I was nice to her with a friendly response, she’s a nice person, bubbly personality. 🙂 Another member of staff seemed to be hanging around me more also - mix maybe? Too young again, so nothing is going to happen there either! To be honest, I don’t think anything will happen with anyone in there, just don’t get the same feeling I had when around ‘X’ with any of the female staff/managers. Don’t know if I ever will get that feeling again to be honest, it was unreal, can’t begin to describe it, but every day since that taxi ride home from the apartment, nothing, not one feeling, almost like my soul has been taken without my knowledge. Ah well, time to focus on this promotion (for the time being) and await for the chance to apply for the Police force. That’s one mammoth application process that can take up to a year to complete, so in the meantime, the promotion to manager will give me the new challenges I thrive on, whilst I get myself mentally and physically ready for the next challenge that comes along!! I know what the IO/IS does, hence why I wear it daily, but throwing the P96 into the mix, totally unaware of what that does, so it’s unchartered territory for me. Ah well, back in tonight @5pm for more fun, will try the same mix again and see what results I get. Also, before I go and get some sleep, if I can, because I’m not actually tired, I’ve just had a quick look at the store, at the new oil section. Hmm, interesting things in there. Might have to try out P96 oil along with MX597. Even CTTM oil looks like it could be a blast to test out. Actually, A314 stealth is going to be top of the next order. I can see it coming in very handy with this new promotion, when I finally start; and then there’s the interview stage of the Police Force recruitment in months to come that I can see that being a great asset for that situation. Like I said, february will be my next order, but that doesn’t stop me from looking now and thinking what can be trialled alone, or mixed with the normal sprays. Interesting times ahead I think. Other than trying out the hedione oil mix a few weeks back with mixed results up until I got sick (and yes, I’m still recovering, just can’t take those pills due to the hallucinations I keep getting with them. Not had either for the past couple of days, thankfully!). I’ll probably revisit the hedione trial again in a couple of weeks. Still got the ylang ylang to try out, might keep that for the stealth trials. 😉 Speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2017, 3:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/301 "2017-01-03T15:09:34Z")
Well, last night was nuts! Actually, having no sleep since the day before, then doing the night shift, to stay awake all day yesterday (I wrote a remix to a track I made in 2010; and on uploading it to Soundcloud, I got a new idea in my head and made a 2nd track in 4 hours, lol, (and uploaded that too), to then go in at 5pm and work till 1:30am this morning, I don’t know how the heck I managed to stay awake that long!! I am actually putting it down to the mix I stuck on last night, as I was bouncing around for hours, just smiling away to myself. Don’t know about A314, but I put a bit of assertiveness into directing some of the staff last night; and the few that tried to get away with nothing, oh boy, did they discover I’m not as quiet as they thought - firm, direct voice, got them to do what I asked of them without another word!! Made other staff go “Wow, can tell you’re getting ready to put on that shirt!” Actually, no, I just hate lazy a$$es that think every one else will clean up after them, or do the work when they’ve gone home!! Happy, happy person I was all shift!! 😃 🆒 So yeah, I threw on some extra mones before I left home for work - yes, I know sometimes that has been a bad thing, but I didn’t actually look what they were to be honest, just looked now - CTTM (V2) (1x spray to each side of my neck), [P83](https://a314.com/product/p83/) 12.5mcg (1x spray to each side of my neck), P74 12.5mcg (1x spray to adam’s apple and back of my neck), TUTH X2 (1x spray to adam’s apple and back of my neck). Then, when I got to work 15 mins later I did my IShine / IOpen mix (2x sprays to adam’s apple and back of my neck); and finally the P96 12.5mcg (1x spray to adam’s apple and back of my neck)! Yeah, there’s a lot going on there; and not that I could notice at the time apart from the scent of neroli, I was bouncing everywhere!! I was singing a few hardwell and Swedish House Mafia tracks out loud (didn’t care, had seemed to get a massive confidence boost from nowhere!!), the muscles in my face felt different, just couldn’t help but smile the whole shift. Even when one of the managers brought up ‘X’ in a conversation thinking he could be a funny man and bring my mood down, nah, not a chance!! If anything, I don’t think he quite expected me to hit him with a few wise cracks of my own, enough for him to get the message and stop, well that and the fact the staff began to laugh at him with what I was firing in my defence - happy days!! Back in @4:30pm tonight, not long to go, actually been asleep for the past 6 hours, no visions on waking thankfully, mind you, not taken any medication for a few days, so that’s probably why, albeit, I really do need to take those things, still feeling the pain (and looking like a join-the-dots puzzle. Uniform/cap hides almost everything!), but you know me, go to work, grin and bare it and carry on as if nothing is wrong. Besides, I can say “Ow!” when I go to get stock, etc, when no one is around! 😉 Saying that though, was in such a happy, upbeat mood, singing away to myself for most of the shift, I hardly noticed the pain. Only every now and then, my body would do the “Hey, you’re sick dude, take it easy here!” Message signal when I was overexerting myself or carrying something that would come into contact with my chest, yeah, Ow! 😮 Anyhow, might do the above mix again. Got training to do tonight. Poor things were asking me who they’ll be able to go to for questions or training advice when I become a manager. Simple answer to that is, me! Just because I become a manager, doesn’t mean I stop helping those that want or need help. I’m not that type of person that says “I don’t do that now.” No, I’ll always make time for those that want help or training, even if it means me staying on extra, working through a break or coming in on days off. If people are willing to take the time to learn, then I will always make time to help them! Better go, get myself ready; and make a snack for my break later. Even though I can eat/drink anything I want in there on my break, to be honest, I prefer something quick, that I know will fill me up and have me eager to go for part two. I stare at the food all day, if I am going to eat it, I’ll get it after my shift, take it home and chill/enjoy it more in the knowledge that I don’t have to rush to eat it. Right, speak later. 🙂 NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2017, 2:11am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/302 "2017-01-04T02:11:33Z")
I took a chance and did the same mix as last night again tonight! …CTTM (V2) (1x spray to each side of my neck), [P83](https://a314.com/product/p83/) 12.5mcg (1x spray to each side of my neck), P74 12.5mcg (1x spray to adam’s apple and back of my neck), TUTH X2 (1x spray to adam’s apple and back of my neck). Then, when I got to work 20 mins later I did my IShine / IOpen mix (2x sprays to adam’s apple and back of my neck); and finally the P96 12.5mcg (1x spray to adam’s apple and back of my neck)!.. Oh yeah, it makes your face feel strange, like your cheeks are being pulled back, as if you’re undergoing High-G training, yet, you just want to smile, lol!! 🆒 Strange feeling, but I just feel happy from the minute I apply that mix; and my actions are noticeable by everyone!! 😃 Yeah, I was singing again, just can’t seem to help it, but in another way it does seem to make you come across as more of a leader. I don’t know if that’s the P96 in there, but I seem to be able to get the staff to do more with the P96 on than with just the IO / IShine mix. Interacting with the staff seemed to be more of a social experience at times, almost like when we all go out to a bar/club together and basically let our hair down with a few drinks. It was that good a night, busy, but steady. Had a few childish teenagers in; and yet for some reason I just had that confidence boost going on again, didn’t seem phased with them giving lip, actually, they’re in for a shock tonight if they come back in, as they won’t be getting served. Last person to try and upset is the one with the photographic memory!! 😛 Well, gave them the chance to behave; and they thought they’d be clever and ride their bikes repeatedly the wrong way around the drive-thru lane at the on-coming cars. Causes the drivers (and their families) in the vehicles to want to get out and attack them. Sure, I wouldn’t stop them if they did, might knock some sense into them (doubt it though), but then the job would grind to a halt if the Police ended up having to be called, so yeah, ended up telling them to “Do one!” Cretins. 🙄 Can’t wait for the “We haven’t done anything!” comments tonight, which we always get. They must think we’re daft; and that we don’t have CCTV filming them doing all their stupid things. But yeah, with the mix on, just didn’t seem phased with their antics. If we have to, as a final step, we can use any of the panic buttons, which goes direct through to the Police Contact Centre, were they can view all the CCTV and speak to the numpties through the speaker system. Occasionally gets rid of them, but for those that refuse, that’s when the operator can then send out the Police directly. Always a last resort, but at least it is there if we need it! 🙂 Still couldn’t train my trainee tonight, poor girl got placed in another area due to yet another member of staff being off sick. Ended up printing her off some training info for her to read through at home. It’s not the usual stuff the other trainers’ use, as it’s aimed at the new system we’ll be using in June (gives her an advantage on everyone else), but it does give her a detailed way of how to do everything mostly in cartoon picture form. So, come Sunday, when she comes in to finally (hopefully) get trained by another member of the team, if she’s read what I’ve given her (and gone through with her) she should pick up the practical side of things pretty quick! I even told the Business Manager to go home early as he was too sick to be working. Not something I’d normally do, telling the boss to go home, lol, but there’s no point in having someone ill, potentially making everyone else around them ill, being on shift. So yeah, we got rid of him half way through the shift. I tell you, I’m not even wearing my manager’s uniform yet and I already feel like a manager!! 🆒 Sure that could be the mix helping; and I’m wearing it again tomorrow. Actually, I going to wear it until Friday, off at the weekend, yay!! Pity I’m not in Saturday though, as that manager I need to give that USB drive to is only in on that day, so looks like another week before I can give it to her. Steroid tablets for me in a minute after I’ve eaten. Started feeling those bee stinging feelings in my head around an hour before I finished work, comes without warning, so, here’s hoping I don’t wake to find ‘X’ staring back at me, lol. Even though I’d happily wake up to her, I’d rather it be the real person and not some mad hallucination, which is kind of freaky, but ah well, reality check, never going to happen, had my chance got to attempt to move on, even if the ‘haters’ try their darn best every shift to bring her up in their conversations with me. Seems to be their way to get a little entertainment at my expense, sorry boys, but with this mix on, you’re not going to get to me, not going to bring me down, just not going to happen! 🙂 Anyhow, Doctors in the morning for god knows what. It’s not over this allergy attack, they just want to do a ‘check-up’ as I haven’t had one in over 2 years. Yeah, can see it now, “When was the last time you used your asthma inhalers?” Easy answer to that question, 2 years ago!! I swear they misdiagnosed me on that one, because I got the all-clear on my asthma when I was 16; and everything after that I think is allergy related. They better not think they’re taking blood, lol, still got blisters on all my veins from wherever I’ve been stabbed over the years by research/blood taking surgeries, so yeah, good luck if they think that’s happening today!! 😃 To be frank, they always tell me there’s nothing wrong with me other than having a high white blood cell count (even higher now, after having that food colouring attack!), high metabolism (everything I eat burns off, so I never put on weight), oh yeah, so I’m gonna be told I’m underweight for my height and age, nothing new there. I always laugh when they say that though, as it’s always just after they say that I have a ‘high metabolism’, so really they should just sit there and think for a moment; and realise why I’m the weight that I am, lol!! 🙄 Ah well, gonna join the gym at the end of the month, February, probably just after I’ve got my next order of mones (including the stealths). Can’t think of a better place to try those out, lol!! 😉 😃 Right, food/tablets. I’ll speak tomorrow. NH. [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688.md?page=14) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688.md?page=16)