# Relationship Advice! **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [May 28, 2009, 4:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354 "2009-05-28T16:09:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SteveO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/87869e/32.png) [@SteveO](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/SteveO)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 6:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/21 "2009-05-29T18:20:36Z")
Sounds as if you need the very last bottle of IFM on hand at the store. Yup, I found one just for you ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 6:51pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/22 "2009-05-29T18:51:29Z")
> [@xdeadpixel](#): > > Is it weird that the fact that she is a little unstable kind of turns me on to her? Like I can be the person there for her? Every girl I’ve ever felt for has been a little similar. It’s really hard to explain haha. > > I’m just going to try my hardest to care for her…and not break up with her..eh > > You guys offered some great advice! How do you do the little thanks? Thank you all This sounds dangerous actually. YOU cannot “fix” her. You are not a psychologist nor a therapist, nor a spiritual advisor. Thinking that you can “fix” her can lead to a codependent relationship. You seem to be getting off on the idea of her/your girlfriends “needing” you, or your perceived ability to “fix” another person. Your partner, your relationship, should be a sheltering, welcoming, loving place - not a quasi therapists couch. It should be unconditional and without judgement. ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2009, 8:31pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/23 "2009-05-29T20:31:28Z")
> [@Steve](#): > > Sounds as if you need the very last bottle of IFM on hand at the store. Yup, I found one just for you that was my suggestion, but I was not going to pry mine loose from my non-cold dead fingers just yet. I would also say steer clear of [Ammo](https://a314.com/product/ammo/), TUTH and A314 around her, as the extra boost in “Maleness” may drive her away faster. ---
**Author:** ![diane999](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diane999/32/1110_2.png) [@diane999](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diane999)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2009, 12:24pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/24 "2009-06-01T12:24:37Z")
> [@xdeadpixel](#): > > Hi guys. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, and I’m looking for some help with my “relationship”. I’m going to be as vivid as possible with this story, hopefully to produce some accurate advice 🙂 So if you’ve got a minute to analyze my situation, I appreciate it in advance! 🙂 > > I met this amazing girl a few months ago, and we immediately clicked and started just being amazing. For about 2 weeks, everything was perfect between us. Then I got mad at her one day, and things started to change. She stopped talking as much, stopped calling as much, stopped wanting to do things as much..but still claimed she was happy. We’re 8 weeks into the relationship right now, and I really dig this girl. But she just doesn’t do any cute things anymore. She doesn’t seem like she cares as much anymore, and I’ve broken up with her a few times because of it. > > Every time I break up with her, she cries and says she loves “us” and wants to continue because it makes her happy. She promises that everything is okay, and she wants to stay with me. She tells me “Mike, I love being with you, I love this relationship, I’m sorry I’m just not good at showing it sometimes!” And I believe that, but I realize that at first (early into the relationship), she could easily show how happy she was! > > But I really don’t feel it. As an example, I burned her a CD she was asking for, and decided to be really clever and put a love note on it, along with a picture I took of her the first day we met. But for 4 days in a row, I couldn’t even get her to look at it. She was “ehh..too lazy”. And I broke up with her because I felt that she wasn’t happy, because why else wouldn’t she look at it? But she said “Mike I’m sorry I have a bad memory sometimes. And sometimes I just feel too lazy and tired to look at it”. Cool, whatever, things were good. > > Until recently, I asked her friend if she ever cheated on me…and her friend admitted that she did. She wouldn’t admit it to me though, and she even swore on her mom that she wasn’t lying! But I knew it, and I told her that if she admits it, I wouldn’t break up with her. > > And then she admitted it! She was dating a guy for a year before me, and it was the first guy she “loved”. She apparantly cheated on me (sex) three weeks into the relationship, “to see if she was still in love with him because she didn’t want to commit to another relationship without knowing her best option.” And apparantly, she decided she was happier with me. > > Now, that’s pretty f’ed up eh? But, I told her that I will forgive her this one time, and it’ll never happen again. I told her she needs to step up the relationship if she’s happy with me. She tells me “Mike I’m so sorry I didn’t want you to find out because you make me feel happier than anybody else, and I don’t want to lose you”. And I’ve broken up with her about 6 times, and she still says she is happy. But..if she was happy then why doesn’t she show me her love, why doesn’t she want to be around me more (we spend about 3 days a week together), and why did she feel like she needed to find out if she still loved her ex-bf? > > I am very happy to be with this girl. I realize that she is almost 18 and needs some growing up to do. And if I break up with her, I will never know if it’ll work. So as of now, I’m deciding to stay with her, and see how everything goes. She says she likes to sabotage good things she has, but promises not to do that again. She said it’s difficult for her because I’m the first guy that has ever cared for her (All her ex’s beat her and were HORRIBLE bfs). What is going on here guys/gals? What advice can you offer me? > > 😕 > > Thank you so much! > > (P.S. I want POSITIVE advice here guys. Please no BS responses like “oh you shouldn’t be dating a young girl anyway!” I’m looking to help the situation. Thanks!) Okay, well… hmmm… you asked for advice so I’ll give you my viewpoint on it. First, I am female and 48, so this will prolly be totally different from what you will hear from men and from younger men and women. Two or three weeks into a “relationship” is not like an engagement. Evidently you felt the two of you were exclusive, she didn’t. She checked her feelings by going back to her past and decided the past was the past. There is nothing there to forgive, because she did nothing wrong. Now you are 8 weeks into the “relationship” and you’ve gotten angry with her several (many?) times and broken up with her repeatedly and set yourself up as some kind of prize she needs to grovel for. Personally, I’d let you go with that kind of deal. A woman needs to feel valued. According to what you’ve written it seems you are more into controlling her than valuing her, more into writing a script for her to follow than walking with her and her with you through life. A good relationship that will last has to be build on trust. You don’t seem to trust her. It also needs to be built on respect. She doesn’t seem to respect you. Out of trust grows true intimacy and out of respect grows true love. Without those four things, trust, respect, intimacy and love, the relationship becomes stagnant, depressing, boring, or abusive. Dating should be fun and it should only be fun. It shouldn’t be a chore or a series of hoops anyone needs to jump through to get “there.” Diane ---
**Author:** ![Wolfy](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wolfy/32/965_2.png) [@Wolfy](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wolfy)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/25 "2009-06-01T15:10:19Z")
> [@diane999](#): > > Dating should be fun and it should only be fun. It shouldn’t be a chore or a series of hoops anyone needs to jump through to get “there.” > > Diane I think you hit the nail on the head there! if you have to walk on egg shells and hot coals, just to spend time together then it isn’t worth it. ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2009, 11:34pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/26 "2009-06-01T23:34:07Z")
Pixel, you have some excellent advice here, in particular from Tigerlilly and Diane. I strongly suggest you consider it. Looking back, I did the same things you are doing, trying to control (unintentionally, before you get angry!) and act as some sort of counsellor with my wife, whilst she didn’t have problems of the magnitude this young lady has, they were still there, affecting our relationship every day. We are no longer together and there are certain people on here who could tell you the anguish it has caused me, wisdom is learning from other people’s mistakes, please learn from me. ---
**Author:** ![OoohYahhh](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/ooohyahhh/32/1274_2.png) [@OoohYahhh](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/OoohYahhh)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2009, 11:43pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354/27 "2009-06-01T23:43:08Z")
Seriously Pix, you don’t have to put up with any of this shit. You are not her father or any of her nasty boyfriends. You deserve better. Much better. Remember the first two weeks? Healthy, well balanced people pretty much live like that. Put her out. If she trys to come back, don’t let her in. You deserve better. OoohYahhh [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/relationship-advice/29354.md?page=1)