# Probably the most important lesson I have learned in love (mainly for guys) **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [June 9, 2008, 12:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709 "2008-06-09T12:26:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Edx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4da419/32.png) [@Edx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Edx)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 12:26pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/1 "2008-06-09T12:26:25Z")
In school we can end up endlessly chasing the ones that really arent going to be interested or really arent going to go anywhere. We get down and depressed because these girls wont go out with us and think that we are clearly very unattractive to everyone because of it. I used to be like this, but now Ive realised that lifes too damn short to be worrying about the ones that wont give us the time of day. I suggest all guys that obsess over a girl that just dont seem interested take a step back and realise that IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT. Just keep repeating that over and over until it sinks in. If a girl likes you its true they may play hard to get, but after a while give up and move on. Theres lots of girls in the world and you deserve someone that appreciates you and that wants you, I dont believe it should be or needs to be that hard to find someone that really likes you. If you feel its your own life that may be bringing you down work on that. Try and find a better job, take a course, go travelling, go to the gym, get a new wardrobe, try and make lots of friends and not expect anything (ie. romance) from them, learn Kung Fu, whatever it is. Learn that you dont need someone elses approval to validate your existence. Learn that in the nicest least arrogant way possible , life really is all\_about\_you. After doing that or along the way I would say its impossibe for girls not to find you more attractive than you were before, but at the same time _some_ just simply still wont. And while you may find them amazingly attractive, if they dont and are not responding at all to you, to put it bluntly, f!uck em, find someone that does. _Big breath_ I feel much better now. šŸ™‚ _goes off to spray some Shine on_ Ed ---
**Author:** ![PhatSounds](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phatsounds/32/233_2.png) [@PhatSounds](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PhatSounds)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 1:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/2 "2008-06-09T13:40:37Z")
Yes Edx, i agreed with what you said there šŸ™‚ Yep you are hoping to get the girl of your dreams but she didnā€™t pay you any notice then it is time to give up & move on. Do other things thatā€™s worth your time instead. Good advice buddy šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 1:50pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/3 "2008-06-09T13:50:50Z")
That is really great advice, thanks for taking the time to write it. Iā€™ve been living by similar values the past 6 months and Iā€™ve noticed Iā€™ve become a lot more picky with girls. ---
**Author:** ![Eldros](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/eldros/32/279_2.png) [@Eldros](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Eldros)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 3:27pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/4 "2008-06-09T15:27:38Z")
> [@Edx](#): > > if they dont and are not responding at all to you, to put it bluntly, f!uck em, find someone that does. Done šŸ™‚. Similar advice I gave out last night. ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/5 "2008-06-09T16:36:30Z")
Thatā€™s very good advice. Reps to you. When you are that age, itā€™s easy to get obsessed becaues of hormones or lack of experience/wisdom if you are a guy, unfortunately. ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/6 "2008-06-14T21:55:02Z")
Words from the more experienced members of our community are always welcomed and valued. Your advice is very valuable and has been passed on in this forum in many different ways and from many different people. There will be many people who will understand exactly where you come from. However, take it from me, there will also be people who can read advice or listen to advice from everyone, but until they experience it for themselves, it isnā€™t a true lesson. If I get burned, I definitely donā€™t do it twice. If I havenā€™t been burned yet, I might toy with the idea, regardless of the power of logic and rational thinking. Iā€™m not even an old guy, but the difference between knowledge and experience is important to recognize. ---
**Author:** ![Eslite119](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/eslite119/32/176_2.png) [@Eslite119](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Eslite119)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2008, 10:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/7 "2008-06-14T22:21:59Z")
> [@Phya](#): > > Words from the more experienced members of our community are always welcomed and valued. Your advice is very valuable and has been passed on in this forum in many different ways and from many different people. There will be many people who will understand exactly where you come from. > > However, take it from me, there will also be people who can read advice or listen to advice from everyone, but until they experience it for themselves, it isnā€™t a true lesson. If I get burned, I definitely donā€™t do it twice. If I havenā€™t been burned yet, I might toy with the idea, regardless of the power of logic and rational thinking. > > Iā€™m not even an old guy, but the difference between knowledge and experience is important to recognize. Another good advice. Reps to both of you. ---
**Author:** ![centerlanetrue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dbc845/32.png) [@centerlanetrue](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/centerlanetrue)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2008, 8:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/8 "2008-06-19T20:31:16Z")
wowā€¦very good advice ..i have seen this happen way to many times and have fallen victim to it myself ---
**Author:** ![lakerman34](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/lakerman34/32/1663_2.png) [@lakerman34](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/lakerman34)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2008, 3:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/9 "2008-06-23T03:12:22Z")
Iā€™m Greek, and the Greeks have a song for EVERYTHING One song I know, a girl turns down the guy, and his friend says ā€œyou are six feet of a man, and you are crying over one girl. Suck it up and Iā€™m sure youā€™ll find one outta the other couple million.ā€ It sounds better when they say itā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![galydrum](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/galydrum/32/5181_2.png) [@galydrum](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/galydrum)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2008, 4:41am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/10 "2008-06-23T04:41:44Z")
> [@PhatSounds](#): > > Yes Edx, i agreed with what you said there šŸ™‚ Yep you are hoping to get the girl of your dreams but she didnā€™t pay you any notice then it is time to give up & move on. Do other things thatā€™s worth your time instead. Good advice buddy šŸ™‚ In a little reverse logic: The girl of your dreams _would_ definitely like you. If she doesnā€™t like you . . . she must not be the girl of your dreams. ---
**Author:** ![PhatSounds](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phatsounds/32/233_2.png) [@PhatSounds](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/PhatSounds)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2008, 1:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/11 "2008-06-23T13:25:52Z")
> [@galydrum](#): > > In a little reverse logic: The girl of your dreams _would_ definitely like you. If she doesnā€™t like you . . . she must not be the girl of your dreams. Yeah, you may be right on what you have said there galydrum šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Edx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4da419/32.png) [@Edx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Edx)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2008, 6:19pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/12 "2008-06-23T18:19:25Z")
> [@galydrum](#): > > In a little reverse logic: The girl of your dreams _would_ definitely like you. If she doesnā€™t like you . . . she must not be the girl of your dreams. Exactly. It doesnt matter how sweet or cute or pretty she seems to you, if she doesnt fancy you or you dont connect at all, it doesnt matter. Its not worth getting upset over it. It shoudnt be that difficult. You want a relationship? How can you do that with someone you dont connect with? You just want sex? How can you do that with someone who doesnt fancy you and you arent able to connect with so arent able to even attempt to get them to fancy you? šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![phernoob](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phernoob/32/180_2.png) [@phernoob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/phernoob)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2008, 1:52am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/13 "2008-06-24T01:52:12Z")
Here is a secret guys, itā€™s no different with us. You want us, we want you. We both wait to see who willl make the first moveā€¦ Sometimes it boils down to a lack of chemisttry. Gotta keep trying. You are THE ONE to someone - and you WILL find her eventually. ---
**Author:** ![Edx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4da419/32.png) [@Edx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Edx)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2008, 11:59am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/14 "2008-06-24T11:59:40Z")
> [@phernoob](#): > > You want us, we want you. We both wait to see who willl make the first moveā€¦ Yea, I am envious that girls generally dont have to do anything. I used to get really upset and bitter about it, but now Ive gotten past that. šŸ™‚ One of the worst things you can do is believe you have to find someone to be happy. People always say desperation is unattractive, and the only way to combat that is when you start to feel that tempting pull is to stop and concentrate completely on yourself. Self improvement really is the key, that and making friends just for the sake of friends. > [@](#): > > Sometimes it boils down to a lack of chemisttry. Gotta keep trying. You are THE ONE to someone - and you WILL find her eventually. True, but you gotta know when youā€™re just pissed in the wind. You can waste a lot of emotional energy chasing an illusion, making yourself believe its real, but really youā€™re just chasing your own dream. ---
**Author:** ![phernoob](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/phernoob/32/180_2.png) [@phernoob](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/phernoob)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2008, 2:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/15 "2008-06-24T14:33:29Z")
> [@Edx](#): > > Yea, I am envious that girls generally dont have to do anything. I used to get really upset and bitter about it, but now Ive gotten past that. šŸ™‚ > > One of the worst things you can do is believe you have to find someone to be happy. People always say desperation is unattractive, and the only way to combat that is when you start to feel that tempting pull is to stop and concentrate completely on yourself. Self improvement really is the key, that and making friends just for the sake of friends. > > True, but you gotta know when youā€™re just pissed in the wind. You can waste a lot of emotional energy chasing an illusion, making yourself believe its real, but really youā€™re just chasing your own dream. I totally agree with you there. At the moment I am pissing in the wind. Why? It certainly doesnt feel good. Often though, you dont wake up and say ā€œI am going to have a crush on whatstheirface todayā€. It can hit you like a ton of bricks - regardless of your circumstances, or whether or not they are attracted to you. It is the illusion you mention. I have a feeling that is why many people are hereā€¦ To phero-BOMB the illusion, and make it a reality. ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2008, 8:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/16 "2008-06-24T20:21:56Z")
> [@Edx](#): > > Yea, I am envious that girls generally dont have to do anything. I used to get really upset and bitter about it, but now Ive gotten past that. šŸ™‚ I used to kinda feel that way too. Gee, wouldnā€™t it be nice if cute girls would walk up to me? But I really started thinking, girls get hit on by guys they want and guys they donā€™t want, usually the latter. I think more than a couple guys would be annoyed at the girls they arenā€™t interested in, if they were as aggressive as some of the other guys out there. On top of that, we might be socially expected to approach the girl, but we arenā€™t socially expected to do other things, such as look our ā€˜prettiestā€™ all the time, or to look like a ā€˜supermodelā€™. Hell, we can be promiscuous and be praised for it. If thatā€™s not the deal breaker, I donā€™t know is. Itā€™s much more frustrating, I imagine, having the cake offered to you at every turn, and you want to accept it, but you canā€™t because people would socially ostracize you. Iā€™d rather have to go get my own cake, but get to eat it when ever, and how ever I want, and on top of that be praised for being a go-getter. šŸ˜ƒ Thereā€™s always pros and cons. Really, if you look at it, we have lots of advantages in our own way. We canā€™t have everything at once. šŸ˜› ---
**Author:** ![Edx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4da419/32.png) [@Edx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Edx)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2008, 8:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/17 "2008-06-24T20:30:06Z")
> [@phernoob](#): > > I totally agree with you there. At the moment I am pissing in the wind. Why? It certainly doesnt feel good. > Often though, you dont wake up and say ā€œI am going to have a crush on whatstheirface todayā€. It can hit you like a ton of bricks - regardless of your circumstances, or whether or not they are attracted to you. It is the illusion you mention. Crushes are all illusions if they make you feel bad, you have to step back think why you like them as much as you do and realise that if its meant to be it will work itself out. Why does a crush deserve so much love from you? They dont, and you need to realise its all in your head. It shoudnt be this hard, I know Ive said that in each post but its so true. I started this thread and people fairly assumed from what I said that I was talking about crushes, but what made me realise all this was actually loosing my girlfriend of a year and 3 months who broke up with me for someone else and then basically went all jekyll and hyde on me. I was desperate to find meaning in that and for a while I was the lowest Ive ever been, but I realised eventually that I needed that experience and anything less than that would not have taught me the lessons I needed to know and become the better person I know I am now because of it. So often I have made the mistake of assuming everyone thinks like me, but I know a lot of people make the same mistake, and that is we think too much, people need to let life happen to them more and dont fight so hard to get away from it. I couldnt have done anything to stop my girlfriend doing what she did, as she was this way from the start and always going to do what she did. I dont want to talk about fait, so I will say dont fight who you are. Ride the wave of yourself, ride the wave of your life. Once you get that, life becomes a lot easier. Not perfect, but much easier, and I think you can be a happier person because of it. Maybe you cant tell someone this and have them understand it, they need to realise it for themselves. šŸ™‚ > [@](#): > > I have a feeling that is why many people are hereā€¦ To phero-BOMB the illusion, and make it a reality. You can turn dreams into reality, but using things like [pheromones](https://a314.com/) is just masking a problem that will not be fixed this way šŸ™‚ ---
**Author:** ![Holmes](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/holmes/32/2128_2.png) [@Holmes](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Holmes)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2008, 1:52pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/18 "2008-06-27T13:52:47Z")
> [@Edx](#): > > In school we can end up endlessly chasing the ones that really arent going to be interested or really arent going to go anywhere. We get down and depressed because these girls wont go out with us and think that we are clearly very unattractive to everyone because of it. > > I used to be like this, but now Ive realised that lifes too damn short to be worrying about the ones that wont give us the time of day. I suggest all guys that obsess over a girl that just dont seem interested take a step back and realise that IT SHOULD NOT BE THIS DIFFICULT. Just keep repeating that over and over until it sinks in. > > If a girl likes you its true they may play hard to get, but after a while give up and move on. Theres lots of girls in the world and you deserve someone that appreciates you and that wants you, I dont believe it should be or needs to be that hard to find someone that really likes you. If you feel its your own life that may be bringing you down work on that. Try and find a better job, take a course, go travelling, go to the gym, get a new wardrobe, try and make lots of friends and not expect anything (ie. romance) from them, learn Kung Fu, whatever it is. Learn that you dont need someone elses approval to validate your existence. Learn that in the nicest least arrogant way possible , life really is all\_about\_you. After doing that or along the way I would say its impossibe for girls not to find you more attractive than you were before, but at the same time _some_ just simply still wont. And while you may find them amazingly attractive, if they dont and are not responding at all to you, to put it bluntly, f!uck em, find someone that does. > > _Big breath_ > > I feel much better now. šŸ™‚ > > _goes off to spray some Shine on_ > > Ed A damn good lesson to learn. The earlier, the better. Nice post. ---
**Author:** ![Kimmie\_D](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/kimmie_d/32/1185_2.png) [@Kimmie\_D](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Kimmie_D)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2008, 5:45am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/probably-the-most-important-lesson-i-have-learned-in-love-mainly-for-guys/13709/19 "2008-06-28T05:45:12Z")
Wow Phya! A man that understands!