# So here's the thing... **URL:** \ **Category:** Introductions - New Users, Say "Hello"!\ **Created:** [December 15, 2008, 9:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982 "2008-12-15T21:33:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![NotYetDead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/278dde/32.png) [@NotYetDead](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/NotYetDead)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 9:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/1 "2008-12-15T21:33:08Z")
First off, hello and greetings to everybody on the forum. I just found this site after some searches, and I have to say I’m very intrigued by all of the messages I have read here so far. I am a sceptic by nature, and will generally spend (too) much time researching anything before acting on it. I have not (yet) purchased any of the products that are discussed on this forum, but I have to say I’m considering it deeply. So, here’s my “case”, from a very high level aspect: I’m 38, caucasian, married for 10+ years, 2 kids. I love my wife more than anything. However our sex-life, and lately also our general intimacy, has declined very rapidly over the last several years, and have now pretty much come to a full stop. Having kids, two stressful careers, anti-depressants, yadi-yadi-yada contributed to this. Unfortunately this also lead to some very regrettable actions on my part, something that I regret deeply, but take full responsibility for. I’m not talking about having an affair, but I did have a couple of “encounters”. I’m not proud of this fact, and I have changed my behavior. It has been years since this happened, and I have since come clean with her, something that put the final nail in the coffin for our intimacy. \ So, the situation now then is this: I have a wife that I love more than life. I find her very attractive and desirable. She also loves me deeply, but does not feel intimate with me anymore, especially after what has happened. I feel intimacy is the foundation of a healthy relationship. And when we talk about it, she acknowledges this also, but does not know how to re-kindle the intimacy of our relationship. We now have a deep friendship that is what keeps us going. But I want more than that, and I think she does too. We are engaged in couples therapy, but I’m not seeing much improvement. I feel we need a “kick start” of some sort to get us back on track. If we can’t resolve this, I think our marriage is doomed, and that would be tragic for us and the kids. My question then is, can any of the products on this site help me better our situation? I’m not looking for a miracle or anything like that, but anything that can improve the situation would be a great help. Any specific recommendations of products, usage etc. would be greatly appreciated. Or is it just too much to hope for? PS. One more thing: She’s very sensitive to smells. She can’t stand after shaves or colognes on me. How noticeable are these things? ---
**Author:** ![bosshank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@bosshank](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bosshank)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/2 "2008-12-15T21:40:23Z")
Hello Not Dead and welcome to the forum. You are not alone in your problem - there are a lot of guys (and gals) in your basic situation here. I will start out by telling you that a lot of problems like this get back to relationship - and it will take a lot of honest and hard work to move through this. I would really recommend counseling if the two of you cannot move through this together. That being said - I think the pheros can help if you are starting to move forward in the relationship arena. Please read the thread in my signature block for married guys - it was written with just this basic situation in mind. Although I again stress - the pheros help on the periphery - it is really all about relationship and you obviously have to do some work to repair yours. Once you read that thread - come on back, tell us what you think, and we can work from there. Good luck and best wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Robbie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2acd7d/32.png) [@Robbie](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Robbie)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2008, 9:49pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/3 "2008-12-15T21:49:35Z")
Hi, welcome to the forum. How does this stuff smell? Well, there is a smell. Phermones smell, that’s the way they work. There is a mild Neroli scent added to most of the products that dries down to a very light smell. The Neroli is added to help hide the smell of the raw pheromones (among other reasons), so you’ll want to think about that aspect.You can always pick up Togo sizes, to see how she reacts. Boss has given you terrific advice. Anti-depressants are real libido killers, combined with stressful careers and children and the trust issue. There’s a lot there. For the moment, I’m only going to suggest [Instant Female Magic](https://a314.com/product/instant-female-magic/) (helps her mood) and Instant Honesty (will encourage deeper coversations with the wife). ---
**Author:** ![tfrankz](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/tfrankz/32/468_2.png) [@tfrankz](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tfrankz)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 12:13am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/4 "2008-12-16T00:13:31Z")
Hello not dead Bosshank and Robbie gave some good advise. Did you just tell her about these encounters or was that years ago? I would say to try the togo size also to see if she picks up the scents and doesn’t like them not to much is wasted. I think A314 might help with whats going on but not 100% sure. ---
**Author:** ![tisha23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@tisha23](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tisha23)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 12:24am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/5 "2008-12-16T00:24:48Z")
Hello Welcome to Pherotalk Man, while its great you where honest with her, sometimes its best to keep some things to yourself. Well thats water under the bridge, time to break out the power tools and repair it. I see your already going to counseling which is great it just may take some time for her to come around and trust again. Mones can enhance your relationship but they cant fix it. Please read “what mones can do and what they cant do” in my signature below. You need to start slow with the products. You dont want to change your mone signature totally and rapidly at this point. First we need to help repair then after that phase is done you can move onto rekindling the arousal… Start with some A314 to increase trust and respect. I suggest Ishine and IH as well. Ishine is charismatic, uplifting, warm, makes those around you feel happy and comfortable. Its got some energizing qualities, its youthful. IH increases deep communication and feelings of connection. It can increase trust to some extent. I notice with my husband it gives a feeling of newness, like when we were first together. Whoops I almost forgot the most important one LOL IFM to increase affection and calm and comfort. I highly highly highly suggest your read Bosshanks guide for married guys. This will help you understand why you need to move slow with the mones. I know you may want to jump right into TUTH and AMMO the more sexual products but I just dont think its good to head that direction first. Mones do smell and she will notice the cover scent they come in. You have to cover them cause they are stinky. Oh one more thing, I know life gets busy with the kids job daily stress but take some time for just yourselves. Go out to dinner, go for a walk, a ride in the country anything that will give you the opportunity to have alone time. **Your GC is on its way** 😃 Tisha ---
**Author:** ![NotYetDead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/278dde/32.png) [@NotYetDead](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/NotYetDead)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:04pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/6 "2008-12-16T14:04:14Z")
Thank you all for your replies. A lot of good advice there. I have read bosshank’s thread on married guys looking to improve things at home, and found a lot of good advice there as well. I did try to go the route of not telling her, to protect her from getting hurt. But the constant lying combined with her highly developed intuition was not something I was able to live with. So I decided to tell her everything about a year ago, something she said liberated her in a way. She wasn’t crazy after all. She told me if I hadn’t come clean, our marriage would have not stood a chance anyway, and that honesty is the only thing that can save it. Well… maybe it can be saved. I hope so. My biggest dilemma is how to use these products. I don’t think she’ll understand if I tell her outright that I’m wearing them. So then I’m back to concealing things from her again, which breaks from the path of honesty I have chosen. So, I guess it is sort of a catch-22. If she’s bound to notice the smell on me anyway, I’m not sure I can do this. Since I’m not wearing any after shaves or colognes I don’t have a good way of covering the smell either. 😕 I’m truly sorry for laying all of this out there, this is my problem and not anybody else’s. But again, thank you all for your advice. ---
**Author:** ![bosshank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@bosshank](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/bosshank)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2008, 2:07pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/so-heres-the-thing/23982/7 "2008-12-16T14:07:47Z")
I would stick with the honesty. You do not necessarily have to say anything at first but remember to explain things in terms of aromatherapy and using them to help improve the relationship and your life together when she does ask. And she will. My wife still thinks I am a little crazy - well actually she has always thought I am a little crazy lol - but putting it temrs of building on our relationship and life - that she can accept.