# Teenager with low self-esteem asking for advice on confidence and talking to girls **URL:** \ **Category:** Men's Pheromone Advice & Field Reports\ **Created:** [May 9, 2008, 1:54am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363 "2008-05-09T01:54:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 5:08pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/21 "2008-05-11T17:08:10Z")
Haha, you should wait for the [Instant Shine](https://a314.com/product/shine/) and then apply like 5 sprays THEN go talk to your parents, I bet they’ll be real cheerful 😃. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 8:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/22 "2008-05-11T20:20:39Z")
NPC, If you could sum up the top three things about yourself that you feel causes you to stumble, what would they be? I’m working on a little project for myself that you might benefit from as well. Also, are you epileptic or have a family history of epilepsy? -D4 ---
**Author:** ![NPC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@NPC](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/NPC)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 8:23pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/23 "2008-05-11T20:23:16Z")
> [@mockingbird](#): > > [https://pheromonetalk.com/t/fedex-pickup/12453/3](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/fedex-pickup/12453/3) > > Pretty sure he did 🙂 Heh, well the thing is, I wrote that post because I wasn’t really sure what to get, but I then thought about delivery time, and I felt it best to start my journal on Monday, so I decided to go with [Instant Openness](https://a314.com/product/instant-openness/) (to attract), and Ammo (to send a “I’m more than a friend” signal).\ Instant shine makes everyone happy, so she’d be ok with being around you and being friends. Together With Honesty, she’s happy to tell you personal secrets about her life, or other people, but that isn’t getting me a relationship any time soon. A bunch of friends, sure, but a **girl** friend, would come lots of time later. Sometimes its not the fact that you’re together, but the fact that you’re both sparked in interest and arousal that does the trick, I’d guess 🙄. They will be included in my next order though 🙂. ---
**Author:** ![NPC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@NPC](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/NPC)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 8:29pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/24 "2008-05-11T20:29:28Z")
I would say the top 3 things that cause me to stumble in relationships with people would be: 1. Lack of self-esteem 2. Lack of knowledge on what/when to say things creates a “Dead Silence” between me and the girl (this really only happens with girls, and at times by boy’s). The silence causes me to think that she is slowly liking me less and getting less and less interested of me, as she sees that I am a boring person (which I really am not). Really, I couldn’t find anything else that causes me to stumble. It’s only that self esteem issue, and lack of knowledge on what to say/ when to say that gets me. ---
**Author:** ![WildFlower](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/wildflower/32/1260_2.png) [@WildFlower](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/WildFlower)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 9:48pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/25 "2008-05-11T21:48:45Z")
> [@](#): > > I’m working on a little project for myself Could you share please 🙂 I’m often self concious and insecure about how I look even thought 95% of the time I think I look good that other 5% eats away at my self esteem. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 10:15pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/26 "2008-05-11T22:15:16Z")
> [@NPC](#): > > I would say the top 3 things that cause me to stumble in relationships with people would be: > > 1. Lack of self-esteem > 2. Lack of knowledge on what/when to say things creates a “Dead Silence” between me and the girl (this really only happens with girls, and at times by boy’s). The silence causes me to think that she is slowly liking me less and getting less and less interested of me, as she sees that I am a boring person (which I really am not). > > Really, I couldn’t find anything else that causes me to stumble. It’s only that self esteem issue, and lack of knowledge on what to say/ when to say that gets me. Alright. Sounds a lot like me. I have one more question before I start putting this thing together. Is there someone who you wish you could be? A celebrity, or even an acquaintance that has the characteristics you desire? If so, who is it, in the case of a celebrity, and for either, what qualities do you think they possess that makes them the sort of outgoing, confident, and charismatic person you’d like to be? > [@WildFlower](#): > > Could you share please 🙂 Certainly! But only when it’s ready to be presented. 😉 > [@](#): > > I’m often self concious and insecure about how I look even thought 95% of the time I think I look good that other 5% eats away at my self esteem. I’m always self conscious, which is a problem I’m trying to overcome on several fronts. First, I’m overweight. I’m exploring ways to solve that problem, and am getting some decent initial results, but in the meantime I’ve still gotta try to be social. The thing I’m trying to learn is acceptance and love of myself _at any given moment_. I can’t get stuck in the trap of “My self esteem will be much better when I lose weight”, or “I’ll finally have the confidence when I’m no longer fat.”, or I’ll always be reaching. The time for finding these things is _now,_ with the confidence that everything I’m doing now and in the future only serves to increase my self esteem and self confidence. I’m also pretty shy as a rule due to an extreme fear of rejection. It’s the typical situation: Avoid hurt by avoiding potentially hurtful situations. The problem, of course, is that without risks and giving it the old college try, a “safe” life can be a lonely and unfulfilling one. When I met my ex-wife, I thought my problems were over. I didn’t have to go through the motions of meeting, dating, building attraction, etc. We met online in a chatroom that was themed to something we both were into. That provided a common base from which to start. We got to know eachother a little better outside of the chatroom context, and eventually planned to meet in person. When we did, it was all fireworks and candy. We hit it off and fell in love with eachother. I moved across the country to be with her, we got married, and within 2 years are now divorced. So now I’m single once again, and if I want to not be lonely for the rest of my life, I’ve got to transform myself from that shy, introverted lump into someone of value. It’s a slow process involving a lot of introspection, and I’ve found that meditation is really helping me. I use a technology called binaural beats that puts me in a hypnotic trance, and then go through affirmations that address where I think I’m flawed. I also make use of the NLP swish technique, which is what I’m thinking about combining with a binaural track to share with NPC and anyone else who is interested. I think it’s working for me, so I figure it might help others as well. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![NPC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce7236/32.png) [@NPC](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/NPC)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 10:56pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/27 "2008-05-11T22:56:08Z")
> [@data4](#): > > Alright. Sounds a lot like me. I have one more question before I start putting this thing together. Is there someone who you wish you could be? A celebrity, or even an acquaintance that has the characteristics you desire? If so, who is it, in the case of a celebrity, and for either, what qualities do you think they possess that makes them the sort of outgoing, confident, and charismatic person you’d like to be? > > So now I’m single once again, and if I want to not be lonely for the rest of my life, I’ve got to transform myself from that shy, introverted lump into someone of value. It’s a slow process involving a lot of introspection, and I’ve found that meditation is really helping me. I use a technology called binaural beats that puts me in a hypnotic trance, and then go through affirmations that address where I think I’m flawed. I also make use of the NLP swish technique, which is what I’m thinking about combining with a binaural track to share with NPC and anyone else who is interested. I think it’s working for me, so I figure it might help others as well. > > -D4 Cool, Im interested. Well, if I could aspire to be on person in my life, it wouldn’t be any celebrity, it would be Frankie, my best friend. He’s is just like me (when I let things out); he is much different from other people, and shares similair interests to people (many) while still being unique to his own self. For example, I love rap/hip-hop genre of music, and many of my friends do, but I also love Rock, and some country, and I’m waiting to get into collage so I can grow a mohawk (mom is against it). Coincidentally, Frankie appreciates mohawks too, heh. He isn’t afraid to let the real him show, from the way he acts, decisions he makes, people he is around, and style. I really admire that, so I came and decided that if I work my butt off here, I can get some real results, and help others out too. I even seem to be finding people related to me with my problem. That’s just what I needed, and merely thinking about it seems to be building me up 🙂. -NPC ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2008, 11:20pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/28 "2008-05-11T23:20:40Z")
> [@data4](#): > > I’m always self conscious, which is a problem I’m trying to overcome on several fronts. First, I’m overweight. I’m exploring ways to solve that problem, and am getting some decent initial results, but in the meantime I’ve still gotta try to be social. I won’t touch on the other stuff, but you don’t need to explore ways to solve the problem, you already know the two ways. Workouts and a balanced diet. I don’t know how good your diet is (mine is terrible, but I benefit from being young, I’ll need to shape up later.) but even just working out regularly will bring results. I hope you aren’t taking it the wrong way or anything. I’m no fitness expert by any means, and I don’t know if you have medical conditions that prevent you from regular cardio, but a bit of running/jogging/swimming, light muscle training (ie push ups) on a regular basis is a fool proof way to get results. ---
**Author:** ![Shap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Shap](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Shap)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2008, 2:38am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/29 "2008-05-12T02:38:34Z")
> [@Phya](#): > > I won’t touch on the other stuff, but you don’t need to explore ways to solve the problem, you already know the two ways. Workouts and a balanced diet. I don’t know how good your diet is (mine is terrible, but I benefit from being young, I’ll need to shape up later.) but even just working out regularly will bring results. > > I hope you aren’t taking it the wrong way or anything. I’m no fitness expert by any means, and I don’t know if you have medical conditions that prevent you from regular cardio, but a bit of running/jogging/swimming, light muscle training (ie push ups) on a regular basis is a fool proof way to get results. Thinking about it more is just a way of procrastination. ---
**Author:** ![Shap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Shap](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Shap)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2008, 4:44am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/30 "2008-05-12T04:44:26Z")
Oh i forgot to put in my opinion in this thread. To the original poster, you are right, i can relate to how you feel, to such an extent, that it hurts, and guess what, i’m about to be 20 soon. I like you, have had some very serious family troubles, that was tearing the family apart, also the wars going on in my home country (i bet you can all guess) is still tearing me apart. So all throughout highschool, i’ve been the quiet, sometimes depressed guy, yet cool at other times. I came out without having any real friends, the one thing that changed me was the will to get to know others and not repeat history in university. Luckily things have changed, but when i’m back in my hometown (in canada) i still pretty much have no friends, BUT i know what must be done. Here is my advice: Get a job, even if you are wayyy to smart for the job you’re applying, or the pay is too low, or anything. The important part is to build a sense of self-worth and that you are not just eating and sleeping (getting the grades for school scores you some self-worth points as well). Play sports, if your slightly overweight try cardio. however, if you are skinny and need to put on weight, eat lots of protein and lift weights. Get in shape, and be confident! every guy loves sports. Get a hobby, in this case i will be talking about a musical hobby: Trying picking up a guitar and see how that works out for you. When i was studying in university, i would study all the time and then burn out completely and do nothing for a couple of days, and maybe a week, and this was devastating to my grades. A hobby can keep you going when you are down. The best part about this is that you may be asking: well what does this have to do with my question. Well the trick is you must work on improving yourself as a person, and everything will follow. Now, the less than obvious advice is learn the body language, i’m sure you can find some resources online or such. This can really help if you are looking for signs that she is attracted to you, before moving on. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 9:23am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/31 "2008-05-14T09:23:30Z")
Shap and Phya, while I appreciate your opinions, “exploring” does not equal merely thinking about the problem. Please don’t make baseless assumptions about what I’m doing. NPC, I’ll have the project ready in a couple of days and will post it as soon as it’s done. -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 5:54pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/32 "2008-05-14T17:54:29Z")
> [@data4](#): > > Shap and Phya, while I appreciate your opinions, “exploring” does not equal merely thinking about the problem. Please don’t make baseless assumptions about what I’m doing. > > NPC, I’ll have the project ready in a couple of days and will post it as soon as it’s done. > > -D4 Like I said, I’m not a fitness expert by any means, and I don’t have any idea if you have pre-existing medical conditions withstanding or not, but your choice of words implied that you were merely thinking about different ways to workout and lose weight rather than just going out and working out consistently. I wasn’t trying to make a baseless assumption. If you have been following a/several different programs and it hasn’t worked for you and you’re exploring other programs as options, that’s fine, so long as you’re aware that losing weight pretty much comes down to surgery, sweating, or starving. I was just trying to get the point across that merely ‘exploring’ options isn’t enough but that it’s all about getting up and just going through the sweat and tears. I could be young and dumb. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/33 "2008-05-14T18:03:18Z")
For me, “exploring” = Company gym, changes in diet, 1 hour of brisk walking a day. Results are showing. I have surgery in 2 weeks to repair a hernia, so the gym is on hold until after the recovery period. > [@Phya](#): > > Like I said, I’m not a fitness expert by any means, and I don’t have any idea if you have pre-existing medical conditions withstanding or not, but your choice of words implied that you were merely thinking about different ways to workout and lose weight rather than just going out and working out consistently. I wasn’t trying to make a baseless assumption. If you have been following a/several different programs and it hasn’t worked for you and you’re exploring other programs as options, that’s fine, so long as you’re aware that losing weight pretty much comes down to surgery, sweating, or starving. I was just trying to get the point across that merely ‘exploring’ options isn’t enough but that it’s all about getting up and just going through the sweat and tears. I could be young and dumb. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 14, 2008, 6:16pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/34 "2008-05-14T18:16:35Z")
> [@data4](#): > > **For me, “exploring” = Company gym, changes in diet, 1 hour of brisk walking a day. Results are showing.** _I have surgery in 2 weeks to repair a hernia, so the gym is on hold until after the recovery period._ **That’s awesome. Most important part - taking action. Keep it up! 😃** _That would be a pre-existing medical condition, no? I can understand how that might stop your workouts._ ---
**Author:** ![Shap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Shap](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Shap)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 10:27am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/35 "2008-05-22T10:27:57Z")
sorry data, i’m confused. I don’t think i read your previous post, will take a look at it now. ---
**Author:** ![Daedelus76](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Daedelus76](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Daedelus76)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 11:36am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/36 "2008-05-22T11:36:30Z")
The first thing you have to do is realize you are not the first person to walk the path wondering if you are inadequate or lonely. It happens to alot of people. Don’t let anybody put you down. If you like computer games, that’s great- you know there are people out there that makes big $$$ just playing computer games, right? You could find girls that like games, too, they are out there, you just have to look hard. One of the things I like doing, socially, is talking about games with other people. It can be a good way to start a conversation and get some different ideas, contrary to the stereotypes, it is a great way to socialize. The situation is way better when I was a kid. When I was a kid nerds were social pariahs and losers, now they are multi-millionaires like Bill Gates, and nobody cares how dorky they are, not unless they are a moron. 30 years ago Bill Gates was a dork that hacked into phones with his buddies and made prank phone calls and wrote amateur programs, and now Bill Gates is married to a model and could probably buy your soul if you pissed him off enough (like told him he was a loser that wasted his life). That’s power and that gets respect. Discussing strategies or plot with somebody with a game is no different than talking about classic movies, perfectly fine. That might be a good place to start. Don’t even work on the girls rigth now, just work on finding friends, work on small talk, eventually you’ll become more popular and easy in social situations. If you find some gamers, you can discuss games with them. Ask them “what did you think about game _X_ ?” “What did you do to get past _situation Y ?_” _etc._ Also, if you like games, you might like a videogame console. There are alot more games on them that are of a face-to-face social nature, you sit around and play games with friends and have fun. Maybe you could explore some other hobbies you might be interested in, ones where you are likely to meet other people. The bottom line is there are worse things you could be doing with you life than being a social wallflower. You aren’t out dealing drugs, and you aren’t in jail, right? Don’t be hard on yourself. You are not wasting your life because it is your life, not somebody elses- that means it is your choice on how you spend your time. Everybody gets something _unique_ out of life, and people that can’t appreciate that are missing the big picture. ---
**Author:** ![data4](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/data4/32/272_2.png) [@data4](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/data4)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 7:10pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/37 "2008-05-22T19:10:37Z")
> [@Phya](#): > > **That’s awesome. Most important part - taking action. Keep it up! 😃** > > _That would be a pre-existing medical condition, no? I can understand how that might stop your workouts._ Forgot about this thread. Nah, the hernia decided to pop out about 3 weeks ago when I was pushing a 400 lb steel beam across a table at work. Surgery tomorrow. Woo hoo! … nnnyeah. Oh, NPC, I haven’t forgotten about you and the project I mentioned. Just with the doctor’s visits and other surgery prep stuff, it’s been hectic. After tomorrow, I’ll be homebound for at least a week, and will have plenty of time to work on it. I’ll probably be lucid enough to start by Monday. Heh. Shap, no worries. I should have been more clear instead of using corporate lingo like that. 🙂 -D4 ---
**Author:** ![Phya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@Phya](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/Phya)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2008, 11:33pm UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/38 "2008-05-22T23:33:04Z")
> [@data4](#): > > Forgot about this thread. Nah, the hernia decided to pop out about 3 weeks ago when I was pushing a 400 lb steel beam across a table at work. Surgery tomorrow. Woo hoo! … nnnyea > -D4 It’s about time for surgery, after you recover you can finally take that girl out! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![galydrum](https://sea2.discourse-cdn.com/flex016/user_avatar/pheromonetalk.com/galydrum/32/5181_2.png) [@galydrum](https://pheromonetalk.com/u/galydrum)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363/39 "2008-05-23T02:58:48Z")
> [@NPC](#): > > Yes, there is a girl in mind. She’s on my mind nowadays mostly because I know she likes me, because my friends some how, like mstearious\_won said, saw through all of the lies that I said about socializing like crazy, and having plenty of gals around my neighborhood, just not in school, and asked her if she liked me, and she, seriously, said yes. NPC, this is a good and a very difficult position to be in. It’s great if you know for a fact that she likes you, but it’s also dangerous. I know when I was in HS my tendency was to fall in love with one girl and then treat her like a goddess. With this one girl it was sort of the same–she had told a friend she liked me–and I screwed it up BIG TIME by becoming a total WUSS. That led to instant dissipation of any attraction that might have been there before. _Do not do that_. Treat her like a friend and an equal, not like as if the ground she walks on is sacred earth. Be a gentleman, but don’t kiss up to her. The trick is making your gentlemanly manners casual and natural, not as if you’re doing it to impress her. Be sparing with your compliments, and only give them when she really deserves it. You cannot get a girl to like you (or keep a girl liking you) by complimenting them. Believe me, I know from experience. Don’t be afraid to tease her and bust on her, especially when she deserves it, but make sure she can tell it’s all in good fun. And don’t let yourself be manipulated by her. HS girls can and do manipulate guys when they know they’re the object of affection. Finally, subscribe to David DeAngelo’s free newsletter: [Dating Tips - Secrets To Attracting and Meeting Women](http://www.doubleyourdating.com/) It will give you some idea of how to behave yourself with a girl and not turn into a “wussie,” which will be a real temptation as a guy who is sort of shy and pretty sheltered (again, speaking from experience). If I’d known then what I know now, I’d have had the prettiest blonde girl you can possibly imagine on my arm in HS. Instead, like I said, I blew a perfect opportunity that was basically handed to me on a silver platter. Good luck! [Previous page](https://pheromonetalk.com/t/teenager-with-low-self-esteem-asking-for-advice-on-confidence-and-talking-to-girls/12363.md?page=1)