# Risk Taking, Trust, and A314, and maybe our new girlfriend... **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [September 2, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124 "2009-09-02T18:47:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 6:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/1 "2009-09-02T18:47:01Z")
I am relatively timid when it comes to certain things. Not big things, but odd little idiosyncratic things. For instance, in a social setting, I am the life of the party. I am a natural performer. But when a pretty girl comes after me, I get bashful. I have noticed that, aside from social settings, my risk taking has become a little more pronounced. I am not talking about running into the middle of the street, but more like when I am going hiking. Heck, I am working out more by myself outside. I am generally uncomfortable doing things in nature without a partner, but I am going into the woods, running, jogging, and things like that, alone. I mean, when we go to the beach, I am the guy that always brings the snake bite kit, just in case. I am a little skittish about certain activities like going on a boat, even when a perfectly qualified person is behind the wheel… But lately, i want to BE the guy behind the wheel. Also, wifey’s new female friend… Our new playmate… She was cuddled in my lap the other night, cuddling me like we had been boyfriend and girlfriend for years… Nuzzling my neck while wifey nuzzled her… And she is displaying body language I would expect from someone completely at ease… And we are talking about life and such ans she just goes.. “I don’t know why, but when I am with you, I feel really safe. You make me feel very safe.” I am a tender hearted kind of person, and I am a safe person to be with… I really enjoy taking care of my friends… (Perpetual designated driver by choice,) but she hasn’t really spent enough time with us to determine whether or not we are trustworthy, and I guess vice versa… But then she looked into my eyes, and it was… Deep. It was like looking into a canyon of blue, and I felt very close to her. Wifey and I discussed it later, and we are happy with this turn of events. We’re going to hold off judgement on trustworthiness just to make sure its not the mones putting us into this relaxed state… It really takes time to get to know someone. I mean, a long time. It isn’t demonstrated by a feeling but by actions… But that being said, I really think the A314 is… I dunno. We really like this girl and hopefully things will work out. Also, I would like to apologize to the forum at large for the nutty way I write things down. I am scatterbrained naturally, uber creative type, and I have to write it down and think at the same time. 😛 Ah, life is great. ---
**Author:** ![Caelas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/caelas/32/381_2.png) [@Caelas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Caelas)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 6:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/2 "2009-09-02T18:54:26Z")
Very cool man, very cool. My wife is finally starting to reaccept (yes, reaccept) the fact that she enjoys females, and we have a special friend kind of / sort of picked out. My shipment of A314 arrives tomorrow, I’m hoping to emulate your success. Granted, your wife seems MUCH more open than mine is…but all good things take time. ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/3 "2009-09-02T19:09:03Z")
Excellent news! Congrats, my friend. Just remember that jealousy is an illusion. 🙂 Open minded doesn’t even begin to describe the lovely vixen I am married to. Yes. My wife is the one who corrupted ME. HAH! We are not the traditional relationship. We fell in love on the first day of meeting, decided to get married on the third day of knowing one another, and its been domestic bliss for the last 10 years. We don’t fuss or fight about anything. Its just, well, I’ve managed to marry my best friend. As far was we know, you only get one life. No one is ever going to look back on their life and say “I wish I would have complained more, I wish I would have been less adventurous, I wish I would have tried to love less.” LOL. Okay, as I was writing that above, new female friend calls me. And she is telling me about her day and some hassles she is going through with her car insurance company. Nothing earth shattering, but we were talking about mundane things and also feelings and shit. She is telling me she really is glad I am around to talk to. “Thanks for letting my vent, I just really needed to talk to you.” As if we have known each other for years! Heh! Sigh. I have a crush. I am a sucker for a damsel in distress. My heart melts when pretty girls bat their eyes at me. But, trustworthiness speaks in action and deed, so we will see how it plays out. ---
**Author:** ![Caelas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/caelas/32/381_2.png) [@Caelas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Caelas)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/4 "2009-09-02T19:20:14Z")
> [@sigil.tech](#): > > LOL. Okay, as I was writing that above, new female friend calls me. And she is telling me about her day and some hassles she is going through with her car insurance company. Nothing earth shattering, but we were talking about mundane things and also feelings and shit. She is telling me she really is glad I am around to talk to. > > “Thanks for letting my vent, I just really needed to talk to you.” As if we have known each other for years! Heh! > > Sigh. I have a crush. I am a sucker for a damsel in distress. My heart melts when pretty girls bat their eyes at me. > > But, trustworthiness speaks in action and deed, so we will see how it plays out. Dude you just totally described how things are with me and our new friend. We talk about the little shit life tosses at ya, plus a few of her bigger issues, psycho ex included. Honestly the only thing stopping a full on relationship I think is my wife. She’s resistant to change, however good the end result may be, and she takes things S.L.O.W. Patience is a virtue, and hopefully pheros will grease the wheels a little! ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:17pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/5 "2009-09-02T20:17:08Z")
Wife comes first, everything else is just frosting. Don’t forget, taking on a third person in a relationship also means responsibilities, time, energy, and effort directed at your new friend. Take it slow. We just lost a friend whom we had thought was trustworthy, and it took as about a year to discover she was not. She wasn’t THAT kind of friend… But, anyway… Trustworthiness speaks in action and in deed. Just remember your wife’s own personal demons will need to be addressed with compassion if you are to make this thing work. It will take both of you working on this goal together. I suggest a fun weekend away with your new female friend, just for fun. You can worry about Romance later. Wifey and our new female friend, who I will start referring to as “Bluebird” are both attempting to develop a relationship that is beyond they physical. they are both frightenenly smart. My wife is a mathematics genius and works with incredibly abstract concepts. Our group discusses philosophy and the science of obtaining free will and Bluebird can keep up. Bluebird has smarts, and she truly appears trustworthy… But only time will tell. Slow is the way to go. That’s one of the seven habits of highly effective people, lol. With people, Slow is efficient, and Fast is not. ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/6 "2009-09-02T20:37:10Z")
Dang, You guys are making me miss the old days when I was in my 30’s and living in a poly-household. It was 3 women and 2 guys. The women worked as dancers (strippers) so some of the overnight guests, their fellow dancers from the night shift, were tons of fun. And yes, 3somes and moresomes weren’t uncommon.🙄 ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 9:11pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/7 "2009-09-02T21:11:45Z")
Sounds like fun, Jim! We’re thinking of a Poly household. Wifey has wanted a live in girlfriend for some time, but its hard to find someone who is trustworthy. We have had girlfriends before, but they always ended up being either a flake or weirded out by our brand of spirituality. I only hope, my dear sir, to emulate your rampant success in this endeavor! ---
**Author:** ![Caelas](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/caelas/32/381_2.png) [@Caelas](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Caelas)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/8 "2009-09-02T21:25:40Z")
> [@sigil.tech](#): > > Sounds like fun, Jim! We’re thinking of a Poly household. Wifey has wanted a live in girlfriend for some time, but its hard to find someone who is trustworthy. We have had girlfriends before, but they always ended up being either a flake or weirded out by our brand of spirituality. > > I only hope, my dear sir, to emulate your rampant success in this endeavor! I don’t think we’d be aiming for a live in girlfriend, but someone that’s around a lot would be nice! Lucky, we don’t have a brand of spirituality…neutral is good. I’m going to have to see if I can haul the women out on the town one night…maybe a bigger town, cause mine kinda sucks unless you are into religion (lots of churches) or tits (lots of strip clubs, no touching rules) ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 9:35pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/9 "2009-09-02T21:35:26Z")
Hehehe.. Our brand of spirituality is more of the “Do what thou wilt” variety. We once had a live in for a few months, for all practical purposes. It was nice to come home from work and just put my feet up and be cared for and nurtured by a few lovely women. It didn’t work out because the girlfriend proved herself to be untrustworthy. She asked us to help her lie about something, and that was just… Well, we weren’t into that. Slow is the way to go, we have learned… I think we might be aiming for Romance in this little triad, not just sexy fun, you know? ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/10 "2009-09-02T21:49:09Z")
> [@sigil.tech](#): > > … I think we might be aiming for Romance in this little triad, not just sexy fun, you know? That’s the only way to go. My previous living situation, and several other “unconventional” situations have always been based on serious values. As a result, they have always worked out well. ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/11 "2009-09-02T22:20:15Z")
Cool, Jim, very cool. We are looking for someone who can share experiences with us, not just sex… We’re planning on visiting Europe sometime in the future, would be nice to have a friend go along with us. We’re just… Well, I guess we’re poly people by nature. We value friendship, honesty, integrity, and free will. We both long for a nice girlfriend. We have no children, so there’s no potential for conflicts there. Wifey and I have alot of love to share, you know? We just have to find the right person. [Pheromones](https://a314.com/shop/) are most certainly helping in the search. ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/12 "2009-09-02T22:30:17Z")
> [@sigil.tech](#): > > … Well, I guess we’re poly people by nature. We value friendship, honesty, integrity, and free will. We both long for a nice girlfriend. We have no children, so there’s no potential for conflicts there. Wifey and I have alot of love to share, you know? We just have to find the right person… Your post reminds me of a signature I was using a while ago (I like to change 'em once in a while). > [@](#): > > The more you love, the more you can love–and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had Time Enough, he could Love all of the majority who are decent and just. –Lazerous Long ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 10:36pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/13 "2009-09-02T22:36:40Z")
Very nice, Jim. I think learning to let go of fear and embrace love is the lesson for me. ---
**Author:** ![Mtnjim](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/mtnjim/32/2010_2.png) [@Mtnjim](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Mtnjim)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 10:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/14 "2009-09-02T22:40:04Z")
> [@sigil.tech](#): > > Very nice, Jim. I think learning to let go of fear and embrace love is the lesson for me. Just do what my current sig suggests and tell Mrs Grundy to fly that kite.😃 ---
**Author:** ![sigil.tech](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/sigil.tech/32/2357_2.png) [@sigil.tech](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/sigil.tech)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/risk-taking-trust-and-a314-and-maybe-our-new-girlfriend/32124/15 "2009-09-02T23:01:23Z")
Breaking as many taboos as I can, friend. 😃 Especially the ones that frighten me the most. > [@Mtnjim](#): > > Your post reminds me of a signature I was using a while ago (I like to change 'em once in a while). > > –Lazerous Long