# over-identification with sex **URL:** \ **Category:** Women's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [August 22, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602 "2006-08-22T19:33:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 11:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/21 "2006-08-25T11:36:23Z")
> [@tacitus](#): > > so, not sex, not necessarily sex, cross that one off, but a factor of quality ? If a person has a lot of Factor X, that makes you want to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ . Intelligence ? Converstional skill ? Ability to pick good clothing ? Empathy ? Good genes ? A combination of the above ? your trying to describe what charisma is,lol. its not any ONE quality,is it? alot of factor x makes you want to spend more time around that person because for some reason it feels good. you feel like your missing out on something fun. NOW, that is not necessarily sex, is it? could have something to do with it for some but not all. there are just some people you think “wow, i want to hang out with THEM…” they arent always scholars. they arent always beautiful. they arent always rich. most are funny. but funny when its appropriate. they are attractive, not always sexually. they are quick-witted, and that might equate to street-smart. they may be broke, but you know its temporary because they are not identified with it. everything they wear is COOL… and not because its in style, but because they know how/when/where to wear whatever. and you know that everyday is different and unpredictable around them. damn, i could go on! lol. charisma is NOT a science, its a groove. your in it or not, and a few are comfortable staying there. by the way- good genes have nothing to do with it in my experience(study). everyone has access. ---
**Author:** ![Mak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@Mak](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mak)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 2:19pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/22 "2006-08-25T14:19:38Z")
Can I post in a women’s forum ? .. I’ll do anyway, so tell me what I owe. Explaining charisma is like trying to explain the aura around Tom Cruise vs. Sean Connery. The basis in my opinion, comes from inside. A person who is comfortable with his/her own self, with everything that goes with that, would have this aura around them, which others do notice. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 2:44pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/23 "2006-08-25T14:44:30Z")
> [@Mak](#): > > Can I post in a women’s forum ? .. I’ll do anyway, so tell me what I owe. > > Explaining charisma is like trying to explain the aura around Tom Cruise vs. Sean Connery. > > The basis in my opinion, comes from inside. A person who is comfortable with his/her own self, with everything that goes with that, would have this aura around them, which others do notice. Mak, we all post in all forums. i could not learn if i did not get feedback from both genders 🙂 yours is appreciated. i agree. comfort with self equates to confidence. confidence oozes many colors… its redhot sexy, its electric blue attractive/smart, it can cause some to be green with envy, and doesnt black go with everything? i think alot of charisma comes from a sense of purpose. i find that people that are laid back and carefree arent _especially_ charasmatic, but that even zealots that are complete flakes can be terribly charasmatic due to the sense of purposeful living… i am here for a reason… i have something important to say… do you have any idea how great i am/my agenda is??? this is not putting anyone beneath them; but it brightens the glow around them. AND… they effectively speak to all people, they can read you, and thats a street-skill. ---
**Author:** ![Mak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@Mak](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mak)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 3:39pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/24 "2006-08-25T15:39:37Z")
> [@Lor](#): > > i think alot of charisma comes from a sense of purpose. You thought right. ‘Where you going with this’ is an essential part in creating attraction .. Can be vague a little, but still the direction is known. I believe everyone was born with their own flavour of charisma. Some are street-smart in using that, some are not. What can be taught, is how to bring that out in its right context, let others see it, and make nature work itself. Now that I put everyone to sleep … ! ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2006, 10:11pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/25 "2006-08-25T22:11:13Z")
> [@tacitus](#): > > so, not sex, not necessarily sex, cross that one off, but a factor of quality ? If a person has a lot of Factor X, that makes you want to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ . Intelligence ? Converstional skill ? Ability to pick good clothing ? Empathy ? Good genes ? A combination of the above ? yikes, ive never seen you this confused before! 🙄 ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2006, 10:07pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/26 "2006-08-30T22:07:32Z")
I’d say the two sexiest things a woman can display to me are: 1. Intelligence. Without that, I don’t care what else is happening. I’ve even turned down a gorgeous long-haired natural flame redhead because she was c-c-c-c-clueless to the max. (This is important because I am a natural redhead fetishist.) 2. Boobs? No. Self confidence! A woman who displays enough self confidence, hell, I don’t much care what she looks like, I’d like to get to know her better, because such a woman is someone I can admire. I admire strong women, and self confidence shows strength. Of course I don’t always end up with these things in a woman, but ladies, if you want a guy like me, walk over and introduce yourself, and strike up an interesting conversation. It goes a looooooong way. ---
**Author:** ![Rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Rob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rob)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 2:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/27 "2006-08-31T02:30:59Z")
Sexiest things a woman can display to me: 1. Comfort in her feminity and sexuality 2. Someone who has a broad range of interests and is willing to step out of her own comfort zone to try new things. Other things like intelligence is good.. I wouldn’t want someone too brainy though… because people who get too smart for some reason tend to be full of themselves.. I prefer someone with natural “raw” intelligence rather than just learned smarts.. More like someone with a quick wit and open mind. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2006, 2:32pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/28 "2006-08-31T14:32:49Z")
> [@Rob](#): > > Sexiest things a woman can display to me: > > 1. Comfort in her feminity and sexuality > > 2. Someone who has a broad range of interests and is willing to step > out of her own comfort zone to try new things. > > Other things like intelligence is good.. I wouldn’t want someone too brainy though… because people who get too smart for some reason tend to be full of themselves.. I prefer someone with natural “raw” intelligence rather than just learned smarts.. More like someone with a quick wit and open mind. i think you described a street-smart bad girl!!! she prolly wears thigh-highs, reads to go to sleep, and refuses to sit on the back of your bike cuz she has her own! 😃 am i even close? ---
**Author:** ![Rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Rob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rob)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2006, 2:00am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/29 "2006-09-01T02:00:13Z")
Hehe.. yeah bad girls gotta spank them =) Their always fun to play and talk with. ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2006, 3:31am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/30 "2006-09-03T03:31:43Z")
> [@Rob](#): > > Sexiest things a woman can display to me: > > 1. Comfort in her feminity and sexuality > > 2. Someone who has a broad range of interests and is willing to step > out of her own comfort zone to try new things. > > Other things like intelligence is good.. I wouldn’t want someone too brainy though… because people who get too smart for some reason tend to be full of themselves.. I prefer someone with natural “raw” intelligence rather than just learned smarts.. More like someone with a quick wit and open mind. You just have a different Top Two. Those are on my list, too, but those are things I tend to look for after I know the woman can think reasonably well and does not have life crippling self-defeatist thinking patterns. ---
**Author:** ![Rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Rob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rob)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:16am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/31 "2006-09-04T02:16:41Z")
Well what really matters is this… When a girl is around me… is she able to have fun? Does she like to try new things? Bottom line is… she is cool to hang with.. She doesn’t have to be my dream braingirl that can out think me (if for whatever reason I found that sexy) nor does she have to be a big time super model. Just simply someone I can find physical/sexual attraction, can sustain a convo without dwelling on being touchy feely “emo” and have fun being touchy feely sexy =) In other words… I can enjoy being a man and she can enjoy being a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:35am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/32 "2006-09-04T02:35:33Z")
> [@Rob](#): > > Well what really matters is this… > > When a girl is around me… is she able to have fun? Does she like to try new things? Bottom line is… she is cool to hang with.. > > She doesn’t have to be my dream braingirl that can out think me (if for whatever reason I found that sexy) nor does she have to be a big time super model. Just simply someone I can find physical/sexual attraction, can sustain a convo without dwelling on being touchy feely “emo” and have fun being touchy feely sexy =) > > In other words… I can enjoy being a man and she can enjoy being a woman. i hear you. the only problem tho is once you find that girl, you will begin to not want to share that with anyone,because she was so hard to find. and that will change the dynamics. i mean, sounds perfect in theory. hope thats what you find. i find though that what i look for in a woman is very different from what i look for in a man. there really shouldnt be a difference from my point of view,but there is. it must have to do with gender-roles. ---
**Author:** ![Rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Rob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rob)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:51am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/33 "2006-09-04T02:51:48Z")
Yeah.. well I find that even if a girl sounds good, she isn’t perfect. No one is really I’d think. One thing I have noticed among girls.. no matter how cool they are. Its about money. I’ve found at times that if I spend alot of money and then do not have as much as I used to that girls can sometimes just get into wierd moods. Just having certain experiences like this is enough to bring me to my senses and in a real world sense make me realize that no matter what.. no woman or one person is really worth being too clingy over. Because everyone is suspect to faults. ---
**Author:** ![Lor](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lor/32/759_2.png) [@Lor](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Lor)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 12:11pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/34 "2006-09-04T12:11:40Z")
> [@Rob](#): > > Yeah.. well I find that even if a girl sounds good, she isn’t perfect. No one is really I’d think. > > One thing I have noticed among girls.. no matter how cool they are. Its about money. I’ve found at times that if I spend alot of money and then do not have as much as I used to that girls can sometimes just get into wierd moods. Just having certain experiences like this is enough to bring me to my senses and in a real world sense make me realize that no matter what.. no woman or one person is really worth being too clingy over. Because everyone is suspect to faults. just from a girls point of view on the one thing you mentioned- about if you spend alot of money but then dont have as much… guys often -if not always- think we are thinking like they do. i promise our brains work differently. i am willing to bet if a gal behaved that way towards you, she prolly really adored you, but the way WE think is that if suddenly your not spending as much, we are VERY quick to wonder if this is a nice way of telling us your not as interested and that we are in your life till you find something better. it really IS less about the money and more about the behaviour. changes in your habits imediatly alert us to the “okay hes looking for something to replace me with” mode, which is unfortunate but a protection mechanism. even if its all based on nothing. more often than not, from our standpoint, that is accurate. it sounds to me that you are really easy-going and want things to be simple. the last couple of gals may have been drama. their like ants,rob. 😃 this is where communication is very helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Mak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@Mak](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mak)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/35 "2006-09-04T14:57:29Z")
> [@Rob](#): > > One thing I have noticed among girls.. no matter how cool they are. Its about money. I’ve found at times that if I spend alot of money and then do not have as much as I used to that girls can sometimes just get into wierd moods. Just having certain experiences like this is enough to bring me to my senses and in a real world sense make me realize that no matter what.. no woman or one person is really worth being too clingy over. Because everyone is suspect to faults. Rob, as unfortunate as that may sound, I saw that too often. The Hollywood handbag culture .. and it includes not just girls, but boys, women and men, in most age prackets. The good news is, that is what make special people special. ---
**Author:** ![Rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Rob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rob)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/36 "2006-09-04T15:33:56Z")
lol yep. Well in this society, people do seem to place a certain over-identification on money. Even will have an influence on the coolest people. Its like a sort of conditioned response to peoples personalities.. or what to expect. ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 1:22am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/37 "2006-09-06T01:22:19Z")
I have found that Lor is right. It’s really not about the money, unless you have a shallow gold digger on your hands. I drive around in a ratty old car not so much because I have to, but because it weeds out the gold diggers quickly. The rest, and that’s most of them, are vastly more interested in not your looks or wealth, but how you can make them feel when they are with you. And amazing as it is to us guys, women are often hyper-terrifried (terrifried, I tell you!) of being replaced, and they DO jump to conclusions like that sometimes! It took me years to get my ex to admit that, but it’s true. Women are often times terrifried of being replaced. I just wish I’d known then what I know now. ---
**Author:** ![Rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@Rob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Rob)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 1:26am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/38 "2006-09-06T01:26:24Z")
Hmmm.. now the question is is Replaced by what? Money? Robot dolls and Evercrack? lol ---
**Author:** ![Mak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@Mak](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mak)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 3:29am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/39 "2006-09-06T03:29:24Z")
> [@catlord17](#): > > And amazing as it is to us guys, women are often hyper-terrifried (terrifried, I tell you!) of being replaced, and they DO jump to conclusions like that sometimes! It took me years to get my ex to admit that, but it’s true. Women are often times terrifried of being replaced. > > I just wish I’d known then what I know now. Guessing .. how much stress it brings, and the more problems it adds. I just ask .. and be prepared for the plain hard answers. And I always like to be treated the same. ---
**Author:** ![catlord17](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@catlord17](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/catlord17)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2006, 8:37am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602/40 "2006-09-06T08:37:39Z")
In my experience, Replacement Threat #1 is always: The Other Woman, aka “that bitch”. The “other woman” is always a female, but may be a friend, someone she thought you looked at the wrong way, someone she knows you looked at the wrong way, someone she thinks is more attractive than her (whether or not you ever saw her), or even a complete figment of her imagination. Some women - and I have seen this first hand! - actually attack men for being unfaithful when the woman only had a daydream about him being unfaithful. Unbelievable. Then come various things, including other men, the horse she saw you eying lasciviously last week, evercrack, the vehicle you love so much that she’s jealous of (because it gets more jewelry than she does) and your computer, to which you often masturbate despite her efforts to be sexy and lure you into the bedroom. This is an amalgam of the things I have seen and heard women get jealous and terrifried of replacement from, and represents no particular person reading this of course, but does it really matter what you replace her with? She wants to feel loved and special. She wants you to make her feel secure, so she can get fat and lazy, dammit! LOL Just kidding. 😉 [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602.md?page=1) [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/over-identification-with-sex/602.md?page=3)