# Should I Tell my X-Wife About Pheros **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [May 14, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982 "2009-05-14T22:30:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 10:30pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/1 "2009-05-14T22:30:01Z")
Well I am wondering just that. To this day, I have never told anyone about my phero use. She works in a very male dominated field, and does not get the respect that she deserves from her male co-workers. It has lowered her confidence, and the drive to do her job. Also, she seems to have a bit of social anxiety. She does not feel comfortable when she is alone around crowds. I feel as if I have info that may help her, and feel selfish for not telling her. This, of course, poses a problem for me. As it stands, she is one of those types that does not understand pheros. She thinks they are some love potion that tricks women into sleeping with men. To carry it farther, I fear that she will take my phero use as a sign of me trying to trick her into feeling something for me again. She had noticed a few monthes ago that my cologne changed often, (we hang out 4-5 times a week) when she asked me about it, i paniced, and told her that I had come across a new colonge company that was sending out samples to be reviewed by people. She is not dumb, and would put 2 and 2 together. Then, if I give them to her, she may research them and find this forum, where I post regularly. Not to mention how I would feel if she finds out about the ones that attract men. I don’t know how I would feel about that. I have thought about buying them, taking the labels off, and trying to make up some story about what they are, but I feel it may lead to more questions that i may not be able to answer. If I was to do a pro, con list, the cons outweigh the pro’s but I am quite confused about what to do. Pheros have enhanced my life so much, and I feel selfish for not giving her the knowledge that could enhance hers. So once again, I turn to you all for help. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Wrlprchnx](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wrlprchnx/32/1360_2.png) [@Wrlprchnx](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Wrlprchnx)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/2 "2009-05-14T22:38:54Z")
Easy solution - Buy her a perfume that you think she would like/wear to work on a regular basis (perhaps she has a favorite cologne that she does wear to work) Buy her the Phero in at least a double strength version (if possible) Mix Phero and cologne (The dilution depends on the phero… for something like [Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/) I would go 5 parts IS for 1 part Perfume = 2 sprays mix with 2x IS used would be approx 3 sprays which is good for IS) Bring her perfume as a present IN IT’S BOTTLE - Keep the extra perfume aside for when she runs out. Say you are buying her a present because she has seemed stressed out lately ---
**Author:** ![bosshank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@bosshank](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bosshank)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/3 "2009-05-15T00:28:21Z")
I would not spike her perfume with anything that she did not know about. If she does find out and is furious it would come across as very bad in family court. Very bad. The same could be said if you even discuss pheros with her. If she decides they are not good or safe around your daughter then you would be screwed there too. I think the best thing to do is to say nothing. I know this is really CYA at its worst but you have too much to lose. I also understand your living arrangements. But at the same time when she divorced you she said she did not need your assistance in her personal realm (as opposed to your responsibility as a father) anymore. You have to let her live her own life. Both in regards to solving her own issues (respect/shyness) but also she is going to start dating again at some time and has a right to. I hope I do not come across as cold because that is not my intention. ---
**Author:** ![Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/gone_with_the_wind/32/2227_2.png) [@Gone\_with\_the\_Wind](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Gone_with_the_Wind)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:31am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/4 "2009-05-15T00:31:38Z")
No. … ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/5 "2009-05-15T00:37:36Z")
> [@jessejester](#): > > **To carry it farther, I fear that she will take my phero use as a sign of me trying to trick her into feeling something for me again**. She had noticed a few monthes ago that my cologne changed often, (we hang out 4-5 times a week) when she asked me about it, i paniced, and told her that I had come across a new colonge company that was sending out samples to be reviewed by people. She is not dumb, and would put 2 and 2 together. Didn’t you? > [@I Hit My X-Wife](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-hit-my-x-wife/26729/1): > > …………………. With a healthy dose of Turn Up The Heat. As I have said in past posts, my ex-wife’s biggest reason for leaving our marriage was her not being attracted to me anymore. Over the past 3 months or so I have been steadily using pheros while she is around. Let me break here and clarify that she is not only my ex-wife, but she is also the mother of my beautiful daughter (in my avatar), and the best friend that I have in this world. Still! With that said, we spend a considerable amount of … I agree with Boss. I understand that you are trying to help her, but unless you want to come _clean_ with all that you have worn around her, and _why,_ and seriously be ready and willing to fight it out until if/when she understands - and be ready if she never does - then it’s best to let it go. ---
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:04am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/6 "2009-05-15T02:04:22Z")
> [@bosshank](#): > > I hope I do not come across as cold because that is not my intention. Not at all Boss Man, I appreciate people who are honest, and strait to the point. > [@Tigerlilly](#): > > Didn’t you? > > [I Hit My X-Wife](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/i-hit-my-x-wife/26729/1) Yes, and I don’t deny it. In regard to that thread, that was not an experiment to try to bed my x for one last grudge f\*ck, it was an experiment to see if there was some way to re- establish an attraction that once existed. It was the last thing I could do to try to salvage the relationship for me, her, and my daughter. Though it seems my intentions may have been crude, they were not. I wanted to re-visit that thread, but i did not want to bring it back to the front page at that point, because it was taken out of context by some. I do agree with you and BH, it may be a bad idea to tell her about them. I just felt I could help her. I do see how the whole thing could mess up alot between us. I appreciate you guys taking the time to respond. I value everyones opinion. ---
**Author:** ![pherophreak](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/pherophreak/32/1531_2.png) [@pherophreak](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/pherophreak)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:42am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/7 "2009-05-15T02:42:34Z")
I wouldn’t tell her, because its really difficult to change someones mind when they think strongly about something. Chances are she thinks mones are for sex. If you say “Well this one makes your mood better” she may or may not believe you. I say keep to yourself. Unfortunately the truth has too many foreseeable consequences. ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/8 "2009-05-15T02:47:27Z")
I actually really admire how you want to help her, and I am sure that these products could. However, what _you_ need to decide is: A) Are you willing to take her reactions, to _everything_ you’ve done, exactly as she feels them, and to _understand_ them from her viewpoint, B) Are you willing to really, really try to work through with her to get her to understand what pheros are and how they can help her (and possibly you both), C) Are you willing to have that not work? Are you willing to face the worst case scenario? Or have her hate you for a while until/if she figures it out? I actually loved your little experiment in the thread above - however, within that thread, I was pretty loudly clamoring that you needed to talk to her about the issues. As I recall, she was “not sexually attracted” to you anymore, but still friends with you. You were attempting to see if she was indeed “capable” of sexual attraction. In that experiment, I think you clearly showed that she was. However, her feelings could be very well hurt if you reveal to her what you did - she could easily feel manipulated. You get points for your _motivations_ for the experiment though. 🙂 Now, all of that _can_ be curtailed with deep, honest, emotional discussions - you being very, _very_ frank about why and how you started using mones, going into your journals, going into your online friends journals, maybe finding a female journal that you can read through to show her how female pheros work out for us ladies. You have a big, big choice ahead of you. Only you can know how strong your relationship is to reveal this. Only you can know how she might react, and only you can know how much you are willing to go to meet her in the middle to explain this all. Only you can know just how bad bad can get in regards to her anger and hurt feelings. Good luck. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 2:57am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/9 "2009-05-15T02:57:30Z")
Persoanlly Jesse, I wouldn’t. When I first came here, I kept my pheros a secret from my wife. The IH, IFM etc had the desired effects, the TUTH didn’t:(. After a while, I told her about my ‘little secret’ and then watched as their effect on her was drastically reduced to the point that it is now 4 am over here and I am currently downloading my divorce petition for the family court! I fully appreciate your concern for her welfare at work and, given what you’ve been through, admire you for it. Don’t rock the boat for yourself, IMO, the potential downside for you is far worse than any benefits for her. ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:04am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/10 "2009-05-15T03:04:05Z")
Diamond, that’s fascinating - What do you think happened? Did she cognitively choose to not respond to you? Jesse, Diamond has a very good point - you two are _divorced._ That means over and done with. She is not your responsibility anymore. She is not your concern anymore. I admire your heart, but if the potential for damage and hurt to _you_ is great, then please, remember - she’s free to live her own life, and you have no claim, responsibility, input, or charge over her anymore. ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/11 "2009-05-15T03:12:25Z")
> [@Tigerlilly](#): > > Diamond, that’s fascinating - > > What do you think happened? Did she cognitively choose to not respond to you? > > Jesse, Diamond has a very good point - you two are _divorced._ That means over and done with. She is not your responsibility anymore. She is not your concern anymore. > > I admire your heart, but if the potential for damage and hurt to _you_ is great, then please, remember - she’s free to live her own life, and you have no claim, responsibility, input, or charge over her anymore. Jeez girl, do you ever sleep? My interpretation is that her conscious overruled her subconscious, I noticed things like bottles being placed ‘just so’, I imagine so she could check what I was wearing. Interestingly enough, MXs still continued to be effective, particularly the 275-281 pack, the consumer line ( with documented effects) didn’t! Jesse, sorry for the slight hijack but there may be a lesson in this for you, you run the risk that any improvement in your relationship may be at risk if you tell her, even if she accepts it and is OK with it, she may not still respond in the same way to your signature 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/12 "2009-05-15T03:14:00Z")
Diamond, Tigerlilly, you both bring up very compelling points. I believe I may have my answer. Thank you both. Diamond, I am sorry to hear that is happening to you. I wish you the best of luck. ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:18am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/13 "2009-05-15T03:18:52Z")
> [@diamond](#): > > Jeez girl, do you ever sleep? > > My interpretation is that her conscious overruled her subconscious, I noticed things like bottles being placed ‘just so’, I imagine so she could check what I was wearing. Interestingly enough, MXs still continued to be effective, particularly the 275-281 pack, the consumer line ( with documented effects) didn’t! > > Jesse, sorry for the slight hijack but there may be a lesson in this for you, you run the risk that any improvement in your relationship may be at risk if you tell her, even if she accepts it and is OK with it, she may not still respond in the same way to your signature 🙂 This coming from you, the insomniac divorcee? I’m only awake 'cause I can’t stop thinking about you. 😉 Fascinating about your ex though. Did she ever come on here and read up? Its really quite fascinating that it was only _some_ pheros that she ignored/chose to not (overtly) respond to. Fascinating. _eye brow raise_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/14 "2009-05-15T03:19:42Z")
> [@jessejester](#): > > Diamond, Tigerlilly, you both bring up very compelling points. I believe I may have my answer. Thank you both. > > Diamond, I am sorry to hear that is happening to you. I wish you the best of luck. Glad that you were able to find some info and assistance. 🙂 When will you be relocating to CA? ---
**Author:** ![diamond](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/diamond/32/859_2.png) [@diamond](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/diamond)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:26am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/15 "2009-05-15T03:26:54Z")
> [@Tigerlilly](#): > > This coming from you, the insomniac divorcee? I’m only awake 'cause I can’t stop thinking about you. 😉 > > Fascinating about your ex though. Did she ever come on here and read up? Its really quite fascinating that it was only _some_ pheros that she ignored/chose to not (overtly) respond to. > > Fascinating. _eye brow raise_ 😉 @ TL I know, it’s the thought of you and Xiph fighting over me that keeps me going 🙄 She’s registered at the store, uses IS/A, Shine, MX135 and a 30ml MX300 (whixh I used my bloody reward points for!) but has never been on the forum. Jesse, thanks dude but honestly, I’m fine with it, it’s been coming a long time. Just seen your new profile shot, you’re a good looking guy, get back in as many saddles as you can and have fun 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:30am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/16 "2009-05-15T03:30:29Z")
> [@diamond](#): > > @ TL I know, it’s the thought of you and Xiph fighting over me that keeps me going 🙄 > > She’s registered at the store, uses IS/A, Shine, MX135 and a 30ml MX300 (whixh I used my bloody reward points for!) but has never been on the forum. Fascinating. Really. …and I can take Xiph. 😉 > [@](#): > > Jesse, thanks dude but honestly, I’m fine with it, it’s been coming a long time. Just seen your new profile shot, you’re a good looking guy, get back in as many saddles as you can and have fun 🆒 Seconded!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/17 "2009-05-15T03:36:57Z")
I am leaving this wonderful state the first week of July. I have gone from dreading the move, to acctually looking forward to it. I cant wait to see the Grand Canyon, and a few other things along the way. It also is going to make for a wide range [Raw Power](https://a314.com/product/raw-power/) testing at the places I stop along the way. You have inspired me to update the thread we were reffering to earlier. I let it die because people were leaving really bad comments in my rep box about what I was doing. I suppose as a reporting member i should tell what happened with that whole thing. Eventhough I did not accomplish what I set out for, I did find alot of good did come out of it. And thank you guys for the kind words about the pic. ---
**Author:** ![Tigerlilly](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tigerlilly/32/2257_2.png) [@Tigerlilly](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Tigerlilly)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 3:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/18 "2009-05-15T03:47:58Z")
☹ Very sorry about the Neg Reps. I think all negative feedback should be done in a public forum, so that we can ALL learn from it. If you’re jacking up, I want to learn from that. If I am jacking up, I want it to be a learning experience for everyone else too. (I fully expect that to come back to haunt me one day. 😉 ) Glad you are looking forward to the move. I am in SoCal, so if you need anything, feel free to give a hollar! Will your daughter be moving with you? Are you still going to Alameda? This will be a big cultural shock for you, but based on what you said about yourself, I think you will enjoy it. 🙂 I think updating the thread will be great - or, moving the pertinent data to your journal and updating it there, with a full explanation/results. That way is leaves off the garbage. 😉 best of luck with everything. ---
**Author:** ![jessejester](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jessejester/32/1683_2.png) [@jessejester](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jessejester)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:12am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/19 "2009-05-15T04:12:14Z")
What was weird about the rep thing was the people would give me a possitive rep, then write something on how messed up I was for doing it, or there were some nasty comments next to a gray rep block . But i’m pretty sure I know who that was. My daughter will be moving there a few months after I get there. My x and I came to an agreement that when she is done with her job here in Oct., she and my daughter will be moving to San Fran so that we could keep our custody agreement, and my x can attend the school she wanted to go to. We will both maintain shared (50/50) custody, she gets to go to the school she wanted to go to, and I am able to finish the remaining 6 years I have left with the agency I work for. Everyone kind of gets what they wanted. Most of all my daughter gets us both living not to far from one another. I am still looking in Alameda, but I am also considering Berkeley, as well as other spots. I have to go and check those places out to see if I want to live there. ---
**Author:** ![jamesbonded](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/jamesbonded/32/2090_2.png) [@jamesbonded](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/jamesbonded)\ **Post date:** [May 15, 2009, 4:26am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982/20 "2009-05-15T04:26:26Z")
No, I won’t tell her. > [@diamond](#): > > it is now 4 am over here and I am currently downloading my divorce petition for the family court! Sorry to hear that Diamond. Same case for me. [Next page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/should-i-tell-my-x-wife-about-pheros/28982.md?page=2)