# On Women...... **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [July 6, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446 "2009-07-06T15:24:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tommy369](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tommy369/32/754_2.png) [@Tommy369](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tommy369)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/1 "2009-07-06T15:24:20Z")
It’s not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynaecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organiser 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. Give her compliments regularly. 45. Love shopping. 46. Be honest. 47. Be very rich. 48. Not stress her out. 49. Not look at other girls. AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 1. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself. 2. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself. 3. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes. 4. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT to never forget: - birthdays - anniversaries - arrangements she makes ========================================= HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Feed him. 2. Fuck him. 3. Shut Up. * * * WOMEN’S ENGLISH Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry We need = I want It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure, go ahead = I don’t want you to do that I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset You’re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot Be romantic and turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = I want new curtains, carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I want something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something terrible today I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me 😉 ---
**Author:** ![moonwhisper](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/moonwhisper/32/1735_2.png) [@moonwhisper](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/moonwhisper)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/2 "2009-07-06T15:52:18Z")
Are we really that complicated?? LOL You guys deserve a medal just for putting up with us. ---
**Author:** ![Taibo](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/taibo/32/1396_2.png) [@Taibo](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Taibo)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2009, 5:17pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/3 "2009-07-06T17:17:03Z")
If you want to win any woman over, this is what you do: 1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better” this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that. 2. Never hold her hand, this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness, or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries, this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are. 3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over, girls are like dogs, they love to be roughed up. 4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping, if she is, say “you better be” , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning, this will show her you care. 5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault, this will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement. 6. Recognize the small things…they usually mean the most, then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies. If she finds this offensive, tell her to go shop for a sense of humor. 7. If you’re talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes and say the words “fuck you” and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition. 8. Tell her you’re taking her out to dinner, drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special, then take her to a burning tire yard and when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner.Then drive her home, when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.” 9. Introduce her to your friends as “some chick”, women love those special nicknames. 10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD. 11. Warm her up when shes cold…and not by giving her your jacket…then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black eye.” The best way to get warm is with fear. 12. Take her to a party. When you get there she’ll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party’s dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party. 13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet, kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. ---
**Author:** ![msselva](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/msselva/32/943_2.png) [@msselva](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/msselva)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2009, 6:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/4 "2009-07-06T18:30:31Z")
Wow…I never knew I was this complicated 😛 lol, so ladies what do you think? Very funny!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 12:43am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/5 "2009-07-07T00:43:15Z")
MEN VS. WOMEN A compiled edition from various sources Women have many faults Men only have 2 Everything they say And everything they do RELATIONSHIPS First, a man does not call a relationship a relationship - he refers to it as “that time when me and Suzie were boinking on a semi-regular basis.” When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled “All Men Are Idiots.” Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the breakup at 3 am early on a Sunday morning - he will call and say “I just wanted you to let you know you ruined my life, and I’ll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you’re a total floozy. But I want you to know there’s always a chance for us.” This is known as the “I Hate You/I Love You” drunken phone call, that 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need; alas these classes rarely prove effective. ``` 50 Women's rules for men... 1. Call. 2. Don't lie. 3. Never tape any of her body parts together. 4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls. 5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No petting. 6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes". 7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?" 8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad. 9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad. 10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad. 11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass", and "Bitch" are bad. 12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony. 13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question. 14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed. 15. Her cooking is excellent. 16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking. 17. Dish soap is your friend. 18. Hat does not equal shower; aftershave does not equal soap; and, warm does not equal clean. 19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay. 20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation. 21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?" 22. Two words: clean socks. 23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're drunk. 24. Burping is not sexy. 25. You're wrong. 26. You're sorry. 27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car that you think she is. 28. Ditto for your discourse on football. 29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound. 30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad. 31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood. 32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist. 33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice. 34. "But, we KISS....." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue. 35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11 pm. 36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive. 37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it! 38. If you want to break up with her...break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you. 39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't. 40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often. 41. Always, always suck up to her brother. 42. Think boxers. 43. Silk boxers. 44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names. 45. Don't try to change the way she dresses. 46. Her haircut is never bad. 47. Don't let your friends pick on her. 48. Call. 49. Don't lie. 50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your ass smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 12:45am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/6 "2009-07-07T00:45:48Z")
SNAP JUDGMENTS ABOUT MEN AND WOMEN ``` Reading the signs: How to make shallow snap judgments - Taken from Women's Glibber The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those tiny giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode these key "signs": 1. Woman won't unlock car door for man. -Doesn't engage in oral sex. 2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman. -No foreplay. 3. Man can't hail a cab. -Impotent. 4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant. -Prefers virgins. 5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way there. -Is a virgin. 6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant. -Compulsive Don Juan. 7. Insists on going to a homey little cafe. -Compulsive Don Quixote. 8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar. -Compulsive Don Ho. 9. Wants to go to a French restaurant. -Will swallow. 10. Wants to go to a deli. -Won't swallow. 11. Uses Sweet n' Low. -Wears falsies. 12. Takes too long deciding what to order. -Has trouble reaching orgasm. 13. Orders salad dressing on the side. -Will give a hand job, but won't go "all the way". 14. Gives explicit orders to the waiter or waitress. -Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed. -Will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue. 16. Insists on ordering for you. -Thinks that you had an orgasm when you didn't. 17. Asks for "the usual". -Insists on missionary position only. 18. Asks what the specials are. -Will want you to use handcuffs. 19. Fills up on bread and crackers. -Premature ejaculator. 20. Doesn't finish everything on the plate. -Has already come. 21. Insists on having some of what you ordered. -Will make you sleep on the wet spot. 22. Changes mind after ordering. -Will never call you. 23. Changes tables. -Nymphomaniac. 24. Drinks decaf. -Fakes orgasm. (Female) 25. Orders in French. -Fakes orgasm. (Male) 26. Sends food back. -Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, and then try to borrow money. 27. Asks for detailed descriptions of the desserts. -Needs you to talk dirty during sex. 28. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers. -Wants a hand job. 29. Orders a dessert involving nuts. -Castrating bitch. 30. Wants to split dessert. -Is dying to move in with you and rearrange all your closets. 31. Credit card is refused. -Low sperm count. 32. Undertips waiter. -Small penis. 33. Undertips parking valet. -Small penis. 34. Undertips cabbie. -Small penis. 35. Uses a toothpick. -Is trying to tell you size isn't everything. 36. Has a removable cassette player in car. -Pulls out repeatedly during sex. 37. Has a cellular phone in car. -Has a penile implant. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/7 "2009-07-07T16:53:03Z")
WORDS WOMEN USE “FINE” This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “Fine” to describe how a women looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. “5 MINUTES” This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade. “NOTHING” This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end in “Fine” “GO AHEAD” (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a women getting upset over “Nothing” and will end in the word “Fine” “GO AHEAD” (Normal Eyebrows) This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care.” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off. LOUD “SIGH” This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here arguing with you over “Nothing” SOFT “SIGH” Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is not to move or breathe, and she will stay content. “THAT’S OKAY” This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a “Raised Eyebrow” “GO AHEAD” At some point in the near, future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. “PLEASE DO” This is not a statement, it is an offer. A women is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay” “THANKS” A women is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you’re welcome. “THANKS A LOT” This is much different from “Thanks.” A women will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing” ---
**Author:** ![moonwhisper](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/moonwhisper/32/1735_2.png) [@moonwhisper](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/moonwhisper)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 2:44am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/8 "2009-07-08T02:44:04Z")
Brilliant, Wolfy. You have pegged us exactly. LOL ---
**Author:** ![msselva](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/msselva/32/943_2.png) [@msselva](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/msselva)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/9 "2009-07-08T03:30:28Z")
LOL hahaha… ---
**Author:** ![Tommy369](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tommy369/32/754_2.png) [@Tommy369](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tommy369)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/10 "2009-07-08T23:21:05Z")
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman If you don’t, you are not a man If you praise her, she thinks you are lying If you don’t, you are good for nothing If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp If you don’t, you are not understanding If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring If you don’t, she accuses you of double-crossing If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy If you don’t, you are a dull boy If you are jealous, she says it’s bad If you don’t, she thinks you do not love her If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way If you visit another man, you’re not putting in “quality time” If she is visited by another woman, “oh it’s natural, we are girls” If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics If you do, she thinks it’s just one of men’s tactics for seduction If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring If you talk, she wants you to listen If you listen, she wants you to talk 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tommy369](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tommy369/32/754_2.png) [@Tommy369](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tommy369)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/11 "2009-07-08T23:42:49Z")
How many switches does it take to make a woman happy compared to a man. Take a look below…Lol [![](http://www.csmngt.com/laught1.jpg) ](http://www.csmngt.com/laught1.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Snoopyace](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/snoopyace/32/1727_2.png) [@Snoopyace](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Snoopyace)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/12 "2009-07-09T00:27:17Z")
I love it! Thanks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2009, 2:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/13 "2009-07-09T02:30:39Z")
> [@Tommy369](#): > > How many switches does it take to make a woman happy compared to a man. Take a look below…Lol > > [http://www.csmngt.com/laught1.jpg](http://www.csmngt.com/laught1.jpg) Classic! ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2009, 1:01am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/14 "2009-07-12T01:01:56Z")
Women are like \*phones: They like to be held, talked to, \* and touched often. But _push the wrong button_ and your ass is _disconnected._ \* \* ---
**Author:** ![msselva](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/msselva/32/943_2.png) [@msselva](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/msselva)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/15 "2009-07-12T01:27:44Z")
> [@Wolfy](#): > > Women are like \*phones: > They like to be held, talked to, \* > and touched often. > But _push the wrong button_ > and your ass is _disconnected._ > \* > \* LMAO!!! hahaha 😮😛 ---
**Author:** ![Flirtatious](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/flirtatious/32/2270_2.png) [@Flirtatious](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Flirtatious)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 9:52am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/16 "2009-07-16T09:52:18Z")
_lol_ See, you’ve got it all figured out!! You guys all understand! Now when are you going to behave as we want you too??? 😃 😉 ---
**Author:** ![renny](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/renny/32/2104_2.png) [@renny](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/renny)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 12:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/17 "2009-07-16T12:20:39Z")
> [@Flirtatious](#): > > _lol_ > > See, you’ve got it all figured out!! You guys all understand! Now when are you going to behave as we want you too??? 😃 > > 😉 You would hate us if we did. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![meow333x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@meow333x](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/meow333x)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/18 "2009-07-16T15:36:31Z")
> [@Flirtatious](#): > > _lol_ > > See, you’ve got it all figured out!! You guys all understand! Now when are you going to behave as we want you too??? 😃 > > 😉 never, that’s what makes you chase us 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![meow333x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecae2f/32.png) [@meow333x](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/meow333x)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 3:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/19 "2009-07-16T15:40:18Z")
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. The 1st floor sign on the door reads: Floor 1: These men have jobs. The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids. The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking. Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework. Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, I can hardly stand it! Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. To avoid gender bias charges, the stores owner opens a New Wives store just across the street. The 1st first floor has wives that love sex. The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money. The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited ---
**Author:** ![Kelsey](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/kelsey/32/8468_2.png) [@Kelsey](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Kelsey)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2009, 8:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446/20 "2009-07-16T20:56:58Z")
I totally disagree. That is just gross exaggeration. It seems like all that because you guys are too simple minded to keep up with simple instructions. Love me Keep me financially secure Screw me hard and good all the time 😃 [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/on-women/30446.md?page=2)