# Taming Your Inner Brat: A Guide for Transforming Self-Defeating Behavior **URL:** \ **Category:** Lounge\ **Created:** [October 28, 2007, 3:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/taming-your-inner-brat-a-guide-for-transforming-self-defeating-behavior/6277 "2007-10-28T15:47:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2007, 3:47pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/taming-your-inner-brat-a-guide-for-transforming-self-defeating-behavior/6277/1 "2007-10-28T15:47:15Z")
saw this tempting title in the midst of an amazon search… sounds like a perfect mirror text for the PUA literature… What I’ve heard from the rumor mill is that a body no less authoritative than the APA has refused to acknowedge “self defeating personality syndrome”… or social masochistic disorder because it isn’t considered politically correct… _that’s just pathetic_… This one holds some promise… looks like a great book for those entering the job market or just coping with day to day BS: **Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior** by Goulson and Goldberg ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2007, 4:21pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/taming-your-inner-brat-a-guide-for-transforming-self-defeating-behavior/6277/2 "2007-10-28T16:21:48Z")
another reference point: [New Research Illuminates Self-Defeating Behavior - New York Times](http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=9B0DE1DB103CF932A3575AC0A961948260) [Secrets of Defeating Self-Defeating Behavior](http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/article.html?article_id=14441) Chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available. [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him of her. [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain ( e.g., an accident). [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated). [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure). [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, (e.g., helps fellow students write papers , but is unable to write his or her own). [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, (e.g., is not attracted to caring sexual partners). [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) Engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice; The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused. [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) The behaviors do not occur only when the person is depressed. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2007, 8:09pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/taming-your-inner-brat-a-guide-for-transforming-self-defeating-behavior/6277/3 "2007-10-28T20:09:47Z")
😮 I need to look into this. Those bullet points describe my wife to a T. Thanks for posting this, Tacitus. I knew there had to be a name for this, and it all makes perfect sense now. -D4 > [@tacitus](#): > > another reference point: > > [New Research Illuminates Self-Defeating Behavior - New York Times](http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?sec=health&res=9B0DE1DB103CF932A3575AC0A961948260) > > [Secrets of Defeating Self-Defeating Behavior](http://www.bottomlinesecrets.com/blpnet/article.html?article_id=14441) > > Chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available. > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him of her. > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain ( e.g., an accident). > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated). > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure). > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal objectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, (e.g., helps fellow students write papers , but is unable to write his or her own). > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, (e.g., is not attracted to caring sexual partners). > > [http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm\_iv/images/bullet\_grey.gif](http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/images/bullet_grey.gif) > > Engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice; > The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, sexually, or psychologically abused. > -The behaviors do not occur only when the person is depressed. ---
**Author:** ![tacitus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@tacitus](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/tacitus)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2007, 9:50pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/taming-your-inner-brat-a-guide-for-transforming-self-defeating-behavior/6277/4 "2007-10-28T21:50:05Z")
Yup… once you know the identity of the problem, you’re halfway out of it… or as one well known shrink liked to say “it isn’t so much your demons, it is the philosophies of your demons…” ---
**Author:** ![Holmes](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/holmes/32/2128_2.png) [@Holmes](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Holmes)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2007, 2:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/taming-your-inner-brat-a-guide-for-transforming-self-defeating-behavior/6277/5 "2007-10-29T14:56:07Z")
Taming Your Gremlin (Carson) covers similar territory, I think.