# Night\_Hawk's Pheremone Journal **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Journals\ **Created:** [December 2, 2010, 4:05pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688 "2010-12-02T16:05:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 13, 2017, 10:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/403 "2017-05-13T10:19:33Z")
Damn, that must of taken a while!! Thanks Conj. 🙂 …Work in an hour and I’ve just noticed they’re short staffed again, but it came in signed from ‘RW’. Yay, my best friend is in work, already smiling at the knowledge that I will be working with her when I go in! Last night. Got into work for 2pm to be confronted with a quarter of the staff we should of had for the entire shift! Schedule has been given back to ‘AM’ whom still hasn’t left for the Civil Service job he applied for last year! DV Security clearance sure is taking its time, but then, it does tend to take 12 months to clear, although some posts let you perform the job as the clearance goes through, or at least that’s what I found with my job a few years ago in the Forces/Civil Service. So yeah, no staff, place looked like a bomb had hit it; and unknown to anyone, there was a football (Soccer) match on at the local stadium (Everton) making matters virtually impossible. Still, saying that, we had a good team on; and I got the job of greeting them in Booth 3, before giving them out the food/drink. Safe to say I said to every single customer, “Sorry for your wait, but we have no staff available to park the cars over and bring the food out. Please stay here!” Queue out the door of customers, queue as far back as the entrance of the complex, nevermind the start of the Drive-thru lane!! Nightmare, but we got on with it, as we always do!! Had the same mix on I’ve been trialing for the past week, same application points - PMM2, P132 and A314 (B). You know I see subtle differences with the A314 (B) to both the male and female staff. The guys seem to throw on the breaks with the look of, “Whoa, back off, I’ll do as you tell/ask of me!” and the girls just seem to give the vibe of, “Is there anything I can do?!” I’m sort of seeing that more and more. I’ve probably got another week on PMM2 before it begins to run dry, another order then!! 😉 Probably have to get a 30ml X2 IShine, case of having to, as that is what has almost run dry. P132 and A314 I still have 3/4 of a bottle left, but as you know me, I’ll probably end up getting more A314 anyhow, lol!! So, today, I’ll probably have of the PMM2 and P132. Apply the A314 if I need it, will wait and see whom I’m working with. 😉 Had the (D.E.Q.) Hardwell - Echo track ( [SoundCloud - Hear the world’s sounds](https://soundcloud.com/digitalearthquake/hardwell-ft-jonathan-mendelsohn-echo-deq-bootleg)) in my head virtually the whole of yesterdays shift, even had it playing in my earpods as I went home, lol, just made e smile and bounce around everywhere. Had ‘TR’ tell me as I went onto shift, “You’re too happy NH for this shift - I just want to go home, it’s been hell all day, with no staff!” Sorry, I’m happy; and I’m going to be like that now, in less than 40 minutes 😮 when I get to work with my best friend ‘RW’ for whatever length of time that she is there for. 🙂 Speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2017, 1:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/404 "2017-05-14T01:27:44Z")
Today, before I’m even through the front door to work, I spot ‘RW’ heading back into the store. Don’t know what made me say it, but on her seeing me, I shouted in a nice manner across the crosswalk, “Hi Best Friend!” Got a “Hi, NH!” in return. 🙂 Threw on the PMM2, P132 and 1 spray of the A314 and clocked in, full of energy! ‘CD’ was in working on front counter, ‘RW’s’ shift (She was in a billion places at once, by the looks of it!); and ‘ABar’ was working in the kitchen. Yay, my favourite 3 manager’s are in today, happy days!! 😃 🆒 PMM2 begun to kick in, my head is so focused and I feel like bouncing everywhere, literally, lol. Enters the Hardwell - Echo (D.E.Q. Bootleg) track that I seem to have on loop for the past week starts playing in my head, oh yeah, bring it on, I’m beginning to dance to what I’m hearing, lol!! 😃 ‘RW’ asks me to go on “Fries,” seems to be my other new home as of late. Don’t mind it, hot as hell, same temperature of my bedroom most of the time; and if you slow your breathing right down, you can work without a problem, even at speed, which in my case was bouncing to ‘Hardwell’ in my head, lol! 😃 ‘CD’ started singing songs next to me also, every time she came to get fries. Wonder if she’s getting a hit from the PMM2?!! hehe. Asked ‘RW’ if she’d spoken to ‘Jason’ lol, got the 🙄 look from her, hehe. Shouldn’t be mean, but in my moment of happiness, the mischievousness kinda kicked in too! Damn, I felt happy!! Think I’m getting a full hit now of my ‘Party Mix Mk2’ lol, not complaining like! Ended up going down to Booth 1 about an hour later to clear all the cars using the headset, tailback seemed to go on forever! So, whilst order-taking, half-way through my shift, the BM stuck her head out of the office door and I got the news that I’m moving permanently to the new store, pah! ☹ Handed the headset to my colleague stood next to me, for her to take over the orders, albeit there wasn’t any vehicles left and went in to the Office with the Ops Consultant stood in there listening. Safe to say I asked again if I could take ‘RW’ with me; and said, “It’s not that I want to go out with her, she doesn’t like me like that; and I’m cool with it, it’s just that I’ve known her for the last 5 years, she’s become a great friend to me, someone I really like, get on with, makes me smile both in work and on nights out. Gonna really miss her!” Boss said, “Yeah, except from when she’s having one of her tantrums!” Responded with, “No, I like them, still puts a smile on my face as the staff are like ‘What the? who’s this small person scaring the cr\*p out of me?’ That would be my best friend!” Ops Consultant ‘Luke’ was like, “Well?!!” Yeah, not much sense comes out of him most of the time. He hired me 5 years back at the same store I’m in now, as my business manager; and now he oversees all the running of the stores in our Group! 🙂 Think they gather that I’ll be leaving missing people, well everyone bar my ‘hater’s’, won’t miss them one bit!! BM said that if I don’t like it, I can come back. Asked her if she wanted me to go; and she said, “It’s not down to me, you have been asked for by ‘Mark’ (My Ex-BM) specifically, he WANTS you to go there permanently! I was at a meeting yesterday, told off for not telling you sooner, but, if you don’t like it, you can come back, no problem; and yeah, I’ll miss you, don’t want you to go, but it’s nothing I can do about it, been told repeatedly for the last two months to tell you, kind of had no choice now!!” I replied with, “Well, said I’ve grown up in the Forces, kind of get used to moving and losing friends, making new ones, albeit there is a lot of people here I’ve come to like and will greatly miss them!” Could see it in her face that she doesn’t want me to go, bet it came as a shock to her, as my other two colleagues asked to get transferred, I didn’t, although as we know I was told by my now BM that I wouldn’t be promoted if I applied to move to the new store! ‘VL’ (BM) went on to add, “Need to send you on a training course next week; and then 2 more in a couple of weeks before you move!” Oh great, talk about throwing me in at the deep end, no time to prepare for what is coming! 🙄 Still, my 1st course is with my old friend ‘ST’. BM went on to say, “If you don’t like it after a month, you can come back. They can find someone to swap you with, you don’t have to stay!” Said, “I’ll give it a go, can’t not try at least, another new challenge!” Then went on to say, “But if you need me when you get your new build, feel free to ask, even if you’re short staffed. If I can, if I’m not working, I will try and come back and help!” Think that will be every shift my best friend is on along with ‘ABar’, ‘AC’, ‘DB’ and ‘ASim’, as they are all people I get along with and will really miss!! ☹ Well, I left the office and told ‘SN’ another friend I’ve gotten to know really well these past few months, someone that did our first aid course with, don’t think I’ll forget that in a hurry, lol!! First thing out of her mouth on saying it was permanent, “No, don’t go! I don’t want you to leave!” Yep, this is gonna be a hard one to deal with the closer it gets; and the days just seem to be flying by too darn quickly for my liking!! Safe to say I told ‘CD’, whom smiled, but I said, “Don’t know what apartment we’re going to on our xmas night out (Yes, I’m thinking about that already, lol), but if I get a choice, think I might be going with this store as opposed to the staff from the new one, seeing as everyone here are my friends!” ‘CD’ went, “Don’t! Have you seen all those that came in today? These are all the new staff working with us; taken on as part time from the job centre and half of them don’t look like they want to work!” Yep, you see, in this Country, the UK, they have begun to try and get people off of claiming benefits if they appear fit to work and try and literally force them into any available job. Most never stick it out for long, as they miss the life of sitting on their a$$ all day with a can of beer doing nothing, but getting paid by the State just the same. Sadly, they can’t do that now; and it looks like the job centre has sent everyone to join the new store - oh great!! Might actually be heading back to my existing store after all, lol, we’ll see!! Still, the BM stopped me to mention that another manager will need to be trained on cleaning the machines from hell, seeing as I’m leaving. I suggested ‘SK’, lol. Actually, I said, “‘SK’ should learn how to do it, he’s been shown twice by Mark, so should know how to do it, punishment for all the cr\*p he’s given me since being here!” BM’s face, lol, think she’s beginning to realise that some of her team are not as nice as she thinks they are! Well, safe to say, the shift got a lot busier, never seen so many customers as I have these past few days!! Doesn’t help with the franchisee sending out money-off coupons to people’s homes. Sure, it brings in a lot of business, but when you don’t have the staff, or there’s a football (soccer) match on at one of the two stadiums close by, then we get hammered and find it difficult to cope. Doesn’t also help with all the teenagers congregated outside causing mayhem, riding their bikes through the Drive-Thru lane, stopping the cars from exiting. Safe to say I told a few to vacate, as I do, beginning to take no sh\*t from them, after what happened last week. Pretty certain the IJ has altered my frame of mind on dealing with Muppets; and we all remember the slogan that used to be on side of the bottles. Think I’d change it from ‘puppy’ to ‘teenager’, actually, I’d happily change it to that, seeing as the puppy is cute!! Anyhow, going to go. Post more later/tomorrow. In work at 8am, so yeah, less than 6 hours away. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2017, 3:24am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/405 "2017-05-16T03:24:13Z")
So, I’ve just made up my last batch of PMM2; and well it only filled 3/4 of the TOGO bottle, so I chucked in the remainder of the P132, which was about 20 sprays left and I found about 10 sprays of P131 also, so added that - New Mix: ‘PMM3’!! Got a meeting on Wednesday at 10am in a hotel with my colleague ‘ST’ regarding the move to the new store in June. Don’t know if that’s the beginning or the end of the month, haven’t been told a thing, other than what the BM briefly told me on Saturday!! Met the acting Manager today, my ex-boss is still off work sick, poor man. In a way, I’m glad I told him to get off the shift and go home now, lol, but I hope he’s on the mend and we get to work with him again, soon!! Anyhow, the last 2 days, Sunday/Monday. Ha, what an eventful day Sunday was!! Sadly, I’ve just set my alarm clock - yep that means I’m getting less than my usual 4 hours sleep, so will pick up later what went on, on those two days! 😉 Speak later tonight, unless anything happens in between. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2017, 1:57am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/406 "2017-05-21T01:57:28Z")
Didn’t expect to not post so long after my above message, but it’s been a hell of a week to say the least!! Probably have to split it into two posts, as I think the word count/character limit will probably be reached before I get to Wednesday, lol. Well Sunday, 14th May. Damn, has to have been the longest hardest day in a long while!! Had its ups and downs and pure shockers, but I’ll get to those shortly!! So, walked into the shift wearing PMM2, P132 and A314 (B), same application points as every other day so far! Thought, “Hmm is our male ‘Grumpy’ on shift?” Reason being, everything is in full swing to be cleaned, thankfully it was quiet! ‘CD’s’ shift and she’s prepared herself as ‘Grumpy (N)’ is due in any time, apparently; and she was making it look like everyone was ripping the place apart, lol!! Still, there was a 5-point list of things to do; and my other work colleague/fellow Floor Manager ‘CC’ was picking the easiest tasks he could see on the list, lol! Went for deep cleaning all the bins myself, takes me off of the floor out of the way for a little bit, hehe, bet he didn’t think of that one when he started detailing the coffee machines, having to strip them down!! 😛 So, working the till on front counter alternating between fries when quiet and the drive-thru being the total opposite! Don’t know where people where coming from, but nearly every one of them had those darn 1.99GBP vouchers, arf!! In walked ‘Grumpy (N)’, taking note of the cleaning in full swing; and the training folder out and people filling in the training sheets - even I had started to complete one on ‘AW’ working on the Dining Area. 1st one this week, damn, got to do 4 before I go home or I get another one of those lovely pieces of A4, with a ticking off in the form of a reprimand for not completing 4x SOC’s for the week, pah! You know, I don’t think anyone can expect us to do those when it is busy, oh wait, yes they do! Actually, I tempted to try and get as many of them as I can; and pin them in a frame to my wall at home, showing to all when I Live Stream, lol. Always done as I’m told, kind of drummed in to me when growing up in the Forces, then working in it myself, but seeing as I’m leaving, might as well have some fun “These things are pointless, let me show you just how much, as I show the World!” We can’t even get a warning for them, because if we call HR and tell them, all hell will break loose. Seen it happen similar in another store I worked in, that a manager thought they were above the law, handing out reprimands/warning letters to everyone for the slightest of things. Boy, did they suffer when someone called HR with questions! I’ve told all the staff to take down HR’s number on the officer computer and call them with any questions that they may have no matter how silly they may think they are. Franchised or Company, that’s what HR are there for, to ask questions/get advice. Far better than getting bullied by a power crazy ‘Grumpy’ dude, whom thinks he can do what he wants! So, ‘ST’ has taken over running the ‘Close’ shift and although we have more staff on shift, we’re getting battered on the Drive-Thru with lots of cars all of which the customers were placing large orders! Still around 5:30pm, half-an-hour over my finish time, I’m sat in the back office writing up my SOC’s to log, before I can finally go home. ‘ST’ in also in the main office with a member of crew cashing up their till, when all of a sudden, staff rush into the office to say a customer had collapsed in the dining area. ‘ST’ grabbed the phone and with the staff, went to attend the scene. I myself was in the, “Do I go, as ‘ST’ is dealing with it, or do I stay and complete these pointless bits of paper, that no one looks at?!!” Yep, you got it, I went down to the front counter to see what was happening. Saw ‘ST’ on the phone to the EMS operator; and another manager (SN, that was on my 1st aid course), next to him in a state of panic. Member of staff said, “NH, you best go over and take charge, they don’t know what to do!” With that, I went over and immediately had to try and calm ‘SN’ down as she’s saying loudly next to the gentleman in need of urgent medical assistance, “I think he’s going to die! He can’t breathe!” Yeah, let’s say that next to someone who’s already probably in distress. The casualty in question was a rather large man, had his head tilted back; and fighting for air. My 1st thought was, had he choked on something? Next was, is it a stroke, angina, or heart attack? You just don’t know at that stage, other than what you can see happening before you. Strangely, I felt calm, kind of thinking the mones were still working, certainly could smell the neroli. So, the casualty tries to communicate on his fingers, I guess, trying to say where he lived, a house number at least, that’s what all three of us could work out. He couldn’t speak, to be fair, I don’t think he spoke English, so that was causing a problem. So, I go through what I’d been trained only a few months earlier, just the same! “Are you choking? Try and blink if you are.” Wasn’t that. “Are you able to breath?” Got a blink!! Okay, so he understands me, good, that’s a start!! "Do you have any heart problems? No blink. Then he tried to make out like he was using an inhaler, so the thought was, was he asthmatic and having an attack? Couldn’t get into his pockets due to the way he was slumped into the seating, with ‘SN’ trying to pad him down to see if he had an inhaler in one of them, no success. One of the crew brought his inhaler over and the casualty made it clear with his hands that it wasn’t asthma, but made the action of a spray into his mouth. Gawd, is it angina; and he needs his spray?? Tried to ask again, “Do you have angina, or another heart issue that you need a spray for?” Got him rocking his head side to side, with his eyes now rolling towards the back of his head, jeebus! ‘SN’ is saying over and over, “He’s going to die, he can’t breathe!” I need this person to move away, as she isn’t helping; and is probably panicking the casualty!! At this point, my colleague ‘ST’ hands me the phone, with the EMS operator still on the other end; and he takes off out of the front door in search on the casualty’s house!! Okay, down to me is it?!! So, the operator asks the standard questions, “Are they breathing, bleeding, lying down, sitting up, got feeling/movement etc?” Okay, I’ve gone through everything, but ask about feeling. “Have you got feeling in your arms, can you raise your arms for me?” The guy was blinking like mad and trying to shake his head at the same time. Jeebus, is he having a stroke then? Was the thought in my mind at that point. Operator asked me if I was 1st aid trained, said I was along with my colleague next to me, albeit, she’s in no state to help out as she is clearly distressed by what was going on before her, along with half the customers sat down in the restaurant all looking on! Operator says, “Okay, I’ll leave it with you, there’s an ambulance on its way. If they casualty gets any worse, put him into the recovery position and call us back immediately.” They she hangs up and I’m just stunned for a few seconds just looking at the phone itself. Okay, I’m now on my own, as I’m not going to get any help from my colleague ‘SN’ and ‘ST’ has well and truly left the building!! Well, the casualty clearly realised that I was no longer speaking to the operator; and he started to get worse. Could see him fighting for air, his head was right back and his eyes had gone to the back of his head. No way on this earth was I getting him on to the ground on my own. To be honest, I think 3 or more people would of been needed to move him, meaning getting customers to help out, yet, he was slumped in the seating but wedged between the table which we couldn’t move as it was bolted into the ground!! Back to calling the EMS operator again. Got a different operator, but clearly the lady I had been speaking to must of been sat near to him, as he paused for a second, then said, “Have you just called us?” No other way he could of known, so confirmed it, to be told the ambulance was practically on top of us. ‘ST’ came back in at this point to tell me that he could hear the siren; and that he couldn’t find the address as the numbers outside our store started at #350, he was looking for #88! Even then, there was a high chance he would knock at the wrong door, as there were lots of side streets from the main road all with high numbers, the casualty could of lived on any of those roads! I’m still on the phone, go outside to see a rapid responder pull up outside and I thank the operator and sign off. A male paramedic gets out and casually walks to the back of his car (Looks just like the vehicle used in Ghostbusters - the original movies, if you want to get an idea of what I was now looking at, lol!). I tell him everything that I have asked the casualty, everything that we have managed to get out of him before his eyes rolled into his head. Paramedic gets out his kit and what I’ve come to call the ‘Human jump leads’ - defibrillator/heart monitor equipment. He looked through the window and saw my two colleagues stood next to the casualty; and what he said next had my mouth drop with shock, as for a professional, it’s not something I’d ever expected to hear! “Is that him? Is that the one you called about? The fat get probably ate too much!” Wow! Never in all my years have I heard someone say that about someone they’ve supposedly come to help! He went inside, hooked the man up to the heart monitoring machine and proceeded to ask him question. Low and behold, the casualty seems to come to, now that he has a paramedic in front of him! Paramedic gets the casualty to say he’s had problems with his heart; and has medication for it! FFS, so I was right, but the casualty when telling me otherwise! Still, ‘ST’ now taking control again, tells ‘SN’ to go back to work and says I can go finish off my SOC’s. Gave him the phone and went back to the office. Ambulance came 5 minutes later and took the casualty off to hospital. Had to tell ‘ST’ before I went home that he still had the till to cash-up, he’d forgotten what with what had gone on and just jumped back in to the job. So, that was Sunday!! Monday. Yep, it’s the machine from hell day!! Worse still, it’s the 15th May, Anniversary Day, from when I was a kid in Germany! Can see it being another long shift of stupid people, got ‘LK’ and ‘SK’ in, on shift together, last thing I need when my head is on recall from events of years gone by!! Nice break last week from being on nights, so back to doing a detailed clean as it looked like a few cleaning steps had been missed last week by the other person cleaning it. You can just tell by looking inside the tank that it wasn’t scrubbed properly, and the hidden areas that get overlooked by someone that hasn’t read the manual on cleaning it. 3 hours it took to clean with ‘LK’ and ‘SK’ back to doing their usual, “NH, when’s shakey ready?” Seriously, they don’t half act immature for their age! But, once again, I’m their entertainment, so time to block them out and play some music through my head - Hardstyle, here we go!! Got a male salaried manager (From another store), ask me if I was looking forward to going to the new store, no idea who he was (at the time of asking), safe to say I told him I’d literally only just been told I was going permanently on Saturday, still getting over the shock! The guy was surprised I didn’t even know, lol!! Told him that my new BM ‘VL’ had said that I could only get promoted to Floor Manager, if I stayed at my store, otherwise I’d of gone to the new one as a Crew Trainer if I applied; and that’s only if I’d been accepted. In other words, I had that annoying carrot being dangled over me to decide if I wanted promotion, I’d have to remain at my store to get it! That’s why I was surprised to be told I was moving permanently, just didn’t think I’d even been considered, let alone asked!! The other two going from my store ‘ST’ and ‘CD’ had to go through an interview process apparently, I got told on Saturday; and getting my head around leaving this store after 5 years of working there is just a nightmare! As much as I have a fair few friends in my store, even some that have only been there a couple of weeks; and already get along with them, the one person I’m really going to miss is ‘RW’. Best friend anyone could really ask for!! Completely nuts at times, lol, but my kind of nuts, seems we have the same thoughts most of the time, whether in work or posting on our social media accounts, but I never tell her that. So, so going to miss her, the best 5 years of work has been with ‘RW’ on my shifts, or out on nights out, always puts a smile on my face in everything she does. I don’t know, maybe deep down I still want to go out with her, but I have to respect her wishes; and when she blasted me about 3 years back, now, that she’d never go out with someone like me, yeah, okie, I was stunned she was even thinking it, as I was trying to hide any thoughts/feelings towards her, as I try to do with everyone, but I realised right there, right then, that if friendship was all that I could have with this one person, then so be it; and I’m glad that I made that choice then, as she’s come to be one of the best people I could ask to be a friend, albeit I never tell her. Partly because what I say never comes out right; and she may take that as the wrong way, and because, well I think in a way she might know in some form that I find her a very special person. She has a heart of gold, although I’m still trying to work out how she scares guys off, lol, thought keeps going around and around in my head, just something that she posted on her media a/c, but like I’ve said in other posts, some have been right d\*cks, including that idiot ‘SK’, that keeps saying regularly to me that I should ask ‘RW’ out. The guy never has anything nice to say about her, but I can’t do it, can never ask her out, don’t think she wants to have that type of relationship with me anyhow. She will _always_ be my best friend! Anyhow. Side tracked yet again! Back to that salaried manager…Kind of amusing watching him next to me, after asking me that question regarding moving to the new store, trying to work out how to use our coffee machine!! He couldn’t quite grasp that our milk is stored in its own mini fridge beneath all the workings of the coffee grinder, etc. He was like, “This is a fridge??!” Erm, yep, lol. 🙂 You see, every restaurant has a different machine, or several different machines and his one takes the milk directly from the carton. Still funny to watch his puzzled look as he kept opening and closing the fridge door and asking, “How does the milk get into the machine?!!” You’re kidding right? lol. Let’s just get a carton, pour it into the tank, close the door and hit a button on the display. The guy was like, “Whoa!” Clearly his store that he has come from has worse technology than us, lol! On with the machine from hell, still got the idiots saying the same saying over and over. Told them a few times to stop being immature, only to get sniggers/laughs from the pair of them, yeah, that shows how mature you both are, to everyone that can hear!! Had ‘LZ’ kick off on ‘SK’ to say, “Stop trying to wind him up, he’s not ar$ed!” Actually, she said it a few times over those initial 3 hours. I never know though if she’s joining in with them or genuinely being serious and standing up/speaking out her mind as many a time/shift she _is_ joining in with them! On the plus side, no parts have been going missing!! Think the message from ‘AM’ has been heard loud and clear that I keep everything in view of the cameras, so they use the childish comments as means to target me now instead. Kind of used to those from last year, April 2016, when they started them up over ‘X’. I guess on the plus side, when I go to this new store I won’t have any of this. Totally new people, none know anything about anyone, so we get to train them to the highest standard, the way every store should be! 🙂 Smoothie machine next, arf. Monthly, weekly and daily cleans all need performing! This is gonna be another 3 hours of work, at least!! Like the shake machine, I’m having to keep everything in view of the cameras, got everything set-up in a corner. Have to stay with the cleaning buckets as I fill them with water, as I cannot trust stupid people to attempt to fill the back sinks/flood the floor, or put something foreign into the water, when my back is turned. Had ‘LK’ walk over to me and try to put a handful of folded egg into the final bucket, as I went to carry it to the front of the store from the back sink. Idiot knows I’m allergic to eggs, still, he thought it was rather amusing that I would have to fish it out of the water. No, I’d of just tipped it out and started over; and knowing my luck, he’d of done the same thing again. Swear they’re trying to see how far they can push me. Really not recommended, as if my head takes over, all I’m going to see is everything they’ve done to me for the past 2 years, plus, any other negative events from my teenage years to present date flash before me to put me in a rage. That’s when people suddenly discover I’m a lot stronger than I look; and that I’m a pretty darn good fighter. I hope between now and leaving, that nothing like that comes, as I know me, I’ll come to, back to reality finding them spaced out on the floor with others backing the hell off, or lying next to them if they joined in, tried to help those attacking me/threatening me. It’s one of the reasons I always try to walk away from a confrontation, if I can help it, last thing I need is to have a full memory recall!! They’re hell; and they last for 5+ days, making me remember every little detail from since I was 10, to present date! ☹ So, the cleaning timer on the smoothie machine says I have a 30 minute wait on the cleaning cycle, time to get a break then. Now this is something I’m not used to. Usually, I get a break after both machines are cleaned, then usually go home right after, but not today, not with the monthly/weekly clean. Still, sat in the Crew Room with the Shift Manager ‘AJ’ passing comments on if I’d lost any parts today?!! Told her, “Not since I keep everything in front of the cameras, but that doesn’t stop your ex, ‘LK’ and his brother repeatedly ask when ‘shakey’ is going to be ready!! Been listening to the same sentence for over 4 hours now, they must be bored!!” She didn’t say anything else, but got up and returned back to work. I went back 40 mins later, not before spraying 2 shots of my PMM3 mix. Deffo gives me a little bit more of a buzz than PMM2 did. I guess the two stealth products (P131 and P132 both at 5mcg each) are doing something different, not complaining though, seemed to make everyone around me act like when I have my IO/IS/CTTM mix on. ‘AJ’ had been nice and completed a few steps on the smoothie machine meaning I only had to do the weekly clean! The two idiots were still saying their favourite sentence, lol, have to laugh at them! Probably took me another hour to do, gave a little help with the Drive-thru as it got busy; and around 3pm, I went home. 🙂 So Tuesday, slightly more staff than the day before, but still we get steadily busier as the day goes on! Managed to get one SOC done on a member of staff, with them going, “I didn’t know that!” When you ask them a question, written on the sheet; and get a blank looking face right back at you, prompting you to not only give them the answer, but to go through the steps/procedures of what it was they didn’t know!! That salaried manager was in again, turns out he is the temporary Business Manager of the new store I’m transferring to! Met another salaried manager, also going to be at the new store, who has been performing interviews all week/last week in our restaurant for the new staff; and supervising them doing that initial online training that everyone has to do! 104 staff they need apparently, had only 50 so far hired!! Found out from ‘LB’ that I’m on a 10am start meeting in a hotel in the city centre tomorrow (Wednesday) and then later off to some ‘crystal maze’ game for a little team building! Hmm, interesting. Still not had any details of anything else to do with this move, lol. Wondering when I was going to get them?!! Even ‘LB’ said to me, “NH, I didn’t know you were moving to the new store!” Yeah, you and me both, lol, still in a stat of shock over it!! Still got the horrid thought of leaving my best friend behind (RW). Kind of saying to myself, at some point ‘RW’ will leave and then I’ll wish I’d moved what asked. Still, got my BM ‘VL’ telling me she doesn’t want me to leave! Told her, “I have to give it a go, I’d be stupid not to, it’s too big an opportunity! Besides, if you need me to come back for when you get your upgrade, then ask for me to come on loan or, if you need shifts covering and I am available to do so, I’ll come back and help!” Still, it was a steady shift with ‘ST’ on again and even he didn’t have all the details of the meeting the next day, lol!! Someone needs to work on their communication skills! ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2017, 2:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/407 "2017-05-21T02:00:36Z")
**Yep, the character limit was reached by a considerable amount, lol. This past week is now going to span 3 separate posts, it’s _that_ long!!** Wednesday. Got the train into the city centre for a nice trek down to the Albert Docks where the hotel was located, our venue for the meeting, not knowing how long it was on for, or what time I’d eventually be going home!! Well, finding ‘ST’ outside, that was fun, I got there first, with no significant signage to say which was the front or back of the building, lol, so on finally finding him arriving a few minutes after me, we walked around the building a couple of times; and then waited outside a set of doors that we believed to be the front, for another manager we knew attending the same meeting and coming with us!! Inside, yeah, met a few people I knew from other stores and a few that I didn’t. Looks like the management team comprises of 15 of us, me being the only Floor Manager, the rest being shift managers or salaried. Safe to say the shock didn’t stop. ‘SL’ our new BM opened with congratulating us all being chosen to join the new store/team. He then went on to say how everyone had passed the interview stages to be joining. What interview stage? I haven’t had any interviews! That came clear a few seconds later. “Everyone here has gone through the same stages, except NH, whom has been specifically asked for by the BM ‘MN’ taking over from me when he returns from his sick leave!” Wow, I’ve been asked for? News to me! ‘SL’ went on to say, “NH is highly thought of from other managers of other stores to; and considered an asset to being a member of this new store.” Yeah, so everyone else got interviewed, I got head hunted, sure that will go down well with some people. Still, nice to finally know as to why I was moving with little notice/explanation. We played an ice breaker game. Put into pairs and made to find out 5 things about the other person, same questions each, got 5 minutes, and then we’d switch to another person. So, on realising that we’re probably going to be quizzing everyone in the group I go into ‘full record mode’. Everything else around me is now blocked out, I’m just recording what is being said. Downside to this, I now have 5 random facts about 14 other people in my head; and they’re gonna be stuck with me for life in some horrid visual of that meeting! Ah well, could of been worse I guess. After that, just over an hour, we’re then all quizzed one by one by ‘SL’ in front of the group. Hard part for me is, I need 2 hours minimum to move everything I’ve recorded into a place I can recall it, which is kind of difficult, what with the apartment, bierkeller and those two mobile images in my main viewing area still playing on loop! Gawd knows why? Why can I no forget ‘X’?? It’s really beginning to bug me now, because, as I’ve said before, moving things to areas I don’t look at to effectively forget (albeit, it never really goes, as I can recall things at anytime), is usually straight forward. Yet, since the 5th December, that has all changed; and I don’t know why?!! Still, I have ‘LB’ shouting across the table, “Come on NH, I thought you had a photographic memory?!” Yeah, I do, it’s just not processed everything yet! Still looking forward to the day I can plug myself in and show everyone what it is I look at. Lockheed Martin/DARPA need to get their butts moving on that one. 😉 Still, the 1st 6 people I can recall their details easy enough, everything else is still finding a new home in the array of images I already have in front of me! End of session, we have a quick break - coffee time!! 🙂 Part 2, we go through all the schematics of the new building, right down to where all the trip switches are housed, nice to know. Everyone had lots of questions on those! Turns out we have the most technological advance restaurant ever built, so advanced that there’s on artists impressions of what the inside/outside will look like! The kitchen is split into 3 and for the 1st time, the customers won’t be able to see what goes on behind the scenes. They even have some weird conveyor belt system for delivering the food to the service area! That’s gonna be fun. I remember the conveyor belt system we had in the Hospital Catering Dept. I was a manager of, using it to send all the meals down, ha, thing would forever break down and someone (Usually me) would have to hand-crank that darn thing manually for an hour and a half, until fixed. Gawd help us if this new system does the same; and requires hand-cranking, lol, I ain’t volunteering this time around, not with the high-volume of food our store is likely to turn out an hour, lol!! Lunchtime. Of all the places, the same company we work for, but never mind, the food was on the company, it would seem everything that day was on the company, something I’m not used to. But whilst there, eating, my head has finally done the processing of that mammoth recording of everyone’s likes, etc; and now I’m getting to quiz a few on their answers, as others have said that some had made things up, lol. Bring on a year, when I recall it all up again and shock them, haha!! Then, they had us split into pairs again for a dragon’s den style game. Come up with an idea based on a specific area - Cleanliness, Quality or Service. Me and the other person were lucky, we got the ‘Wildcard’! We could choose any of those 3 or all of them!! We were told to think of something that could benefit the new store, or even the company as a whole, something that if possible, could be made a reality. Oh yes, I’ve been sitting on this idea for the past 2 years, time to unleash it, hehe! So, my idea (with loads more linking to this initial one, which I’ll get to in a minute) was to use the in-store tablets/iPads that we currently only use for checking the schedule/training chart; and develop an app that can hold all the food products, removing the need for paper. That reduces costs all around; and for the staff, the tablet can be positioned in a place right in front of them for easy access. It could contain all of the necessary data, alongside how to make it; and also be used on front counter to show how to make drinks, etc, serve customers, pretty much every training flyer crammed into a simple app. Enters ‘LB’ listening in and wanting to know what else it could do to benefit the store. Right, time to unleash all the other ideas for this app!! So, I go on to say, “Every tablet has a camera. All the stock in the store can have a QR code assigned to the product, whether on the box or mounted onto a wall. To cut back on printing off paper, the computer system could send what daily stock needs to be counted directly to the tablet. The person doing the ‘count’ can then scan the QR code and enter in the quantity of what they have in stock; and the computer could tell them there and then if the amount is correct, or maybe they have miss counted, telling them there should be a different amount!” Safe to say ‘LB’ wasn’t expecting to hear it, lol. Now in the back of my mind, something that was said to me by our last admin ‘Rhianne’ that SOC’s are going digital, of which I have now confirmed the company are trialling, I went on to add in front of ‘LB’, “Another area is SOC’s and the lack of completion, or the very fact that they are completed, spent half the shift completing, but then for whatever reason, the crew trainer or manager failed to log them, with yet more paper going into the bin. This can be resolved by having the SOC’s completed on the tablet, with the on-screen keyboard coming up to write any comments. To sign, you have your finger and can do a digital signature!” Yep, that gave her a stunned look, lol, guess you don’t know me as well as you think you do, hehe!! So, my team mate and I are now stood at the front of the group after listening to the other 3 team present their ideas. Two teams didn’t get the investment, the team before us got two out of three dragon’s invest, now it was our turn!! My colleague started off the presentation, but because it was my idea, in my head, he had no choice but to hand the floor over to me, to basically repeat what I’d said above. Safe to say 2 dragon’s voted to invest with a 3rd unsure, asking, “What if the system in the store goes down, how will we store the information?” Ha! Here’s someone working in admin, that clearly doesn’t know much about our technology already in place, so I go on with, “You don’t worry about it. You get on to tech support as you always do and have them resolve your IT issue. Doesn’t matter if your PC/tablets go down, because you cannot log them even with paper.” So, she was about to try and throw that spanner in the works and vote out, when I hit her with the one thing it would seem no one in the room was aware of…“You don’t have to worry about any of the training files, if the system in store goes down! You see, every single bit of training you have done since joining the company is stored on your ‘Blue People Stuff’ in the training folder. May take a while to locate it, but everything about you is in there! Every verification, every course, every SOC, all logged on the Company’s servers, nothing is lost; and if you really need to get something, you just log in via a mobile phone and view it directly, or go home, or to another store, pretty much anywhere that can connect to the internet, whilst your IT issues are resolved, it’s that simple!” Safe to say the other two dragon’s were looking right at her nodding, saying, “Well, after that, are you in or out, lol?” She asked one final question. “How much will it cost to develop?” I responded with, “Good question. The company is already developing the SOC’s going digital, albeit I don’t know if it is on the same scale as I have proposed to you today, or better, but as for the food builds, I’ve already started doing that as a hobby, so how much do you want to pay me, lol?” They were like, “You’ve started developing something?” I was like, “Yeah, started it 2 years back when I discovered the company were ditching the training flyers for EoTF. It’s great that people watch a video and learn how to work an area, but 6 months down the line, they may of forgotten and there’s no way to show them again. So, I started developing a few food builds on a hidden part of one of my websites and trialled it out on the tablets when working in Kensington 18 months back. Seemed to work easy enough, but with a few months or the help of an app development company it could be up and running even quicker!” The look on their faces, everyone’s faces in the room, priceless! We were the only team to get 3 votes to invest! After that, we wrote down a few dates about when we shall be doing our initial EoTF training, Tuesday next week is the 1st Day of 3, can’t wait. Saying that though, think it’s with the trainer from hell, from the Company, the one that made ‘ST’ have a full on meltdown in kitchen, not that he’d ever worked in kitchen before, when we were both Crew Trainers. Deffo know now, lol, saying that, I’d been off a week and my memory went blank on building a BLC, easiest thing to make, yet all I could see was the bun and sauce and nothing else, lol, so I had ‘ST’ next to me having a nervous breakdown and me looking up to the heavens attempting to locate all the food build images that I’d moved to focus on the DIY/building work I’d been doing the previous 5 days. Laugh if we get the same guy, he’ll be like, “Oh, not you two again!” Haha. 🙂 After that, we went to ‘Breakout’ the Crystal Maze style game. Split into groups, I had ‘LB’ and ‘ST’ in mine along with another young lady called Amy. We got locked into a room for an hour, counter ticking down; and we had to follow a series of clues hidden all over the room to try and then work out a code to escape the room. There were 3 groups in total, all in the different rooms, each with a different themed game; ours being a ‘Spy’ themed game, yes, my type of thing, hehe. I cracked a few of the codes without even following the clues, don’t ask me how, words and numbers just came up in my head as I looked at the locks, lol, somehow they opened them. Not complaining like, as it helped to solve the puzzles to get the door open with 3 minutes and 45 seconds spare!! The was another team waiting, already escaped before us, but the 3rd team, lol, they were locked-in, that being the Ops Consultant ‘LH’, haha, unlucky!! Was a good day; and just when you think that someone is going to say, “Right that’s it, see you soon.” No, we’re now heading into the City centre for a pint of beer, as we have time to kill before going for a meal! Okay, didn’t expect all of this, was only told I was going to a meeting and then a team building exercise, not complaining though, I was with a great group of people, some of whom I already knew, so it was a bit like being in the Forces and meeting up with old friends on moving to a new base. Still, we went for Pizza, which kind of made me think of the time ‘X’ flipped on front counter, talking about another manager commenting all day that her partner was taking her out for a meal, getting dressed up; and then he took her to Pizza Hut, with ‘X’ saying, “If I was going to get dressed up to go out for a meal, I’d at least expect them to wine and dine me, somewhere nice!” Yeah, she had a point, I’d listened to that conversation from the manager all day; and even I too thought she was going somewhere exclusive by the way she was talking about it, still couldn’t help but make me smile away to myself right there, right then with all my new family, thinking of that previous moment. After the meal, we went on to the bierkeller for more drinks, jeebus! I’m on the cider now and feeling rather drunk, so it’s a trip to the gents for a shot of PMM3, that I have in my pocket to try and bring me back to some sort of life, lol. Seemed to work, seemed to make those sat either side of me become really active/talkative, but don’t ask me why, one of the girls sat next to me asked for me to play my music to her. Kind of had to put it on loud so that she could hear it over the music playing in the club, loud enough that others next to her could make out that she was listening to something and asking me, “Is that your music?” Yep, it is; and yeah, guess which one was playing? ‘X’s’ track, ‘I want to dance (EDM Mix)’. Seriously cannot get that track out of my head, my most favourite track I’ve _ever_ written and as I keep saying, it means a lot to me, even though I can never see ‘X’ again. Just have those endless memories and feeling in my heart. Still, I wasn’t prepared for what came next!! ‘ST’ sat opposite, realising what is playing, pulls out his mobile and leans over the table to the female next to me, and starts flicking his finger across the screen. I look down. Oh, for the love of God!! Arghhh!! He’s showing her ‘X’, images from her own photo gallery on her social media account, explaining the significance of the song she has playing in her ear. Now I have a slide show permanently playing in the lower left of my daily visual area (DVA), right next to the apartment images. Worst still, every now and then, one of those slide images matches up with the same one I see in the top right of my DVA, from January, when ‘ST’ ran down the back of our store and held his mobile in my face. I cannot win, cannot move anything; and I just do not know why, get this crazy feeling every time I look too long at what I’m seeing. I give up! ☹ Anyhow, after that, about an hour later of drinking more cider and cursing ‘ST’ (Who kept laughing every time he looked over the table at me), for making my head go into total meltdown, as everywhere I now looked I was seeing images of ‘X’, from pretty much all of the shifts we had together, let alone all the ‘fixed’ images I cannot move, making me have the craziest of feelings the whole time, people in the group started to make their move to go home, this now being around 10pm, yep, a long, long day!! ‘ST’ was on the Open shift and the other person we’d waited for 1st thing in the morning was heading in my direction, so we decided to get the train together. This person I’ve known for 8 years as well, married to ‘Grumpy’ our female manager; and worked in the very 1st store I started in alongside ‘ST’, so we’re pretty good friends, shame his other half wasn’t as nice. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2017, 2:05am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/408 "2017-05-21T02:05:32Z")
\*\*Last post for this past week. Told you it was long! Sorry if you’re reading it from a mobile, as you’ve probably been scrolling forever, but I felt the need to get everything down, written and out of my head, kind of. Still see it, but hey, this kind of clears it from playing on loop and bugging me, even though _certain things_ continue to display/play on loop anyhow!! 🙄 \*\* Thursday. Ah man. In work for 12pm and I have the hangover from hell!! PMM3 is on (2 sprays to my neck) and A314 (Also, 2 sprays to my neck). Plus side, before going in, I get a notification on my social media a/c from ‘RW’, one of those app things that we all seem to try out, with the sentence, “Who is your Plan B, if you’re single in 10 years?” Yeah, it had matched me and ‘RW’ together. Safe to say I responded with “Hell yeah!” 😃 Knowing that I’m not going to see ‘X’ again, nor that I think she likes me anyway, probably hates me, even though I know this isn’t likely to happen either, it certainly put a smile on my face! Chances of going out with my best friend in 10 years, well chances of her being single, slim! Still, on going to work, I’m on a slow, wake-up recalling everything from the day/night before, couldn’t get it out of my head, along with that new slideshow ‘ST’ engraved into my lower left DVA, right where he held his mobile to show our colleague. Safe to say on seeing him not long after walking on to the shift I said, “Thanks for the endless images, can’t get them to move!” Made him smile, laugh and say, “Well, it’s what you want, to remember her, see her, there you go!” I’d rather see her for real, go out with her for real, but that’s never going to happen. Wish I could forget, but that isn’t happening either and I’m still confused as hell as to why I cannot move anything like I can with everything else I memorise, that being non-‘X’ related things, just makes no sense to me! I’m on my observation point, yay, fries, with a hangover, my 1st one in ages! Took 2 and a half hours for my head to clear, shows how much I drank last night!! Went on my break, ice cream, tea and a bottle of OJ, nice combination, but it keeps me going; and now that my hangover has lifted, I throw on my iPad for a spot of mixing - Hardstyle!! 🙂 Back to work with another 2 sprays of PMM3 and A314 to my neck. Feeling somewhat different with the A314 on my neck, can put my finger on it, feel like I’ve been the gym again though, head/shoulders feeling tense like I’d done a full workout, standing up straighter than normal. ‘CD’ arrived at 3pm overhearing me talk to ‘ST’ about next weeks Day One training, with her telling me I’m obsessed with training, lol, yeah I am, but then I told her what we’d all been told the day before about having to train the new staff, don’t think she cared, is she going to be in for a shock, lol. Still, somehow ‘ST’ brings up the images showing in the bierkeller to ‘CD’, laughing still, about it, g\*t, for me to say, “Yeah, thanks for that, still seeing the bierkeller from the 5th December with you (CD) showing me things I shouldn’t of seen let alone touched!” Stunned to hear her reply with, “I showed everyone that night, had other touch, doesn’t bother me, quite like it!” O-K! Maybe she does, but at the time, that moment that I saw ‘X’ looking back at me, I realised it was wrong, still do, wouldn’t of attempted it if I wasn’t under the influence of alcohol, that blue capsule of herbal mess and the mix of mones I randomly threw together that sent my head west. Hell, for me to sing and dance in the street, lol, most certainly was me that night, my wicked mischievous self deffo made an appearance that night; and hopefully it doesn’t come back any time soon!! The shift in itself went fairly well, steady but busy with ‘CD’ telling our favourite teenagers to ‘leave’ the premises each time they walked through the front door. Went out and told 3, “Guys, is there something you’re smoking out here that you shouldn’t?” One stood up and said, “Do you want us to leave?” Looked up and replied with, "Well, thought I’d ask, as you’re sat right in front of a Police camera, whom are monitoring anti-social groups hanging around the restaurant. The teenager replied with, “It’s okay, we’ll go.” and they left. Came home an hour early to find dad had apparently been drinking vodka all day, great! Stressing that Mom is going into hospital next Wednesday to have the 1st of her 3 operations, this one being on one of her eyes. If it goes well, they’ll operate on the other eye. If it goes bad, she’ll be blinded permanently and they then won’t operate on the other eye, albeit, she needs both doing. Hernia Operation is on hold until her eyes are mended, hopefully! So, dad’s asleep, if you can call it that, sounds like he’s fighting with someone in his sleep, great; and Mom is telling me to constantly check up on him. This is gonna be a long night, can feel it, can feel that something is gonna happen, really hate those feelings as they usually always come true! So, made myself something to eat, getting tired and hear a _bang_ from my parents room, so go to look. Great, Dad is awake in some drunken state attempting to stand, unable to do so, literally crashing into everything. Here we go! Couldn’t get him to look at me, let alone string a sentence together, eyes rolling to the back of his head, yet he was trying to go downstairs to the bathroom. Ah man, no way he’s getting down those stairs on his own, so called mom, whom was of no help, but to suggest to keep him upstairs. Yeah, like that’s gonna happen! Ended up attempting to help him out onto the landing with him crashing his back into the wall at the top of the stairs. Had a real bad feeling he’d fall forward and take me with him down the stairs, so suggested he sit down. Well, I guess there’s an easier way to get to the bottom, as he then proceeded to attempt to stand back up, failed miserably and slid all the way down on his back. Well, in stages, as I used my foot to stop him going hell for leather all the way down, but at least he got to the bottom. Problem now was getting him to stand back up, get him to the bathroom, took ages to do, as clearly he was now in pain also, but managed, Mom staying out of the way. Well, she’s sick enough, doesn’t need this. Could he go, could he heck. Kind of worrying actually, the urge to go to the toilet, but not being able to go! Got him back into the living room, tried to get him to sit down on a chair, no, he ended up on the floor in a heap. Great. Here we go again. Not like I’ve not been in this position countless times before over the years. He’s been like this ever since Lockerbie. Can’t begin to think of the horrors he must of seen with his team, but the slightest bit of stress and he hits the vodka; and it’s always me that has to come to his aid. Here’s hoping I don’t need to do the recovery position again like last time, when I found him collapsed on the floor after falling and hitting his head on the coffee table! This is gonna be one long night and I’m already exhausted from work, now 1:30am and he’s constantly having the urge to go to the toilet but on getting there, not able to go. Still he eventually lays down on the chair in the living room and goes back to sleep with mom ordering me to go to sleep myself, now nearly 2am. Can’t actually sleep myself, end up on my headphones listening to music, eventually dropping off around 5:30am, with mom still awake downstairs watching TV and dad fast asleep on the sofa. I awoke around 9:40am to mom standing in my doorway telling me I need to walk dad with her over to A&E, as although he’s awake, slightly still out of it, he still cannot go to the toilet. Okay, now that’s a problem, one to be concerned with, so get up, get ready to go. My gawd, talk about a nightmare to get him to get ready to go, it took hours of stubborn behaviour!! Was near 7pm, yes, that long, when we eventually left, and he booked himself into the reception. 3 hour minimum wait was displayed on a screen to see someone, great. Not been in this new build of the hospital, had a coffee shop slap bang in the middle of it, and manned by one of my ex-staff members from when I worked in the catering department as a manager! Nice catch-up anyway, whilst waiting for dad to be seen. Actually, it became quite a reunion in there as another two ex-colleagues came in for treatment, all un-related. Dad eventually got called to be seen just after 9pm; and as much as I didn’t want to go, I had to leave mom on her own a short time after that, as I had my brother-in-law coming to our house after he finished work, to collect something he’d asked me to print off for him. Had to tell him what had happened, and not to tell my sister whom is on a hen party in Benidorm this weekend with her old school friends, one of whom is getting married. Not something I wanted to keep from her, but didn’t want to spoil her time away worrying when we didn’t know ourselves what was happening. Took a shot of PMM3 anyway on getting home, just to cheer myself up anyway. Seemed to do the trick, albeit, it woke me right up. Got to 2:30am, to hear mom tell me dad was being kept in for observation and she was on her way home, great. They’d done some procedure to him, but there was talk about possible surgery, just what she needs when she is going in herself on Wednesday! ☹ Still she came home, said that we’d get a call around 7:30am with an update, safe to say I went to sleep, could no long stay awake, even with the PMM3! Saturday. 11am, the phone goes, jump out of bed (yep, had a slightly longer than normal sleep), but they rang off, couldn’t call the number back as it was clearly made through the hospital switchboard system. About 30 mins later it rang again, it was dad on the line telling us that he could be discharged with a catheter, or stay in. I know dad, he wouldn’t stay in hold up a bed needed by someone else, so would go with any option to get out. I get ready, go over and wait with him till around 4pm when he was discharged. Gave him the usual ticking off about drinking, I know he won’t listen, never does, but he’s stuck with this annoying bag for the next 3 weeks whilst whatever he’s done in his heavy drinking session sorts itself out, along with a visit from the district nurse some time next week. Like I haven’t got enough stress going on, I have this all to contend with. Might of known really, happened on Friday 19th May, my 3rd Anniversary Day from when I was a kid in Germany. Told you May is my unlucky month!! So, Sunday now, a full week since I posted in here; and well, as I type everything and look around at my internet pages, my stats on my social media account, Soundcloud, etc, I couldn’t help but noticed that ‘X’ has played that song, her song! Someone tell me that’s not a sign?!! Definitely something I wasn’t expecting to see! Got to get those songs to her on that USB drive if it’s the last thing I ever do. It’s the only promise I’ve ever made and thus far, broken! Really hate thinking of all the promises I’ve ever made, this is the one I’d end up breaking, but seeing her username/picture pop up in the stats, listening to her song, it’s made me realise that in some way, I have to get that music to her; and the only way that is possible is to give the USB to ‘RW’. Hardest thing now is how I go about doing it?!! Got a feeling I’m going to be logging ‘RW’ into here and showing her all the things she and ‘X’ have the right to see, suppose I can’t keep posting it to myself and everyone in here. No one that knows me, really knows me, knows of the contents of this journal. It’s my place to escape, speak of whatever is on my mind, deal with it, if I can, images never seem to go away, it clears my head somewhat, allows me to continue day to day with whatever is thrown at me; and then there’s the research. Mones, non-mones (Colognes, hedione, etc. Pretty much everything I’ve discovered reading your journals since November 2016), everything that makes me come back here day in day out, to share with you all. I have another order going in, in a couple of weeks, going to switch back to the ingredients of PMM1, but going to have to get a 30ml of IS 5mcg, case of having to, going through the togo bottles far too fast - 3-4 weeks at most. Certainly going to need something for the start of the new store, possibly a night out for leaving, who knows, not got that far ahead yet. Not looking forward to leaving, especially my best friend, gonna have to suck it up and get on with it, no choice. ☹ Anyhow, for now I leave for some sleep, lol. In work today for 11am, need my 4 hours rest. This has been one hell of a week; and still got next week to get through plus my 1st day’s training on Tuesday, arf. Night. I’ll post later. Will be trying out the PMM3 again plus the IJ on Monday, as I do. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Conjurator](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/conjurator/32/410_2.png) [@Conjurator](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Conjurator)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2017, 1:51pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/409 "2017-05-22T13:51:01Z")
Just finished a reading marathon. You are not skimpy on details, that’s for sure. Lol. Thanks for sharing. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2017, 5:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/410 "2017-05-22T17:40:01Z")
Thanks Conj! I bet Dee and Justin are probably saying the same as you, lol! Told you my head is active, getting everything down in here seems to clear it, stops me bottling it up to myself, to the point that I feel like I’m going mad. Sure, I still see everything, got the fascinating 5 facts of 14 people from Wednesday well and truly engraved in my mind, displayed in various places in front of me. Still got that slide show going on, gonna kill ‘ST’ if he shows me anymore, well, have serious words, lol, like he’s gonna care, fecker will probably laugh again! I’ll come back in a little while and update today. Used nothing but IJ when I went onto shift after seeing my least two favourite brothers on shift together - Yeah, it’s Monday, machine from hell day!! NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2017, 7:16am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/411 "2017-05-23T07:16:57Z")
Well, as you can imagine, we’ve had a terrorist incident in the next City to mine - Manchester, less than a 40 minute drive from Liverpool, straight down the interstate highway, so yeah close. Even worse for us, but a couple of hours ago I learned that ‘ZE’ had been at the very same concert! She’s alright, thankfully, although she has an injury to her leg and is currently in hospital. Another friend and ex-work colleague ‘ABM’ also at the concert, reported that she was safe a few hours after the incident. 22 innocent people including children, their lives taken by a lone attacker wearing an IED; and from what we gather, packed with all manners of metal objects to cause maximum injuries! How can a human do this to anyone?!! ☹ Safe to say I’m having a full on recall of Germany, yet again! Think it’s only a matter of time before my own City is targeted. Only last year did we have a group of youths in my restaurant huddled around their mobile streaming something half in English, half in some foreign language; and although one in the group appeared to be foreign, the others were all white, English teenagers. Each time the video/person on the mobile ended, they would all shout out loud across the restaurant, “Allahu akbar.” Manager turned the wifi off; and they clearly had no means to continue getting the video stream, so upped and left, but it was a freaking 30 minutes of hearing it! Freaked out most of the customers and staff as you would come to expect, so I guess it’s only a matter of time before something like this comes to our doorstep - hopefully not! From growing up in the Forces, to being in it myself, you come to realise very quickly that you cannot take anything for granted! People will always do things that in the minds of others is so very, very wrong, yet to them, it’s their belief to do such an act!! Targeting young, innocent children having a good time, so, so wrong! I hope there are no more fatalities from any injuries sustained - 59 wounded people! R.I.P. 22 innocent people, you will never be forgotten!! …I’ll come back to yesterday/today later tonight/tomorrow. For now, this post is as far as I can write, got to clear my head and focus on my training day, if I can. May, I HATE this month!! ☹ NH. ---
**Author:** ![Dee\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7bcc69/32.png) [@Dee\_A](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Dee_A)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2017, 8:16am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/412 "2017-05-23T08:16:14Z")
I learned about that incident too in the news. A really sad day for humanity. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Jdub](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jdub/32/1399_2.png) [@Jdub](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Jdub)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2017, 11:13pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/413 "2017-05-23T23:13:25Z")
Yeah I heard too… very sad.. ---
**Author:** ![Conjurator](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/conjurator/32/410_2.png) [@Conjurator](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Conjurator)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2017, 8:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/414 "2017-05-27T20:16:12Z")
Horrible act indeed performed by the scum of the earth! Sad. My thoughts are with all peace-loving friends from the UK. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2017, 12:46pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/415 "2017-05-30T12:46:14Z")
Thanks for the comments above guys! Well, I said May was my bad month and ha, it seems to be living up to that with last week as well!! Stayed away not really by choice, but been so busy with what you are about to see, you’ll understand! Not to mention, some of the unexpected things sent my head upside down, so I’ve taken a few days to remain away from posting, gather my thoughts and calm down somewhat, even though I’ve been using my daily hit of mones in all manners of combinations just the same. It’s Tuesday 30th May now, but I’m going well over a week back, so yep, another marathon post as Conj put it, lol! AD’s 30,000 character limit per post, I have no choice but to split up the posts, sorry! 😉 Gonna have to get back to posting daily, weekly is just too much for you guys to take in, in one go! 😉 The following is up to Thursday, 25th May. I’m still writing Friday’s event and beyond, there’s that much that has gone on, I have to take my time, get my head around it, still don’t know how I got through Friday, but hopefully you’ll come to see that in the next day or so, when I post it!! …So, Monday 22nd May and the usual rig moral from the two brothers of their favourite saying, “NH, when’s shakey ready?” Two sprays of IJ to either side of my neck, 1 spray of A314 (B) to my adam’s apple. Effectively blasted ‘LK’ for being immature, seemed to silence him, but his brother, ‘SK’, nah he just wanted to carry it on for the entire duration I was there. Yep, pretty much the same as every other Monday, no point writing the exact same things as always! Same procedures, keeping everything down the front in view of the cameras, watching those buckets, watching those brothers every move, yep another fun loving day of stupid people! Oh and I got to slice my finger open as you do on some sharp internal piece of metal that I wasn’t aware of. Won’t forget about that spot again!! Tuesday, 23rd May. This should be my 1st rest day, but nope, someone decided to throw me on a 3-part course for the opening of the new store at the end of June. Day 1 of the EoTF (Experience of The Future) training day at another store (Aintree). It’s almost all of the shift managers, the acting BM, Ops Consultant and Company Trainer all on this course, along with me! Back to basics working as new crew, on positions we kind of know, to be corrective coached on new procedures and anything we may have forgotten. I’ll say on the new procedures, what?!! 18 months was the last training days, unlucky for us we had one of the two trainers teaching us again, thankfully not the same one that made ‘ST’ have a meltdown on the UHC, lol, but the trainer we had, ‘Tom’ yeah, even he said ‘Rob’ was a hard trainer to work with. Good that he got everything across, everything you needed, but to the point that you had a complete breakdown, that’s not exactly the best practice, lol. Well, just before we went into the building I put on a plaster to cover that nice gash in the top of my finger. Had a bit of pixie dust (Gold/sand like powder I got given to me when I was in Germany for repairing the burn on my left arm. Probably out-of-date, lol, but it seems to repair anything bad pretty quickly, so not complaining, not throwing it out! Have it in a small sealed specimen tube, lol.), on it the night before, so it was showing signs of healing already, but didn’t want it getting anything in it. Quick spray of A314 (B) to either side of my neck and one spray of PMM3 to my adam’s apple. My old BM from the 1st store I worked in and the one that recruited me, now acting manager of this store I’m training in, comes out to tell me I didn’t need to kneel before my team, whom had just gone in before me, lol. Didn’t get clocked for spraying, but as per usual, had the pish taken out of me by the acting BM of the new store for having a 1st aid kit! Don’t know what anyone’s problem is for anyone having one? If they grew up like I did, have seen what I’ve seen, they’d probably be carrying similar. You just never know what is going to happen on any given day. Having a kit is just something I always take everywhere I go. Still, I joined my new team in the restaurant and we were led through to the Crew Room to begin our training day! A quick intro to one another, how long we’ve been with the company, which stores we’ve worked with, the usual thing that seems to be happening each time we go on any courses together. Still looking at the 5 facts of everyone, lol, think I’ll wait for a night out and drop those back on everyone, probably get told no one cares, lol, but hey ho, that’s life! 🙂 Everyone then got hit with a short quiz on random things to do with the job. Why do I always get the hard ones, lol?? Still, to the surprise of everyone, I got them all right! Yeah, that’s called spending to much time playing games on the company’s employee website. Things get stuck in ones head, especially when you play them over and over to try and get in the Top 10 leader board, lol. 🙂 Actually, as an incentive, you can win prizes, so yeah, who isn’t going to have a go, lol? I’ve won all kinds of things, tickets to Wembley, money, hell even a popcorn machine, the list is endless; and it passes the time when not writing/producing music or DJing. 😉 I don’t know why everyone thinks I don’t know how the systems work, but the Ops Consultant kept saying, “This is for the benefit of NH. The rest of you will know it as you’re shift managers!” Really, they were asking more questions than I was! I was just getting on with whatever section they were throwing me on, telling me how to work the stations I’d already been working on in Kensington for the past 18 months; and reading/watching the online training videos, still, I just went with it, took in what was being said to me with interest. Well, there’s no point putting on the “I know this already,” face and that would probably sound bad to, had I said it, so just listened, smiled and then got on with it. Only thing that was confusing was the layout, as our current restaurant was setup differently. Even when working in the kitchen did I discover that some of the equipment/tools were colour coded differently to our current store, so briefly you were like, “What the?!?!” 😉 ‘ST’ was in a different group to me, he was working the front counter areas 1st, my half of the group were working in the Drive-Thru and kitchen areas. Got tested on placing grill stickers on boxes. The other managers were asked, “Has he got it right?” by the Ops consultant. Pretty much all of them said “No!” Ops Consultant asked where it should be and got various answers, then turned around to them and said, “No, you’re all wrong, NH has got it spot on, that’s where the grill stickers should be placed!” Ha, 1-0 to me!! 😛 Kitchen grills, oh dear Lord were they fun to use. Nothing like we have in our store, really low down, think ‘RW’ would love them, as they would be her ideal height, lol, did I say I’m gonna miss her?!! ☹ Apparently we’re getting the same ones in the new store, not the best for us tall dudes, but we’ll see how that goes. Going to be interesting as most of what is going to be in this new store, no one has ever worked with it before, not even the salaried team. All anyone has seen is architects plans and artists drawings of what everything will look like. Back to the training day, lunch for 30 minutes that turned into our usual 45 minutes; and then back to working the front counter and kiosk areas. Damn, this has to be the quietest store I’ve ever worked in! Its got a huge dining area, kitchen is somewhat compact, yet you were lucky to see one customer every 20 minutes. Our store has a queue out the door and another queue all around the drive-thru for pretty much the entire day, just no comparison. Back to working in the restaurant this half of the day! Time isn’t half flying, being nearly 2pm! Ops Consultant has wandered off somewhere and the trainer spends 10 minutes looking for him as he’s needed to train the other half of the group, lol. Eventually he appears, he’s been chatting outside to the Franchisee that had turned up to see how the training was going! Bet he was shocked to see an empty restaurant, lol. So, we get shown around all the different sections again, they don’t half have some daft names for different things. Even the receipt is called ‘The pick ticket,’ because apparently, you ‘pick’ the order that you want to serve, not follow the sequence on the screen as they appear! Still, I get to stand in the middle of the restaurant dining area in between two kiosk terminals some 5 metres apart from each other; and there’s me right in the middle nothing around me, not even a customer, lol. My job, if anyone comes in, is to greet them, ask if they’re having a good day and attempt to see if they are planning to pay buy card. If they are, I’m to try and get them to use the Kiosk instead. Cash, obviously they are going to the cashier, whom looked like she was bored to death! Poor girl. Think I was the only person the entire day that struck up a conversation with her, no wonder she looked bored. Pointed out she only had a couple of stars and asked if she was working towards the other two? Said she had a workbook to complete, so I suggested that if it was me, waiting in that area with nothing to do, I’d be filling in the workbook, keeping myself busy! Don’t think she had thought of that, could see her thought of, “Yes, I can end my boredom!” Makes sense really! Back to the Kiosk…I got 3 people come in, pay by cash, 4 come in just to use the toilet; and 1 person that I managed to use the Kiosk, yes! We don’t do it for them, kind of have to keep your hands behind your back to stop yourself from taking over, lol, but the Kiosk Coach’s role is to train the customer so that they are confident enough next time, to go straight to the Kiosk and not the cashier! Two reasons on that, 1) they cut the congestion around the till area and; 2) you can get more money out of the customer by using the Kiosk, believe it or not! I actually spotted how devious he company had become to get customers to order large! My trainer said it was down to the positioning of putting all large items on the left side of the screen. Really it wasn’t. What the company have change since the last time I was a Kiosk coach some 18 months back on my initial training was that they had shrunk the large cup and scaled it to be the exact same height as that of the medium image next to it. At a glance, when using the tech quickly, you wouldn’t observe the different between medium an large on the images. On the small, you would as there was a significant decrease in the image size, but for large and medium, the images now looked exactly the same - nice trick! Sure, the text wording beneath each picture clearly clarifies which meal you are choosing, but visually, who really reads words when they are in a hurry?! Still, I move onto the next position for training - table service! Oh my, do I hate this one! Worked this position a few months back in Kensington and it’s just horrid, lol. Nice idea, for this quiet restaurant, but for a busy restaurant, you soon discover that you cannot keep up with the orders, not to mention you have an apron packed with condiments/sauces that weighs down what I can only describe as a mini-skirt, so for a short time, I was cross-dressing, lol!! 🙂 Managed to serve two families and asked the trainer about when do I do a “Check back,” to the customer, as shown in the training video? Surprised to find out that ‘check back’ was being phased out, partly because of what I’d observed in Kensington, with the ability to keep up with the high demand of orders - If you get 20 people sitting down with 20+GBP orders, requiring you to make multiple trips to get the food/drink to them, plus effectively move like a nutter at pace to get the orders out to every customer, how on earth are you then able to get back over to each table to ask the customer if everything is okay? Even then, you might get a customer wanting something else ordering, who is gonna do that? How do they pay? Yeah, that’s the reason they’ve stopped it, apparently! Well, blow me (not literally, it’s a UK thing of shock/surprise), on switching to working on my 3rd position do I hear a familiar voice. A voice of a shift manager that I worked with 6 years back in my first store, Ali! Had to do a double take if I’m honest as I was expecting to see a white shirt appear in front of me, but no, she was in a Crew Trainers uniform! Safe to say, she had her back to me, so I shouted, “Ali!” Lol. Girl jumped, turned around saw me and gave me the strongest hug I’ve had in a long time. Tried to kiss my neck as well, lmao! “NH, you’re in a shirt, finally, is right lad!” haha. She always made me laugh. Strict manager, always got the staff to do what she wanted otherwise she’d terrorise them for their entire shift, every shift, lol. So, turns out Ali left the Company 2 years ago, went into the nail, tanning and beauty profession, got bored of it after a couple of months, went into management of a food retail store; and they constantly moved her from one location to the next; and clearly saw the light like I did on leaving our Company and came back! I tell this to everyone that leaves - you’ll regret it! No one ever listens, and I see it regularly on my social media a/c of people posting, “I wish I’d stayed and not left!” I guess they have to experience other things for themselves. I myself have done it, done multiple jobs, most being contract based, many taking me all over the Country. You get used to the travelling, but spending your life on trains, planes and coaches, even taxis, you do kind of get bored of it, want to stick with one thing. In the back of my mind, there’s still a few things I would like to do. Money is the one thing that stops me. I’m not getting into debt to go back to Uni to do another course. It might be an MA, but 9,000GBP per year for 1-2 years, just isn’t worth it. Certainly looked at sandwich courses, hell my HND was a sandwich course. Had us all (The entire class) on tranquilisers to keep us calm, as we were doing 2 years of coursework in 8 months, that being 38 assignments a week, to be handed in the following week containing a minimum of 30,000 words in each assignment! Stress, people don’t know the meaning of the word!! To throw in 2, 6 month placements on top of all that one being in Germany the other, here in the UK working in a hotel management role, yeah, the pressure was on. Yet, I passed, I graduated. Actually, I graduated from every course I’ve ever done; and I still have an appetite to learn and enrol on new courses! I kind of do it now, but ones that don’t charge the earth, ones that I can do in a few days or 12 weeks. Hell, still remember doing the courses at John Moores University in 2009, all 12-week courses, well, 10 weeks of study, week 9 you got your one and only final written assignment of, yep you guessed it, 30,000 words of whatever subject your course was based on (Had to get 90% to pass). Week 11, you handed it in; and week 12 you all met up with the lecturer at a pub close to the Uni and were given your assignments back, plus given your results - hell of a way to celebrate passing, lol!! The lecturer’s always told us that the work taught to us, the in-depth amount of information, the final assignment was what they expected from an HND student on a 3-year course - Jeebus! Still I’m qualified to work in IT security, web design, programming, PC construction/maintenance, multimedia, graphics, animation, video production (Pre/Post), CAD. You name it, I’ve probably done it or at the very least am enrolled (or in the process of enrolling) on to it, lol. What can I say, my mind is active and constantly wanting to learn new stuff. Probably why I’m always saying “There’s not enough hours in a day for everything I need to do!” lol. It’s true! Probably need a 36-hour day to do everything. Anyhow, side-tracked again, back to the EoTF training! So, we changed roles again, wasn’t on this one very long as the time has flown literally 2 hours! I’m presenting the food/drink now to customers, don’t think I did more than 4; and then another group of people took over me and the rest of us, the staff from that actual store. So, it was back to their crew room, not before saying “Good-bye” to Ali. Hope I get to work with her again, she used to be a blast to work with!! Crew room. Our final quiz of the day, great! Trainer hits me with a question even ‘ST’ didn’t know, nor most of the others looking on with a puzzled look, but I got it right, haha. Surprised the Ops Consultant even, lol, think the trainer wasn’t expecting me to actually quote a huge block of text that was effectively in front of me, that I was rattling back at him, lol. Photographic memory has it’s uses for some things, hehe! 😉 Got told Day 2 and Day 3 are on the 13th and 14th June, can’t wait, albeit, I now have a huge booklet I have to work through, pah! Was a good day though, ended at 5pm; and I had a nice 30 minute walk home, in roasting hot heat! ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2017, 12:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/416 "2017-05-30T12:49:28Z")
**2nd part of the above post…** This means Wednesday is my one and only rest day, yay! Was tempted to drink cider, but it was a day I couldn’t!! You see today, Mom was having her 1st operation on her eye; and by the time I awoke, she was already in the hospital, waiting to get operated on! Sister was over, visiting and waiting to go with Dad back to the hospital at some point to bring Mom home, provided everything went well, fingers crossed!! Well, my sister and I went on some mammoth cleaning spree around the house, lol, blitz mom and dad’s room free of dust, changed all the bed linen, made everything fresh for her coming home, out of hospital. Think it took us an hour between us to do it all, and just as I’m packing up the hoover, the phone rang to say she was out of surgery, everything had gone well, thankfully; and she was waiting for dad and my sister to come and get her to come home! They left, I carried on with the blitzing. Did the whole house, well my parents tend to leave most things to me these days, they’re getting on, so every little helps. Chanced going out into the garden, hoping the nutter didn’t make an appearance over the back fence to ask me what I’m doing in his garden - it’s our garden, but the lunatic has to tell all 3 of his neighbours what they can and cannot do in their own properties, shouting abuse and throwing things over the fence when it gets dark, then telling us to move them the next time he sees us all, lol. I’m, almost at a position to take him to court, that’ll wipe the smirk off of his face when he gets hit with a compensation bill and told to move his fence back! Still, cut the lawn, watered all the plants in my greenhouse, the 1st time I’ve been in it since last September, due to numpty harassing the crap out of me every time I set foot out of the back door. Hey, I have grapes growing in here!! Strawberries too, damn, how are these still alive??!! Not complaining, actually spent some time in there, planted some onions, garlic, potato plants have signs of life too, even the blueberry plants outside were thriving! Cherry tree I have in a patio pot, wow, that’s full of cherries. Used to love gardening, but the actions of that husband and wife opposite took its toll on me last year, prompted me to learn a law that I never studied in the 6 years I practiced everything else. Now, I seem to know more than the very legal team I spoke to in February, lol. Anyhow, mom came home with a clear eye patch on, her eye partially open, told not to touch it, but only wipe it with the sterile wipes the hospital had provided. Don’t know how long she has to wear that patch for, didn’t ask, but at least she is home, at least the operation appears to have been a success! Now, she has to wait a few weeks before she gets the next eye done; then the big operation the hernia, fingers crossed for both!! Thursday, 25th May. There’s chatter on our social media group that there’s a minutes silence at 11am for the victims of Manchester’s attack. Doesn’t matter how much you plan to get to work early, relying on private hire taxis to pick you up is a nightmare! A firm that’s supposed to have thousands on the roads, they never seem to quite have enough when I need to go to work! Watched for 15 minutes of my ride sitting on the grounds of the hospital opposite and then clearly he wasn’t from my area, as he was going around and around all the streets, except actually coming to mine - they invented Sat-Nav for a reason you know!! Were I should of gotten to work if this dope had come when the text back said he would of, I’d of had 15 minutes to spare. Now I’m looking at my watch and seeing I have 10 minutes to get to work; and either I’m walking in on the minutes silence, which isn’t going to happen, or I’m going to be late! Got on the phone to work and got the Business Manager on the other end, yep, confirmation they were also doing the 1 minute silence - good on them, a lot of places didn’t! Driver finally arrives, telling me some bull about only just getting the job. Dude, I’ve been watching you drive everywhere on a map for the past 10 minutes, plus the 15 minutes you sat on your butt stationary outside the back of the hospital, probably talking to all the other private hire taxi buddies waiting there for a job, just get me to work!! Well, this guy really was a nutter!! Heavy traffic, should of taken at least 20 minutes! Not this guy, he was going through every red light at speed, weaving in and out of every car ahead of us, bit like in a movie, even went down the lane of on-coming traffic twice, had my heart in my mouth the whole journey!! Still, he got me to work in less than 6 minutes, 1 minute before 11am, so I told him about the minutes silence. Another one with no respect. I sat there in silence watching into the building for signs of movement showing when it had ended so I could go in. Never starts on time with work, so not taking any chances. Taxi driver on the other hand spotted a customer sat in the restaurant in a new Liverpool Football (Soccer) shirt; and proceeded to tell me the history of the new strip based on the old strips from years before. All the sponsors, everything!! The minutes silence was more like 4 minutes, and I went in as soon as I saw people start to come out of the front door, sprayed PMM3 once to the front of my neck, clocked in, made my apologies to the shift manager ‘GN’ (Grumpy) and my BM, whom were in the process of cashing up staff tills. Told them what I’d done with the taxi outside; and that the driver carried on talking throughout, don’t think they believed me, but hey ho, always mark my respect when these things happen, don’t care where I am, who I’m with. Always remember the times/dates from my Germany days, so always stop briefly, look up and say R.I.P. then go back to whatever I was doing. Got my orders to go take over ‘CC’ whom was off at 11am, so an apology to him too! Well, this was a long day, heat outside 26C and getting warmer hour by hour not just outside but inside too!! Air con keeping us and the customers cool, broken! We’re getting excessive heat blasted at us; and with a metal roof, whatever was outside was certainly being felt inside. Fries station for me, woo, hot as hell and now I’m working the hottest station in the building, why thank you Grumpy!! Thankfully, I know how to control my breathing, so in a way, no matter how hot it is, I seem to keep pretty cool, well, most of the time it works, lol. So, kitchen are struggling, in I go to help out. After Tuesday’s training, I feel like I’m working back to front, lol, these people, experienced people, are doing everything wrong! No tethering, no assembling correctly, everything is all about severing the order off the screen as fast as possible!! They do that on the new system, they’re going to become stuck very quickly, the ship will go down all hands on board!! These people I’m working with are managers’, they should be doing everything right, but they’re not. Took me a few minutes to adjust my head back to the ‘wrong’ way of doing things after spending a day of training being shown the ‘right’ way the ‘correct’ way of doing things! Once they had caught up, back to fries, yay!! This heat is killing me, let alone everyone around me. The thought of going home back to this room I sit here typing this report from, the heat being equally the same, man, not looking forward to that one at the time! Break time, yes!! Coldest room in the building other than the freezer is the crew room. People going outside for their breaks - are you mad? You’ve been complaining about the heat all shift, now you go and sit in it! Nutters! Still, the shift went pretty quickly on returning and although grumpy was on shift for most of it, she wasn’t as bad as she normally is!! **I’m come back to Friday 26th May, some time tomorrow. It’s a big post, I have put IJ on moments before something serious happened, yet I’m cool throughout, don’t ask me how, but I’ll come back to post it as soon as I can. Work, sadly has me unable to continue, otherwise I’d have the entire week right up to today in here, posted, but sadly not today. ☹** Speak soon, NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 2:26am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/417 "2017-06-02T02:26:57Z")
**Sorry for the delay in posting this continuation from above, but you’ll come to understand when you start reading! Just so you get an idea of the length, it’s 16 pages of A4, 11,079 words. Yeah, if this was me at College or University right now, my lecturer would be saying their favourite line of, “Do you seriously expect me to read all that?!!” No, I don’t it’s totally your choice, but at least you’ll know what has gone on for the past week and a bit, with me. Going back to trying to write daily or every other day now, seeing as my month from hell has finally passed! So here it is, the next part of this Journal, my Journal, thanks for stopping by…** Friday, 26th May. Oh dear Lord, is this day going to end badly!! Not for me, but for my team!! Told you May was bad for me; and the events of today are pretty much up there with everything else that has gone on before it in years gone by!! Well, it was another hot day! Not looking forward to there being no air con and the heat in the afternoon melting everyone. Okay, so I can control my breathing, slow it down and just about live with it, but still, should we really be working in this heat?? 10am start, on till 7pm, yep lovely long shift! ‘Grumpy’ male puts me on Hash Browns duty for the last 30 minutes of breakfast, don’t mind, can see me being on fries probably for the rest of the day too, don’t mind that either, better me doing it, than someone that can’t take the heat and collapsing, which I can see happening, as you can’t stop to get a drink; and even if you could, you have to take it to the back of the store, so yeah, that’s not happening, just have to grin and bare it until the shift manager/salaried says you can stop; or swaps you with someone else! So, hash brown duty, ha, who buys 16 of these things to eat with a coffee?!! Every order someone would shout, “I need 7 hash browns!” “I need 9 hash browns!” “I need 14 hash browns!” Yeah, you get the idea; and that’s per order! Can’t people settle for the one that comes with the meal? Clearly not. Still, 1030am came, station cleaned down and yep, I’m now the ‘fries guy’ continuing to work the station. Like I said, I’m not complaining, I’ll work the observation point quite happily. I’ll just throw some music into my head and get on with it; and if I really get into what I’m listening to in my mind, I may actually start to dance to it too, lol. 😉 Saying that, getting caught throwing your hands into the air like your at a music festival, yeah, that’s not good, lol, but occasionally I’ll get carried away and do it, lol, usually it’s when I go to get the fries from the freezer. Ah well, better to be happy than miserable, don’t you think?!! Break time, yes, got to be back by 2pm as someone is going home, time for some tunes then on the iPad. 🙂 Load up the iPod to get onto my social media a/c. I swear it’s tuned to show me ‘RW’s’ page every time I log in; and being small scale I’m super cautious to what I click on to get out of it into the ‘recent’ section of my own news feed, in case I ‘like’ something without realising it! Saying that, I sometimes look at her news feed, well it’s there loaded, hard not to miss. Have to say, ‘RW’ and I think the same on a lot of things; and yeah, I do then end up ‘liking’ those posts! Maybe that’s why my iPod goes straight to her a/c on loading, who knows?!! Still, my own page, for my music, seemed to have a few more views than normal. Considering I’ve not done any DJ mixes for 3 weeks, I’m surprised it’s had any views, yet I’m slowly inviting my friends. Not going to do it all in one go in case the merged account has another fit and tries to lock me out again, like in October! I invite a few every couple of days. Obviously they don’t have to accept the invite, but it’s going to be the only place I’ll be Live Streaming my DJ sets from in future, especially as it displays a whole heap of valuable information of who has tuned in; and where from, etc, something that I don’t get on my personal a/c! So, back to work, get a till and go on counter to cover the person going home. Apparently, I’m the only till to have a working card reader - great! So, I’m getting pretty much every customer come to me for their orders, both cash and card payments! Very busy though, drive-thru has the queue of all queues going beyond were we normally see cars begin to line up and the customers think coming inside will get them their food even quicker, ha! Sorry people, we’re not EoTF yet, it’s gonna take a while!! Would help if the kitchen team listened to what you shouted to them and observed the grill stickers, instead of binning them, nothing ever runs smoothly in this store, why should today be any different?!! So, the 4pm staff begin to arrive and I’m told to go an cash up my till as I have a new member of the team coming in shortly and I’m training them, yay! Can’t even log into the computer system as myself, lol, how daft is that?!! Floor managers in this store seem to do very little when it comes to the paperwork/office side of things. Can’t even get them to train me on taking the safe, yet I’m using another manager’s login to cash-up my own till! God knows what will happen when I go to this new store, got a feeling they’ll just expect me to know everything that goes on in the office and I really don’t!! Everything outside the office, yeah sure, but when it comes to the paperwork side of the job, the critical things that in some store the Crew Trainers perform, in this store, my current store, Floor Managers just aren’t expected to do it or have access to it! Crazy!! New start, her second shift and she’s coming with me to the new store in a months time. Yay, she seems like another friendly person. From what I gather, they have hired 29 people full time to join the managers on opening day to run everything, yet 9 have already been fired for failing to turn up for their training shifts! So far, I’ve met 4 people, three girls and a guy. The guy is quite amusing to speak to actually. You’d think he was American if you spoke to him, but nope, he’s Russian, has Russian parents that don’t speak any English. Scratching your head? His parents sent him to US Military School in Russia to be educated. I know where he’s coming from, been in that position for the 1st 16 years of my life what with my parents being in the Military themselves, even got to go to an American school myself; and what fun that was! Still, one of the 3 girls I’m training tonight in the Booth on till as order-taker/cashier. So, got her to work in the Booth with the head set on, I have her ask the customer what they wanted to order, I’d key it in, but I’d have her do the role of taking the payments. Might sound mad, but it gets her into a position to do two things at once, focus on the two roles and achieve it at speed and with confidence! After 20 mins, I step back and say, “I want you to have a go on your own!” Lovely look of horror on her face, lol, but I said, “I have every confidence in you! I’m going to let you do a few orders on your own and I’ll listen on a headset in the office. If you have any problems, I’ll come back.” You know, she did pretty well for the first few cars, then it got a little busy 10 minutes later and I went to help. Cleared the queue, told her she’d done really well; and I still had confidence in her; and I went back into the office, as I was writing out those horrid SOC training Q&A’s we have to complete. This was the turning point for tonight! The month from hell was about to add another event, another chapter into my life!! Trying to rush to complete/log the SOC’s (I had a deadline to get 4 logged by 5pm onto our system, otherwise Grumpy male would get upset), in came the very guy, phone in hand looking rather flustered! Looked at him and said, “What’s up?” His response, “You’ll find out in a minute!” Thought for a second of what was going on, was it a customer making a complaint, or something else?? His response which had me sit up and take notice, “Hi yes, we have a major incident. I need Armed Response to \*\* McDonald’s. I have a man behind the counter that has said two people on scrambler bikes has threaten to shoot him in the car park outside, so he has taken refuge behind the counter in our store! Customers and staff have said there is people on bikes outside and have said they are going to shoot through the windows! We have a lot of families with children in here!” As he says this, I can hear the engine of a scrambler bike in the Drive-Thru lane on the other side of the wall to where I am sitting!! Great. Alerted Grumpy to it which he then passed on to the Emergency Operator. I looked at the CCTV monitor and see another guy on a scrambler bike circling around in front of the entrance to the drive-thru lane; and alert Grumpy of that too! Next thought for me, wasn’t for my safety, but for my colleague, my trainee working in the Booth, about to be faced with a potential threat from someone on a bike, so I went out and stood behind her, just as the guy and the other guy on a bike pulled up at the window. You know, they didn’t actually look like they were looking for anyone! You could see their faces as they weren’t fully covered with their helmets, and although one did look through the window down at the open till draw, they didn’t seem any different that any other customer we usually got. Certainly saw no weapons on them! Yet, because of the way our speaker works, they had to order at the Booth window, so the guy closest to us take his helmet off to speak! We have a camera facing him, filming him, if he’s here to threaten someone, even shoot someone, you’d think taking his helmet off would be the last thing he would do!! The pair of them paid and pulled forward as there was two cars in front of them, you could hear their engines revving up outside. I went back into the office, Grumpy giving a second by second update to the Emergency Operator. at which point I could hear a commotion in the kitchen and looked down the corridor were all the staff were working. The guy that apparently been threatened clearly was getting agitated with the noise of the bikes in the Drive-Thru lane was heading towards the office, but pacing in and out, back and forth amongst the staff, whom seemed to be getting a tad distressed themselves by his actions; and the thought that a possible shooting could be imminent into the restaurant, harming them! The guy is clearly not right, as I could hear him repeatedly shout out to himself, not to anyone near him, couldn’t quite make out what he was saying as he was at the other end of the kitchen near my least favourite machine. Another Floor Manager came into the office, a little distressed with this guy, telling us his behaviour was becoming very erratic and he was shouting out at the staff, the very people there trying to help him, trying to keep him calm behind the counter. Well, I didn’t see what happened next, I just heard the screams from several girls and a number of both male and female staff run towards the direction of the office, as the guys on the scrambler bikes pulled forward to get what they had ordered right by where this guy was currently hiding!! Practically, the whole team ran towards the crew room from the front counter, managers included, where I ran towards the counter itself! Yeah, call me daft, but you know me, my team comes first; and this guy has clearly done something to make everyone run!! I got to the machine from hell, the guy I can hear shouting out, “You think you’re going to shoot me yeah? I’ll show you who’s gonna shoot me, I’ll shoot you, come and get me! COME ON!!” Grumpy was blocking my view standing on the corner of the shake machine looking to the right of it towards the other end of the counter, with another salaried manager trying to get the customer to leave, with many refusing to go, would you believe!! One of the crew trainers suddenly appeared, tears running down her face, along with another male Floor Manager, to which I ushered them to towards the Crew Room. Grumpy shouted towards me, “NH, keep them in the crew room, don’t let them out!” As we get there, there’s 3 staff, their bags in hand leaving and heading for the back door/fire exit which takes them into the area we keep all the rubbish. Irrespective of what I’d been told to do, being in so many situations before, with this guy running around, the last place I wanted anyone was in the confines of the crew room, so I took it upon myself to proceed with a full evacuation!! “Right, listen up. I want everyone to leave and go to the Fire Assembly Point!” There was just far too many crew and managers in that room, anything could of happened if the guy had come back and gotten into it, as far as I was concerned they had to get out, stay out and only come back in, once the matter had been resolved! I ushered them all to leave out of the Fire Exit, take anything they needed, okay, it’s not a fire exactly and I should of sent them out with nothing, but I’m in that area, he’s gonna have to come through me before he gets them, if he does suddenly appear, thankfully, he didn’t and they all made their way out. I went into the crew room myself, doused myself in IJ, 6 sprays to my neck front and back, with an additional 2 sprays of A314 (B) to my Adam’s apple. Got a strong hit of neroli, that’s for sure, couldn’t ever smell the A314 scent! Not used this much of IJ in one go, but felt the need to just whack it on! Remember the time a few weeks back with the kids outside, yeah, same thoughts as then, were now entering my head. I went back into the kitchen and there were still staff in the kitchen cooking, still staff in the very last booth serving customers in cars, they wouldn’t park over, they wanted to watch, they wanted what they’d paid for! Them staying there not only put themselves at risk, they put my team at risk too! Had a few more head towards the crew room, told Grumpy I’d evacuated them to the Fire Point, only to be told to, “Go get them back, tell them to stay in the crew room!” Looked at him daft and said, “It’s not safe there, there’s too many of them to fit in there, bars on the window, we don’t know where he’s going next!” Could see his brain working a tad, to have the other salaried manager say, “Keep them in the coral!” That’s just as bad, lol, so I went out, took 3 more distressed staff with me; and proceeded to look outside. 5 had gone and stood by the windows to look in, 10 were stood close to the assembly point, the rest were in a distressed state near to the entrance of the Drive-Thru lane, great. I shouted over to the 5, “Stay away from the windows, move across the road to the others, keep the area clear!” As they moved away, one of the customers that had refused to leave the restaurant, was sitting at the next table looking in, with 3 small kids also looking in, ffs! Because I’d shouted at the staff, she automatically thought I was also shouting at her too; and proceeded to have a full on verbal abuse attack at me for telling her to leave the area, lovely! As much as I felt like telling her to shift, too, I said, “Sure, stay there if you feel your kids are safe. We don’t know what this individual will do next. If he can see you through the glass he may try to break it with you there. It’s safer if you move away also, but that’s up to you, I can’t make you leave, only direct my staff away to safety!” She just gave me this stupid look of disobedience. Fine love, you want your kids to watch a deranged lunatic rip up the inside and threaten everyone still inside, fair enough, hope your kids sleep well tonight!! So, call me stupid, but I went back in! Had quite a few of the team sat by the back exit into the coral tell me to stay, tears coming from most of the girls eyes, but I just didn’t care for my own safety at this point. There’s a lunatic in there, there’s staff still in there. Until they’re all out, I’m going back in, simple as that! Couldn’t believe they were still cooking! Grumpy had ordered a handful back into the kitchen, this guy I can still hear shouting, “You think you’re going to kill me? I’ll kill you!” He kept repeating it over and over, kept hearing banging noises from the counter, with me now standing behind Grumpy observing two Floor Managers trying to get the last two remaining cars to leave the Drive-Thru. Only way they got them to leave was to take their food out of the front door, lol. The things people do to keep watching the action! So, I follow them out, behind them with instructions from Grumpy not to let anyone back in through the front door; and I get the 1st glimpse of what has gone on, on the front counter! This lunatic is in the corner, trying to pick up and pull one of the cash tills/touch screens and pull it from the counter. The cables go through a cut-out in the counter itself, and he is trying to rip them out by lifting, tugging, pulling at the till system. Now, these things are heavy; and I mean heavy! They’re a very old style computer with a touch screen monitor thrown on top for good measure, the till draw itself is separate underneath the counter. On the floor, there were two fry baskets, fries all over the place! There was oil visible on the back small refrigerator and fries on the surface of that area too. By the looks of it, he’d tried to break the glass of the refrigerator door, but only the camera would show that later, if he indeed had done that! So, out I go with the two managers, the front packed with customers watching through the open door to see what was going on, lol; and 4 of the 5 staff I’d told to move, were sat on a corner table at the front of the building chatting away to themselves. Okay, so they’re out of harms way, out of view from the lunatic, that’s fine, albeit I’d of liked them to have stayed with the group, which was now in two groups. One by the assembly point, the other group still by the drive-thru entrance/back exit, most sitting on the ground. One of the two Floor Managers that I’d just come out with, now stood next to the car that they’d given their food to shouts over, “They need their drinks, still.” - great! Asked what they were, a coke zero, Fanta and banana shake. Shouted back, “Fanta and shake I can get, coke zero I can’t as it’ll put me right next to him!” Response was, “Get a diet coke instead!” …and so, without a care in the World, feeling pretty darn calm, I went back inside. Straight to the drinks machine, I calmly filled the diet and fanta cups. Didn’t ask what sizes they were, so the customer is getting large! Put the drinks into a holder, lunatic is still yelling in the corner, "You think you’re going to kill me do ya?!! I just ignored him; and as I went toward the shake machine, I saw Grumpy, still on the phone to the Emergency Operator with 6 staff stood in a line behind him, all looking distressed, even more so that I was now stood in front of the shake machine pouring another drink! So, I’m still ignoring lunatic; and Grumpy quietly says, “NH, get around here, you’ll get hurt!” I stopped the machine from pouring and looked around it at the staff and said, “The customer needs their drinks, they can’t go until they get them, don’t worry about me!” Two of the female staff signal me with their hands to come and join them, but for whatever reason I was calm, in a daze somewhat, smelling a strong sense of [Neroli](https://a314.com/product-category/scented/androtics-neroli/) and thinking “Come and get me if you dare!” Don’t ask me what happened next though, why it happened, but as I continued to restart the machine to pour the shake, the lunatic began to yell at me that he was going to kill me! My head triggered a recall. Thought in my head at that very moment wasn’t of family, it wasn’t of what was going on around me, I was looking at the images I’ve had for months now of ‘X’ and 3 new ones of ‘RW’; and they were large, larger than any image I’ve ever recalled in the past! I stopped the drink, put on a lid, then looked around fully at the guy, to see he’d now fully pulled the till from off of the counter; and stepped practically into the corner behind him. There must have been about 2 metres of cable stretched out from the counter across to where he was standing. I didn’t even know the cables were that long, lol! I can hear Grumpy and the other girls telling me, urging me to join them around the corner, I’m out of their sight, they can no longer see me! So, the lunatic is still raving away, his eyes are black. God only knows what he’s taken. Actually, God probably doesn’t know; and was probably looking down and thinking, “Here we go, NH doing his thing yet again!” Lunatic shouts over at me, “I’m going to kill you, I’m going to _Bleep_ kill you!” I responded, still feeling pretty darn calm. still with the images now gone transparent before me, so I’m looking at him; and my favourite two people, “Why are you being like this?” Got a response of, “You called the Police! I’m going to kill you, I’m going to kill all of you! I’m coming back tomorrow, you will all die!” I responded back, “I didn’t call the Police. My manager called the Police!” "He carried on with the threats, “Yes, you did, I’m going to kill you, you bas_Bleep_d, I’ll hurt you, you’re going to die!” I’m still calm with all this believe it or not! Is it the 6 spray of IJ and the 2 sprays of the A314 doing it?? Who knows, but I fell calm, in control, not scared, I wasn’t even shaking! So, lunatic continues, “Why did you call the Police? I’m going to kill you for calling the Police on me, why did you call them on me? I’m being threatened to be killed and you call the Police on me!” Calmly, I look on at him and reply with, “You came to us for help, you told us that there was people outside with guns threatening to shoot you through the glass. It was our duty to protect everyone not just you from harm. That’s why the Police have been called; and yet here you are smashing the place up, threatening my team, threatening me for trying to help you, really?!!” I went to pick up the drink to leave, but before I got the chance this yellow wet floor cone came skating across the floor towards me. I could hear gasps of panic from those hidden around the back of tha machine with one saying, “He’s thrown the till at NH!” I stopped the cone with the side of my foot, put my foot up on top of it, looked down at it; and calmly said out a loud. “REALLY? Okay, whatever!” He was still struggling to hold the till. My team had thought I’d been harmed, I was fine, really calm, looking at my favourite two people and then beyond the lunatic still saying he was going to kill me! I picked up the drink, looked at the team, Grumpy looking on in shock telling the Emergency operator that I was alright, two girls looking distraught, but relived that they could now see I was fine, stood before them, holding the shake in my hand. I put it into the holder and went back outside, looking at the lunatic as I went still shouting at me that he was going to kill me, still struggling to hold the till, still by the looks of it trying to pull the cables out! As I went outside with the drinks, the 4 staff members asked me if I was mad, lol, probably, but I went over to the car with the customer waiting, my fellow Floor Manager stood next to it and the driver leaned out and said, “I know I said I needed my drinks, but I didn’t think you’d actually go back in there to that; and get them! Are you mad?!” Yep, I am. It’s May, let’s see just how far I can push my luck here, beginning to think, looking back on everything of my past, that I seem to have gotten through, that I have better luck than a cat with 9 lives! Still, I returned to the doorway to prevent anyone going in; and there were lots of people that approached the restaurant wanting to go in, despite being told that they couldn’t. Even the ones stood outside, including those that had had to leave when everything began, wanted to know when they could go back inside, order food and drink! Really?? I have most of the store outside traumatised and all you want to know is when we’ll reopen?!! The nutter is inside, there’s 6 people inside, but from where I’m standing he’s stood in the corner still, still fighting to hold that till. People amaze me!! I kept watching him, the slightest thought that he would move towards those still glued to the side of the kitchen they were in would of had me right back in there. I’d of gone for him if I thought he was going to do anything to those still in there. Why they didn’t try to leave, I don’t know, maybe shock, sheer panic was keeping them there. They certainly thought a till had come my way, it hadn’t it was a wet floor cone, not that having a till launched at me would of made me scared anyway, had worse thrown at me over the years from people trying to arm rob other places I’ve worked in. Doesn’t faze me anymore, I just fight back until they realise I’m not going to back down and leave. This lunatic wouldn’t of left, not on his own that’s for sure. I’d of probably had to of taken out his airway and then put him into a lock of some sort to prevent him from doing anything else, but from where I was standing, he was just in that corner fighting with the till and shouting out that he was going to kill me and the team! Well, they took their time, 20 minutes had past from the initial call to the Emergency Operator, but a Police car pulled up into the car park and two male officers approached the building, still with onlookers right across the front of the building. I gave them a de-brief on everything that I knew (Albeit, I hadn’t seen everything), told them there were 6 still in-store; and they then proceeded to enter the building and stood trying to negotiate with the lunatic from the opposite side of the front counter. Clearly that didn’t work, as he was still issuing threats, now at the Officers, so they went behind the counter. Muppet threw the till at them as they approached so they jumped on him and had him pinned up against the wall. I’m watching on, still flippin’ calm would you believe! Has to be the mix I have on! Still can smell the neroli! As I see them clearly reading the lunatic his rights, it dawns on me that there’s all these people, plus that lady with her kids sat right outside where this guys is going to be coming to very soon. Now the thought on my mind is to clear this area, so I begin to calmly ask everyone to move around to the side of the building, to keep the front clear. Guess who kicks off again about being asked to be moved? Yep, you guess it, that woman with her kids; and even though most are moving, I’m still getting people asking me when we’re reopening! Ha, 1st off it’s a crime scene! 2nd, I can hear the staff saying they’re not going back inside; and who would blame them! In my mind, the restaurant should close, everyone should go home, but that’s not my call. The lady moves, along with her 3 kids, one asking me, “What’s happened?” I replied with, “A bad man is in there, but don’t worry, the Police have come to take him away, so everything will be okay!” Just as we move, just as the kids move around the corner, the Police bring the lunatic out, his hands in cuffs, they were moving at speed towards their car. Another Police car pulled up; and before I could say or do anything, the customer, those stood outside began to walk back into the restaurant and form a queue on front counter - seriously?!! Who did they think was going to serve them? The place was trashed! The get told by the other salaried manager ‘AM’ to go back outside; and the restaurant would open in 10-20 minutes - what?!! They should of been told it was closed. I guess they were in a state of shock, what with what had gone on. ‘AM’ told me to go back outside and ask the staff to come back in to sort the place out, which I did. I went to the group at the assembly point. The look on their faces, the girls mainly, there was no way on this earth that they were going back in tonight; and I don’t blame them one bit. For many, this was their 1st incident. The 1st is always the worst! For me, I’ve lost count! Yet, Grumpy came out; and tried to get them all to come back in to sort out the inside, so that the operation could carry on, lol, WHAT?!! I swear to God, they only think of money going through those tills and not the wellbeing of their own staff. Shocking behaviour!! Grumpy, I think the penny finally dropped that all of the staff outside were going home, 98% of the staff! I went to the other group sat by the Drive-Thru and was immediately grabbed by the female staff whom thought the worst had happened to me on going back in! Reassured them that I was fine, that everyone was fine. Still, got more tears from the girls, so reassured them that everything was fine, that the lunatic was now sat in the back of a Police car at the front of the building along with 4 officers! Had a couple of the Floor Managers ask what was happening and said that they wanted everyone back inside to sort the place out to reopen. Got an overwhelming response of that not happening; and that they were all going home. I had to agree with them, so I went back inside and told ‘AM’ of what everyone outside had said, that they weren’t setting foot back inside that night anyhow. Grumpy came back in and confirmed the same; and now the pair of them turned to the phones to notify the BM of what had gone on, notify the Ops Consultant and ring around other stores in the area to send staff, so that they could reopen, as the Ops consultant said we couldn’t close for the night - sales, it’s all they think about!! ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 2:29am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/418 "2017-06-02T02:29:13Z")
**Part two continues…** Only a handful of us remained, the place looked like a bomb had hit it! Till was picked up off of the floor, fry baskets, floor swept, areas/walls cleaned down. We were shut in total for 2 hours, this started at 5pm, now 7pm my time to finish also, but I just couldn’t go! The place was a mess, it was all hands on deck to sort it out, Ops Consultant was apparently on his way, BM turned up not in her uniform, burnt to a crisp from being in the back garden all day. Well, it was her day off anyhow! Police turned up again wanting statements. Me and another Floor Manager apparently were the only two able to give the best account, me being able to give the most detailed! Don’t know how, I hadn’t seen the start of what had happened on the front counter; and my colleague had been one of those that had remained to cook whilst I evacuated the staff; and then being one of the 6 stood behind the shake machine when I came back in for those drinks! Still, I got taken out to a Police car, the air con was switch on! Oh my word, after enduring the heat in that restaurant all day, this felt good, real good! So, the Officer got out 3 pages of A4, one being a 4-page document and proceeded to ask me to recall everything that’s well, above! He couldn’t believe how calm I was kept mentioning it throughout, as I gave him my statement. Found out why it took them so long to get to us. At 5pm, he and his colleague had just finished parade, when the call came in. They were miles away, I know their station, it’s close to where I used to work in radio a few years ago, a hell of a long way to come and through rush hour traffic as well! I’m surprised they got there in 20 minutes, if I’m honest!! They then arrested the lunatic, waited for another car to turn up, hand the guy over to those officers, where they then drove back to their station to pick-up a matrix van. This van has a prison cell in the back. They had to drive that back, collect the prisoner, take him back to the station; and then have another unit drive them back to our restaurant so that they could pick up their car - get all that? All this for one lunatic!! America, they’d of probably just shot him. Funnily, the officer interviewing me did say when they got the call in, his colleague thought he was going to get to use his taser, but by the time they’d gotten to the restaurant some 20 minutes later, they thought he’d probably have calmed down a little enough to just arrest him, which they did. Wish they had tasered him, then invited all the girls in to take a turn at zapping his sorry a\*\*! Officer asked me what I was doing after the interview, had a feeling he was offering me a lift home as it was on the way to their station, but, I said I was probably going back into work to help them out. I could see that they had reopened, the Drive-Thru anyhow. Officer thought I was nuts, couldn’t believe that they’d reopened and thought at the very least the business would be closed until the next morning! Explained the rules of McDonald’s, they think of nothing but ‘Sales’, ‘Labour’ and ‘Service Times’. Guy was shocked to say the least; and still couldn’t quite get at how calm I was, even after reliving the past three hours, as it was now nearing 8pm! Safe to say I told him briefly of some of the things I saw in Germany, said “For me, nothing frightens me anymore! I just look at each situation, see if I can talk them around and if as a last resort I have to use self defence, well I’m trained in martial arts, so they’re getting pinned to the floor until you guys (The Police) arrive to take over!” Said, “Thankfully on this occasion the guy stayed in the one place, he was all talk, sticks and stones, he just didn’t scare me! For the others, sure, this was their 1st serious incident, obviously that effected them enough to have to go home, I don’t blame them, the 1st is always the worst.” He agreed with those thoughts, still commenting on how he couldn’t believe how calm I was, lol, well, that’s me. If you’ve gone through everything I have you kind of get used to it, but what I didn’t say was what I saw stood in front of that shake machine. Those images, they really did make a difference I think! With the statement concluded, I was asked if I didn’t mind attending court at a later date, should the guy get charged, said I would go, said the guy needed help. Looks like he’d taken cocaine, which was why he was the way he was, god know what else he may of taken, but his eyes, damn they were eyes of the devil, pupils filled his eyes!! After that, I went back to work, stayed till 11pm; and then left to catch a train home. Still chilled walking home, listening to my tunes as I went. Not a word to my family when I got in. To be honest, I was exhausted for once, when straight to sleep as I was back in work for 10am! I’ve now got images of ‘RW’ in my DVA. Don’t ask me why? I know she’s special to me, means a lot to me and I’m already greatly missing her, yet haven’t left my place of work yet (Got about another 4 weeks to go! ☹ ), but, these images appeared in the few moments that I stood in front of the shake machine, with the guy only metres away screaming that he was going to kill me! As calm as I was, the only things I could see before me, which I’ve not told anyone is the images of ‘X’ that I feel like I’ve looked at now forever; and these new ones of ‘RW’ displayed right in between ‘JPov’s’ mobile images from ‘EH’s’ venue and ‘ST’s’ mobile image. Don’t know why, seems to be a new permanent memory, confusing the hell out of me. Each time I glanced left, I saw the guy, looked right, I saw the 6 people hidden around the machine from hell, look back at it directly (The shake machine); and I’m back to looking at those images!! I guess in a way, if this was the last few minutes on this earth, at least I had the very two people that mean a lot to me right there with me, in front of me, before darkness yet again! Saying that, we all know that this guy booted a floor cone, not threw a till, didn’t attack me, stayed in the corner shouting threats; and with all this going on, the staff and salaried manager inches away telling me to join them, I’m calm, I’m focused just on those images, nothing else! I’m still seeing them now, it’s a bank of 3 images on loop. One of ‘RW’ in work by the fry station just laughing at something, probably me, lol, who knows, she just stops, looks in my direction, laughs then turns away towards the office, then the memory loops. I look up, that’s the 1st thing I see now, not reality, well not for a few seconds. Either side of that is one image from the apartment, albeit, she is with ‘X’ but it’s not in the 108 other images down on the left, strange? I guess I have a lot more in my head from the 5th & 6th December, than I 1st thought! Last one on the right, is of the nightclub we went to after ‘EH’s’ venue/birthday party. I see her dancing about a metre or so away from me to my right, another girl in a white dress next to her, smiling, as I’m interacting with ‘Sophie’ across that booth! Every time I look up now, I see these; and if I close my eyes to briefly clear my head albeit sometimes those images hold as I do, I feel sad, I want to cry and I don’t know why! How can what happened on this day, the events pull up so much that it’s quite literally messed with my head?!! More to the point, why am I holding on to these memories for so long? Any other memory I could of moved by now, but not these, not this time, what’s this guy done to me? Can’t tell anyone, certainly can’t show anyone, I’m just stuck looking day in day out! Who knows if these 3 new images are going to do the same as all the others of ‘X’, sat in the one location playing over and over. Strangely, it doesn’t drive me mad, just confuses me as to why I see them? I know ‘X’ means a lot to me, but so does ‘RW’, is this why? Pretty certain I’ve said time and time again having a photo graphic memory is bad; and yep, it is, just never seem to forget, no matter how much I try! ☹ Saturday, 27th May. Anniversary Day! Yeah, my head has that on loop still. Actually I’m seeing those images more than what had happened yesterday. Walked on shift to find 5 people had phoned in sick, those that had been on shift the day before, obviously too affected by what had gone on, hardly surprising. For pretty much all of them, this had been their 1st incident. The 1st is always the worst, but as more and more happen, albeit they’re never quite the same, you kind of just get used to it. Nothing seems to phase me anymore! I just look, see what is going on around me, see if anyone is being hurt/attacked, if they are, I’ll intervene. If not, can the situation be controlled?? Yesterday it couldn’t, until almost everyone was evacuated. Still feel I made the right choice to evacuate. How can one salaried manager suggest to keep them in a room with bars on the window? Anything could of happened if that guy had gone on the rampage to that area! Plus, the other salaried manager wanting the staff to remain in the area we store the rubbish! Nah, seen too many incidents in my time, been trained and drummed into me in the Forces to get people away from harm as quickly as possible, a full evacuation was the only option! One other person to phone in sick, not related to yesterday was ‘RW’, my favourite best friend! ☹ She’d apparently sprained her ankle and phoned in also to say she wasn’t coming in, pah! Still, mischievous me sent her a message directly to her personal social media page of “Hope you get well soon, hop-a-long!” Well, I meant it, just thought I’d throw a little humour in there too. ‘RW’ seemed to take it well too, thankfully. 🙂 Love that girl, always puts a smile on my face whether in work, online or on a night out! I’m missing her already and I haven’t even left yet!! 3-4 weeks to go; and I think I’ll be crying as I leave the building, I really think I will, especially if ‘RW’ is on shift - god help me, in a way, I do not want to go, don’t want to leave her, wish I could take her with me! Still, I had people come up to me for the entire day wanting to know what had happened? ‘CD’ flipped as she said, “I don’t want to hear that anymore, I’ve got enough people going home with the stress of it, don’t need to lose anymore!” Yep, fine, just tell everyone to stop asking me, simples! Day was long, BM was in, slightly less looking like a lobster compared to the night before, lol. Busy day again, but compared to yesterday it went smoothly. Didn’t stop me from looking up to the heavens and doing my usual ‘R.I.P.’ thought on the time when the anniversary was reached. Have to mark my respect no matter what! Stayed so far out or the social media group for our military base from Germany. I’ve had so many notifications to view things this past month, well, I just can’t go in. If I do, I have a fear I’ll be looking at an image or more of past events, family lost by those whom thought attacking the innocent was alright, just don’t want to see pictures of those lost, cannot bare it, not this year, not with everything else that has gone on, especially yesterday. Last thing I need is my head to have a TMR, they last for days and no one will be able to wake me!! Shift over, home. A brief visit from my Bro-in-law and sister, ended up telling them, in front of both of my parents what had gone on the day before, full-on recall! Everyone just stood there looking back at me in shock! Nothing new to me, they don’t know half of what I’ve gone through over the years; and never will, so I’m just telling them in a calm manner; and my sister is like, “How are you being so cool about it, I’d of been a wreck?!” Yeah well, responded with, “I’m used to it!” I am after all, doesn’t phase me anymore, just take each situation as it comes and deal with it. Sunday, 28th May. Another long, hot day with ‘CD’ on shift. Don’t know what was wrong with her today, but she was in a right mood from the moment I walked through the door onto the floor of work. 1st thing to be said to me was from fellow Floor Manager ‘SN’ of, “Why did you tell on ‘RW’ to Vicky this morning about her being out last night?!!” Erm??? Response to that was, “I’ve literally just walked onto shift, ‘SN’, what are you on about, not been here this morning?!!” Response from ‘SN’ was, “Oh?!! Forget about it then!” So, someone has sh\*t stirred yet again, told management and my name seems to have been thrown into the pot, nice! 1st of all, I’m not dropping my best friend in it, as far as I’m aware she was genuine about her ankle, others yesterday had mentioned it too! 2nd, there’s been images all last night on our social media a/c of her being at a friends baby shower, someone else I’ve come to know through ‘RW’ and others on nights out, someone that I also call a good friend albeit I don’t know her that well ‘Kat’ is her name, 1st time we met we shared a taxi; and the driver must of thought we were nuts, lol, as we made cat ‘meowing’ noises for most of the journey to some club in the City centre where everyone else in our grioup had gone. Not to mention, during that journey, she came to pull out two socks she had stuffed into her bra to make herself look bigger, lol. okay!! 🙂 That memory aside, 3rd. Even I drag myself out with injuries if it means meeting up with friends, alcohol will kill the pain, in theory, I can suffer the next day, lol. Yet, some numpty has told the BM nonetheless, nice eh! It’s like getting sick, going to the doctors but being told by everyone that they saw you walking down the road at such a time, when you’re supposed to be sick! I’m sorry, are you confined to your house/apartment when you become ill? No! Does the doctor come from Hogwarts and mysteriously appear in your bedroom? No! So what is people’s problems with this? Still, rant over, back to this report of Sunday! Another busy as hell day. Some of the staff off yesterday have come in today. You can see on the look of their faces that they’re still affected by what happened, what they saw. Turns out, two of the girls were attacked by the lunatic with the fry baskets. Remember when those two dudes pulled down on their scrambler bikes to get their food and the lunatic went berserk? Seems he pulled the baskets complete with fries in, out of the hot oil and proceeded to try and attack them with them! That was the point that I went down and had the staff run towards me, that was the bit that I didn’t see! Horrid little creature. I really do hope I get called to court to give evidence, as he needs to be taken off of the streets and sent somewhere to get help. I’m not saying jail, more of a rehab facility, but that’s not for me to decide, that’s down to the courts if it goes that far! The way our criminal system works, they tend to get stupid lenient sentences long before they even get to court, plea bargain you might call it! Still, I reassure the staff I spoke to about the incident, that although it may take a while to clear from their mind, it will get easier. For me it won’t, I get to relive it over and over, but everyone else, they’ll come to forget, move on. I did say if any feel the need to talk, want to talk, they can speak to me any time both in work or online. I don’t mind. After all, speaking is a form of healing. I use this to help me clear my head, kind of works, stops me bottling it up, making me go mad. 😉 Other that that, the shift went like any other, busy but fast; and hot as hell!! ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2017, 2:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/419 "2017-06-02T02:30:26Z")
**Part three, hopefully the last part; and thanks for reading this far…** Monday, 29th May. Ha. Another day of fun, and no sign of ‘LK’ this morning, actually no comments at all about when that machine is going to be ready! Started an hour later than normal, 7am. Ideally I should of started at 6am, but the schedule for yesterday, meant I started an hour later today! Got the BM scheduled in at 8am, can see her wanting to know why I’m only just stripping the machine down at this time?!! Yeah, get your scheduling right, or hey, better still, give this job to someone else!! 730am, yay, get called into the office by the shift manager (2nd assistant). Security are here to do a cash drop/pick-up. Never know when they’re coming, but he needs a witness in the form of another manager and I’m the only one available! 1st time I’ve done this in the entire 8 years I’ve been with the company, so I’m having to be shown every single step! Took 30 minutes to do, that’s an hour and a half I’ve lost from getting both machines cleaned and back online before 1030am. Be lucky at this rate to get it done by 2pm!! Still, in comes the BM, the look of, “Why isn’t it stripped down yet?” Yeah, here we go, gonna be getting an earful soon, can feel it, I have one of THOSE feelings yet again!! So, I cracked on, got it done by 11am, surprisingly; and now need access to the back sinks to fill the buckets for the smoothie machine. Downside to that, the guys are in the middle of cleaning the breakfast equipment, no room for me to be in there, so ask the shift manager (2nd Assistant) ‘AM’ can I go on a 30 minute break, whilst I wait for access. Smoothie machine can still be used anyhow, has 8 hours left, before it is due to lock! Not to mention, I’m entitled to a break, they dock it off of me every Monday, whether I have one or not; and once I finish cleaning both machines, they expect me to save on their labour by clocking off early and going home, nice eh! Came back 30 mins later, to have the BM say, “You need to clear all that area away.” Ha, here it comes, can really feel it coming now! “Erm, no, I need to use it to clean the machine!” Her face lol, oh yes here it comes, “What do you mean you need it?!! Are you telling me you haven’t started it yet?!! It’s nearly 1150am and you haven’t started it yet?” I swear they think we wave a magic wand and everything magically cleans itself and puts itself back together, really do!! Responded with, “I started an hour later than usual, had to wait to gain access to the sinks to get what I needed. I’ve had a 30 minute break of the 45 minutes I’m entitled to!” Ha, she exploded and turned on the shift manager ‘AM’, “Did you know that wasn’t done? …and you let him go for a break?!!” Don’t think ‘AM’ was ar\*\*d to be honest, he just looked across at me with one of his smirks; and I looked back at him and shaked my head in disbelief from what the BM had said! Still cracked on, took me an hour to do, managed to shave off 30 minutes by performing a different way to deep-clean the various parts - sanitised water right next to the machine in a bucket, was able to wash everything next to it, whilst performing all the different steps. Will have to take note of that one for future reference! Still, thinking I was going to be sent home at 1pm, nope, not today. We were busy, BM was on the warpath with me, lol. To be fair she’s been on the warpath with other managers all week, some need a good kick, but others, there’s no need for some of the things she says and does, contradicts herself far too much. Sends out emails to have you follow procedures this way, then in-store, on the job she tells you something opposite, so you never really know for sure if you are doing something right!! I guess this is something else I won’t miss when I leave in a few weeks! Came to 340pm, she’s still snapping at me for the slightest thing, I’m 40 minutes over my shift ending, so go and see ‘AM’ to see if I can go, yep thankfully, finally!! Went and said my “Goodbyes” as I do on every shift. Asked if there was anything the BM wanted me to do before I left, wow she’s STILL biting my head off - really?!! Tells me to wipe down a surface, change the cloths then I can go, lol, easy! I’m outta there baby; and home!! Tuesday, 30th May. Had a mammoth sleep last night. Bed by 2am and up by 12pm, wow, must of been tired!! Walked onto the shift at 3pm, I’m the Kitchen Manager, to have ‘JPov’ spring on me as I entered the kitchen, “A little birdy has told me that you intend to ask ‘RW’ out and that you really fancy her!” W-T-F?!! Okay, now what the hell has been getting said?? Responded with, “Who told you that?” ‘JPov’ replied, “I can’t tell you that, it’s a secret between me and them!” Oh, okay. I replied with, “Well, go back to the birdy and tell them not to sh\*t stir and get their facts correct, or better still, tell them to come and speak with me and I’ll tell them to their face! ‘RW’ made it darn clear to me 3 years back that she didn’t want to go out with me, actually, I was surprised that she said it, as I hadn’t hinted that I liked her back then! Still, I took what she said and as such we have become great friends! I wouldn’t change that. To me, she is my best friend, someone I can trust anything with, I could literally share with her my deepest darkest secrets with (Let’s face it, that’s the contents of this journal), albeit up until now, I haven’t, maybe some day soon I will!” ‘JPov’ bowed his head forward, didn’t say anything for a minute, like he was thinking, then came out with, “Well maybe you should ask her out!” You know, as much as I would ask her out, 1) I know she’ll say “No!” 2) I don’t want to ever lose her as a friend, as she means a lot to me. I would literally do anything for her, jump to her defence if I saw someone threatening her, done that quite a lot over the last 5 years, actually; and what with these images of ‘X’ still playing away in front of me, how the heck can I go out with anyone, especially someone I deem my special friend, that person being ‘RW’?!! But today, for whatever reason my head was replaying Friday in graphic detail! It was just playing those current and new images, it was playing the entire day, everything in minute detail, right up to the point I went home and went to sleep! On top of that, I now have what ‘JPov’ hit with with when I walked on to the shift? Has ‘RW’ said something, after all, she posted that app on our media a/c, albeit she posted to Snapchat a short time later with the opposite reaction, I guess she still doesn’t _really_ want to go out with me, especially in 10 years time, based on some random app! Ah well, at least we’re friends, that’s good enough for me! 🙂 Break and back to work, back to a steady work environment. Our Russian/American is working in the kitchen come around 10pm he is told by the night manager ‘DH’ if he wants, he can finish early. Say what? He’s on till 1am!! Next, his trainer, also on till 1am finishes early, seriously? I’ve heard of saving on labour, but this is stupid. We get busy around midnight like always and we’ve had it! ‘SK’ says he’s staying on to 1am to cover, well that’s something. Time for a quick 2 sprays of IJ then, if I’m working with him for the 2 hours. Must of been giving something off, as he’s usually quick to make remarks, but he seemed quiet for once, even though he was practically facing me! Night team come in, they go on their break; and 45 mins later on returning, ‘SK’ gets to go home!! Here we go! Why is it whenever ‘DH’ is on, do we have tech problems?!! Every single shift is the same, gremlins must wait for him to come in, to come out to play! So, because our card readers are all playing up, especially the till that got ripped out on Friday, ‘DH’ is having more tech issues; and tells everyone that he might have to close the restaurant! If I got a pound every time he said that…Yet we did get busy, hardly surprising and I’m now back to listening to some faced paced Hardstyle tune in my head making me fly around both sides of the kitchen - EoTF Rulez!! Got through it though, as you do, and it comes to 1am when ‘DH’ comes out of the office. Can I go home now? Finished at 12am! Nope, ‘DH’ wants me to stay just whilst he cleans behind the grills, okay, fair enough, got to be done, but whilst he’s there he says, “I’ve still got to call ITSC, can’t close the till system down yet!” Say what? What have you been doing all that time in the office?!! Probably playing on his phone again!! Who knows, but he went off and spoke to someone, got the tills running again, I think, finished off the cleaning and come 14am I’m finally escaping for home!! 🙂 A fun shift in kitchen, I do love them, just wish that the beginning questioning from ‘JPoV’ was more clear. Maybe I should pull ‘RW’ to one side and ask her if she knows, then again, I know me, I’ll probably end up keeping it to myself! ☹ Wednesday, 31st May. I’ve made it, finally caught up with last week to this! Told you I had a lot left to write/post! Well, what can I say about today? Well I had those images in front of me for the entire shift, but today, today something new happened; and it really threw me!! I was fine right up to 5pm, working fries, working in the kitchen, advising one of the kitchen guys and soon to be crew trainer ‘SMc’ on how to correctly complete the SOC’s for the new store on the trainee he had, our Russian/American friend! 😉 Work was steady, not busy, but the guy I had on with me, well, I keep them on their toes, make sure everything gets cleaned down, make sure they know the procedures. My methods work, I even have a race with them, lol. I do everything under the EoTF rules, they do it following the Grill Direct rules. I always win, hehe, but it gets them to work faster; and this is something they are going to have to get used to, as when hey eventually get EoTF, they’re going to have to work at pace every single time!! So, what’s happening with me you might ask? Well, 5pm came, I’m looking at those images, plus the 3 new ones, and I see ‘RW’ cross the car park in to a shop opposite, as I take a hold out to a customer’s car. Wow, what the hell was that feeling?? It can’t be? What the…? I just got a short brief feeling similar to when I saw ‘X’. Nowhere near as intense, no feeling in my heart like I did with ‘X’, yet there was that feeling, why? What the hell has that lunatic done to me? I know I was thinking briefly on Friday, “If I’m going to die, I’m going to do it with the two people that mean so much to me, to be here with me, in front of me!” But damn, I didn’t for one minute expect this, not once, so why now?!! That wasn’t even a one-off. Every single time I saw ‘RW’ for the entire shift, I would get that same strange feeling in my chest/stomach. For the life of me I don’t know why? Sure, I’ve got those images in front of me, right in front of me, but ‘X’ is up there too! Is this some kind of weird trigger response, I have no idea what the hell is going on! For a couple of hours, I went back onto front, onto fires, order taking, handing the food out. Look at ‘RW’ get that slight feeling in my chest, ended up staring at the floor in the end, must of looked crazy to anyone that noticed what I was doing, but I just couldn’t cope with what I was seeing both virtual and reality; and each time she went away, into the office, anywhere, I felt sad, really sad! My head is seriously messed up! Took myself to the crew room just before 7pm (off at 8pm), PMM3, 2 sprays to my Adam’s apple. Seemed to lighten my mood, bring me out of the depression that I felt was coming over me only a short time before. Maybe reality that I’m leaving is beginning to sink in, I just don’t know. Had a lot of female staff come up to me the entire shift, hug me and tell me they don’t want me to leave! Even though a part of me wants to stay, the opportunity to progress is just too great not to at least give it a go, not to mention none of my ‘haters’ will be there!! Still, 8pm came and went, the Floor Manager ‘Wez’ taking over from me wanting me to go home, lol, don’t ask me, I just didn’t feel like going! But come 840pm, it was a case of having to, stayed long enough, couldn’t cope with what I was feeling any more, so went down to front counter, said my goodbyes, even to ‘RW’, still getting that weird tingly feeling when I looked in her direction, looked away and got that sad feeling again. Madness has set in I think! It was train time and walk home! That was Wednesday. Thursday was my 1st rest day. Today, Friday is my 2nd and I’m back in on Saturday for 3pm. Don’t know what I’m spraying, what I’m using or how the shift will go, whom I’m on with, nothing. I’m finally in June! My month of hell has finally come to an end!! Here’s hoping the next few weeks I aren’t full of sadness, maybe a night out with my friends is needed, before the move to the new store - I’m going to miss (almost) all of them!! ☹ Speak later, NH. ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2017, 5:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/420 "2017-06-04T17:57:15Z")
So, as you’re probably aware of by now we’ve had another terrorist attack here in the U.K.! News came in whilst in work last night. ☹ Came in to work today to have what I can only describe as an entire shift of grumpy people, lovely! Not like my head is on active sadness duty as it is, feel like everything I do at the moment just isn’t good enough. Cannot for the life of me forget recent events, it’s just on an endless loop. Still got those 3 images of ‘RW’ before me; and yep the usual ones of ‘X’! Just seems to be one of those days! Back later. Going to apply a little pmm3 and see if it lifts my mood? Had the weird feeling again yesterday for the hour I saw ‘RW’ on shift, still not as intense as that of what I had each time with ‘X’ but still, why now, why with this person? She’s my best friend! Man, back to work, oh joy, speak later. NH. ---
**Author:** ![Dee\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7bcc69/32.png) [@Dee\_A](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Dee_A)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2017, 4:09am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/421 "2017-06-05T04:09:42Z")
It is time to move on then. 🙂 I would love to see you having fun with the girl who can make you happy. But if you have no plans on pursuing X, then I guess it’s time to friendzone her and forget about the special feelings. After all, that is what you have been doing since. There are plenty of fish in the sea (might be RW, might be any girl) and you deserve to be out of that love prison. The sooner, the better. Don’t be afraid of rejection. It’s part of the process of weeding your way towards the right girl for you. 🙂 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Night\_Hawk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3bc359/32.png) [@Night\_Hawk](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Night_Hawk)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2017, 12:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/night_hawks-pheremone-journal/43688/422 "2017-06-06T12:16:51Z")
I hear you Dee! It’s this memory of mine, doing what it’s always done for the past 30 years. I can’t explain what I see to someone that cannot see, or have the same memory as me. So far, I’ve only met one other person that sees things the same as me, which in a way is good to know, as I thought I was literally on my own. Makes you feel like you’re losing your insanity most of the time! With ‘X’, the last time I saw her was 6:30am on 6th December 2016! Yeah, months ago, yet for whatever reason, my head keeps replaying the images of the event of 5th & 6th December. To add to that, there’s those I work with that have held their phones right in front of me with her images on. Those have stuck in place too; and I don’t know why? Everyday I record what I see; and I can move it from being in front of me, but with ‘X’, those few images I cannot; and I’ve tried everything!! I’ve even in the last 2 days tried speaking about it to some of those I can trust in work; and still they don’t move. Although, as I’ve posted before, speaking to people doesn’t take the memories away, just makes it easier to deal with them. For years I’ve been searching high and low to find answers to why I hold on to things I see, in the manner that they’re displayed in front of me. As yet, I’m still searching. Closest has been something Lockheed Martin are developing, but chances of me, a civilian getting onto the trial of that, practically zero. Still, I’ll keep watching, watching what they develop, in case they release a solution to my questions, questions which I can never directly ask. With regards to ‘RW’, I’ve known her for 5 years now and albeit 3 years back she told me directly that she didn’t want to go out with me then, well, in the words of those I work with (Yes, them!!), “People can change their minds with time!” I cannot believe anything they tell me, don’t want to believe that they are saying the truth, as they have done so much towards me that none can be trusted. No, ‘RW’ to me will always be my best friend; and on June 23rd, that will be the last time I’ll see her, if she’s in, if she’s working! ☹ After that date, I move to the new Store, new challenges, new memories. Who knows what that will hold? Speaking of that move. Spoke yesterday to the Acting Business Manager ‘SL’. I’ve seen what I’m to be working on, what areas; and I’ve literally had 30 mins of observing someone else work that area. It’s all the office based paperwork, but I should be doing it all now myself, pretty much all the time. Other stores do it allowing Floor Managers to complete it, some stores the Crew Trainers perform it, just not in my Store. Keep getting told, “Floor Managers don’t do this, only Shift Managers!” Yet, when I move, on my 2nd week, I’ll be doing it; and I won’t know what the hell to do!! I’m in pure panic over it, I’m not going to lie!! For that reason alone, I turned to the Acting BM when I briefly had a moment where he came to make himself a drink, whilst I cleaned the smoothie machine, to say of my concerns. He told me, that the schedule would be moved about a bit, wasn’t final, yet, it’s been sent out twice to everyone on the management team! Told him there and then though, “I know you’ve said it’s down to us if we want to move up, I do, let’s get that clear now, but, I’m a little concerned that in this Store Floor Managers aren’t expected to complete the paperwork/take the safe; and on my 2nd week at the new Store, I’m going to be working areas that I should technically be doing right now; and I’m not! I’ve been doing this job as a manager now for 3 months; and only one salaried manager in the last few days has shown me what I’ll need to do, yet I’m still not actually doing it; and that does panic me somewhat! I’ve said I don’t want to remain being a Floor Manager, to be frank, I don’t want to be a Shift Manager, I want to go for Salaried, do a secondment in Head Office if I can, think Dragon’s Den from our meeting a few weeks back, but that’s down to who will train me, if anyone, on that side of things; and from where I stand, I have less than 3 weeks to learn something that I’ve not done in 8 years of working with the Company!! Sure I can train staff on areas, but who is going to train me on the paperwork/computer system? I’m currently logging into the system under another manager’s details as ‘Floor Managers’ aren’t supposed to have access! So, how do we cash-up tills, if we aren’t allowed access?? Oh yeah, we ask for a Shift Manager to come and log us in! In this Store I feel like a Crew Trainer with a shirt on. The reason I want to come to the new store is because I want to progress; and by looking at that schedule posted for the last two weeks of June, that looks like reality, but I don’t know how to complete that work that I’ve been assigned to do!! You can understand why I’m therefore in a panic! I have 4 night shifts this week, I’m hoping beyond hope that the Shift Managers’ of those shift allows me to take the safe, complete the paperwork, show me the procedures, otherwise I am literally going to that new store as a Floor Manager on office procedures, blind!” ‘SL’s’ face, yeah, you could see that he could see I was panicking, probably stressing over nothing, but he said, “Don’t worry, we’re still sorting out the schedule, moving a few people around, we’ll get you trained so that you will be able to do it. If you want to be a Shift Manager, that’s down to you when you want to do it, but you will be shown everything when you come, everyone will be shown everything when they come!” Responded with, “I want to learn everything! I’ve asked and asked here and practically gotten nowhere. Like I’ve said, only one salaried manager has taken the time to show me, but I need to be actually doing it myself, not watching/shadowing, it’s the only way I’ll learn.” To be fair, I can see what I’ve been shown in that brief 30 minutes of training by ‘AM’; and I’d probably only need to actually do it 2 or 3 times for me to remember it permanently, but it’s actually getting the chance to do it! Here in my current store, I don’t think they will let me! It’s pure hell getting them to show/explain anything, they just expect you to go and find out for yourself. Sure anything outside of the office, you can look up and learn yourself. I’ve been doing that for the past 8 years; and everyone comes to me regarding my knowledge of those areas/systems, but now it’s my turn, my turn to learn, yet, no one will show me, help me other than ‘AM’ and he’s hardly in on my shifts, so yeah, I’m beginning to panic now! 😕 That aside, it’s day one of my rest day, yay! Weather outside is miserable, rain sun, rain, high winds - lovely day!! 🙄 Playing catch-up on every movie on my iTunes I think. Saying that, started writing a new tune, so may finish that off over today/tomorrow. 🙂 Pay-day in a couple of weeks. Going by Conj’s recent postings, I’m going to have to try out the ammo stealth range I think. Will start looking in the next few days as to what I think I will buy this time around. Although mid-July, I’m getting my yearly holiday pay, the money I haven’t taken as part of my leave (Basically because I haven’t had any, just kept on working!!) given to me as a lump sum on top of my wages, so yeah, I’ll be in the store when that comes for a nice big order of things to play with! 😃 Might actually be able to buy an iPhone 7 outright with it too, yep, that much. 🆒 Last thing whilst I think on, that problem with my wrists seems to have sorted itself out with those arm braces I bought a month back. Actually, wearing those whilst doing my weight training, I’ve noticed a huge difference in my strength and my arms have begun to bulk out somewhat. Actually quite pleased, nothing like curing oneself with a little bit of hard work and patience. Not going to stop with the weight training though, feel much better health wise in doing it. Got one hell of an appetite too after each work-out, so again, that’s good for me! 🙂 Anyhow, speak later. NH. 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