# Off Topic: Refining eye contact, body language tech., ect... advice please??? **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [October 7, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415 "2010-10-07T19:29:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Fast](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Fast)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415/1 "2010-10-07T19:29:31Z")
All right guys and gals, I’m getting hung up on a few things and was looking for some help to get out of this plateau I’ve hit. I’ve really been working on body language for a while now. I’ve had a major turn around and results have been great. I’ve also been working on eye contact and that to has improved. Hell, I’ve even being seeing a chiropractor for the past few months, and it’s nearly impossible now to walk with out my chest out and head held high. 😃 It feels natural all the time now. I can’t wait till he starts to adjust my shoulder and rib cage in a month or two. And just to give you a little more back ground I’ve been working on taking care of a lot of personal issues for quite some time now. Things that have been holding me back and I’m finally coming to the end of the tunnel I feel. i.e. I KNOW beyond a shadow of doubt what I want to do with my life and am working towards it, I’m getting out of debt and becoming financially stable, I’m over coming a serious stuttering problem thanks to the work of my chiropractor, it’s ALMOST not existent now, a lot a physical and health problems I have had are 90% gone now, I’m over a all of my addictions, working on my life long bucket list everyday, I try to take charge and initiative of every situation I’m placed in. I always try and become the dominant role, and make decisions, ect… Where as before I would have shied away from this. I’ve come a long way. Mones, esp. IG and a314 have played a huge roll in helping me with all of this. It’s given me the mind set that even when I’m not wearing them I remember the person I was when wearing them, and realize that I CAN be that person when ever I want now. These products are seriously worth more then their weight in gold. Thanks AD!!! 😃 However , even is spite of that there are some things that I can’t tell if I’m doing right or not. I wanted to make this several different threads, but I figured I’d just consolidate it all in one. 1. Let’s take eye contact first. This is the biggest one. For one, I no longer look away, have darting eye, look at her tits, ect… when I’m talking to woman, I face them as apposed to turning away or to the side while speaking. Chin is up. However whenever I start talking with a woman it seems like I get into staring contest every time. Over time I’d decided that probably the best thing to do is look at the bridge of their nose or just above it. I “win” almost immediately when I do this. I don’t want to “eye” people, and I can’t tell if I’m crossing the line or if I’m walking it perfectly. I do this with pretty much everyone. Men and women now, but I don’t want to be the guys who guns everyone down with his eyes unless that’s what I ‘m supped to be doing. I really, can’t tell if I’m making people uneasy or not. I n contrast, I’m trying to figure out if someone can’t look at me, is there some thing wrong that I did? i.e I’ll admit right now that a lot of people say I’m good looking, I also know how to dress, got good body language ect… But if women won’t look you in the eye, but instead at the floor while talking to you or just keep looking away?.. Am I intimidating the shit out of them or am I annoying them with my constant eye contact? I can’t tell? 1. Hands… what the fuck do you do with these things?! Hands in your pockets seems submissive and weak. And even crossed arms look negative in that you look like you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s borderline secure/insecure. Not a fan of it if I can avoid it. I like the lightly clenched fist image, hand at the side, but it looks so damn uninviting, and potentially nervous. Most people tell my I’m extremely intimidating anyways. 1. Smiling… ok it’s like this… I love a good time like everyone else, but I prefer the Bond approach I guess. I have the hardest time smiling when I first meet women as I’m afraid that in doing so it will give the impression I’m nervous and not in control. Think Casino Royale. Not warm, but in control. That’s what I go for, and eventually warm up to them, but it seems to piss woman off or just scare them away. As David D. put it in so many words, “I’m keep my power for myself”. That’s what I try and present. I don’t get how to make this (smiling all the time) happen with out getting labeled as the goof or even worse friend-zoned. 1. Lastly, I don’t expect most of you to relate to this. The woman more so then the men I would imagine can. I have been dealing with going through a legal change of name (based upon Numerology) for quite some time now, but have not been able to follow through with process yet due to serious family issue (stilling living with my family for another semester before I move out, guilt trips ect…) However I HATE my name (Both first and last). The legal name being too formal, and the nick-names associated with it are annoying or feminine sounding. And the last name, no one in the US can pronounce it right because we anglicize everything here. It’s annoying and I hate having to live with it or having to correct everyone all the time and put up social barriers as a result. It’s also not congruent with my personally or physical appearance either. I’ve wanted to do this for over 15 years so it’s not a phase, trust me. It’s a major insecurity of mine too, and consequently have told a lot of people to just start calling me what I intend to change it to or get register as a legal allies (I still can’t figure out how to do this though. If any lawyers are on the board and want to chime in or PM me, hit me up PLEASE!). So here’s my question, from your perspective (woman preferably), how do you see this? Someone who can’t make a decision? Someone who is insecure? Something else? Or do you just look past it? Granted some names do have commonly recognized aliases that are synonymous with them. i.e James = Jimmy, Richard/Rich = Dick, Rob = Bob, Will = Bill, ect… No one says anything because these names are culturally synonymous. Mine, not so much. Pretend you never read any of this and I just introduced myself to you as my alias (BOTH first and last names, or it’s easier just the first name if that makes responding easier). How would you feel if say a month later you found out that that really wasn’t my name?.. I assume woman can relate to this more because they are the ones who are required to change or not change their names when getting married. Thanks everyone for reading this. I seriously appreciate it. Hopefully I can iron out these issues faster with your help, break though this plateau, and make some more progress. Take care, and best of health to you all – K.B. ---
**Author:** ![Bolkie](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/bolkie/32/1056_2.png) [@Bolkie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Bolkie)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:37pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415/2 "2010-10-07T19:37:16Z")
1. The hands I learnt the following. It works. Just let your arms and hands casually hang along your sides. Slightly press your thumbs and ring fingers together. This prevents fidgeting and keeps your posture open. ---
**Author:** ![Fast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Fast](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Fast)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415/3 "2010-10-07T19:47:43Z")
> [@Bolkie](#): > > 1. The hands > > I learnt the following. It works. Just let your arms and hands casually hang along your sides. Slightly press your thumbs and ring fingers together. This prevents fidgeting and keeps your posture open. I’ll keep that one in mind. Action starts today. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Morphious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce73a5/32.png) [@Morphious](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Morphious)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:08pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415/4 "2010-10-07T20:08:36Z")
Hey there FAST!!! Awesome progress trying to get yourself back into the person you want to be, and determination will get you places if you do it right. > [@Fast](#): > > 1. Let’s take eye contact first. This is the biggest one. For one, I no longer look away, have darting eye, look at her tits, ect… when I’m talking to woman, I face them as apposed to turning away or to the side while speaking. Chin is up. However whenever I start talking with a woman it seems like I get into staring contest every time. Over time I’d decided that probably the best thing to do is look at the bridge of their nose or just above it. I “win” almost immediately when I do this. I don’t want to “eye” people, and I can’t tell if I’m crossing the line or if I’m walking it perfectly. I do this with pretty much everyone. Men and women now, but I don’t want to be the guys who guns everyone down with his eyes unless that’s what I ‘m supped to be doing. I really, can’t tell if I’m making people uneasy or not. > > I n contrast, I’m trying to figure out if someone can’t look at me, is there some thing wrong that I did? i.e I’ll admit right now that a lot of people say I’m good looking, I also know how to dress, got good body language ect… But if women won’t look you in the eye, but instead at the floor while talking to you or just keep looking away?.. Am I intimidating the shit out of them or am I annoying them with my constant eye contact? I can’t tell?. Eye Contact is very important in any personal physical communication. I am a firm believer that the eyes are the windows to the soul. I personally can tell a lot about the person’s intentions, mood and personality by looking into their eyes. Now, YES staring into a person while talking may not be the best thing to do (especially in some cultures, constant staring into the eyes seems hostile and disrespectful at times). So what I normally do, look at another facial feature like their smile, hair…etc. Don’t keep staring at the chest, because some women think its very offensive as well (My eyes are up here, not down there…lol). Also, and this ties into smiling….. when you smile, your eyes will have a completely different shape and give a different “vibe” to the person looking at them. So this leads me to your third issue ….. > [@Fast](#): > > 1. Smiling… ok it’s like this… I love a good time like everyone else, but I prefer the Bond approach I guess. I have the hardest time smiling when I first meet women as I’m afraid that in doing so it will give the impression I’m nervous and not in control. Think Casino Royale. Not warm, but in control. That’s what I go for, and eventually warm up to them, but it seems to piss woman off or just scare them away. As David D. put it in so many words, “I’m keep my power for myself”. That’s what I try and present. I don’t get how to make this (smiling all the time) happen with out getting labeled as the goof or even worse friend-zoned. Smiling when you see a woman can melt a lot of ice if done properly. Bond used to smile at some women to give them the “friendly” vibe. When you smile, don’t show your teeth. A little smile (smirk like) the woman the vibe that you are friendly to approach, you are not mean, and in total control and confident. Everytime I smile at woman when I see her, I m told that I have give them the comfort to know that I can be approached. This especially helps if you ever OD as well. If you seem too intimidating and you smile, you might come off as friendly powerful man, or the sophisticated yet down to earth person. > [@Fast](#): > > 2.Hands… what the fuck do you do with these things?! Hands in your pockets seems submissive and weak. And even crossed arms look negative in that you look like you’re trying to protect yourself. It’s borderline secure/insecure. Not a fan of it if I can avoid it. I like the lightly clenched fist image, hand at the side, but it looks so damn uninviting, and potentially nervous. Most people tell my I’m extremely intimidating anyways. My friend Mike is Italian and talks with his hands all the time. His challenge was to talk without using his hands, and it was hard. He either had to put them in his pockets or keep them occupied. I personally have a gotee and sometimes play with it (just like a woman plays with her hair) to show that I am “focused” and cool/calm and interested (even though I may not be that interested). Sometimes having one hand in your pocket while holding a drink or something may come off as totally relaxed person. Keep in your pocket something that you can use when you get nervous. That something can be anything that may cause you to strike a “story” about the value of it. For example, Mike loves to gamble. Sometimes when he gets nervous, he takes out that die and plays with it while talking in his hand, if someone else notices that, he gives them this totally story about how its his lucky die that made him win many games (true story of course). That made him relax, and made him feel confident, because it brought him back into the a state of mind that he was happy and felt lucky and confident. Trust me, it helps. Also, don’t forget that you can use your hands as part of KINO and escalation with the person you are talking to. Its powerful if you do it right and in a non creepy way > [@Fast](#): > > 1. Lastly, I don’t expect most of you to relate to this. The woman more so then the men I would imagine can. I have been dealing with going through a legal change of name (based upon Numerology) for quite some time now, but have not been able to follow through with process yet due to serious family issue (stilling living with my family for another semester before I move out, guilt trips ect…) However I HATE my name (Both first and last). The legal name being too formal, and the nick-names associated with it are annoying or feminine sounding. And the last name, no one in the US can pronounce it right because we anglicize everything here. It’s annoying and I hate having to live with it or having to correct everyone all the time and put up social barriers as a result. It’s also not congruent with my personally or physical appearance either. I’ve wanted to do this for over 15 years so it’s not a phase, trust me. It’s a major insecurity of mine too, and consequently have told a lot of people to just start calling me what I intend to change it to or get register as a legal allies (I still can’t figure out how to do this though. If any lawyers are on the board and want to chime in or PM me, hit me up PLEASE!). > So here’s my question, from your perspective (woman preferably), how do you see this? Someone who can’t make a decision? Someone who is insecure? Something else? Or do you just look past it? Granted some names do have commonly recognized aliases that are synonymous with them. i.e James = Jimmy, Richard/Rich = Dick, Rob = Bob, Will = Bill, ect… No one says anything because these names are culturally synonymous. Mine, not so much. Personally, I don’t know what the big deal is with the name change, but I am sure its justified. People butcher my real name pretty bad, and I correct them all the time. But you know what? I learned to turn that flaw into something more positive. When people ask for my name, I give them the “short” version of it (MO) and as you can see, that can be taken as a male or female name, and when asked I tell them my real name with the correction, and give them a little history on its meaning and this way it will ALWAYS be spelled right, remembered, and associated with me (makes me unforgettable no matter what) because I gave them an association that is unique to me. I took the bad about my name butchering and made it UNIQUE to me. I hope this helps a bit in your problem, I am sure others will give you some great advice, and I wish you luck ---
**Author:** ![empath](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/empath/32/2351_2.png) [@empath](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/empath)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415/5 "2010-10-07T20:25:55Z")
> [@Fast](#): > > Hands… what the fuck do you do with these things?! hahaaahahahahah, I love that… But yea very important the hands/arms are… crossed you’re uninviting, in pockets your reserved… moving too much and your impatient or nervous… the best is just at the sides or up explaining things with you ---
**Author:** ![Fast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Fast](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Fast)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/off-topic-refining-eye-contact-body-language-tech-ect-advice-please/42415/6 "2010-10-07T20:56:09Z")
Damn, thanks guys! Not to single anyone out, but Morphius that was one hell of a response. Thanks man! Thanks a mill. too empath. don’t think I over looked ya 😉 Lot’s of great info here. Keep’m coming guys!