# Shy? Introverted? Don't worry about it :) **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [December 13, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798 "2009-12-13T02:40:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![scotties123](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@scotties123](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/scotties123)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/1 "2009-12-13T02:40:23Z")
This is an edited version of a post I made in reply to someone that was introverted and needed a little help breaking out of their shell. It’s a little about my own journey into becoming who I am now. I am putting this here because I have read a number of threads lately regarding users with low self esteem and confidence. It has been edited to include pertinent pheromones to help with certain problems (the instant pheromones are the only ones mentioned because I assume the advanced users using MXs and Putatives don’t need this advice). To the OP of the thread this was a response to, your name was removed to ensure your privacy, but if you want me to delete this thread, please just let me know. > [@](#): > > I want to get this settled out before I try on the pheromones Good move. You need to personify what you want the pheromones to project. This statement tells me you realize that you make the pheromones and that the pheromones don’t make you. This is something that takes a lot of people (and even me) a long time and a lot of “no hits dude WTF?” to understand. _A314 has amazing effects with increasing self confidence. However, while particular pheromones may improve your confidence, if you lack confidence prior to using pheromones, you will not be getting the most out of them. You need to feel great about yourself before pheromones can help make others realize just how great you are._ > [@](#): > > I was very anti social in high school. In fact, I kept completely to myself. I was extremely shy. I had never gotten into a sexual situation in HS. Through these last 3 years of college, I have changed from being a complete anti social introvert to a relatively social-loving person. I was the same exact way. I kept to myself in high school. I had a few close friends, but didn’t really talk to anyone else and I was just very introverted. My senior year I loosened up a bit, but didn’t really come out of my shell and become the guy I am now until about freshman year of undergrad. Through mutual friends, I met a friend that I’m now close enough to that I think of him like a brother. Hanging out with him completely changed me. Whenever we went out he would just go up to and talk to random girls all the time. He rarely hesitated to do it too. Having to be a wingman pruned my social skills with women A LOT. I now find myself helping out some friends the same way that my friend helped me. I have to say though, that my biggest turning point was when I realized all on my own that **I really don’t give a F!** 😃 I honestly can’t remember what brought about this change in me, but it changed everything for me. I stopped caring about what people thought of me and did things because **I** wanted to and because **I** liked it. I also stopped caring what girls thought of me. If I hit on a girl and she denied me, then I just thought **screw it,** there are tons of other girls that would be into me, and I would find them. _For me, A314 paired with TUTH helps accentuate this feeling of “screw it”. This combo makes me feel invincible and I have noticed that it is very easy for me to go from one girl to the next at a bar/club regardless of whether or not I get rejected. Do make sure to buffer this though. Any of the socials should do it (IO, IH, CTTM)._ > [@](#): > > In fact, I found myself looking at some PUA which I find some people using some terminology here on the forums 😉 I’m not saying the PUA stuff doesn’t work, but I’ve never been very fond of it. Some of it just seems outrageous and over the top. I reccommend nothing more than having confidence in yourself. Any girl will tell you that is the sexiest thing in a man - pure confidence (not cockiness). This is just something that will come to you with time. > [@](#): > > This is a problem, because I ask people how they met their boyfriend/girlfriend, and alot of the times they say they meet him/her through a friend. But I dont have that luxury. My friends NEVER EVER meet anyone new!!! Naw dude, you’re fine. You’re in college, you can meet more people in 1 day than most will meet in a lifetime. You just have to put yourself out there. Easier said than done, I know. Something that I started doing in undergrad that helped me out **tremendously** was that I started smiling at every girl that walked past me. Didn’t matter if they were 4s or 10s. I would smile at all of them. The hot ones would sometimes get a “What’s up” while walking past them. Doing this really boosted my confidence because it displayed my confidence to women and they responded very well to it. I always had girls starting conversations with me because of this. Again, they don’t have to be hot. Even the decent looking girls were good to **practice** flirting and basic conversational skills with women. _By “4s” and “decent” I am referring to girls that you may not necessarily find physically attractive. Even talking to more guys will help increase social skills. If you want a little boost in comfort, try some IH. I’ve found that it mellows me out and tends to make girls more comfortable and relaxed around you._ > [@](#): > > I feel weird grinding up against girls that I just meet. I’m afraid of looking like a creeper being forward. Am I alone here? What am I doing wrong? Lol, this is why they are on the dancefloor. Either to dance with their friends or to dance with a guy. My brother makes fun of me because he knows I like dancing at clubs and says it’s “homo” for a guy to dance. I tell him “what’s homo about grinding on a girl’s ass and dancing so good that her friends grab you to do the same with them?” 😛. But yeah, don’t feel weird, and even more important, **don’t feel bad when you get turned down**. I say “when” and not “if” because you will get turned down, we ALL do. It’s all just a numbers game really, especially at a bar/club. Don’t let one, two, or even 10 rejections make you feel bad and make you stop trying. There have been times when I got shot down like 4 or 5 times in a row by different girls, only to end up with the hottest girl in the club by the end of the night. _If you are finding that you have a hard time starting conversations, and use “this place is too loud!” as an excuse, then look into IO. Give yourself a few sprays right on the chin. You may find this helps you get over social anxiety and have you more willing to go out and talk to strangers (just don’t get in their van 😛)._ > [@](#): > > What is so appealing about bars? I cant share a good conversation in there with fun flirtations that I can do at small house parties. The thing to remember about bars (unless it is a quiet sit-down sports bar kind of place) is that 90% of attraction is based on looks and the way you carry yourself. Don’t walk around looking down, walk with your head up, chest out, and **SMILING**. If girls see you are having a good time, they will know they can have a good time with you. Nobody likes a sulker 🙂. _Other than what was already mentioned for a slight boost in confidence, [Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/) might help put that smile on your face. Many people don’t start noticing self effects until 4 or more sprays, so don’t be scared to use more than a few._ > [@](#): > > The ironic thing is, Ive been told I’m not bad looking, hell, some girls say I’m cute. You aren’t just cute, you are **THE SHIT!** Remember this and tell yourself this whenever you start getting disappointed with girls. A little cockiness isn’t bad. I’ve been told by many girls that I’m a little cocky, but they find it sexy as hell because of the **confidence** that it portrays. Again, a little cocky = okay, a lot of cocky = bad. > [@](#): > > How can I turn my life around? Please, help me. I want to experience what other guys experience with girls; flirting with girls they find attractive, dating them, etc. But I have never had a girlfriend yet, and I only have another year here (I’m staying a 5th) before I leave, and I want to turn my life around so I can say that I finally _really_ enjoyed college. Because right now, I’m not. I’m simply frustrated as hell, and not just sexually. Just put yourself out there and talk to everyone! Literally, everyone. Guys, girls, old, young (no jailbait 😛), everyone. Increasing your general social skills will increase your social skills with women. But just remember you need **patience**. It took me at least 2 years before totally changing myself into what I am now, and I’m still refining it! _And now that I have pheromones on my side, I’m finding the transformation to be more fun than expected. I was already a confident person before using pheros, but after getting the success I have from some recent mixes (i.e. my Shocker mix) I’ve noticed that I’m even more confident than before. I’ve also noticed it shining through in other places of my life. I’m a medical student and every now and then we are recorded interviewing practice patients, and these interviews are later reviewed in small groups of other students and a doctor. I do NOT use pheros during this interviews, but have consistently been told that I come across as extremely confident, and therefore trustworthy._ I know this post is ridiculously long, and if you made it this far, congrats you’re a year older than before you started reading it 😃. I just hope a few of my personal experiences help out some of the guys out there that have confidence issues. P.S. I’m not a rep whore, please don’t see this as such. It’s just easier to have a thread about this than to keep repeating myself in 50 other threads. ---
**Author:** ![Olfact\_Amorous](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/olfact_amorous/32/434_2.png) [@Olfact\_Amorous](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Olfact_Amorous)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 3:43am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/2 "2009-12-13T03:43:24Z")
I liked the thread though. I was this way and I’m still this way but at least I’m better about it (mones or no mones). For me its not about being shy. My body language developed negatively since middle school and that doesn’t seem like it’ll ever change. The one reason why I could prolly never come across well with women is b/c i take myself way too seriously in the idea that I can’t let loose or joke around at all whether verbally or physically. For some reason I also hide my masculinity in a “nice guy” sort of way and women can never really tell if I’m into them or not and even if I show them I’m interested it never comes across well. There is hope for guys like the ones your talking about but for me I hope to find salvation/solace in my career or perhaps in a hobby I’m passionate about. ---
**Author:** ![scotties123](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@scotties123](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/scotties123)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 4:47am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/3 "2009-12-13T04:47:27Z")
> [@Olfact\_Amorous](#): > > I liked the thread though. I was this way and I’m still this way but at least I’m better about it (mones or no mones). For me its not about being shy. My body language developed negatively since middle school and that doesn’t seem like it’ll ever change. The one reason why I could prolly never come across well with women is b/c i take myself way too seriously in the idea that I can’t let loose or joke around at all whether verbally or physically. For some reason I also hide my > masculinity in a “nice guy” sort of way and women can never really tell if I’m into them or not and even if I show them I’m interested it never comes across well. There is hope for guys like the ones your talking about but for me I hope to find salvation/solace in my career or perhaps in a hobby I’m passionate about. Sounds like you are giving up. DON’T 😃. That was the whole point of my thread. It’s not just for the shy guys, it’s for everyone that finds a tiny flaw in themselves and lets it control them. If I may, I have a few suggestions for you. Number 1 is don’t try too hard. Girls (just like anyone else) can tell when you are being fake. Don’t try to be overly funny, overly macho, overly nice. It’ll show that it isn’t genuine and that’s a huge turnoff. Just be yourself (I know it sounds cheesy). There will always be certain people that you click with better than others. Don’t let the bad experiences keep you from finding the good ones. Look at the quote in my signature. A big problem a lot of guys have is trying to come off as the super nice guy. They try to get the girl thinking they are so nice that they can trust them with everything and want to get closer to them. But the truth is, they don’t really want that. Well, not only that. They need a guy to be assertive. Very few women will make the first move. Don’t be scared to ask someone out, or to put your arm around a date’s waist, or move in for the kiss. I think of it like this: The worst case scenario is she says “no”, and then you’re in the same place you were in before. ---
**Author:** ![Olfact\_Amorous](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/olfact_amorous/32/434_2.png) [@Olfact\_Amorous](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Olfact_Amorous)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 5:14am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/4 "2009-12-13T05:14:08Z")
For me I feel like I’m at a point where being myself simply isn’t enough. I’m great on paper with women but in practice thats where the flaw lies. I am a natural people pleaser with girls and guys alike. I worked hard to suppress that nowadays in order to at least maintain some self dignity. The problem is I’m too accommodating and when I like a girl I don’t really know how to go about it. Trust me I like myself but its not nearly enough to do the trick. I’ll admit I lose my nerve as soon as I start trying to ask a girl out. I have a hard time even making casual friends with girls as it is. I’m quite attractive and I unintentionally pull the “mysterious guy” most of the time and I draw a ample amount of admirers. I get a lot of initial attraction with or without mones but beyond that I rush things too often, fading confidence shows thru, etc. I don’t wanna sound hopeless but it feels hopeless for “me”. I use mones mainly for social prospects and it works well I have fun conversating with guys and gals I dont know and hell I make girls smile/laugh from time to time. ---
**Author:** ![scotties123](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@scotties123](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/scotties123)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 5:24am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/5 "2009-12-13T05:24:49Z")
> [@Olfact\_Amorous](#): > > I have fun conversating with guys and gals I dont know and hell I make girls smile/laugh from time to time. That’s the goal right there, having fun and enjoying yourself. It took me like 2 years to really break out of my shell, so don’t feel bad if you don’t see major changes in yourself right away. I don’t have any experience with them myself, but I’m sure there are some great self-help type of reading material that you may benefit from. Try a quick search and see what you get. Maybe someone will come by soon and let you know if they have any recommendations. ---
**Author:** ![conundrum12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/46a35a/32.png) [@conundrum12](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/conundrum12)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 6:56am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/6 "2009-12-13T06:56:03Z")
Olfact it sounds like you know your problems. That’s great, now you just need to work on them. First, I’d stop people pleasing. I used to people please but then realized people would just start using me but wouldn’t return favors. You are in charge of your own life so start doing what makes you happy, not what makes others happy. You can still make em happy, but take care of yourself too man. I’d also take King Flex’s advice from “The Mack Within”. I know, I know, the book is ridiculous, why are you following a mack’s advice, etc. but he offers some good advice: “If you are trying to mack on a female and you have things that you are insecure about, you may find yourself lacking confidence and focusing on whether or not the female is going to find out about them, rather than on the quality of your game… So this is why it’s important for a potential mack to not try to mask or hide his shortcomings, but to rectify them.” 11 Exchange the words “mack and game” with “pursue and words” and run with it. he says the main things are occupation, cars, cribs and looks, so maybe that can be your starting place. ---
**Author:** ![Olfact\_Amorous](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/olfact_amorous/32/434_2.png) [@Olfact\_Amorous](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Olfact_Amorous)\ **Post date:** [December 13, 2009, 12:39pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/shy-introverted-dont-worry-about-it/34798/7 "2009-12-13T12:39:31Z")
Thats one of the cheesiest covers I’ve ever seen on any mac manual XD. After reading the reviews on Amazon I think I’m gonna get it and check it out. I think I’d prefer a Inner theory book rather than a technique sort of thing. thanks for the recommendation.